The Way We Were (5 page)

As Ben packed, Alice sat on the bed and watched him. ‘Call me every day. I’ll be worried.’

‘I will. Listen, why don’t we go on a trip when I get back? Christmas isn’t too far off. We could go somewhere nice. How about Paris? I know it’s your favourite place and we haven’t been for so long.’

‘That would be nice.’

‘Paris, here we come!’ Ben leant down to kiss her.

‘Why are you talking about Paris? OMG, you’re so gross. Stop kissing – it’s embarrassing. Old people should never kiss.’ Jools stood in the doorway, hands on hips, wearing her favourite bright pink tracksuit with ‘Babe’ emblazoned across the front in some kind of sparkly writing. It was appalling, but Kevin had bought it for her so Ben wasn’t allowed to criticize.

No one was allowed to criticize Kevin, except Alice. Even when Kevin had got drunk and tried to shove his tongue down the throat of Clive Hetherington, a friend of Ben who was about as straight as it was possible to be, Ben hadn’t been permitted to say anything. Alice said that ‘poor Kevin’ was having a hard time meeting a nice man and he was upset and confused. He wasn’t confused: he was the horniest gay man Ben had ever met.

Alice said Kevin’s ‘enthusiasm’ was because he’d grown
up suppressing his gayness and only come out when he’d moved to London so he had a lot of years to catch up on. Ben pointed out, reasonably, that he could do all the catching up he wanted, just not with his heterosexual friends. Kevin was, as it were, barking up the wrong tree. Alice said he was unsympathetic and needed to be kinder to him. Ben said no more, but decided to keep his friends away from his brother-in-law in future.

‘I thought it would be nice for us to go on a family holiday. So when I get back from Eritrea, we’ll fix up a trip to Paris.’

‘I still can’t believe you’re missing my birthday,’ Jools said.

Ben went over to his sulky-faced daughter. ‘I promise to make it up to you with a huge present.’

‘How huge?’

‘Hugely huge.’ Ben hugged his daughter. He felt brilliant. He couldn’t wait to get on the plane. Everything looked brighter this morning. He must have been suffering from mild depression: he felt light and full of energy.

‘Well, I’m amazing so I deserve a huge present. Besides, turning sixteen is a big deal. I can’t wait for my party next weekend.’

‘I’m so sorry, Jools, it looks like I’ll miss that too.’

Jools rolled her eyes. ‘I’m actually glad you’re away for it. I’m having my seven best friends for a sleepover and I don’t need you coming in and checking up on us every five minutes and saying really embarrassing things, like “One Direction rock.” ’

Ben grinned at her. At almost sixteen, Jools had already decided he was an embarrassment. It seemed like only
yesterday when she’d climb onto his lap and ask him to read her stories.

‘Don’t be rude to your father or there’ll be no sleepover and no Paris.’ Alice’s arms were crossed and she was pacing.

‘Relax, Mum, you don’t have to jump down my throat. I know you’re worried about Dad going to Erimea or whatever it’s called, but it’ll be fine. You always make a big deal about everything.’

‘Don’t speak to me –’

Ben raised his hands. ‘Ladies, can you please not argue? I have to go and I’d like to leave a peaceful house behind.’

‘Fat chance,’ Jools huffed. ‘I wish I had a mother who wasn’t always on my back. Charlotte’s mum lets her have a Twitter account because she’s normal, unlike you!’

‘I told you, I had a young girl in my surgery who was traumatized because she was receiving such vile threats on Twitter. There are bad men out there who prey on young girls like you,’ Alice said.

‘What do the bad men look like?’ Holly had come into the room, eyes wide.

‘Well, that’s the whole point – you can’t see them. They hide behind the anonymity of the computer so you don’t know what they look like,’ Alice explained.

‘Oh, for goodness’ sake, Mum, I know how to deal with dickheads.’

‘Mind your language,’ Alice barked.

‘Fine, but I want a Twitter account. All my friends have them.’

‘You’re not getting one. And –’

‘Sorry to interrupt,’ Ben shouted, to be heard. ‘I have to go now.’ He bent to kiss Jools.

Then he gave Holly a bear hug – thankfully, she still allowed him to hug her.

‘If you go for five days, you’ll be gone for a hundred and twenty hours, or if it’s six days, it’ll be a hundred and forty-four hours,’ Holly announced.

‘You are a wonder.’ Ben smiled at her.

‘Daddy, I Googled Eritrea.’ Holly pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket. Reading from it, she told them, ‘The official languages are Tigrinya, English and Arabic. It has a population of six point one three million. A UN report estimated that about seventy per cent of Eritreans cannot meet their food needs on their own.’

Ben knew he had to stop her or she’d keep reading and he’d miss his flight. ‘I’ll take that and read it on the plane. Thank you, Holly.’ He stuffed the paper into his suitcase.

‘You’re such a dork, seriously!’ Jools said.

Holly shrugged. ‘I was just helping Daddy to have information.’

‘I really have to go. Be good for your mother.’

‘If she lets me on Twitter, I’ll be incredibly good.’ Jools wasn’t going to let this go. She could be exhaustingly tenacious when she wanted something, a trait she’d inherited from her mother, although Ben wasn’t about to mention that now.

‘Drop it, Jools, it’s not happening,’ Alice warned.

Ben leant over to give Alice a kiss. He murmured in her ear, ‘Maybe we should let her have an account if all of her friends do. We can keep an eye on it.’

Jools’s bionic ears picked it up. ‘Yes! You see? Even Daddy agrees with me.’

Alice’s eyes flashed. ‘Thanks a lot, Ben. Bloody typical!
You always give in to her. You never back me up. I’m sick of it. Why don’t you just stay in bloody Eritrea?’

Alice stormed out of the room. Ben sighed, headed for the front door and on to the airport.

Her final words were to haunt them both.

Daddy has been away for fifty hours. He will be back in ninety hours unless he stays for an extra day. If he does, he’ll be back in 114 hours.

Daddy didn’t phone yesterday. He promised to phone every day. Mummy tried to phone him last night and again this morning. But he didn’t call back.

Mummy said the Wi-Fi is obviously really bad. But how was he able to call on Wednesday? He sounded really happy when I talked to him then. He said Asmara, the capital of Eritrea, is beautiful and the people are really nice. He was being looked after very well – he and the other doctor, Declan, were taken to a nice restaurant by the minister’s friends and ate yummy food.

He said Declan is really funny. He’s Irish, like Mummy. Daddy said he’s a bit high-spirited, but in a good way.

Daddy told us that he and Declan were going to visit a little clinic outside Asmara on Friday because the doctors over there need help learning how to do operations. Daddy is very kind. He likes to help people.

Daddy said Declan knew one of the Eritrean doctors in the clinic because he went there before, with John Lester. Daddy said he was looking forward to teaching them.

Mummy’s face went a bit red when he said that, but she didn’t get angry with him. I think she felt bad for shouting at him before he left.

But now he hasn’t rung for thirty-eight hours and I know Mummy’s worried. She keeps trying to call his phone and the hotel he’s staying in, but there’s no answer.

When I asked if she wanted me to make her toast because she hadn’t had any breakfast, she shook her head. Her eyes went all watery and she looked like she was about to cry. It made my stomach hurt.

Mummy used to cry sometimes because she was sad about Granny and Grandpa. But now she really doesn’t cry much at all. I can only remember her crying twice recently – once when Daddy shouted at her for being too hard on Jools. He said, ‘You’re making her feel like she’s not good enough. It’s cruel.’

Mummy locked herself in the bathroom and cried really hard when Daddy said that. I could hear her because the bathroom is next door to my bedroom.

The other time she cried was on Christmas Day last year when Granddad Harold said that Uncle Kevin was an embarrassment to the family. That time she was angry-crying. She shouted at Granddad and said that Kevin was her only family and he was never to be rude about him again.

I heard her arguing with Daddy later that night when Granddad had gone home. She said Granddad was ‘out of order’. Daddy said that he shouldn’t have said it but that Kevin was ‘too much’ sometimes.

Mummy said that Kevin was just sad because he was on his own and Christmas is lonely and that he had drunk too much wine and been a bit silly, but there was no need for Granddad to be so rude.

Daddy said that standing on the chair and singing ‘On My Own’ at the top of his voice and crying while we were all still eating was ‘over the top’.

Mummy said it was a song that related to how he felt and
that he was allowed to do whatever he wanted when he was in her house.

Daddy said in a cross voice that it was ‘our house’ and that Granddad had been ‘mortified’ by Kevin, especially as Granddad’s sister, Prudence, had been there to see it all.

Mummy said that Daddy’s family were all ‘stuffed shirts’ and they should relax a bit and that it was better for Kevin to ‘let it out’ and not ‘keep it in’.

I thought about what ‘it’ was for ages and I think she meant sadness.

I hate it when Mummy and Daddy fight because it makes me afraid that they’ll get a divorce, like Laura’s parents. She is super-sad because her parents live in different houses now. She said her Mummy has sad eyes all the time.

I asked her if they had loads of fights. Laura said her parents used to fight all the time and then they stopped and that was worse because they never really spoke to each other again.

I was glad to hear that because Mummy and Daddy don’t have loads of arguments. They only fight a little bit and it’s nearly always about Jools.

I love Jools because she’s my sister, but she can be really mean sometimes. When I help her with her homework, she never really thanks me. She says I owe her because I got all the brains and it’s not fair. But I think she’s lucky because she’s so beautiful. She looks like Selena Gomez but I’d never tell her that because her head would get too big.

Even though she pretends she doesn’t know she’s pretty, Jools is ALWAYS looking at herself in the mirror and taking selfies.

I hope Daddy calls soon. I think I’ll make Mummy toast. It might cheer her up.

Alice had felt bad for shouting at Ben before he left. She’d been glad when he called, but they hadn’t had a chance to talk alone because the girls were there and insisted that he be put on loudspeaker. Alice barely got a word in. When he mentioned going to a clinic outside the city, she had felt her chest tighten. Why the hell did he want to go wandering about in a strange place?

Damn Declan whoever-he-was and John bloody Lester and their sodding do-gooder trips. Alice didn’t want Ben going anywhere but the hotel and the hospital where he was operating on the minister. She’d already lost her parents – she didn’t need to lose her husband too.

She had tried not to show any emotion because she didn’t want the girls to worry. Well, Alice doubted Jools would even notice she was worried, but Holly would. Holly was a terrible worrier. Alice often wondered if that was why Holly was so studious. Reading and working out facts and figures seemed to calm her down. Alice found herself wishing she had such an effective coping mechanism. As it was, she thought about Ben constantly and couldn’t shake the anxiety that had settled on her.

When Alice arrived at work on Friday morning, Kevin was waiting for her. He followed her into her room, handed her a strong coffee and closed the door.

‘Brace yourself, we have thirty patients in today.’

Alice sighed. She hadn’t slept well and she had been hoping for an easy schedule. Today all she wanted was someone to hold her hand and reassure her that Ben was all right. ‘Who’s first?’ she said as she sipped her coffee.

‘A new one. Miranda Langton refused to say what it was for. She said it was private and she wasn’t going to discuss it with “the receptionist”.’

‘Yikes! Well, don’t scratch her eyes out when she comes in.’

Kevin turned on his heel and, waving an arm in the air, said, ‘Maybe just a little scratch.’

When Kevin brought Miranda in ten minutes later, he introduced her: ‘Dr Gregory, this is Miranda Langton, date of birth July the eighth nineteen fifty-seven.’

‘What?’ spluttered Miranda.

‘Sorry?’ Kevin looked the picture of innocence.

‘Excuse me, I was born in nineteen sixty-seven.’

‘Oh, really?’ Kevin raised his eyebrows in surprise. ‘So you’re not fifty-five, then?’

‘Certainly not,’ Miranda said, unable to look furious because of all the Botox she’d had.

‘Wow.’ Kevin tilted his head and winked at Alice, who suppressed a smile as her brother took himself and his revenge out of the room.

After back-to-back appointments all morning, Alice had a twenty-minute lunch break and tried repeatedly to call Ben. Once again his mobile went straight into voice-mail. She left another message: ‘Ben, call me. I’m getting worried. I need to know that you’re okay. Call me, please. I miss you.’

Kevin came in and handed her a latte from the coffee shop next door. ‘Any word from Eritrea yet?’ he asked.

Alice shook her head.

‘He’ll be fine,’ Kevin said, picking at a salad. ‘He’s probably up the side of a mountain in some clinic in a cave with no service.’

Alice nodded. She wanted to believe him, but she couldn’t help worrying.

‘How’s the birthday girl today?’

Alice took a sip of her coffee. ‘Demanding! I made her pancakes with whipped cream and Nutella this morning.’

‘How many did she eat?’

‘Three.’

Kevin gasped. ‘Think of the calories.’

‘For goodness’ sake, it was a special occasion.’

‘It would take running a full marathon to burn that off.’

‘Don’t you dare mention calories to her. I don’t want my girls worrying about their weight – it’s dangerous.’

Kevin smoothed his fitted shirt. ‘I know, but you don’t want to be a fat teenager, believe me. The only kids who got bullied more than me at school were the fat ones.’

‘Jools has a lovely figure.’

Kevin paused. ‘Yes, she does, but teenagers can put on weight easily so I’m just saying she should be careful and lay off the Nutella pancakes.’

‘You’re just jealous. When was the last time you ate chocolate?’

‘My body is a temple and, besides, fat gays don’t get laid.’

Alice laughed. ‘I sincerely hope you’re going to have a slice of Jools’s birthday cake tonight. I made it with Holly last night. Chocolate sponge.’

‘I’ll have a tiny bit, but only because it’s Jools and I adore her. What present are you giving her by the way? Did you and Ben agree on the new iPhone?’

Alice nodded. ‘I was against it, as you know, but Ben really wanted to treat her so we got her one. I’m going to give it to
her tonight. I wish Ben was here, though. He deserves to see her face when she opens it. She’s going to be thrilled.’

‘I’ll video it and we can send it to him,’ Kevin offered.

Alice knew that if Ben didn’t call tonight to wish his beloved daughter a happy birthday, something bad had definitely happened. She took a deep breath and crossed her fingers.

Alice and Holly lit the candles while Kevin distracted Jools. Then Alice turned out the lights and carried the cake to the table. Jools’s eyes lit up.

‘Ooh, chocolate sponge! My favourite! Thanks, Mum.’

She looked so beautiful, her face framed in the candlelight. Alice wanted to hug her but knew it would ruin the moment, so she just smiled. ‘You’re welcome, darling, and Holly deserves thanks too. She helped me.’

Jools looked across at her sister. ‘Thanks, Holly. You can have a big slice, not as big as mine, obviously, as I’m the birthday girl, but almost as big.’

‘Well, go on, then, make a wish,’ Kevin urged.

Jools closed her eyes, inhaled and then, as she was about to blow and make a wish, Alice’s phone rang.

‘OMG, it’s Daddy. I was just wishing he’d call and now he has!’ Jools rushed to the phone and picked it up. ‘Daddy? … Oh, sorry, I thought … Yes, she is, I’ll get her now.’ Jools handed the phone to Alice. ‘It’s someone called Jonathan Londis.’

Alice held the phone to her ear. ‘Hello?’

‘Hello, Mrs Gregory, it’s Jonathan Londis here, from the Foreign and Commonwealth Office. I’m calling you from Eritrea.’

‘Yes?’ Alice felt a cold chill down her back. Why was the FCO calling her? Something was wrong.

‘I’m afraid it’s about your husband, Dr Ben Gregory.’

‘What is it?’ Alice whispered, her voice catching.

‘The car he was travelling in was –’

‘In an accident?’ Alice interrupted. An accident was okay. An accident meant he was injured, but she’d help him recover. Jonathan Londis said nothing. The phone shook in Alice’s hand. ‘Is Ben all right? Tell me, is he all right?’ Fear gripped her throat. Was Ben seriously injured? Maybe he’d just broken his leg or had concussion or something. She had to hope for the best. She clung to hope.

‘Do you need me to come out and look after him?’ she asked.

‘I’m afraid it’s rather more serious than that.’

Alice’s whole body began to tremble. ‘What do you mean? What …’

‘I’m terribly sorry, Mrs Gregory, but the jeep your husband was travelling in hit a landmine.’

‘I don’t … I’m sorry, but what does … I …’ Alice stumbled over her words as her mind tried to push away the dark thoughts engulfing her.

Jonathan Londis cleared his throat. ‘I’m afraid it appears that your husband and his co-passenger, Declan Hayes, were killed instantly.’

‘
Noooooo!
’

Alice’s knees gave way. Jools screamed. Holly threw her arms around her mother as if to shield her from something that might come crashing out of the sky.

Although the girls didn’t speak a word to each other, from their mother’s scream, they understood. Their father wasn’t coming home, ever.