The Upside of Being Let Down (new adult romance - 1) (11 page)

(13)

I stopped looking in the mirror
three blocks after leaving Bryan
’
s
apartment. I knew he wouldn
’
t
follow me because nobody ever did. Nobody ever chased me down, begged me to stay.
And that was okay. It was just part of my destiny that didn
’
t quite make sense.

My first stop was the old
apartment.

The old apartment.

That sounded weird, even if it was
reality.

I pulled into the parking lot and
saw Angela
’
s car was gone.
Of course it would be. She
’
d
be the goodie-two-shoes to wake up early on a Saturday morning and do
something. Maybe she was out to breakfast with friends, talking about her
fucked up roommate who she kicked out. Maybe she was at the gym, perfecting her
little body. Maybe she was saving kittens from a fire, being the hero she
thought she was.

I sped away from the apartment,
vowing to never go back.

Angela could keep my bed and desk,
fuck it.

The desk was junk. It wobbled and
the one drawer stuck all the time. And the bed wasn
’
t that comfortable at all. The mattress was soft,
but so was Bryan
’
s.

Bryan.

I should have waited.

I should have written down my phone
number, which was what I was going to do the second time I had the pen in my
hand. But I didn
’
t. I didn
’
t because I didn
’
t want him to be the guy that
would just start texting and calling me the second he saw it.

I didn
’
t need someone to cling... maybe to cuddle, but not
to cling.

So I had to go see Winnie.

That was my only other place to go.

My stomach growled and I knew I
needed breakfast at some point. I could have stayed with Bryan and had
breakfast. But then what? What would it have implied?

When I got to Winnie
’
s apartment I sat in my car for
a couple minutes practicing everything I needed to say. To sound sincere and of
course honest with her. It was my sister after all. She
’
d accept me no matter what.

“
Yeah,
”
I whispered and got out of my
car.

I knocked and prayed that Winnie was
home. If her roommate answered I
’
d
fall over. I couldn
’
t stand
it anymore. I needed food, a place to stay, someone to talk to. Someone that
wasn
’
t Bryan, because it
seemed everything we did always geared towards sex. Not to his fault though,
that was all me. I liked his body. Oh well.

I knocked again and again until Winnie
finally answered the door.

She looked like a hot mess, her big
brown eyes blinking, focusing on her little sister standing at her door first
thing on a Saturday morning.

“
AJ?
”

“
Can
I come in, sis?
”

“
Yeah.
”

I went into the apartment and
started playing with my hands.

“
What
are you doing here?
”
Winnie
asked.
“
Not that I mind,
but, are you okay?
”

I turned and looked at Winnie.

Damn.

There was no lying. There were no
stories to tell. They all left my body when I looked at her. Last night she was
Wicked. She was still my sister but she was Wicked. She had been working,
focusing on her job, earning. Good for her. But then, with clothes on and her
eyes on me, she was Winnie.

My sister.

“
I
’
m in trouble,
”
I whispered.
“
I
’
m
sorry.
”

“
Trouble?
What kind of trouble? With the law?
”

“
No,
not that bad,
”
I said.

Winnie rushed by me. She pulled out
a chair and told me to sit. She went into the kitchen and started making
coffee. It was much needed.

“
Got
any eggs?
”
I asked.

“
Eggs?
”

“
I
’
m hungry. I didn
’
t eat this morning.
”

Winnie opened her fridge and stared
at me.
“
You didn
’
t sleep at your apartment, did
you?
”

I shook my head.
“
Tried to sleep in my car...
”

“
Aubrey!
”
Winnie cried out.

“
Hey,
cool it with the name.
”

“
I
don
’
t care,
”
Winnie said.
“
You can
’
t sleep in a car. Do you know how dangerous that
is? And stupid?
”

“
I
know,
”
I said.
“
I didn
’
t sleep in my car though. I stayed with... a
friend. No big deal.
”

Winnie took out eggs.
“
Uh, yeah, it is a big deal. Tell
me everything.
”

I sighed.

Tell her everything?

Well... maybe not everything. Did
she need to know about Bryan? About his great body? About my wild urge for sex
with him?

Winnie took out a bowl and started
to make what would be scrambled eggs. It amazed me to watch her. One second she
’
s stripping, the next she
’
s making eggs. She
’
d make a killer sexy wife to
someone someday.

I filled her in on some of the
story, leaving enough holes that if it were real, it would look like swiss
cheese.

Winnie served eggs and coffee and
wasn
’
t going to let me off
the hook.

“
So
you
’
re kicked out of
college?
”

“
Yeah,
”
I said.
“
For now.
”

“
For
now?
”

“
All
I have to do is get a job, get some money, and go back. They want me. They need
the money.
”

“
They
need the money?
”
Winnie asked.
“
My gosh, AJ, you think it
’
s that easy?
”

“
Of
course it is,
”
I said.
“
If not, I
’
ll find another school. Plus, I don
’
t even know what I want to go to
school for.
”

“
How
about anything?
”

“
Did
you go to college?
”
I shot
at Winnie.

Winnie took a bite of eggs and
pointed her fork at me.
“
Not
fair.
”

“
Did
I touch a nerve?
”

“
Do
you want to strip?
”
Winnie
asked.

I gasped and snapped my jaw shut.

“
That
’
s what I thought,
”
Winnie said.
“
So you
’
re kicked out of school and your roommate kicks you
out?
”

“
Yeah,
”
I said.
“
Without even talking to me. I hate that bitch. I
hate roommates.
”

“
They
’
re fun,
”
Winnie said.
“
If
you have the right one.
”

“
Like
yours? Little miss,
dominate me
...?
”

“
Stop
it,
”
Winnie said.
“
You don
’
t even understand what you
’
re saying.
”

“
Oh,
I get it,
”
I said.

But I really didn
’
t.

I didn
’
t understand people handcuffing each other, tying
each other up, and all that stuff. What I had felt when having sex with Bryan,
I didn
’
t need to add
anything else. For now, but maybe that would change.

I closed my eyes for a second.

What the hell was running through
my head?

Why did I keep thinking about Bryan
as though we were together?

“
All
this in one day?
”
Winnie
asked.

“
In
my defense... I didn
’
t know
I was kicked out of the apartment until I got back from the strip club...
”
Winnie opened her mouth, but I
put a hand up.
“
...and I
did come to the club to talk to you about college. I needed advice but you were
busy.
”

“
I
was working,
”
Winnie said.
“
And why didn
’
t you stay?
”

“
Eh,
ran into some problems,
”
I
said.

“
Problems?
What kind of problems?
”

“
Stop
acting like my mother,
”
I
said.
“
Just problems.
”

“
Speaking
of our mother... they
’
re
going to be pissed at you.
”

“
Maybe
I
’
ll just remind them that
their other daughter is a stripper.
”

“
A
stripper who is successful and has money,
”
Winnie said.
“
I
’
m good at what I do.
”

“
So
am I,
”
I said.

“
And
what do you do?
”
Winnie
asked.

Good question.

I could have said
Bryan,
but
that would have opened a whole other conversation that I wasn
’
t interested in having.

“
I
live,
”
I said.
“
How
’
s that?
”

“
You
’
re going to make a living off of
life,
”
Winnie said.
“
You know how juvenile that
sounds?
”

“
Not
to be a bitch, sis, but what are you going to do with your life? Strip until...
what? Head to nursing homes when you start to sag?
”

Winnie stood up. She grabbed my
plate and shook her head.
“
I
’
m calling Mom and Dad.
”

“
No
you
’
re not. You wouldn
’
t.
”

“
I
would.
”

“
You
’
d rather find another way to get
to me than talk to those two.
”

“
Fair
enough,
”
Winnie said as she
slipped me a smile.
“
Don
’
t worry about my life, AJ, I
’
m fine. You need to figure
something out.
”

“
I
’
m going to get a job today.
”

“
Getting
a job? You think it
’
s that
easy?
”

“
I
never said it was. But I
’
ll
be good.
”

Winnie walked back to the table
with the coffeepot. She filled her cup and mine.

“
When
the stripping thing takes a shit, you
’
d
make a great waitress,
”
I
teased.

“
For
someone who has completely fucked everything up, you
’
re quite cheery.
”

I sipped my coffee. Winnie sat
across from me.

“
Am
I a fuck up?
”
I asked.

Asking the question sort of hurt
me. It shouldn
’
t have but
it did. I was staring into the most honest set of eyes ever and asking an
honest question. Because I definitely felt like a fuck up. A complete fuck up.

“
AJ,
you
’
re not a fuck up,
”
Winnie said.

“
Look
at me...
”

“
Just
get your head straight. Figure things out.
”

“
Are
you mad at me?
”

“
No,
”
Winnie said.
“
You didn
’
t kill anyone. You
’
re
not pregnant. I
’
m not mad.
This is what life is. It
’
s
a journey. If you watch too much TV you
’
ll
think life should be something else.
”

“
I
’
m really sorry though,
”
I said.
“
I mean, I don
’
t
want to ever let you down.
”

Winnie swallowed and nodded.
“
AJ, I
’
m glad you came to talk to me. Okay? Now, you need
to find your path and let the world come to you.
”