The Upside of Being Let Down (new adult romance - 1) (16 page)

I was stuck in place, the only
movements being my hands into fists. I wasn
’
t
the kind of girl that would fight another girl over a guy, rather I was ready
to punch Bryan in the face for being an asshole.

“
Chloe,
go home,
”
Bryan yelled. He
tossed the baseball bat to the couch.

“
I
am home, goofy,
”
the girl -
Chloe - called out.

Bryan looked at me.
“
This isn
’
t...
”

“
Open
the door,
”
I said.
“
She sounds drunk.
”

“
She
is,
”
Bryan said.
“
She
’
s always drunk. That
’
s
her fucking problem.
”

He unlocked the door and opened it.

Sure enough, a stumbling drunk
chick fell into his arms. Bryan stepped back, dragging her feet on the floor.
He turned her and she cried out with laughter. His hands wouldn
’
t really touch her but that did
nothing for me. I just stood in shock and felt seriously out of place.

“
I
had to come home,
”
the drunk
girl said.

“
You
don
’
t live here, Chloe,
”
Bryan said.

He moved her to the couch and she
sat there, looking around. She was drunk, perky, and kind of pretty. I hated to
compare myself to her, but wasn
’
t
that what girls did? She was seriously the opposite of me, tall, blonde,
skinny, and had that happy-go-lucky-top-of-the-pyramid-cheerleader kind of glow
about her.

Face it, I hated the bitch for that
alone.

But I hated Bryan more.

“
Who
is this?
”
I asked.

“
And
who is you?
”
the girl slurred
and pointed a wobbly finger at me.

“
This
is, uh, my friend,
”
Bryan
said.

 
uh, my friend...

Yeah, that didn
’
t sting the heart a little. Not
that I expected Bryan to say we were something more but he didn
’
t have to sound like such a
covering up jerk about it.

“
This
is Chloe,
”
Bryan said.
“
She
’
s my...
”

“
Girlfriend!
”
Chloe cried out.

“
Ex,
”
Bryan corrected.

“
No,
it was just a fight,
”
Chloe
said.
“
A little bitty
fight...
”

She tried to hold her thumb and
pointer fingers up and make them close but she couldn
’
t.

“
I
can
’
t believe this,
”
I said.

“
AJ,
don
’
t,
”
Bryan said.

“
I
can
’
t either,
”
Chloe said.
“
You have a girl over?
”

“
It
’
s my apartment,
”
Bryan said.
“
And you have to go, Chloe. Right
now.
”

“
Can
’
t. My ride dropped me off and
drove away.
”

I could see the rage building in
Bryan
’
s face. But my own
rage had already grown.

“
So
you have a drunk ex come over once in a while?
”
I asked.

Bryan grabbed for my arm and missed
me as I walked away.

“
AJ,
it
’
s not like that. This is
the first time she
’
s been
here since we broke up.
”

“
She
doesn
’
t seem to think you
’
re broken up,
”
I said. I turned and put my
pointer and thumb close together and mimicked Chloe.
“
An itty bitty witty titty fight...
”

“
Don
’
t be like that,
”
Bryan said.
“
Come on. I didn
’
t judge you. You know, with your
sister and family...
”

My mouth fell open.

Really?

Really?

Did he seriously just play that
card?

“
You
’
re a fucking moron,
”
I said.
“
You
’
re
really going to say something like that to me? Because my sister
’
s a stripper means it
’
s okay for anything to happen?
Like I
’
m some damaged
person and my fucked up past makes it easy to have a shitty present now.
”

“
That
’
s not what I meant, dammit. I
meant that we understand each other.
”

“
Your
problem is on your couch. I
’
m
going to finish sleeping in my car.
”

Bryan grabbed me this time. He made
me look at him.

“
AJ,
please.
”

“
Just
deal with your problem, okay? Don
’
t
worry about me right now.
”

“
I
can
’
t stop thinking about
you,
”
Bryan said.
“
When you
’
re here. When you
’
re
gone...
”

“
I
’
m gone,
”
I whispered.

I tried to move but Bryan held me
and kissed me. I shook my head and broke the kiss. That
’
s the last thing I needed right then. Sure, dude,
keep throwing gasoline on the emotional blaze between us.

Stupid jerk.

“
How
did that taste?
”
I asked.
“
Probably not as good as her
bubble gum glitter lip gloss shit.
”

I sounded like an idiot rambling, a
woman scorned with jealousy. And I hated it. That wasn
’
t me. I didn
’
t
get jealous. I got hurt, yes, but never jealous. Never.

Until then.

I pushed by Bryan and he let me go.
Which was the right thing to do. I walked through the living room carrying some
clothes, my toothbrush, toothpaste, and a brush. I
’
d find a way to get ready in my car and brush my
teeth at work. Hope seemed like the kind of woman that would understand if I
looked like hell for my first day of work. She
’
d
faced hell and won.

I looked at Chloe once as I left,
thinking I should say something to her.

But I figured Bryan had his hands
full.

It hurt to leave the apartment
though, more than it ever should have. And I could have kicked myself for it...
not for leaving the apartment but for actually starting to have feelings for
Bryan.

(18)

“
What
the...
”

Bryan paused and gritted his teeth,
forcing himself to try to calm down. He swore to himself he
’
d never curse at a woman, in
vain. He didn
’
t want to be
a mean person, not like his father used to always be. He had his father
’
s temper and getting angry
reminded him of that. To make that worse, he had to look at Chloe on his couch.

“
Are
you really into that?
”
she
asked.

Bryan made fists for his own needed
comfort.

“
It
’
s none of your business. Why are
you here?
”

“
Because
I know how wrong it is now,
”
Chloe said.

“
What?
”

“
What
I did. How I lived... well, live now I guess. I was out with a guy and he
pulled over...
”

“
I
don
’
t want to hear a story
like this,
”
Bryan said.

“
You
do.
”
Chloe pushed on the
couch and forced herself to stand. She put her arms out and found her balance.
She smiled.
“
He pulled over
to fuck me. He just figured we would spread out in the front seat of his truck
or something. We were on a road. Just some random road. Right? And he moved
towards me...
”

Bryan
’
s
nerves pinched. It killed him trying to picture Chloe with another guy. It made
him think about how it felt when she cheated on him. It maybe shouldn
’
t have bothered him right then
but it did. There was still something lingering there, only because Bryan didn
’
t want it to end the way it did.
It wasn
’
t as though he had
fallen away from Chloe, he had to push away. He couldn
’
t deal with her. That forced him to get over her.

“
We
were starting to fool around and then it all just hit me,
”
Chloe continued.
“
I just feel wrong. Dirty. Like
a... bad person...
”

“
Well,
if the shoe fits,
”
Bryan
said.

“
Come
on, Bry, don
’
t be like
that.

Bry.

Bryan hadn
’
t heard that in months.

He fucking hated when Chloe said
that. She used to say it as a cute pet name, but it ultimately became the term
she called Bryan when she was in big trouble.

“
I
stopped him,
”
Chloe said.
“
I told him to take me home.
Right now.
”

“
And
he listened?
”

Chloe stepped towards Bryan.
“
I told him I had my period. That
normally chases any guy away.
”

“
That
’
s disgusting,
”
Bryan said.

“
But
it got me here. And I don
’
t
have my period, Bry. Want to check?
”

Bryan stepped back. He swallowed a
ton of pride and kept his emotions under control.

“
Chloe,
you shouldn
’
t be here.
”

“
But
I am,
”
she said.
“
When he asked me where I lived,
I said here. I gave these directions. Like my heart knew what I wanted. I know
what I want now.
”

How many times had Bryan heard this
story?

The same old shit Chloe used to feed
him and he
’
d take it. He
’
d believe it, live it, and then
get hurt again and again. Only now there wasn
’
t
a relationship between them. They were done. So it didn
’
t matter.

“
I
came here to see you,
”
Chloe said.
“
Because I miss
you. I
’
m just young and
stupid. I
’
m supposed to do
things like I did. But not anymore. I know what I want now.
”

“
Oh,
so you
’
re all grown up now?
”
Bryan asked.

“
Yeah.
And I love you.
”

Bryan turned wishing there was a
window he could jump out of.

Chloe stepped up behind him and
touched his shoulders. Her fingers came down and when her nails touched his
skin, he shivered. She moved her hands down to his wrists then to his hands.
Bryan felt his fingers opening, almost wanting Chloe to slide her fingers
between his. He almost wanted to be able to change things. To go back in time
and have Chloe like she was in the beginning. And maybe find a way to keep her
from being such a horrible person.

It made Bryan think of something AJ
had said...

Do you think people care enough
to change?

Chloe skipped Bryan
’
s fingers and started moving
towards someplace else. Bryan looked down and watched her hands getting closer
to his body. To between his legs.

Then it hit him.

That
’
s
what Chloe wanted.

That
’
s
all she ever wanted.

Ever.

From him. From other guys. Even
girls a few times.

Whatever had happened in the truck
with that guy didn
’
t mean
shit. It just meant that Chloe had the sudden urge to take a step back in time.
To have sex with Bryan because she wanted him to hold her afterwards. To play
with her hair. To care for her. To wake her to the smell of breakfast. To have
that attempted relationship for a night and probably half a day before she
’
d have a reason to leave and not
come back until the same feelings and urges hit her.

Bryan clamped his hands on Chloe
’
s wrists. He squeezed.

She moaned and brushed her lips to
the back of his neck.

“
Yes...
Bry... yes...
”

Chloe could reach Bryan
’
s neck.

AJ couldn
’
t.

AJ would have had to stand on her
toes to reach.

Bryan squeezed Chloe
’
s wrists tighter and moved them
away from his body. He pushed and pushed, feeling his muscles wanting to be
weak. Part of him wanted to give in to Chloe, because he always gave into
Chloe. And why not? He wasn
’
t
married, he wasn
’
t in love,
he was just a guy. When AJ showed up to his apartment and wanted to fool around,
he did. Did that make it wrong? No. So what was the difference now? Chloe
wanted to be there and wanted to touch him...

“
Just
stop,
”
Bryan said.

He stepped away from Chloe, shaking
his head.

“
Are
you kidding me?
”
Chloe asked.
“
What is this?
”

“
Me
doing the right thing.
”

“
I
’
m the right thing,
”
Chloe said.
“
You know that. You
’
ll never have someone like me,
Bryan. This is just us. That
’
s
all. You know when the time comes I
’
ll
be forever faithful to you.
”

The words hit Bryan like a rusted
hook to his back. He
’
d be
nothing but comfort when Chloe needed it and then what would happen? Chloe
would wake up one morning after a booze filled night of random sex and decide
she wanted to spend the rest of her life dedicated to Bryan?

“
I
can
’
t do this,
”
Bryan said.

“
Sure
you can,
”
Chloe said.

Bryan found himself stopped and
could feel Chloe creeping up behind him again. This time she grabbed his left
hand with both of her hands and turned him around. He faced Chloe, and felt
sick in the pit of his stomach.

“
Look
at me, Bryan,
”
Chloe said.
“
You know my heart has a place
for you. But do you want to grow up and look back and realize you never had
fun?
”

“
I
think our definitions of
fun
are different,
”
Bryan said.

“
No,
they
’
re not. You
’
re just too good of a guy. You
’
re worried about me. You think I
’
m going to get hurt or do
something stupid. But I never would. And you shouldn
’
t be here right now like this, Bryan. Go out and
have fun.
”

“
Have
fun?
”

“
Yes.
Go enjoy life and be crazy.
”

“
Wasn
’
t there a girl in my apartment
already?
”
Bryan asked.

“
Yeah,
but I
’
m hotter than her.
”

Bryan swallowed, resisting the urge
to explode. If he did he would have went off about how beautiful AJ was. How
she was troubled, understood his pain, and how they worked together in whatever
the hell kind of thing they were.

“
Kiss
me,
”
Chloe said.

“
No.
”

“
Come
on. Just kiss me. No romance. Just... sex.
”

Bryan backed up a few steps and
looked at Chloe. No matter what she
’
d
always be beautiful. But her beauty was such a different kind than AJ
’
s. Chloe was the kind of
beautiful that guys looked at as a girl to hook up with.

“
Let
me go get something,
”
Bryan
said.

Chloe
’
s
eyes lit up.
“
Now we
’
re talking. I love when you get
sexy, Bryan.
”

Bryan nodded and walked to the
bedroom. He looked at the bed and sighed. It felt wrong that AJ was outside
sleeping in her car. But what the hell could he do? Chloe was drunk and had no
ride. It was three in the morning. Bryan didn
’
t
feel like driving her anywhere, not in the mood she was in. She
’
d ended up actually doing
something stupid and causing either problems, an accident, or both.

When Bryan came out of the bedroom
with a blanket and pillow he walked by Chloe and threw them on the couch.

“
Oh,
you sweetheart,
”
Chloe
whispered.
“
You want to
fuck me on the couch with a pillow and blanket?
”

Bryan shook his head.
“
You
’
re sad, Chloe. Really sad. You have until seven to
get the fuck out of this apartment or I
’
ll
call the police to come get you.
”

“
You
’
ve got to be fucking kidding me,
”
Chloe said.

Her face, her eyes, her act, it all
dropped. The sweet, wanna-be innocent and seductive girl was now just a
desperate drunk girl.

“
You
’
re a fucking pussy,
”
she spat at Bryan.

“
Remember
what I said,
”
Bryan
replied.
“
Seven. If I come
out here and you
’
re here, I
’
m calling the police.
”

“
I
hope that other bitch is worth it,
”
Chloe yelled.

She laughed. It was a laugh that
made Bryan smile because he
’
d
heard that laugh before. Many times. It was the laugh Chloe forced right before
she cried. And he knew that
’
s
what she
’
d do. She
’
d cry herself to sleep on his
couch.

As Bryan lay awake for the next
hour before getting a little more sleep, one thing went through his mind.

AJ... definitely was worth it...