The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy (22 page)

A Sampling of Submissive Roles

Slave, submissive (as yourself or your real-life work role), secretary, maid, butler, schoolgirl/boy, criminal, cheerleader, nurse, victim, patient, military subordinate, prostitute, masseuse, altar boy/girl, housewife, unsuspecting husband, groupie, “innocent” passerby, human pet (pony, dog, cat), opposite gender.

Just as submissive roles lend themselves easily to spankings, punishments, humiliations, whippings, and more, dominant roles that become submissive—such as the haughty librarian being punished—make for red-hot fantasies. Don't let the classic stereotypes limit your imagination!

What happens to submissives? All manner of delicious predicaments. You may be required to serve your dominant—or a dominant couple—in a variety of ways. Read
Chapter 6
to learn how to give an erotic striptease, lap dance, and erotic massage—which may come in handy if you are to give your dominant body service. Body services might include foot massages, grooming such as manicure and pedicure, facials, hair washing, drawing a bath and sensuously bathing your dominant, foot washing, towel-drying, full-body massage, erotic massage, sexual receptiveness, and oral sex. You might also be told to worship body parts or items that are important to your dominant—often features or objects that excite you, if your dominant is rewarding you. Follow your lover's instructions, which usually means kissing and nuzzling (or licking and fellating) feet, shoes, hands, whips, dildos, breasts, butts, genitals, panties, or other fetish items.

Domestic service might be for you. Submissive domestic service usually requires a costume or significant item of dress that says you're a servant. Maid or butler outfits can be practical, traditional, formal, or ridiculously sexy. Or you may have to scrub floors totally nude, or wearing only high heels and lipstick, kneepads and an apron, or in bondage. When you are a domestic, you might be expected to clean house, prepare meals, do laundry, and any other household chores that make you look sexy and vulnerable—and you will be expected
to actually do the chores. If you are told to clean and condition the whips, you'd better do it! Don't perform a chore improperly in hopes of punishment. Also, expect to be interrupted during your chores (this is the fun part) for possible punishment and sexual services.

When Being in Charge Turns You On

When you read the story about the couple who “bought” a beautiful and willing submissive but had no idea what to do with her—did you find yourself thinking of a few things you might have done in their place? If you are typically dominant in your sex-play roles, or find yourself turned on by the thought of being in change, you're suited for the role of the dominant partner in a power-exchange dynamic. Dominants experience the heady rush of erotic power, the control, the responsibility for the submissive's pleasure and safety, and the mastery over S/M skills.

Being in control offers you a variety of personas, roles, and guises to choose from, all complementary to the role of your submissive. You may find yourself drawn to being in charge of a sexual interaction, calling the shots step by step. Or you might be a dominant who likes verbal and psychological control, ordering your lover to perform for you, rub your feet, give you head, or bend over. This mode of dominance, which works without pain or physical punishment, lends itself easily to character-driven role play, where you play boss to a secretary, teacher to student, sergeant to cadet, and so on. The scenes can be steamy and complex when you play authority figures who demand compromising sexual favors from whoever's in the submissive role—imagine the possibilities of babysitter and teenager, sleazy pornographer and starlet.

Does the title Master or Mistress suit you? Your power may extend further than in other roles you play, especially if you find the idea of punishing errant submissives exciting. As Master or Mistress, you may want to treat your submissive as owned property, inflict pain, use punishment as a behavioral tool, and be the absolute authority in your shared scenarios. As a newcomer in this role, you'll want to learn techniques for bondage and discipline, rope and whip techniques, and further study into negotiation and scene dynamics. The title “Master” or “Mistress” may be all you need to send you on your merry way, but if your shared tastes cry out for realistic techniques of punishment and control, please, do your homework.

If you're interested in sensation rather than psychology, you might like to assume the role of “top.” The top doles out the whippings and spankings to the “bottom,” but doesn't necessarily hold power over them. If your lover gets hot over the sensations of pain and pleasure but is turned off by the idea of being a submissive, you're the top and nothing more. If the person you're playing with simply enjoys pain and is not submissive, your function is to wield the whip—not to wield authority, punish bad behavior, or own the bottom as slave or property.

All these modes of being in charge are fluid, much like our sexual desires. You don't have to like doling out pain to be a stern and loving Mistress, and you might like the idea of paddling your lover but find authority figures too forbidding for you to portray. Put together a few or many of the elements I've suggested to craft the style of dominance that turns you on the most.

When it comes to power-exchange role play, you can establish roles and keep them throughout the scenario
or create a scene that includes a dramatic moment when the tables are turned and the submissive becomes the dominant.

This scenario is a creative way to keep everyone happy in the case of a partner who wants a spanking but doesn't like submissive roles. A woman who loves to play the dominant but knows her boyfriend doesn't want to play the submissive can devise a scene in which she “flips” him. For example, he can begin by playing the stern teacher to her willful schoolgirl who defies his authority and gives him what he's got coming. Fun for everyone!

It's the job of the dominant to run the show according to everyone's wishes, and that includes cranking up the sexual heat. The dominant creates the predicament and dishes out the pain, pleasure, fear, embarrassment and desire, as he or she wishes. Dominants restrain, punish, and demand deeds such as housecleaning and body worship. They also show affection, which can relax a lover into trust and surrender and mixes nicely with power play. Doms keep the communication going; even if it seems one way, it's important to stay connected and keep the submissive excited by using dialogue to maintain the dramatic premise of the situation. It's also important to maintain physical touch, whether a caress
or a firm grasp—after all, this is a sensual experience. And doms know how to establish mood and atmosphere with clothing, candlelight, music, appropriate props, fetish items, and any other features that define the playspace. You can let your submissive see your toys beforehand to work up some anticipation, and even include toys more devious than those you intend to use to ratchet up the thrill. Have snacks and refreshments ready for afterward, when you're all spent and rosy-cheeked smiles.

A Sampling of Dominant Roles

Yourself (in daily life or your role at work), Master, Mistress, dominatrix, boss, teacher, headmistress, general, femme fatale, criminal mastermind, corporate CEO, policeman, FBI agent, kidnapper, jailer, animal trainer, doctor, nurse, sleazy pornographer, babysitter, older sibling, daddy or mommy, biker, football captain, coach, pimp, clergyman, rock star, producer.

Should you both decide to extend your S/M adventures outside the bedroom, there are a number of fun things you can do. Take a field trip—to Alcatraz, a torture museum, a dark cave, creepy mansion, or haunted house. Stray away from the tour if you get a chance, and menace your lover accordingly. Have your lover wear something that reminds them of their submission or connection to you—a decorative collar, leather underwear, your underwear, no underwear, a rope under their clothing (anything that will go unnoticed by others).

You can make your submissive call you to ask permission for certain things, like what and when they can eat (be specific in your instructions), whether they can pee, what to wear, or how and when to masturbate. Exerting dominance while you're apart can be a nice prelude to a planned fantasy encounter, and if you go out together, you can take every opportunity to whisper what you're going to do to them later.

Captivity and Erotic Torment

Erotic captivity—bondage and erotic conquest fantasies—is one of the most common adult sexual fantasies. Confinement, servitude, and subjection all belong to captivity scenarios. Bondage, submission, and being on
the receiving end of what the dominant dishes out are the most popular items on the menu. Most of these scenarios involve sex in some form, and you may decide whether or not your scenario involves force or coercion. The partner who is in charge might be doing it for the submissive's “own good,” as therapy, or it might be a matter of force, “making” the submissive comply.

Captivity can be verbal or physical. Verbal confinement makes for complex and subtle levels of dominance and submission, and if you're the dominant you can whisper, demand, or command your submissive to do as they're told. You can tell them to hold still, pretend that they have on restraints, tell them to strip and put on a show, make them get into sexual positions, have them act as human furniture, compel them to hold objects while you have your way with them (schoolgirls can balance books on their heads), and punish them accordingly if they move, spill the glass of water, or otherwise disobey. You can also role-play holding them against their will, as in an espionage scenario.

Always Have a Safe Word

A safe word is a word that you both agree means “stop now.” Pick an unusual word that you seldom use, and avoid using “no” or “stop” in case you'd like to be able to feign resistance to your predicament. Everyone who plays with captivity should have a safe word—some people have a word for “stop” and a separate word for “a little less, thank you.” Stoplight colors—red, yellow, and green—are very popular. If one of you uses the safe word, stop the scene and switch to other activities.

When the captivity is physical, you'll be using real—not imaginary—ropes, metal handcuffs, leather cuffs, chains, or other items suitable for restraint. You can while away your time, erotically teasing and tormenting your lover as they lie tied to the bed, to themselves, to a chair, cuffed, restrained spread-eagled, or anything else you can cook up. Role-playing scenarios will present creative possibilities, such as medical fantasies involving bandages, jail fantasies with bars and cages, animal scenes with collars, harnesses and leashes, and Martha Stewart fantasies involving plastic wrap. Do keep medical scissors handy in case your knots are too tight, your bondage is painful or cuts off circulation, or your lover needs to get out of their restraints, fast. Do tie a long, colorful ribbon to your handcuff key so it's impossible to lose. Don't rest anyone's weight on bound or cuffed joints, and never tie anything around the throat, ever. If you gag your sweetie, establish a nonverbal safe word such as a gesture. Watch for jaw cramp, and be careful not to put too much in their mouth, which can cause a gag reflex. And remember—if you restrain them in public, you could attract the attention of the police and wind up in handcuffs yourself.

Teasing Your Captive

When you have your lover all tied up, here are a few suggestions of things you can do:

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Strip or masturbate just out of reach.

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Tell them how helpless and vulnerable they are. And all the things you might (and will) do to them.

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Rub their body slowly with fur, feathers, silk, satin, scratchy wool, panties, whips, or any fetish objects.

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Give them an erotic massage.

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Bite and scratch, spank and slap (not the face or testicles).

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Blindfold them—it's a great way to keep them guessing.

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Have your way with them sexually—very slowly, or rough and quick.

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Try hot and cold sensations. Rub them down with ice cubes or warm tea bags, or suck on an ice cube and then lick them with your cold tongue. Never put ice inside anyone's vagina or anus.

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Drip hot wax on them.

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Alternate pleasurable pain with genital stimulation.

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Apply clamps and clips to their body—but don't leave them on for more than five minutes. (Buy them in a specialty S/M store.)

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If tickling arouses them, have at it.

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Oral sex—giving or receiving. Face-sitting is nice, too.

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Shave their genitals.

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Use sex toys on them.

Pleasurable Pain and Punishment

Sometimes you must punish your submissive as part of training, and sometimes you catch them doing something really naughty… At these times, you'll need to discipline the bad boy or girl with something deliciously painful, “make” them accept their punishment, and if you want a cherry on top—“force” sexual favors. Don't forget—adults misbehave all the time. Pain isn't
always a punishment, however; for some, it's the reward.