The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy (10 page)

Stranger

Role-playing a stranger is one of the easiest, most exciting ways to play with a lover. The stranger can dress any way he or she likes, in usual attire or something totally out of the ordinary. You can meet anywhere—bars, restaurants, movie theaters, on the bus or train, shopping, in a make-believe setting at home, or anywhere else that sounds fun. Set a loose time to “meet” your stranger and publicly flirt, tease, and seduce each other. Don't you wonder what passersby will think? All you need to do is act as if you've never touched or known this person intimately in your life, and the resulting sex will be unlike any you've ever had. Make sure you meet somewhere that is convenient to a private locale for sex, such as near your home or at a hotel bar (especially suitable for playing out-of-town businessperson and sex worker).

Victim, Patient

Being saved from danger by a sexy hero, firefighter, police officer, requires no special outfit, unless you want to play up your situation with torn clothing and fake injuries. Patients may dress as usual, with no apparent injuries, or may opt for bandages that need changing, fake cuts and bruises, and makeshift dressings. Patients in hospital scenarios will want to wear a hospital gown—a garment likely invented by someone with a dirty mind. Of course, your ailment is probably sexual, and you may require relief treatment, or treatment suited to relieve your attendant. Then again, medical care is expensive and you may want to settle your bill on the spot.

Gender Play

Have you ever wondered what it would be like having sex as the opposite gender? Probably everyone has, at one time or another, and for some people trying out this idea with a lover may be their number one, red-hot fantasy. Playing around with gender might be something you've contemplated once or twice, or fancy as a new idea, or it might be a fantasy so intense that you consider it a sort of sexual and emotional “home”—familiar, reliable, and sublime. Gender play can be as simple as a man wearing lipstick, or as ritualized as a woman undergoing a complete make-over to effectively pass as a man.

For some, the area of gender play can be somewhat frightening and uncomfortably challenging to their ideas about their own identities. Others don't see it that way at all, but simply as another playful sex game to share with an adventurous lover. Still others embrace the challenge to their sexual identity, allowing the gender transformation to create new configurations that are much more comfortable for them than their original manifestations.

Wearing the clothing and adopting the mannerisms of the opposite sex will not turn you into the opposite sex, make you gay or lesbian, change who you are attracted to, or alter how you identify sexually. Nor will it show you what it's really like to be the opposite sex. It does not mean you are transsexual or transgender, though for those individuals it might be a step toward feeling comfortable with who they really are.

If your lover wants to cross-dress for sex, suspend your judgment and ask what the turn-on is—and how you can heighten the experience. You might find that
“playing lesbian” with your boyfriend (who dresses for the occasion in your best Bebe gear) is a total turn-on. Or your partner might like to dress
you
up and pretend you are two gay men. If the idea of gender play upsets you, say so as openly as you can and explain why, if possible. It may be that you've always wanted to see your girlfriend dress like a man and treat you accordingly. This may be confusing to her—she might wonder if you simply want to sleep with a man, which may not be not the case. (Even if you are interested in men sexually, in this scenario, you want to play with gender with your female partner.) Light gender play isn't a wish to become something you're not—it's a wish to have the best of both worlds in your bed.

Dressing for gender play runs along the spectrum of what is most erotic for you—some might want to “go all the way” while others prefer to play around with in-between measures, like boys in skirts and eyeliner, but no other feminine signifiers. Gender play for women might include a business suit, a biker outfit, jeans and wife-beater T-shirt, or any attire considered masculine and sexy. She could go with light makeup or none (simple lipstick is common), slicked-back hair, suspenders, men's underwear, dress shoes, or boots. She can wear false facial hair, no bra (or her breasts bound with an Ace bandage), and a strap-on. Get a good-quality harness and a dildo that is either suitable for “packing” (a softie) or a firmer model to be used for penetration or fellatio. Is your strap-on for sexual function, or gender play, or both?

Men can don women's undergarments, foundation wear such as corsets, stockings, lingerie. High heels in larger sizes, skirts, dresses, gowns, wigs, makeup, false eyelashes, anything that sounds erotically appealing will
complete the experience. Perfume, lotions, nail polish, even shaving underarms and legs are all on the list of options, as is the technique of “tucking” the penis and testicles flat to the body to minimize the bulge (though for some the bulge under their skirt is a huge turn-on). Bras can be stuffed with whatever's handy, or you can purchase breast prostheses. You can create any type of role-playing scene you like, combining characters and gender in any way that turns you on. Gender play can be a sexual “punishment,” where one partner is mock-forced into drag. Or one partner can be caught trying on lipstick, boxer shorts, or anything else that's “illicit” and sounds like fun—be playful and imaginative in your scenarios.

Age Play

Role-playing significant age differences is a surprisingly common fantasy—everyone knows what an adult schoolgirl wears—though it's a fantasy with roots that may be disturbing for people who confuse fantasy with reality. Role-playing where one partner is much younger than the other does not mean that either party truly eroticizes young people. Those who molest children
do
. There is none of that dynamic in men who ask their girlfriends to play the older, sexually experienced babysitter, or in adult women who dress in school uniforms to play-act with their husbands.

Sometimes these fantasies can, however, bring up powerful issues for the consenting adults who enjoy them. For instance, while playing “daddy's little girl” with her lesbian lover, a woman might feel uncomfortable afterward with the associations, memories of past abuse, or personal meanings the fantasy brings up. Sexual
fantasies are powerful because they have their roots in our subconscious and the oft-mysterious working of our libido. If you find that your age play or gender play scenarios wake up memories or feelings that disturb you, read about taking steps toward sexual healing in Staci Haines's
Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma
, or watch her video
Healing Sex: The Complete Guide to Sexual Wholeness
.

Many people are just fine with the incendiary results they get from age play scenarios—playing an inexperienced youth opposite an experienced older figure can be a turn-on like no other. Young roles allow us to be coy, innocent, bratty, curious, naughty, in need of discipline, protection, or tenderness. Boys and girls get spanked, groomed, dressed up (or undressed), taught the facts of life, seduced by older figures such as teachers, babysitters, strangers, friend's moms or dads—or, even more taboo, family members, authority figures, or clergy. They get to be “taken care of,” and the feeling of not having to be in control is a blissful and incredibly arousing relief for many.

Playing older roles to your “younger” lover is a delightfully dirty way to lavish attention on your sweetie, and it appeals to the authority figure in all of us. Playing the seducer (or occasionally the one seduced or overtaken), the role allows you to be the “experienced” one, giving erotic instruction, calling the shots, and enjoying the make-believe of exploring an unfamiliar body. The scene may be intense, heated, and unbelievably arousing, or it can verge on hilarity as your husband claims to have “never done
that
before!”

CHAPTER
5

Threesomes, Foursomes, and Moresomes

Is a threesome your number one fantasy? You're not alone—in fact, you're in the majority. When top-ten-fantasy lists are compiled, sex with multiple partners always tops the charts. Online surveys like
www.askmen.com
, glossy magazines such as
Men's Health
and
Cosmopolitan
, and popular women's true fantasy compilations, such as Nancy Friday's collections, all consistently list sex with more than one person as a widely popular fantasy.

Sex with multiple partners, in an array of alluring combinations, can be a mind-blowing experience for everyone involved. But despite its extraordinarily popularity as a fantasy, few people know how to make it happen in real life. Most threesomes and other unconventional groupings tend to be unplanned. A multiple-partner fantasy that “just happens” can be incredible—or
it can be disappointing, or worse. It can bring you and your partner closer—or just rock the boat. Making a threesome happen, and having hot sex during the experience, all in a spirit of safety and fun, takes a bit more than chance and luck. For some couples, this is the ultimate sexual adventure, one where a bit of planning leaves everyone spent, satisfied, or hungry for more.

Three, Four, and More

Multiple-partner sex, where everyone is licking, sucking, fucking, and coming until all are satisfied, can truly be one of life's peak sexual experiences. Movies that depict a threesome as taboo make it all the more alluring, and nowhere is the threesome more common than in mainstream porn. Maybe you want to try a three-way to spice things up or to imitate a scene that turned you on in a video. You may want to satisfy a craving for same-sex contact (or opposite-sex pairings, in the case of lesbian and gay couples)—or you may just want to watch.

But how do you engineer more than two bodies coming together? Most often, a couple invites someone outside the relationship to participate in a sexual encounter: two women and one man, two men and one woman, three women, or three men. Allowing for transgender partners, the possible combinations multiply. Of course, three friends (or even strangers) can simply come together to have sex.

The arrangement of the encounter depends on the couple's fantasy, their rules and limits, and the third party's expectations. For instance, a female partner may want to have sex with her boyfriend and another woman primarily to focus on the other woman—while he assists but does not directly participate. This fulfills
the girlfriend's fantasy of sex with another woman, the boyfriend's fantasy of being close while two women have sex, their shared fantasy of sex with a new partner, and the new partner's fantasy of sex with a woman while her boyfriend watches. Whew! your preferred arrangement may include a third person sharing the affection and sex within your established partnership as an equal participant. You and your partner may like to “take turns” with the newcomer. You might want to try something else, such as two men having sex with a woman and her strap-on, two women “using” a man as a sex toy, a couple having sex with an anonymous stranger, a woman watching her boyfriend and another man (or another woman), or any number of novel scenarios.

Foursomes are just what they sound like—a couple plus two more, often another couple. You can have opposite-sex couples, same-sex couples, or a mix of the two. Or a couple can invite two unrelated participants—though it helps if these newcomers have a desire to have sex with each other, as well. We usually think of a foursome as four people having sex together, but again, depending on limits and expectations, one or more may watch or assist rather than participate. Some people consider two couples simply having sex in the same room to be a foursome. (Remember prom night?) They can enjoy the added excitement of watching each other; even without sexual contact, it's a hot slice of voyeurism.

Add a person and you've got a threesome, couple up and you've got a foursome, add more than two to your twosome, and you've got…quite a party. Sex with many partners is another big fantasy that couples share. This can manifest itself as an orgy, where a group shares
indiscriminate sex play—or hones in on one lucky person who is the focus of all that sexual attention. Group sex is generally found at sex parties—gatherings where sex is formally acknowledged by the hosts and attendees as the primary reason for the event. Sex parties can be held privately among a group of friends or hosted by clubs and organizations, and they range from homegrown affairs to the outrageous big-budget productions of swingers' organizations. Read more about swingers and sex parties in
Chapter 8
, “Public Sex.”

Jealousy

Jealousy is the main issue (apart from safer-sex considerations) that couples face when experimenting with threesomes and more, and it's the first thing you need to think about before attempting a group tryst. Even couples who have established trust over time and are deeply committed to each other encounter jealousy from time to time, often unexpectedly. So it's no great leap of logic to assume that sharing something as intimate as your private, coupled sex life with another person—possibly a total stranger—might cause a flash of anger, a sense of being left out, or a feeling of betrayal. It's even more confusing when these feelings all happen at once, confounding your rosy expectations.

Think everything through and discuss your fears with your lover before you try a threesome. Think about exactly what it is you want to do in your fantasy scenario, what you don't want to do, and explore possibilities of what might happen that would upset you. Talk to your lover and find out his or her concerns and perspectives as well. Don't worry that talking about it beforehand will dampen the excitement of trying the fantasy in real life—believe
me, the conversation won't compare to the real-life threesome.