The Well-Spoken Woman (30 page)

If you can't resist the impulse to tweet spontaneously, then it is time to close the account. It is possible to delete knee-jerk comments and undisciplined thoughts, but that doesn't prevent them from being cached inside search engines. In the online universe, nothing is ever permanently erased. Your every utterance is findable.

Off the Record

General Stanley McChrystal may have thought he was speaking “off the record” when he criticized his civilian superiors at the White House. But
Rolling Stone
reporter Michael Hastings heard it differently. Hastings was embedded with the general and his staff for several months in Afghanistan and recorded their derogatory statements about Vice President Joe Biden, among others. The resulting headline-grabbing article cost McChrystal his job as the commander of US and NATO forces in Afghanistan.

First off, recognize that the phrase “off the record” is not universally applied and understood. Get clarification before you answer any questions about whether what you say is “off the record” versus “background” or “not for attribution.” Set the ground rules beforehand, get the reporter to agree, and then stick to them no matter what. If you throw out juicy comments, you're waving raw meat in front of a hungry reporter. If you offer something tempting and then try to pull it back, you are asking the reporter to forego potentially great publicity for a vague journalistic principle. Some reporters will abide by the ground rules, but others will go with the story. Bear in mind that reporters routinely share information with their colleagues, and e-mail messages are considered fair game.

“No Comment”

Call off the lawyers. This is not a court of law but rather the court of public opinion. If you say, “No comment,” you appear guilty as charged or as if you have something to hide. In a crisis situation, there is always a tension that exists between the legal team and communications strategists. The public relations experts want to mollify public anger with expressions of concern, while the lawyers advise against any statement that could be construed as an admission of guilt. Both sides should agree that there is nothing to be gained from saying, “No comment.” It doesn't make a bad story go away. Strategize what you want to say so you don't miss the opportunity to communicate your side of the story.

Truthiness

Comedy Central's Steven Colbert has taken the issue of truthfulness to new comic heights with his pillorying of misstatements made by government and business officials. If you fudge the facts, expect it to come back to haunt you sooner rather than later. Guessing, estimating, and speculating can be as bad as making stuff up. Any information that is later found to be inaccurate or misleading damages your credibility.

The Run-on

Knowing when to stop talking can be a lifesaver. Never feel any obligation to fill a pregnant pause. Be wary of the reporter who nods in an encouraging manner when you have finished responding. He is simply trying to egg you on. If no further questions are forthcoming, summarize the key message points and send him packing.

Rule 6: Anticipate the Tough Questions

In the movie
Groundhog Day
, Bill Murray's character is a TV meteorologist caught in a time warp. Day after day he is forced to cover the same story over and over. Will Punxsutawney Phil see his shadow or not? The news
media cover the same stories in a near ritual-like fashion, and they ask the same types of questions. The three most commonly asked reporter questions are “Tell me what this means?” “What is your response?” and “How did it feel?” Pay attention, and you begin to recognize the patterns. Listen to the questions on talk radio, the cable shows, and morning television. It quickly becomes apparent that certain questions have inherent traps with the potential to cause harm. Here is the list of the most commonly posed queries and how to avoid stumbling with your answer.

Trickiest Reporter Questions

• Hypothetical or “What if…?”
  Never respond to hypothetical questions. Stick to the facts.
  
• USA Today
  or news of the day.?
  Expect to be asked about breaking news even if it is tangentially related to your topic. Scan the headlines as part of your preparation process.
  
• Third party or unknown source?
  Always be skeptical when a reporter asks for a response to a comment from an outside source. Who knows if the individual the reporter is quoting actually said what the reporter claims he said. Stick with what you can verify.
  
• Wouldn't you agree?
  Don't allow the reporter to cajole you into agreeing with something you don't agree with. Respond in a friendly yet firm manner by saying that you disagree and briefly explain why.
  
• Ranking or choice?
  A reporter may ask you to characterize your answer by deciding if something is better or worse or by choosing
  A, B
  , or
  C.
  You can say none of the above is accurate.
  
• Negative premise?
  Don't repeat the negative words that are often embedded in the question.
  
• Personal opinion?
  Don't ever feel like you must give a personal opinion.
  
• Personal attack or cheap shot?
  Ignore the pettiness, calmly set the record straight, and quickly bridge to message.
  
• False facts?
  Inadvertently, you can get a question based on faulty information. Stick to the facts.
  
• The softball?
  Sometimes the easy question throws you off balance.
  

If you are asked, “Is there anything else I should know? Or, would you like to add anything?” go straight to your message.

Rule 7: The Bridge Technique

Some questions require a finely calibrated response to prevent getting stuck in a quagmire. The bridging technique helps you maneuver around topics by transitioning back to a preplanned message. When hit with a tricky question, give a concise, direct response and then bridge back to what you want to talk about. The “escape hatches” are phrases that allow you to acknowledge the question and then take control by bridging back to your message. Practice the phrases aloud, and soon you will be adept at keeping the interview on track.

In addition to the escape-hatch phrases, a surefire way to entice a reporter to quote what you want her to quote is to preface your answer with “I shouldn't be telling you this, but….” No reporter can resist that lead-in. The line almost guarantees that whatever you say next survives the editing process.

Rule 8: The Golden Rule

Finally, there is one golden rule that applies to all your interactions with media reporters. This rule will prevent much heartburn and heartache if you abide by it. It is deceivingly simple: if you don't want to hear it, see it, or read it, then don't say it or don't do it. Reporters can only report what you say and what you do. Spokespeople are most likely to forget the rule when they treat the interview as something other than what it is. It is not a conversation or a chance to settle old scores, take revenge, or vent. First and foremost the interview is an opportunity to tell your side of a story.

STANDING OVATION POINT: WELL-SPOKEN WOMEN KNOW TROUBLE WHEN THEY SEE IT

In her celebrated book
Read My Pins
, Madeleine Albright chronicles how she used jewelry as a “personal diplomatic arsenal.” The secretary of state's decision to wear a snake pin came about as she was preparing to meet with representatives of Saddam Hussein. The Iraqi dictator had earlier described Albright as an “unparalleled serpent.” She didn't think anyone would notice the gold snake entwined on a stick with a tiny diamond hanging from its mouth, but the press immediately wanted to know its meaning.

Albright has amassed a fascinating collection of bejeweled symbols to “add warmth or a needed edge to a relationship.”
¹⁶
Albright writes that “the idea of using pins as a diplomatic tool is not found in any State Department manual.” This enterprising woman fashioned a unique approach to dealing with prickly personalities while signaling her intentions. It is the rare audience that won't give you a fair hearing, but if you should encounter trouble, avoid returning the fire. Follow a diplomatic protocol, and, like Albright, you will be able to hold your ground firmly and gracefully.

 

To my supporters, my champions—my sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits—from the bottom of my heart: Thank you. You never gave in. You never gave up. And, together we made history.

—Hillary Clinton, Democratic National Convention, August 2008

 

 

H
illary Clinton has taken a lot of unnecessary flack about her closet full of monochromatic pantsuits.
Glamour
magazine got it right when they saluted her for finding a good-looking signature style and sticking with it, no matter what the critics had to say. And, kudos to Clinton for turning an unending stream of commentary about appearance into an affirming statement of gratitude.

The genesis of her pantsuit comment is the coming-of-age story
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.
¹
Four lifelong friends stay linked through a pair of magical blue jeans. Each looks great in the jeans, even though no two are the same shape or size. During their first summer apart, the young women correspond about their adventures in love and loss as they pass the jeans along. The traveling pants represent a bond of support the young women provide to one another as they handle new challenges and overcome feelings of inadequacy. Each woman is preparing to face the world with the knowledge that her friends have, so to speak, got her back.

It's okay that the flattering magical pants don't exist. What really matters is the idea of creating a network of support. A central aim of this book has been to provide inspiring stories of how to become well-spoken, and this final chapter is no exception. A sisterhood of support ensures you are
not going it alone as you work to improve your communications skills. Everyone needs a support network to find a mentor; acquire optimal skills, become a role model, and promulgate a woman's perspective. The ultimate benefit of a network can be boiled down into a twofer deal: “American women, ask what your sisters can do for you; also ask what you can do for them.” The sisterhood starts with each of us. We need to get our collective selves moving because lots of work remains to be done if our voices are going to ring loud and clear from every corner of the public square.

According to the World Economic Forum, a nonprofit group that studies the gender gap in education, healthcare, economics, and political power, women at the current pace will reach parity with men in school, the office, and life by the year 4000. While women's voices are being heard, when we have a larger chorus, the impact will be greater. US senator Debbie Stabenow dug in her heels to ensure maternity coverage was not eliminated during a legislative debate on healthcare reform. When Senator Jon Kyl stated that his insurer shouldn't have to provide the coverage since he didn't need it, Stabenow shot right back that his mom probably did.
²
Imagine that debate if Stabenow hadn't been in the room. Who would have spoken up on behalf of women? Do you want to speak for yourself or depend on someone else speaking for you?

Many women are joiners who enjoy participating in social clubs to talk about everything from nonfiction to fly-fishing. We need to leverage this inclination to be joiners into a more powerful force. As Madeleine Albright says, women are very good at being friends but we aren't as successful at networking. Albright's philosophy was immortalized on a Starbucks coffee cup: “There is a special place in hell for women who don't help women.” We can take greater advantage of the desire to come together by pooling our collective talents to fuel strategic endeavors.

THE NEW GIRLS' NETWORK

She came, she saw, she put the world community on notice. Hillary Clinton championed the rights of women the world over when she traveled to Beijing, China, to speak out against degradation and abuse and
to stand up for respect and dignity. It was an act of courage for the First Lady to condemn a tyrant on his own turf. No country was singled out in the speech, but it was clear what was meant when Clinton said: “It is a violation of human rights when women are not allowed to plan their own families, and that includes being forced to have abortions or sterilized against their will.”
³
The talk was tough, but the goal was illumination, not intimidation. Clinton was raising the legitimate topic of the aspirations of women “in fields and factories, in village markets and supermarkets, and in living rooms and board rooms”
⁴
who strive for a better life for themselves and their families.

Although she had delivered thousands of speeches, Clinton wrote in her autobiography that she felt nervous before Beijing because the stakes were high. If nothing came out of the conference, an opportunity to advance women's rights would have been squandered, and she didn't want to embarrass herself or her country or let anyone down. Clinton was also aware that the passion she personally felt for issues didn't always translate into a good delivery of the message. Given the emotional nature of the speech, with its focus on injustice, she didn't want the delivery to distract from the blunt language: “Now I had to make sure that the tone or pitch of my voice would not confuse the message.”
⁵

While Clinton spoke, the audience listened intently, and when she gave the concluding call to action, the crowd's reaction was an instantaneous standing ovation: “the serious and stony-faced delegates suddenly leaped from their seats…Outside the hall women hung over banisters and rushed down escalators to grab my hand.”
⁶
The Chinese government had forbidden any broadcast on television and radio of the speech, and newspapers
were not allowed to print a single word. But nothing could silence the response to what was one of the First Lady's finest moments in public speaking. Clinton says: “To this day, whenever I travel overseas, women come up to me quoting words from the Beijing speech or clutching copies they want me to autograph.”
⁷

First Ladies Need Role Models, Too

Over a forty-year career in public service, Clinton has drawn upon the intelligence and dedication of an all-female nucleus. “Hillaryland” is the name for the staff and advisers who have provided guidance to her at the White House, in the US Senate, on the presidential campaign, and in the secretary of state's office. Certainly, an honorary member would be Clinton's role model, former First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt. The press infamously reported that one of the activities taking place in Hillaryland during the White House years were “seances” held to communicate with Roosevelt. Speaking at a function sponsored by the Roosevelt Institute, Clinton addressed those who mocked the idea of drawing sustenance from a woman of substance.

As some of you might remember, I used to have imaginary conversations with Eleanor. And, she gave me a lot of really good advice. I often remarked about how there was nothing I did as First Lady that Eleanor had not already done. I would go to a place in New York or a place in India, and be greeted by some excited person saying, “Oh, we haven't had a First Lady here since Eleanor Roosevelt.”

I discovered that she had blazed trails that were not only unique for her time, but really stood the test of time. But when she visited, it was not just a simple drop-in. She would listen, she would learn, she would bring that information back to her husband, and she would continue to push for the kinds of changes that were absolutely necessary.
⁸

Throughout the highs and lows of living a public life, Roosevelt has served as a source of inspiration and solace for Clinton. Roosevelt's unconventional approach to the role of First Lady made her a target for harsh criticism just as Clinton was for her stands on healthcare reform and equal rights. Clinton says whenever she finds herself having to listen to people
say unkind things about her, she pinches the skin on her arm to test for its thickness. The pinch is a reminder of Roosevelt's firm belief that every public woman must have skin as thick as a rhinoceros hide.

During the campaign for the Democratic presidential nomination, Clinton endured slings and arrows from all quarters. As a women's adviser to her campaign, I was dumbstruck and angry about the crushing expectations and judgments other women placed on her candidacy. In message workshops and strategy sessions I conducted, the questions women raised frequently had little to do with the candidate's readiness to be commander in chief. Many women were preoccupied with her marital status, pressing for information about her marriage. It seemed they expected the woman who could be elected president to be perfect in every possible way. While this background noise was confounding, it didn't distract Clinton from delivering expertly in the forum political candidates most dread.

Any woman looking for a master class in performance skills would be well served to review the televised presidential debate tapes. In a seemingly endless number of forums, Clinton consistently demonstrated how a woman can present herself like a leader while facing intense questioning. As the early front-runner, Clinton withstood a barrage of comments from her seven primary opponents, including the inane from John Edwards, who said a jacket she wore looked like asbestos, and Barack Obama, who told her with a smirk, “You are likable enough, Hillary.”
⁹
The debate questions ran the gauntlet, with the silliest coming at a CNN forum: “Do you prefer diamonds or pearls?”
¹⁰

The ability to weather the politicking was only one aspect of Clinton's impressive display of communications acumen. The debates showcased a Clinton who was, as always, in command of the facts and well versed on international affairs and domestic policy. She was clear in her statement
that as president she would not sit down with leaders of rogue nations. Her position about standing firm against raising Social Security taxes never wavered. While disagreements remained on policy positions, the debate appearances put to rest lingering questions in this country about whether a woman could be president. Clinton looked ready to lead the nation with substantive responses; a clear-eyed, confident smile; and a good-natured sense of humor.

TALK LIKE A GIRL

An essential question posed by all well-spoken women is “How can my next presentation be better than what I delivered today?” Well-spoken women recognize that outstanding performances are the result of an ongoing process—preparing in advance, delivering the goods, analyzing feedback, and refining technique. Every speaking situation is a chance to learn something new. Don't make the mistake of cooling your heels in the land of the almost famous, stuck in a rut, with skills that have flatlined.

The well-spoken women featured in this book achieved extraordinary success because they expected much of themselves and were supported by a committed team. The well-spoken may appear alone onstage, but they don't fly solo. Colleagues and family members are seated in the audience, staff members watch backstage, and consultants wait expectantly to hear how it went. While preparing for her big convention speech, Ann Richards received drafts from total strangers. People called to volunteer to write it, and people called wanting to get paid to write it. Richards tapped pros like Lily Tomlin as well as John F. Kennedy's speechwriter, Ted Sorensen. She watched videotape of Mario Cuomo and Barbara Jordan. In the end, it does take a village. Becoming well-spoken requires a combination of setting individual goals and asking for and accepting assistance.

Do It for Your Sisters

Here are proactive steps you can take to assist the women you know—and steps to take for yourself.

Give an “Atta Girl!”

Accolades go a long way. If a colleague has done a good job, tell her so on the spot. She may be thinking only about how nervous she was and worry that as a result the performance was subpar. Since she thought she looked and sounded terrible, she likely will not be aware that her ideas were well received. Tell her that people were impressed, and she'll walk away thinking, “Wow, maybe I wasn't so bad.” Deserved praise works wonders when it comes to building confidence. On the other hand, if a colleague makes a mistake, help her keep the faux pas in perspective and not blow it out of proportion. Nearly everyone can recall a searing embarrassment in vivid detail, primarily because it was never put into a broader context.