The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy (8 page)

I sit up on my haunches, and I get ready to plunge. My baseball cap comes off, but my hair stays in place, and I'm still him as I work the first part of my thick, ready cock into his asshole.

And as I fuck him, I realize that we've blurred, because there I am in the mirror. There I am. But who am I? And there he is, his expression one of awe and surrender. And who is he? And more important than either of those questions is this one: Does it matter?

No. Not at all.

Not tonight.

CHAPTER
4

Role Play

It could be that your Halloween outfit inspires you long past October. Or your partner might confess attraction to a TV or movie character or celebrity. You may have any number of fantasy sources from memories, porn movies, books—you name it. Perhaps in your fantasies you're a naughty schoolgirl about to be punished by a handsome male teacher. Or maybe you're a patient at the hospital administered to by a sexy nurse who deems your best treatment to be oral stimulation. Perhaps you have a repeat fantasy that you've shared with your lover—you visit a darkened movie theater and perform oral sex on the first stranger you encounter—and your lover wants to make it come true, but without any risk. In your erotic daydreams, are you a lost tourist who wanders into a secret sex club—and is made a slave?

Have you and your lover shared a role-playing fantasy that you'd like to try? Can you really make all these fantasies come true, safely and sanely? When you learn the basics of role play, yes, you certainly can!

Erotic Adult Theater for Two

Erotic role play, where two or more people adopt roles to act out a fantasy, is a terrific way to add spice and exciting variation to your usual sexual routines. Role play, because you tap into your shared fantasies, takes an already great sex life and makes it extraordinary, gives it new dimension, and adds playfulness—or intensity—to your intimacy. Trying out fantasy scenarios, much like playing an explicit adult version of “make believe,” can be like a sex toy you bring into the bedroom (or harem, doctor's office, schoolroom…). And as with other sex toys, some couples will use role-play now and then to mix things up, while others will enjoy it as a regular part of their rich sexual panorama.

Some fantasies you may wish to explore will star doctors, firemen, nurses, or anyone in a sexy uniform. Many fantasies will revolve around subtle—or overt—dominance and submission themes, as for example when someone finds donning a stern demeanor arousing or has erotic daydreams about surrendering to authority figures. You may find yourself drawn to act out fully-formed scenes that are as far away from reality as possible, taking place on other planets, in other times, or in settings that would be illogical—or dangerous—in real life. Let the erotic fantasies you already enjoy shape your role-playing scenarios. There is no one right way to role-play. Because role play is fueled by your imagination, you don't need to buy a new
wardrobe, hunt down perfect props, create fake accents, stay in character every minute, carry off the whole thing by yourself, or learn terminology or rules. Unless you want to, that is: Some people find that wearing the perfect outfit makes it all that much hotter, that props heighten the erotic tension, or that an accent makes it more fun. Because, after all, role play is just the same as playing make believe as a child—it's play between two people who want to enjoy the possibilities within a given scenario. And while toy guns made playing cowgirl more vivid, being held at “fingerpoint” always worked just as well.

In erotic role play, you and your partner(s) choose a scenario with erotic potential, and go from there. One of you will gravitate to a particular role—the choice usually comes from a strong attraction to a particular icon or type of behavior. How far you go with setting, costumes, props, and character is up to you.

Waiting in the Wings

Start out with dirty talk, explicit banter leading up to sex or during sex. You can describe a fantasy (even closing your eyes if you feel more comfortable), confess a scenario that turns you on, or simply describe or exaggerate what you're both currently doing. Mine your partner's responses for clues about what will work in role play. If he gets excited when you call him a “bad boy,” push the envelope and ask him
how
he's been bad. Develop his perspective by egging him on and expand your persona in ways that fit his erotic world.

Nervous about taking the scene from the imagination to the verbal? Start by practicing alone. Talk dirty to a mirror. Don't worry about feeling silly; remember that your
companion will be a willing partner in escaping to your shared fantasy—and when you do it, it will be in context.

When you get your banter going, focus on describing details, such as the way the dog collar looks, feels, and how the buckles sparkle in the light. If you are still shy about talking explicitly in a face-to-face encounter, begin with an email exchange or a telephone conversation. Easing into role-playing with dirty talk can be even easier when you read your partner an erotic short story—and suggest enacting the best parts.

If you find it hard to come up with things to say, remember that role-playing is much like erotic theater: Your role will give you the framework for your motivation and language. Props and other elements of theater may actually make it easier. For example, a highway patrol officer “arresting” a reckless driver may feel more convincing once the cuffs are on.

When you venture beyond dirty talk and add developed roles, outfits, props, and scenarios, it's very important to make sure that each of you is clear about the other's expectations. She might want to be a naughty schoolgirl, hoping to be reprimanded for being sexually promiscuous with a perverted teacher, while you may think she's naughty because she's seducing a hapless teacher—two very different scenarios and with very different power dynamics. Talking about the scenario beforehand won't ruin it or give away the good parts, because you can't predict how the scenario will play out or how turned on you might get. But make sure you get the outcome you crave (and find yourself in the predicament you desire) by giving your role-play partner specifics about what turns you on within the context of the scene. You may find it helpful to write down your ideas before you have your conversation.

Erotic Acting

Now it's time for the librarian to let down her hair—or pin it up tight and put on those sexy glasses. Being a good erotic actor might seem daunting at first, but all it takes is enthusiasm and erotic desire. If you really want to be doing it, you'll push past any “stage fright” and let lust and passion for your lover lead you through your role-play scenes. While it might seem odd to consider, out of the blue, donning a pirate costume, affecting a swagger, and trying to keep a straight face while man-handling your wench's “booty,” when the action starts, you may find you feel less awkward than you would think. Any role you play will have an element of yourself in it, somewhere, that you can draw from. Of course, if a role sounds like a ridiculous idea, or you just don't think you can pull it off, you don't have to do it—or you can negotiate with your lover a variation that's comfortable for you and meets everyone's needs.

If you're drawn to role play with someone you're attracted to, and the scenario turns you on, getting into the part is the step that may seem the most daunting. Costumes, accessories, and setting up a room to reflect the scene will help immeasurably by placing you in the right atmosphere—sometimes this is done simply with a single item such as a stethoscope, whip, knife, handcuffs, panties, collar, or dog bowl.

Think about your role for a minute—playing that role for your lover turns you on, so evidently something in it resonates with you. What is it? How does your role express itself—stern, cold, nervous (that one's easy!), excited, horny, petulant, selfish, frightened, angry, demure? A sizzling sexpot beneath your cool exterior, or a nervous virgin who wants only to please? Give yourself
room to have several feelings at once, mingling your real-life emotions with those of your character. Roles tend to fall into two general categories: If you're in the more active role, you'll want to get something sexual from your lover, while in the receptive role you'll be reacting to your partner's innuendo, sexual dominance, or advances. Whatever role you take, let your own erotic desire be your primary motivating factor.

Motivation is why you're there—as yourself and as the character you're playing. Your goal is always to turn on your lover and yourself, and for both of you to have a great time getting off in a new, exciting, and sexually significant way. But the role or character you are personifying also has his or her own motivation. Your character's goal may be to humiliate, punish, or control your partner's character. Your interaction with your partner will be primarily sexual, but different from the role or persona you're used to playing with this person (though not
too
different than you'd like it to be).

Say, for instance, you've been asked to play a sexy teacher who spanks the mischievous schoolboy, and you don't normally spank your boyfriend in your sexual routines. You'll probably find that once you put on your teacher's outfit part of you gets an erotic charge out of erotically dominating your boyfriend—or you wouldn't have agreed to try the scenario. If you're still feeling uncertain but are willing to play along with the sexual fun and games, you can tap into your eagerness to serve up your lover's number one sexual fantasy on a silver platter—and give him what he deserves, because you know how much it means to him, and how much it turns him on.

There's nothing wrong with allowing yourself to really get into “punishing” your partner, especially if you find it makes your shared sex life exciting. Don't worry
about feeling silly—if you do, laugh it up and then get down to business. You can have fun, feel goofy, and get off all at once. If you're worried about your performance, or anything else, remember that the role-play scenario is just a momentary, fun thing that you're trying: A little experimentation is just that; it's not a commitment. Before you begin, do whatever you need to get into role—read erotica, watch porn, play music, dress in costume. It's extremely helpful to be aroused when you “make your entrance” into the scene. Masturbating a little or touching yourself erotically before the scene begins will turn you on and help take the edge off any fear you might be holding on to—plus it gives you the proper motivation!

Plan It, Janet

There is a whole world of sexual expression and adventure around the corner when you add planning, details, and surprises to your scenario. That stripper fantasy will be even hotter with the purchase of a red vinyl bustier, and your partner's eyes will pop out of their head when you set your room up as a stage for a lap dance. That Halloween police uniform will be much more effective if you have a pair of mirrored sunglasses, and the experience will be unforgettable if you “arrest” him on the hood of his car—even if it's parked safely in the garage.

Once you've made your fantasies and expectations clear to each other, and covered what both of you
don't
want to include, you'll have a better idea of what to wear, how to accessorize, and the ideal setting for your scene. With this information, you can plan the logistics of your scene.

Make a date and set a time with a realistic window,
allowing for the fantasy to run for at least an hour. You'll want plenty of time for the fantasy to play itself out. Let it go on as long as possible—this makes for a more effective scene and a lasting impression. Make sure that no one will interrupt you—your roommates are definitely gone, the kids are away—and unplug the phone. You don't want any distractions or interruptions to jar you from your fantasy, or run the risk of having to explain your private lives to anyone. If your fantasy might include loud music, the unmistakable sounds of paddling or whipping, or escalate to yelling, be sure to have your windows and doors closed, be sure the neighbors are at work, or have a cover story ready in case someone checks in on you.

Stock your “play” area with plenty of water (stay hydrated!), any sex toys you might want, lube, towels, and props. Give yourself plenty of time to relax afterward, as well. Have some snacks and tasty beverages waiting for you—if your scene is successful, it'll feel good to recharge, and if things don't go as you planned or hoped, you'll have some nourishment to help you regroup.

Surprise scenes should be planned out carefully, and the person being surprised should always have some idea about what's coming—even if they don't know exactly when. What if you deck your apartment out as the set of
Star Trek
, don your Klingon makeup, and she comes home upset and exhausted from an awful day at work? Let your partner know you want to plan a fantasy surprise, and tell them which role-playing scenario you have in mind. Ask when your partner will be available to play, but tell them you ultimately want it to remain a surprise. Suggest a few dates, such as Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday evening. It's
also okay to give your partner an assigned date and time to come over, or to meet you at a given location—in fact, you can erotically “command” them! Tell him or her to meet you at a certain café, in a secretary outfit, and surprise them with a job interview. Then adjourn to your “office.” Turn an ordinary meeting into a special evening by asking them to come over and mentioning that you need a “repairman” to fix your sink—hint, hint.