The Wanderers Beginning: The Wanderers, Reborn, & Unforgiven (141 page)

             
She grabbed my hair and I threw my elbow back, catching her right in the eye. I stepped back a few feet to catch my breath. She wasn’t much of a fighter, but she was fast, getting the advantage on me. Mackenzie leaped for me, knocking me to the floor, and tumbling out into the hallway. Both of us were screaming and yelling, punching and kicking.

             
Our commotion brought students out of their rooms and soon the hallway was crowded. They all stood around and watched. Not a few seconds later Dean and Roman were there to break up the fight. “What is going on here?” Mrs. Daniels demanded.

             
“This crazy bitch attacked me!” Mackenzie yelled.

             
“You deserve it after what you did,” I spat back.

             
“Enough,” Mrs. Daniels shouted. “You two, office, now!”

             
Mackenzie shot Roman a look to let her go. He released her and she crossed her arms in a huff. Roman looked at me and for a moment I thought I saw sympathy in his eyes and I thought there was a possibility we might be able to get past all this, but then his face turned angry again and he was gone.

             
“Wow Ella, you really know how to make a comeback,” Dean joked. I rolled my eyes at him and left the crowded hall and followed Mrs. Daniels to the office.

             
“Who would like to explain?” Mrs. Daniels asked, sitting on the edge of Aidan’s desk.

             
“She started it,” Mackenzie yelled.

             
“That’s because you were Jack’s little informant,” I spat back. “You were the reason he knew how to get in here and knew where I was.”

             
“What are you talking about? I never met the freak.”

             
“You admitted it to me,” I said annoyed.

             
“All I said was I wish he would have finished the job.”

             
“Miss Hilliard,” Mrs. Daniels chastised.

             
“It was just a joke,” Mackenzie said, rolling her eyes.

             
“That’s enough!” Aidan yelled, clearly not in the mood to deal with this. Aidan leaned back in his chair and pressed his fingers to his forehead, contemplating the actions he was going to take.

             
Mrs. Daniels and Mr. Callahan talked it over and decided it was best if Mackenzie and I no longer roomed together. Unfortunately at the time there were no available rooms so I had to stay in the guest housing for the time being – which was fine by me. The further away from Mackenzie the better.

             
Since no fighting was a strict policy there, Mackenzie was forced to stay for the summer and do manual labor with the rest of us, which to me, was punishment enough for all of us. 

             
There wasn’t much more they could do to punish me considering they were already having me do manual labor, extra training sessions, and babysitting new students in the fall. So they left me go with a warning. I think Aidan felt bad enough as it was and knew how malicious Mackenzie could be.

             
When we were done, Aidan and one of the guardians escorted me back to my room to collect my things which was embarrassing to say the least. They stuck me on the top floor of guest housing. The one and only floor that was empty. I wasn’t complaining. I thought some solitude would be nice for a change.

             
Aidan dismissed the guard and walked me to my room. The walk down the hall felt like I was walking ‘The Green Mile’. The silence was an eerie reminder that once these halls were filled with guardians. But after the attack some of those guardians did not survive and the rest were called back to heal or regroup and all of this was because of me. I deserved this. I deserved to be alone. My chest felt heavy at their absence and I felt like the walls were caving in.

             
“Here’s your key. If you have any problems just let me know and remember this is only temporary,” he said, giving me a small smile. His smile fell when he saw my face. “Are you okay?”

             
I shook my head no. “I just…I guess it’s finally hitting me.  All the people we lost in the fight. I never expected the aftermath to be this…I don’t even know how to explain it. How I feel?”

             
Aidan sighed and leaned his shoulder against the wall. He ran a hand through his hair, clearly still not ready to talk about this, but seeing he had no other choice he told me what happened. “I’m not going to lie. It was pretty bad. We had a lot of explaining to do afterwards, but none of us knew what to say. They had so many questions and we just didn’t have the answers. Most of the students were pretty shaken up. We brought in counselors to help with the healing process, but to most this isn’t something that’s just going to go away overnight.” He looked at me and all I could feel was guilt.

             
“Ella, this was not your fault. I want you to understand that. No one blames you,” I eyed him wearily. “They just need an excuse for what happened and you were the easiest target, but don’t worry, okay? Over time wounds heal and we will get past this and the first step to healing is moving on.”

             
“I want to do something.”

             
“Ella, I don’t think there is really anything you can do.”

             
“No, I mean I want to help with the healing process. You’re right, we need to move on, but for some people it will be harder. They need closure and I think I have an idea of how we can do that.”

             
He pushed himself off the wall with his foot and looked at me interested in what I had to say. “What did you have in mind?”

             
“I think we should have a memorial service for all the people we lost. Before everyone goes home for the summer. I’m hoping that giving everyone the opportunity to mourn and pay their respects to their loved ones will help them and maybe make it even easier to return in the fall.”

             
“Ella, I think that’s a brilliant idea.” I smiled, feeling a little better than when I first got there. “Do you have anything specific in mind?”

             
“I think I might, but I want to do some more research. Can I get back to you tomorrow?”

             
“Absolutely. Why don’t you go inside and rest? You look like you could use it.” 

             
“Thank you,” I said, as I opened the door to my new room. I waved to Aidan as he took off down the hall. I dragged in my suitcase and closed the door behind me. I flicked on the light and took a look around at my new room. Wow! It was twice the size of my old room. It had a full size couch, recliner, TV, and a king sized bed. The floors were hardwood with a large circular rug in the center. There were two full sized closets with a dresser and night stand. To my right was the bathroom. My own bathroom again! I sighed, happy, wishing that my temporary stay would be a long one.

             
I didn’t bother to unpack anything. I had a feeling I wouldn’t be staying there long. I spread my arms out wide and fell face first in the fluffy down comforter. I was in heaven and positive I wouldn’t have a problem falling asleep in this massive, cloud like bed.

             
I kicked off my shoes and crawled into the middle of the bed, ready to fall into oblivion when there was a knock on my door. Of course, just my luck. I groaned into the pillow and forced myself to get out of bed. I made my way over to the door thinking it was just probably one of the guardians here to warn me they were going to lock me in. They hadn’t said they were actually going to do that, but I wouldn’t put it past them.

             
When I opened the door I took a step back, surprised. Roman was the last person I expected to be there. “Roman, what are you doing here?”

             
“Can we talk?”

             
I opened the door to let him in. He hesitated a moment, like he was thinking it over, debating whether or not he should step inside. He took a reluctant step forward. I closed the door behind him as he looked around the room. He stuffed his hands in his pockets clearly indicating he was uncomfortable. “Do you want to sit down?” I pointed to the couch.

             
“No. I’ll stand. This won’t take long.”

             
“Oh,” I said a little disappointed. I stood there fidgeting with my thumbs and waiting for him to start, but he kept quiet. I wondered if he was waiting for me to say something.

             
“Ella,” I looked up. “What’s going to happen now?”

             
His question caught me off guard. “I don’t…I don’t understand?”

             
“Do you still love me?”

             
“Of course I do,” I took a step forward and he took one back.

             
“Do you still love him?” Despite everything Tristan had put me through just for him to leave me in the end and leave me feeling like a hollow shell of nothing, I stilled loved him. My love for him wasn’t something that was going to go away overnight. I knew eventually I would be able to move on and my feelings would fade, but I couldn’t lie to Roman. I’d done enough damage and that wasn’t fair to him. I bit my bottom lip and nodded. I tried really hard not to cry.

             
He didn’t say anything, which scared me. Instead, he just stood there with a torn expression on his face. I walked over to him and put my hands on his chest. He flinched from my touch but didn’t move away. I wasn’t ready to let him go. I gripped his shirt and looked up into his eyes. I could see the pain in them. The pain that I caused. “Roman I’m so sorry…I’m so sorry,” I cried.

             
I knew I was being selfish, but I didn’t care. I loved him and he needed to know that. I moved my hands up to his face and tried to pull him closer for a kiss. “Ella, don’t,” he said, grabbing my wrists. I took a risk and tried again, but he pushed me back so hard I tripped over my suitcase and fell to the floor. “Shit…Ella, I didn’t…” He reached out for me then paused. I just sat there, crying.

             
“Ella,” his voice was barely above a whisper. He bent down next to me. “Ella, please stop.” He placed a gentle hand on my shoulder.

             
I looked up into his eyes. “Do you still love
me
?” I squeaked.

             
He scrubs his hands down his face and grunted. Then he stood up and offered me a hand to help me up. “I think we should do this another time,” he said, walking away.

             
“No. Don’t go. Please, I promise I’ll be good. I won’t…I’ll just sit and listen.” I sat down on the bed. “Just please talk to me?” I was gripping at straws. I would do anything to keep him there with me. Even if he didn’t love me anymore I still needed to be around him. His presence gave me comfort and that was what I needed the most at the moment.

             
He had his back to me. His hand was on the doorknob, not moving. I had a bad feeling that if he walked out now, he would be walking out of my life for good and I couldn’t let that happen. I got up off the bed and walked over to him. I softly placed my hand on his shoulder so I wouldn’t startle him. His body sagged and I rested my head on his back. I sniffled and he turned around grabbing my arms. I jerked back in response but he didn’t let go.

             
I could feel the heat pulsing through him. He had an intense look in his eyes and I knew he wanted me as much as I wanted him. He loosened his grip and I pleaded with my eyes for him to forgive me. I tried to touch as much of him as I could. I reached up to try and kiss him again but he turned his head. “Ella, don’t do this.”

             
“I know you still love me. I can feel it when I touch you.”

             
“Ella, I will never stop loving you, but I can’t be with you. Not now. Not like this,” he said, slowly drawing my hands away.

             
“Stay with me,” I begged.

             
“Ella…”

             
“Please, no expectations, I promise. I just don’t want to be alone. Please don’t leave me.” I felt my lip begin to quiver and I knew I was going to start crying. Roman took one look at my face and sighed, giving in. He walked over to the bed with me and we lay down together. I lay my head on his chest and my arm across his stomach. I forgot how great it was to lay in his arms, the way he made me feel and his warmth. I settled in comfortably next to him and fell asleep in minutes.

When I woke up in the morning I was feeling refreshed and better about my day until I saw I was alone. My heart dropped to the floor when I realized Roman wasn’t there anymore. I didn’t know exactly when he left, but I had a bad feeling it wasn’t too long after I fell asleep. I guess I should be thankful for the little time that he gave me.