Crash

Copyright © 2013 Lesley Choyce

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced
or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including
photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system now
known or to be invented, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

Choyce, Lesley, 1951-
Crash [electronic resource] / Lesley Choyce.

(Orca soundings)

Electronic monograph.
Issued also in print format.
ISBN
978-1-4598-0523-1 (
PDF
).--
ISBN
978-1-4598-0524-8 (
EPUB
)

I. Title. II. Series: Orca soundings (Online)
PS
8555.H668C73 2013        j
C
813'.54        C2013-901924-3

First published in the United States, 2013
Library of Congress Control Number:
2013935382

Summary:
Cameron thinks he can survive anything on willpower alone.
Not this time.

Orca Book Publishers gratefully acknowledges the support for its publishing
programs provided by the following agencies: the Government of Canada through
the Canada Book Fund and the Canada Council for the Arts,
and the Province of British Columbia through the BC Arts Council
and the Book Publishing Tax Credit.

Cover image by Getty Images

www.orcabook.com

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Contents

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter One

It just hit me. I was at the New Year's Eve party at Brian's house. At first my plan was to get loaded. The usual. It had been quite the year. Busted for stealing a car, almost caught making a drug delivery for a dealer, and maybe a few more bad moves on my part. I guess I hadn't found my focus yet, my path. I liked living on the edge a bit, and one thing kept leading to another.

But there I was at Brian's, feeling oddly out of place, watching everyone else having a good time.

And suddenly it felt all wrong.

I turned sixteen three days ago. Nobody likes having a birthday right after Christmas, but then, this Christmas had not been anything special. Some kind of new weirdness going on between my mom and dad, and things had been a bit tense ever since my dad lost his job. It seemed like no one cared about my birthday. Me included. I found myself staring into the mirror, wondering who was looking back at me. After that I just had this weird feeling in my gut. I felt unsettled. I was about to freak, I thought. I was about to do something really stupid.

And New Year's Eve at Brian's was probably where it would happen.

But instead of me freaking out, something different happened.

I had only had one beer. Everyone else was way ahead of me. They were all laughing and having a great time. But I set the beer down and took a deep breath.

And suddenly everything became clear.

I knew who that person in the mirror was. It was the old me. And the old me wasn't what I wanted. I swear I'd never made a New Year's resolution in my life. I just knew that this was the year I was going to turn it around. I was going to get my shit together. No more messing around. No more talking. No more lies. No, this was not one of those half-assed New Year's resolutions. This was the real thing.

I suddenly felt clear-headed and weirdly happy.

So I walked out of there and down the dark, cold street, sucking in sweet, clean winter air. I don't think anyone even noticed me leaving.

When I got home, no one was there. No one but my dog, Ozzie. Part Lab and part German shepherd, Ozzie was a good old dog. Always happy to see me. Always there for me. I tucked into bed with Ozzie sleeping beside me on the floor.

I fell asleep focused on a new beginning.

Chapter Two

I had a good night's sleep, but nothing could have prepared me for what came next. I think it was about eight o'clock when my dad knocked on my door.

“Come on in,” I said.

He walked in and sat down on the side of my bed. He looked like something was bugging him. I thought maybe I was about to get a lecture for something I had done, so I decided to tell him about the night before. “I have some stuff I want to share with you,” I said.

He held up his hand. “Not now, Cameron. I've got some of my own stuff I've got to tell you.” Man, he looked serious. I was thinking, Oh shit, what's this about?

He couldn't look me in the eye. He just bent down and started petting Ozzie. “Cameron, you know things haven't been so good around here with me out of work. And your mother and I have been having our problems.”

I was feeling a little scared then. “Yeah, well, so that's nothing new. Things will smooth out.”

He shook his head. “No, they won't. I'm going crazy around here. I've decided I'm going to head out west and get work. It's what I have to do.”

I felt like someone had smacked me in the face. “When are you going?”

“Today,” he said. “Now.”

“Dad, you can't just do that.”

“I'm sorry, Cam. I'll call you from out west.” He stood up, leaned over me and gave me a hug like he used to when I was a little kid. And then he left my room. Ozzie knew something was wrong, and he hopped up onto my bed.

I heard the front door open and close, and then I heard the car start. And then, I guess, he was gone.

I don't know how long I lay there in shock, thinking this was something that happened to other kids but not to me. If I had known what was coming next, I don't think I would have gotten out of bed that day.

But eventually I did.

Downstairs, my mom was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in her hand.

“Cameron, we need to talk,” she said.

I let Ozzie outside and then sat down across from her. I suddenly had a flashback to the party the night before, and I was thinking now that maybe I should have stayed and gotten really wasted. “Dad's gone. I know,” I said.

She nodded. “It's my fault,” she said.

“What do you mean? I know things have been tough since he lost his job.”

“It's not just that.”

“Then what?”

“Things haven't been the same in the last year. And I'm sorry, but I haven't been exactly honest with you. I've been seeing someone else.”

“
What?
Who?” I couldn't believe my mother was saying this.

She took a sip of her coffee. “Nick.”

That was my second slap in the face that morning. “Nick? Nick's an asshole.” Nick was my father's friend. I'd always thought he was one of the biggest bullshitters I'd ever met. This couldn't be real.

“I'm sorry. It just happened. I didn't mean for things to go this way.”

Ozzie was scratching at the door, and I got up to let him in.

“I think Nick is the real thing,” she continued. “I think this is finally my chance to be happy.”

I wanted to scream out every obscene word I could think of, but my brain grabbed on to that odd word—
happy
. Wasn't that what my revelation was about last night? I was going to clean up my act and learn how to be happy? And now this crap.

“Now that your father's gone…”

I cut her off. “Is that why he left? Because of you and Asshole Nick?”

She didn't answer me. “Now that your father's gone, I won't be able to keep up the rent on this house. Besides, there are too many memories here. I need a new start. We need to go someplace else.”

“Where?”

She couldn't look at me. “Nick says he wants me to move in with him. You can come too, of course.”

I shook my head. “This is insane.”

“No, Nick said you could have the whole basement to yourself.”

The nightmare continued. I looked down at Oz. He gave me his paw. I knew I couldn't move in with Nick, and then I remembered something else. “Nick hates dogs.”

My mom shrugged. “Yeah. I guess we'll have to find another home for Ozzie. We can work this out.” And then, more confidently, she said, “We can make this work. I know we can.”

“This is all bull,” I said. I grabbed my coat and walked out into the cold, bright day with Ozzie trailing behind me.

“Welcome to the new year,” I said to no one as I walked out to the street, my breath puffing small angry clouds into the morning air.

Chapter Three

It was one of those nasty cold winter mornings. The sun was out, but it was way below freezing. Ozzie was happy to be tagging along, sniffing at every tree and post and peeing on everything he sniffed. I didn't need to keep Oz on a leash. He was well trained. He was a good dog. And I wasn't going to give him up.

I wasn't dressed warmly enough, but I didn't want to go back into the house to get gloves or a heavier coat. I cursed my cheating mother and my runaway father. I didn't know who to blame most. I thought maybe my mom. She and stupid-ass Nick. Maybe that was really why my father had left.

I thought about my decision the night before to clean up my act. That lightning bolt from out of nowhere. Who was I kidding? Right now if someone were to offer me a drink or a toke, I'd gladly take them up on it. Forget about getting clean. Just stay stoned.

We were in the park now, and the voices inside my head were still screaming. This just couldn't be happening to me. At first I thought the park was empty. The whole town was probably at home nursing hangovers. Everyone but me. Then Ozzie spotted something tucked between two bushes, and he loped over to check it out. I followed him.

It was a pup tent dusted lightly with snow from the previous night. A pup tent? Who the hell would be camping out here in the middle of winter? Something moved inside. Ozzie barked. And he usually wasn't much of a barker.