The Twitter History of the World (3 page)

A detailed survey of land commissioned by William The Conqueror, The Domesday Book now lives at The National Archives, Kew, in South West London.

@KingJohn
Dudes, I’m going to put taxes up a bit. Well, a lot. #We’reAllInThisTogether #Honest 1.18pm, November 2, 1205

War with France created financial issues for England that King John addressed by taxing people like there was no tomorrow.

@GenghisKhan
Can’t decide whether I fancy a Chinese, a Thai or an Indian. Think I’ll have all three. Get the horses, @MrsKhan
6.45pm, April 4, 1211

@GenghisKhan
Might have an Afghan, actually…
4.28pm, October 28, 1213

@GenghisKhan
1) Someone said I have a silly moustache 2) So someone got trampled by a horse 3) And so did 40 million other people
9.12am, August 25, 1277

@GenghisKhan
…some cats and dogs might have got caught in the cross-trample, too. #ShitHappens
9.14am, August 25, 1277

Genghis Khan was one of history’s great conquerors. He and his army grabbed an empire including much of Asia and ultimately stretching from the Black Sea to the Pacific. His army was so thorough and heartless it would even destroy the animals of the territories it swept through.

@KingJohn
No freeman shall be taken or imprisoned except by the lawful judgement of his equals or by the law of the land.
9.00 am, June 15, 1215

@KingJohn
To no one will we sell, to no one will we deny or delay right or justice.
9.01 am, June 15, 1215

@KingJohn
PS – Believe that and you’ll believe anything. LOL!
9.03 am, June 15, 1215

The Magna Carta was an English charter which reined in the power of the monarchy and subjected it to the rule of law for the first time. Within months King John had reneged on most of the promises contained within it.

@StopTheWar
Stop The War! #edwardianwar
10.12am, August 1, 1337

@StopTheWar
Stop The War! #bretonwar
4.20pm, October 20, 1341

@StopTheWar
Stop The War! #waroftwopeters
11.11, September 2, 1356

@StopTheWar
Stop The War! #carolinewar
11.49am, May 29, 1369

@StopTheWar
Stop The War! #lancastrianwar
2.02pm, December 20, 1415

@StopTheWar
Oh, why do we even bother!
2.04pm, December 20, 1415

The Hundred Years’ War was a series of conflicts and battles between England and France that were fought from 1337 to 1453. A bad time for pacifists.

@YeOldePatient
@YeOldeGP Doctor, nearly half the people I know have died. Now I’m starting to feel a bit peaky myself.
9.22am, June 29, 1349

@YeOldeGP
@YeOldePatient Yeah, there’s definitely something going around. What are your main symptoms?
9.23am, June 29, 1349

@YeOldePatient
@YeOldeGP I feel like crap and I keep coughing up blood.
9.24am, June 29, 1349

@YeOldeGP
@YeOldePatient Ah, you’ve obviously just got too much blood. We’ll drain some of the excess and you’ll be right as rain.
9.25am, June 29, 1349

@YeOldeGP
Okay, that didn’t go to plan.
9.27am, June 29, 1349

@YeOldeGP
Feeling a tad rough myself. Going to go for a nap.
2.30pm, June 30, 1349

The Black Death killed up to 45 percent of the British population between 1348 and 1350. Attempts to cure or stop the plague were often primitive and naive.

@Gutenberg
Invented the printing press today. This is going to democratise publishing. We can now massproduce written matter.
8.12pm, June 13, 1439

@GermanPrintersUnion
We’d like to announce our first strike. You won’t break us.
8.13pm, June 13, 1439

@WilliamCaxton
Just back from Germany. Learned how to massprint while I was out there. Let’s get going!
2.22pm, July 5, 1473

@EnglishPrintersUnion
We’d like to announce our first strike. You won’t break us.
2.22pm, July 5, 1473

Johann Gutenberg, a German goldsmith, invented the printing press in 1439. It revolutionised publishing….and industrial relations.

@ChrisColumb
Trying a #SatNav for the first time today. Going to let it guide me to the Indies. Bring it on!
6.30am, August 3, 1492

@ChrisColumb
It says we’re there now – at last!
5.42pm, October 12, 1492

@ChrisColumb
But the locals are saying we’re actually in the Bahamas. #SatNavFail
5.59pm, October 12, 1492

Perhaps history’s finest explorer and navigator, Christopher Columbus is known as the man who ‘discovered’ America. He thought the continent he had arrived at was East Asia – which is why Native Americans became known as Indians.

@LeonardoDaVinci
OMG – I just met @LisaGherardini! It’s true what they say – she’s got a really enigmatic smile.
4.22pm, January 29, 1503

@LeonardosMate
Yeah, right. Pic or it didn’t happen!
4.23pm, January 29, 1503

@LeonardoDaVinci
Not lying – I’ll Tweet pic it!
4.23pm, January 29, 1503

@LeonardosMate
How’s that Tweet pic coming along? I’ve been waiting 16 years!
3.55am, February 9, 1519

@LeonardoDaVinci
@LeonardosMate Okay, okay – nearly done!
7.12am, February 9, 1519

The Mona Lisa is the best known of Leonardo da Vinci’s paintings.

‘I know it’s only a dummy run… But I’m telling you there’s no wi fi signal in the tomb.’

@Henry_8
Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It) #nowplaying
01.01pm, July 12, 1508

@Henry_8
@ThePope Dude, I’ll give you a shout-out if you let me divorce @CathyAragon
10.12am, November 2, 1530

@ThePope
@Henry_8 No deal.
10.59am, November 2, 1530

@Henry_8
@ThePope You swine – I’ve done it anyway!
10.59am, May 23, 1533