The Will to Love (5 page)

They were extremely successful with fans all over the world. Their new album,
Nothing Lasts Forever
, was progressing along at a great pace, and they would have no problem making their release date.

Despite Will’s close relationship to Grant, which had been an open secret among the band members, they never allowed their personal lives to affect their professional persona and they never would compromise the group.

Yes, they’d called off what they had together personally but it had fuck all to do with the band and he’d never allow it to either.

So why the hell was their fearless leader making a mountain out of a goddamn molehill? Although Will was the youngest in the band, he was still an adult. He didn’t understand why Kaz had decided to chastise him like a little boy when his opinion was neither needed nor warranted for the matter.

“What is it?” Will sat back down on a nearby stool and glared at the lead singer who continued to pace back and forth like a caged animal.

“Grant told me what happened and…I just assumed you’d be upset about the change in your relationship status.”

“Relationship status? What Grant and I had was on the down low. My
relationship
is with Laurel, and that is progressing just fine.” Will couldn’t help the condescension in his voice; he was a bit peeved Kaz had the balls to ask about his personal life at all.

What? Just because he was a gay man dating a straight woman, did that reserve his role in the band from bassist to resident freak?

Kaz sat across from him on a stool and was silent for a beat. “Listen, we all knew you and Grant were in a serious relationship…call it what you want and pretend Laurel means something to you but don’t lead her on because you’re scared of being alone. I’ve spoken to Dominic at Introspect and although he wasn’t exactly gung ho about the idea, he agrees you’re free to out yourself if that is what’s needed to make you happy.”

Will shook his head. “Thanks for goin’ to bat for me but seriously, if I thought it was anyone’s fuckin’ business what my sexual orientation was, I would have ousted myself a long time ago. I’m not afraid for the public to know I’m gay but at the same time, I don’t think anyone would truly understand my relationship with Laurel either.

“She isn’t a ‘beard’, Kaz. We have sex like any other ‘normal’ couple and she understood my friendship with Grant—”

“No offense, buddy, but I don’t
fuck
my friends. If that’s all you want to consider Grant then fine, who am I to define what you two were to each other? I’m speaking purely from a professional point of view. If you need s substitute for Grant, we can’t have you pullin’ a ‘George Michael,’ know what I mean?”

“What. The. Fuck.” Will stood and began to pace. “Listen, my sexuality is no
different
from yours, Kaz! What I had with Grant can’t simply be duplicated or replaced with someone else. I won’t be pullin’ random guys just because I need to ‘get off.’ In case you’ve forgotten, I have a significant other and Laurel satisfies me just fine. I don’t need to go on the hunt for random guys to
fuck
.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to suggest you would be that sloppy, Will.” He stood and stepped in front of him just to stop him from pacing. “Listen…I know what you two meant to one another and although I certainly don’t condone what you put Laurel through, she entered whatever arrangement you two have with her eyes fucking open. If I feel bad for anyone, it’s Sasha because Grant wasn’t honest with her.”

Will sat back down on the stool and thought about how he desperately needed a joint. This conversation had begun to do his head in, and not in a good way. “Yeah, I know. So does Laurel and she never told her sister anything. Perhaps he didn’t think she could handle it.”

Kaz shook his head and his mood slowly turned maudlin. “I don’t think that’s it at all. I think he was afraid if she knew the truth, she would
leave
him.” Will glanced into those pools of troubled blue. “Kind of like how I won’t tell Syd the truth about my adolescent years because I’m afraid of how she’ll act. She’s okay going out with me knowin’ I’m a rocker but if she knew the truth…about Dizzy and how much influence he really had on my life, I’m afraid she would leave me.”

“Well then maybe it’s time you tell her the truth before Cillian or Talia does. They both know and they would like to do nothing more than to hurt you. Not so much Talia because she has her own demons but…I wouldn’t trust your older brother as far as I could throw him and I’ve only met him once.”

Will paused before he continued. “No one’s family is perfect and if you truly love Syd, you’ll tell her the truth or risk losing everything you two have fought for. Make no mistake, I am a lot of things, including a douchebag cheater as far as most women are concerned, but I never hid who I was from Laurel. If she leaves me, it’s because she did have all the facts and still wasn’t comfortable. Not because I wasn’t honest.”

Kaz looked away before he stared in Will’s direction again. “I would love to tell Syd the truth but I fear we’ve passed the point of no return.”

Will dug his car fob out of his pocket as he stood to his feet. “Then,
that
, my friend, is a problem.”

Chapter Three

Laurel

I met Sasha at the pretentious Calienté for lunch and wondered what I would order, I’d been there so often. My sister was early as usual, glued to her Samsung Note—otherwise known as her business phone—while she spoke with Dominic in hushed tones.

We both owned Ulysse Nardins—a pricier phone that started in the low five figures for a cheap model—for personal use.

Once I sat down, a waiter appeared out of nowhere and took my order, I opted for a glass of Pinot Grigio while my sister stuck to a bottle of San Pellegrino sparkling water. I waited patiently and checked my Gmail account while she spoke on the phone. I knew it was important by the way she scrunched up her face occasionally before she responded to his questions in a quiet voice I could barely make out.

After an interminable amount of time where I had a chance to also check my Facebook newsfeed and Twitter account, she finally ended the call and put her oversized Note into her stylish, black leather Birkin.

“Do you know anything about Will deciding to ‘come out of the closet?’”

My heart seemed to thud fiercely in my chest as I felt my throat close up on me and I found it hard to breathe.

Will was deciding to come out as a homosexual?

What did that mean for our relationship and did he view me as a ‘beard?’

No, that couldn’t possibly be true, not after the mind blowing sex we had earlier that day. There was no faking involved and those orgasms had been as real as any of the ones I’d ever experienced with Will. It was ironic but it had taken a gay man to teach me how great sex could be and up until that moment, although I had an active sex life with plenty of attractive men, my sex life had been more or less “meh.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I swigged from my white wine for much needed fortitude. “When Will left, he had a meeting with the guys after their recording session. He didn’t say anything to me about coming out of the closet so this hits me out of left field, just like it does you. It’s bad enough all the people in the ‘know’ already are aware of his sexuality. I don’t think I could handle the public knowing too.”

“Then maybe you should tell your boyfriend it’s not exactly a
good
idea, or the right time. I don’t think the female fans—or the male fans for the matter—would appreciate Scarlet Fever being anything other than a hard rocking band.”

The white wine hit me hard since I’d had a banana and coffee for breakfast. “So, what has spurned this on? Him and Grant falling out?”

“Probably.” Sasha refused to meet my glare as she smoothed imaginary wrinkles from her cream silk blouse. “I had no intention of marrying Grant if he planned to continue his infidelity with Will. I know they have been close for a long time but cheating is still cheating and they can call what they did with each other whatever the hell they want but they were being unfaithful to both of us.”

“I suppose it’s helped Grant is only bisexual…” I sipped from my wine again. “I just don’t understand what the hell is going on but don’t you dare announce
anything
until I talk to Will and find out what the hell is going on.”

“Why didn’t you tell me what was going on?” My sister glared at me with accusing and hurtful amber eyes. “You really couldn’t have thought I was stupid enough to not know what was going on when I’m their press manager? Do you know they were caught together at The Viper Room in the men’s bathroom? I had to personally make sure that shit didn’t get out.”

I opened and closed my mouth like a fish because there was nothing to say.

“Did you think I was too fragile to know? I’m you’re older sister for Christ’s sake!”

Sasha had never snapped at me and had always been the sister with the calmer demeanor. She didn’t fly off the handle or get upset over petty shit like I did so why was she acting out of control all of the sudden?

“Be straight with me. What’s going on?” I paused and sipped from my wine before I thought twice about it and drained the glass. “It’s true, you’re their press manager so what the hell is happening that I have no clue about?”

My sister was silent for a beat before she looked around Calienté. Her dark eyes were slow to settle on my face again but when they did, a look of contempt thinly veiled by a Mona Lisa smile greeted me.

“I forgot because you’re not in the know like I am and you haven’t seen Will yet since he left for the studio. Vogue Hotel, Spa and Casino are offering the guys a two year gig. That would mean moving to Vegas and settling down there.” She sipped from her sparkling water delicately while carefully watching my expression.

“That’s awesome. I know how hard the tour was for everyone and for them to be comfortably situated and the crowd to come to them? They must be over the moon.”

My sister raised one of her perfectly shaped eyebrows. “Are you seriously telling me you have absolutely no problem with them leaving L.A.? That would mean you would have to go to move to Vegas—hell, we all would.”

I shook my head before I shrugged nonchalantly. “What the hell is so great about L.A.? I look forward to the change of pace. What’s gonna take place there that couldn’t happen here? I’m excited for the guys and glad they have been granted this opportunity.”

The waiter interrupted us and we immediately ordered two Caribbean chicken salads just to get rid of him and resume our conversation.

“I honestly wasn’t expecting that answer from you.” Sasha sighed and played with her fork in a nervous manner. “To be honest, Syd was totally against the idea and she is seriously considering leaving Kaz. It was very hard for me to convince her that would be bad for his image.”

“Syd doesn’t give a flying fuck about Kaz’s image. All she cares about is herself. I’m not like that—you
know
that, Sasha.”

“Yeah, I do, but please talk to Will first. Please ask him, point blank, if he plans to tell the world he’s gay, all right?”

I smiled though it never reached my eyes. “I’m positive I can handle a task like that with my eyes closed.”

BY THE TIME lunch ended, I was bone weary tired and wanted nothing more than to lay down and grab a power nap.

I knew I wasn’t pregnant but all the non-stop working had begun to take its toll and it was hard being in charge of putting a coffee table book together. In a way, I was a bit pissed off at Syd for leaving me in a lurch because it meant everything became my responsibility. I had deadlines I had to make regardless what was going on in my personal life and right now, everything was as far from roses and hearts than it could ever be at the moment.

I sat down in my personal office and began to go through some photos that I had to choose from for the coffee table book but underneath my exterior calm, a storm was brewing. I couldn’t continue to live a lie and if Will didn’t want to make a life with me then I refused to hold him back.

I was beautiful and could get any man I wanted. Unfortunately, I still wanted the man who had become part of my life and if I was completely honest with myself, I wasn’t ready to concede defeat. It wasn’t what I did and the competition I shared with my sister was healthy enough but why should she be allowed a happy ending while my life turned to shit?

If Will and I ended our relationship, could I continue to work for Scarlet Fever with no problem at all? Winter’s Regret would be a breeze because there was no one in the band I was attracted to but to continue to work with a former lover when we were no longer speaking to one another? Whether I was ready to admit it or not, if everything fell apart between the two of us, it wouldn’t end well, and there would be a constant undercurrent of tension that would eventually drive me away.

I worked for so many hours, trying to hide my frustrations in the best way I knew how, I never heard Will come back. I didn’t even know he was in the house until the hairs stood up on the back of my arms and I no longer felt alone in my office.

My fingers stopped typing on the computer keyboard and I abandoned the mouse as I turned around to face him.

“Hey, babe. You look like you’ve had a tough day. If you don’t want to accompany me to Vegas, I understand.”

What?

Why was he inviting me to Vegas if he intended on coming out with Dominic’s blessing, though as shallow and self-serving as anything from Dom could ever be?

“Why am I accompanying you to Las Vegas? Am I just your little side piece until you announce the big news and then you’ll dump me?” My hands flexed back and forth into fists. I could have easily knocked him out if I wasn’t so worried about rumors when he showed up to the recording studio with a black eye.

“What are you talking about?” Will stepped closer and stopped suddenly when he observed my hands. “What did Sasha tell you?”

“According to your press
manager
, you plan on pulling an ‘Elton John.’ I’m sure you’re well aware I have a vagina and most of the public isn’t going to understand our relationship at all. You realize that, don’t you?” I stood up and walked toward him before I stopped suddenly, unsure of what I would do if I did decide to touch him at that moment.

“Yeah…” he trailed off before his crystal blue eyes met mine wearily. “Kaz told me about what I’m
supposed
to do but that doesn’t mean I
plan
to do it. If I wanted to come out, I would have done it already.”

Will closed the gap between us and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Babe, my behavior has been deplorable and out of control. I don’t even know if I am allowed to ask you for your forgiveness. I cheated and cheapened what we had no matter how you look at the issue and…I’m sorry.