The Twitter History of the World (7 page)

@AlbertEinstein
OMG, I just worked out that E totally equals mc²! #Simples
4.19pm, June 1, 1905

@AlbertEinstein
Sorry I’ve not Tweeted for a while. But I’ve realised that time and space are relative. Not fixed. Do you get me? #theoryofrelativity
4.19am, January 30, 1916

The eminent scientist and originator of the theory of relativity Albert Einstein would have been an informative, if occasionally baffling, Tweeter.

@CaptLawrenceOates
On an Antarctic mission. It’s cold as fuck here. I am just going outside. I won’t BRB – I actually may be some time.
9.12am, March 16, 1912

Antarctic explorer Captain Oates’ last words have become iconic.

@TitanicSkipper
Pulling out of Southampton. Can’t wait for the Big Apple. Off to arrange the deck-chairs.
10:23am, 10 April, 1912

@TitanicSkipper
Iceberg ahead, but it’s all good – we’re #practicallyunsinkable
11:39pm, 14 April, 1912

Heralded as ‘practically unsinkable’ the Titanic ocean liner struck an iceberg at 11.40pm on 14 April, 1912 during her voyage from Southampton to New York. Within two hours and 40 minutes she had sunk deep into the freezing Atlantic waters. Less than a third of those on board survived.

@BritEmpire
We’ve now got 400million followers. Back of the net!
10.01am, June 1, 1913

At its height the British Empire ruled 400 million people.

@Austria
@Serbia Are you looking at me?
9.31pm June 28, 1914

@Germany
@Russia Did you spill my pint?
August 1914

@Germany
@France What you staring at?
August 1914

@Belgium
@Germany Nah, what are YOU staring at?
August 1914

@Britain
@Germany Come and ‘ave a go if you think you’re ’ard enough!
August 1914

@France
@Austria Do you want some?
August 1914

@Britain
@Austria Fuck them – are you staring at my bird?
August 1914

@Germany
@USA Come on then – we’ll have you all!
August 1914

@Britain
@Germany Re your humiliating defeat, the best thing is just to move on. Don’t dwell on it whatever you do!
11:00am, November 11, 1918

World War One left Germany feeling humiliated…

@AdolfHitler
Just got up and realised the milk in the fridge has gone off. Going to have to walk to the shops. Overwhelmed by the injustice of this.
8.24am, 12 January, 1924

@AdolfHitler
Okay, had my tea. On my way to work now but I was running late because of the milk saga. Missed the bus.
8.59am, 12 January, 1924

@AdolfHitler
Got the next bus but it’s crowded. Going to have to stand the whole way! I need a hash-tag for all this. How about #mystruggle?
9.22am, 12 January, 1924

@AdolfHitler
For fuck’s sake. The woman at the office canteen is off today. I had to cut my sandwich myself!
#mystruggle
2.01pm, 12 January, 1924

@AdolfHitler
Sorry I haven’t Tweeted for a few days. Dropped my iPhone down the loo. Proves my point though, about #mystruggle. Can we get it trending?
9.12am, 14 January, 1924

Adolf Hitler’s memoir,
Mein Kampf –
or My Struggle – was published in the mid-1920s. Historians have found that his early years were notable for their lack of struggle and abundance of comfort.

@BBC
Coming up: Eldorado, carrots that look like cocks on That’s Life, @Wossy interviews @RickyGervais, and Moira Stewart gets a hairdo.
9.00am, 12 March, 1929

The British Broadcasting Corporation began transmission in 1929.

@LadyAstor
@WinstonChurchill If you were my husband, I’d poison your tea.
8.55pm, February 2, 1937

@WinstonChurchill
@LadyAstor Madam, if you were my wife, I’d drink it.
8.56pm, February 2, 1937

@BessieBraddock
@WinstonChurchill You’re drunk!
9.01pm, March 30, 1937

@WinstonChurchill
@BessieBraddock Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
9.02pm, March 30, 1937

@WinstonChurchill
LOL. Am a bit wasted, TBH. Gonna get myself a doner kebab.
9.09pm, March 30, 1937

One of Britain’s wittiest men, Winston Churchill had a pithy response for most attempts at putdowns. He’d have been a majestic Tweeter.

@MaxPruss
Wondering if I told everyone about the
no-smoking
rule…
4.01pm, May 6, 1937

The Hindenburg, a German passenger airship, was destroyed by fire in 1937.

@NevilleSayNeville
Just landed at #Heathrow after my meeting with @AdolfHitler I’ve secured peace for our time – he gave me a piece of paper to prove it!
3.48pm, 30 September, 1938

@AdolfHitler
Had a LMAO meeting with @NevilleSayNeville – what a guy. I’m having an early night, as we’re marching into the Sudetenland tomorrow.
8.02pm, 30 September, 1938

@AdolfHitler
Probably won’t return any #FFs this week, cos we’re invading Bohemia and Slovakia. #pieceofpapermyarse
6.01am, 15 March, 1939

@NevilleSayNeville
The awkward moment when @AdolfHitler invades Poland. Beginning to think the piece of paper was a ploy. I’m, like, totally declaring #war.
2.01 pm, 1 September, 1939

When Neville Chamberlain signed the Munich Agreement with Germany in 1938, he claimed he had secured ‘peace for our time’. However, Germany continued to invade foreign lands, leaving both the Agreement and Chamberlain’s credibility in tatters.