The Truth About Love (24 page)

I’d cut him off at the knees again.  I knew why.  I still wanted him.  I still wanted the man he could be, the man he’d promised to become.  I still want our dream that he’s done nothing but fuck up for so long.  “I hate you so much.”  I blurted out and burst into tears. 

“Oh.  Because I miss you.”  His voice was barely louder than a whisper.  I could sense the fear.  He was opening himself up to my hurt.

“How could you say that?  You hired a divorce lawyer.”  A sob caught in my throat.  Kylie had stopped playing and was staring at me.  To cover my emotions, I turned on Sprout TV for her and walked into the kitchen.

“You called the police and had me arrested.”  He mumbled.

“No.  I didn’t.  Lola did.  She told you she did.  I didn’t want you in jail.  I wanted you to get help.  That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”  I glanced around the kitchen for something to wipe my nose on and settled for a section of paper towel.

“I thought she was covering for you.  Evan told me all the time how you were sitting around plotting against me.”  He sighed sadly.

I shook my head angrily as if he could see.  “That wasn’t me.  Evan told me you were.  He said you spent all your time trying to figure out how to get back at me!” 

He was quiet a moment.  Finally he spoke again.  “What else did Evan say?”

“You had them spying on me.  All my comings and goings.  Always checking to see who was here.”  I peeked into the great room to check on Kylie.  She was enthralled with the television.

“None of that is true.  In fact, it’s the same thing I was being told.  You wanted to know my every move to use it against me.”  He spoke calmly as he shared.  “Obviously we were both being lied to.”

“Apparently.”  I sighed.  “For the record, I never even asked.  I didn’t want people in the middle.”  I swallowed hard.  “Everyone reached out and told me stuff though.  It’s not like it was
all
lies.”  I made a glass of water and took a drink since my mouth had suddenly gone dry.

“What did people tell you?”  For the first time in our call, he sounded nervous.

“Apparently you did drugs over at Autumn and James’ house.”  My voice was accusatory.

“That’s true.  I was at a low point.”  He exhaled.

“And you hit on Autumn.”  I folded my arms across my chest.

“That’s not true.  She hit on me.”  He muttered something low under his breath.  “Then I left.”

His answer made sense.  I’d seen Autumn drunk.  She’d hit on him before.  Still I assaulted him with the stories I’d heard.  “You are living with an ex-girlfriend.”  Even saying it felt like a knife had been twisted in my back.

“I stayed with Annie for a couple of weeks because I ran out of money and it was too cold to sleep in the truck.”  I could hear him shifting in his seat.  “I’m not living there.  Although some of my stuff is still at her place.”

I struggled to control my breathing.  Squatting down with my back in the corner, I sank low on my heels.  I could picture it in my head.  Images of them having sex, sharing intimate moments together.  The pain it caused was intense, I finally began to go numb from it. 

“I didn’t want to be with her.  I was desperate.”  He struggled to explain away the situation.  Finally he murmured, “None of that mattered to me.  What matters is what’s going on with us.”

After a moment, I admitted my biggest fear.  “I’m not sure I see a world with an ‘us’ in it anymore.  How do we go back?”

“I don’t think we can.”  His hushed voice washed over me, soothing me.  “I think now we can only move forward.”  He cleared his throat.  “Do you think you want to move forward with me?” 

The wounds from court were so fresh.  The hurt from our conversation felt so real.  “I don’t know.  We have so much to work through.  It’s not like we can wipe a board and start with a clean slate.” 

“I can sense your frustration, but I also believe you still love me.”  He was silent for a second, probably wanting me to chime in.  When I didn’t, he continued.  “I know I still love you.  And I can’t picture a world
without
an ‘us’ in it.”  He chuckled.  “You’ve been a part of me for so long, I feel empty without you.  I know I’ve messed up, badly, but I listened to what you told my lawyer.”

“What?”  My brow furrowed as I tried to understand.

“Love, support, trust, and team work.  I’ve already stopped drinking completely.  My doctor at Billingsley has prescribed the only drugs I’m taking.  You were right about everything.”  I could hear the smile in his voice.  “I never said that enough, but it’s true.  You were right.  You still are.  What can I do to get you back, to make our family whole again?”

This man who had often complained he could never find the right words to express himself seemed to be doing a fine job of it at the moment.  I had officially been swayed, but I had plenty of reservations.  “I guess I need to see for myself.”  Speaking those words aloud surprised me, but I meant them.

“How?  The Order of Protection is in place.  We could both go to jail for violating it.”  Still, he sounded excited at the prospect.

“Well, I guess we need to meet up not around here.  Some place private.  Let me think.  Call me back later.  I need to make dinner and feed Kylie.”  I started to hang up.

“Hey, is what you said in court true?”

“Everything
I
said in court is true.  Some of us take an oath seriously.”  My eyes narrowed at his insinuation.

He inhaled sharply.  “So Kylie is eating by mouth and taking swimming lessons?”

I couldn’t help but soften when I had a chance to brag about my little one.  “Yeah.  She swims under water and everything.  The eating, she learned that in three days.  Now we’re working on drinking.”  I grinned.

“And you’re an author now.  Writing romance novels?”  He spoke quietly.

“Yup.  Just finished the first one.  It’s being read by an agent right now.”  I laughed.  “Jules and I wrote it together.”

He was silent a moment.  “It seems like you two are better off without me.” 

“I wasted a lot of time trying to make you happy.  I can’t do that anymore.  Nor can I let you make me miserable.  Look how much I can accomplish when my life is calm.”  It felt good to be speaking my mind from the safety of the other side of the phone. 

“I see it.  I’ve always seen it.  I should’ve told you more how special you are.  I guess I thought you knew because I picked you.”  He cracked his knuckles.  “You were the first one, the only one to ever hold my attention, the only one I want a life with.  Please call me later so we can figure this out.”

“I will.”

Several hours later, and after a slew of text messages, I finally called him back.  “I put Kylie to bed and I think I have a plan.”  I sat down on the couch to speak.  My heart raced like I’d run a marathon.

“Tell me all about it.”

“Tomorrow, we’ll meet in Concord.  We’ll stay in a hotel for the night.  We’ll talk and see what we can figure out.  Then we’ll take it from there.”  Then I reminded him of the dangers.  “No one can know where we are or that we’re together.  Got it?”

“Absolutely.”  He seemed calm.  “Can we just keep talking for a while?  I’ve missed you more than you’ll ever know.”

It felt like teen love all over again.  We talked on the phone for hours until I finally told him I couldn’t keep my eyes open.  Even then, we fell asleep on the phone. 

Chapter Twenty-Three

The next morning, I spoke to Brynn.  We were meeting in Concord to look at wedding attire.  “Remember, I need to be done by two at the latest.  I have to get Kylie down for a nap.”  I reminded her as we walked into Concord Mills Mall. 

“No problem.  I hate shopping.  We may be done long before that.”  Brynn pawed through some dresses at Charlotte Russe.  “Oh, I think I may try this on.”

Fifteen minutes later, she had an armload of dresses and had gone to the nearest fitting room.  “Don’t disappear.”  She warned while she pointed at me.  “I need your opinion.

I held my hands up.  “I’ll be right here.”

As she pulled the door closed behind her, my phone began to vibrate.  It was Shane.

Shane: I can’t wait to see you.  Which hotel?

Me: Comfort Suites.  See you at 2pm.

Shane: I’ll be there.

I had just dropped the phone back in my purse when it began ringing.  At first I rolled my eyes, thinking Shane might’ve called, all lovesick and impatient.  Instead, Jules was on the line. 

“I think the agent wants it.  She sent me some paperwork for us to go over!”  Jules squealed in excitement.

“That’s great, but I’m helping Brynn with wedding shopping and I won’t be able to look at it until tomorrow morning.”

“That’s weird.”  She mumbled.

I frowned.  “What?”

“I thought you’d be more excited.  That’s all.”  She sulked on the other end of the phone.

“You’re killing me.  I’m excited.  I’m also busy.  I’ll call you later.”  Then I ended the call.

Brynn walked out in her first dress.  It wasn’t anything fancy.  It looked more like a cocktail dress than a bridal gown, but she looked beautiful in it.  “Be honest.”

“I really like it.  Is this the first one?”  Kylie clapped in the stroller.  “Oh and it’s toddler approved.”

Laughing, Brynn shook her head.  “The first two were terrible.  This could be it.”

My phone began to vibrate again.  When I looked, I discovered Jules was calling back.  I couldn’t even deal at the moment.  So I let the call go to voice mail.  Apparently, that was my first mistake.

Over the course of the afternoon, I ignored numerous calls and a few text messages.  In an effort to halt them, I sent one.

Me:  Reception is terrible in the mall.  I’ll call tomorrow. 

For anyone else, my text would’ve been enough.  Ah, but it wasn’t for Jules.  Brynn and I parted ways after eating lunch in the food court.  I walked out to the car, fastened Kylie into her car seat, then called the hotel to see if I could check in early.  Luckily, they agreed.  Then I sent Shane a message letting him know I was checking in and I’d send him the room number once I had it.

Within fifteen minutes, I was at the hotel, checked in, and had unloaded my vehicle.  I’d packed a bag of toys for Kylie, a duffle of clothes and toiletries for both of us, and the swim bag in case we wanted to use the hotel pool.  The room was perfect, brown commercial carpeting, a big desk and chair, sofa, and wet bar area with a small fridge.  The other side of the room had two queen beds, and an amazing bathroom, all modern and clean. 

I’d sent Shane the room number and made Kylie comfortable.  She sat on the floor playing with toys.  Me, I couldn’t relax.  So many fears.  So much doubt.  I hated the idea of getting my hopes up only to have them shattered again.  Before I could agonize too much, there was a light knock on the door.  For some reason, I took a quick peek in the mirror first.  After smoothing my hair back behind my ears and running my hands down my shirt, I walked over to the door and opened it.

A very different Shane faced me.  Whereas my old Shane bordered on cocky and arrogant, this guy looked nervous and self-conscious.  “Come in.”  I urged as I peeked around behind him.  Then without thinking, I took his hand and yanked him into the room. 

His eyes darted back and forth between Kylie and me.  I could tell he wanted to be everywhere at once.  “It’s so good to see you.”  He wrapped his arms around me, held me close, and kissed my temple. 

He seemed to be quivering as we touched.  I gazed up at him questioningly.  “What’s wrong?”

Shane shook his head.  “I’m so nervous.  This may be the most important thing I’ve done in my whole life.  I’m afraid of messing up and pissing you off.”

My eyebrows rose.  “That’s a whole lot of honesty from you lately.”

“Well, the lies never worked for us, so I thought I’d give truth a chance.”  He kept an arm around my waist and walked me over to Kylie who seemed utterly oblivious to everything going on.  “Hey, sweet pea.”  He stroked her hair.  “God, I’ve missed my girls.”

He didn’t take his hands off me, which was just how I’d always liked it.  Shane couldn’t stop touching me.  Soon Kylie laid down for a nap and the touching turned to caresses and then became kisses, until finally we were in bed panting.  I could feel him shaking beneath me. “Babe?”  I worried over his reaction.

“I’ve missed this so much.  This closeness.  I guess I never understood it before.”  Then, even though I clearly wanted him, he did something that brought tears to my eyes.  “May I?”  His hard cock pressed against my wet entrance. 

All I could do was nod.  It had been so long, too long.  He fit perfectly, same as always.  Still, I couldn’t get him close enough.  We were nipping at each other’s shoulders, grazing skin with our teeth, and so passionate in our joining I couldn’t imagine how I’d ever walk normally again.  The thought brought a huge smile to my face.

“I love you,” he murmured against my lips before capturing them in a searing kiss. 

I raked my nails down his back, knowing how to further incite him.  It worked beautifully.  Once we’d finished, we laid on our sides and he held our naked bodies close.  I was reminded once again how much I loved this man.

“True love never ends.”  He whispered against my shoulder before pressing his cheek against my skin. 

Happily, I gripped him more tightly and closed my eyes to the world.  When I woke after the briefest of power naps, I found Shane sitting on the side of the bed holding my phone.  “What are you doing?”  My face clouded over as I imagined he spied on me.

“It’s blowing up.”  He shook his head.  “I don’t understand.”  He passed me the phone.

As I looked at it, a call came in from Lola.  “Ugh.”  I slammed my head back into the pillows.  “I suppose I should answer.”

Sliding my finger across the screen, I placed the phone against my ear.  “What’s up?”  I asked calmly.  It would be impossible to get too worked up after the kind of sex we’d just had.

“You need to come home right now.”  She ordered.

“Is the house on fire?”  I sat up.

“No.”  She snapped.

“An intruder?”  My mood had begun to sour.

“No.”  She sighed.  “You have your family and friends worried about you!”

I swung my legs out from under the covers.  They touched the floor and I stood, reaching for my hastily discarded clothes.  “I’m fine, obviously.  People need to chill.”

“If you’re fine, you’ll be home in forty-five minutes.”  She argued.

“I’m fine and I’ll be home tomorrow.  Kylie and I are spending the night in a hotel.  For some reason, we felt the need to get away.  Can’t imagine why.”  I stared meaningfully at Shane who rolled his eyes to the ceiling.

“I mean it.”  Those were her last words before she hung up.

“Dammit!”  I growled as I tried to scroll through all the Facebook messages, missed phone calls, and text messages.

From what I could gather, Jules had used every method available to reach out to everyone I was reasonably close to.  She spoke to Lily and Brynn on Facebook.  Lily told her to calm down.  Brynn bought into her hysteria.  After all,  once they spoke to Lola, they knew I hadn’t gone home.  They had decided Shane had kidnapped me.  Wait for it.  So they called the police.

I was furious, absolutely beyond livid.  And scared.  We weren’t supposed to be together.  I called Jules.  “What is your fucking problem?”  I demanded.  “Do I not deserve a minute to myself?”

“I was worried.  You didn’t go home!”  She wailed.

“At home, I live under a microscope.  I have Lola and Evan keeping track of my every move for Shane.”  I looked at him and mouthed, “Sorry.”  He shook his head in understanding.  “I just wanted a night away.”

“Are you mad at me?”  She asked sadly.

“No, I’m seriously fucking pissed.  I can’t even talk to you right now.  You didn’t like that I didn’t respond to your every fucking phone call and message so you decided to call the police on me?  What the hell is the matter with you?”  My voice thundered through the phone.  “I’ll talk to you tomorrow if I damn well feel like it.  I can’t believe you!”

So I had to reach out to Brynn, who easily understood my need to be alone and apologized.  Then I messaged Lily who told me not to worry.  She knew I was safe.  She also added she didn’t believe Shane would ever hurt me.  I glanced at him as I read her message aloud.

“Ah, at least I still have one fan.”  He chuckled.

I rolled my eyes.  “She’s not a fan.  She just believes the best of you.”  Then I crossed my arms over my chest.  “We should get some food.  Wanna run to Long Horn for us?”  I asked with a pleading look on my face. 

Shane had dressed while I was on the phone.  His phone had been ringing too.  Evan had called more than three times, but he couldn’t answer for obvious reasons.  Walking over to me, he wrapped me in a hug and bent down to gently kiss my lips.  “You two gonna be okay?” 

I leaned my forehead against his chest.  “Yeah.  We’ll be fine.”  Before he’d even made it out the door, my phone rang again.  This time, I didn’t know the number, but it seemed familiar.  “Hello?”

“Hello, this is the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.  We’re calling to check on you.”

“I’m fine.”  Then I realized I came off really short and decided to explain.  “I just needed some time away from all these crazy people.  I’m staying in the Comfort Suites in Concord.  You understand, right?” 

The officer laughed.  “I can understand, ma’am.  Now, if we could just have the Concord Police send an officer to check on you and verify, we’ll be able to leave you alone.”

“Is this really necessary?”  I bit my cheek as I paced.

“Yes, ma’am, it is.  What room please?”

Once I’d given the information and ended the call, I looked at Shane.  “Okay, so pack up your stuff and take it with you.”

“What?  I’m leaving?”  He looked stricken.

Shaking my head, I explained.  “For now.  Go get us food.  I’ll let you know when it’s safe to return.  You might as well call Evan back while you’re out.”  I grumbled.  This wasn’t the way I’d hoped our day would go.  In fact, it was pretty much turning into all my worst fears.

Half an hour later, there was a knock on the door.  When I opened it, a female officer walked through.  Kylie was once again playing on the floor and enjoying the children’s programming on TV.  “As you can tell, it’s just us.”  I gestured around the room.

The woman walked through and checked out every inch of the place, even moving the shower curtain.  Then she spoke into the walkie-talkie on her shoulder.  “All clear.”

“Sorry you came for nothing.”  I shrugged. 

“It’s okay.  Stay safe, ma’am.”  She tipped her hat and walked out the door.

Just to be safe, I called Shane.  “The officer left, but I’d wait at least ten minutes before returning.  For all I know, she’s waiting in case you show up.”

“Good idea.  The food will be a bit anyway and I’m a couple of exits away.” 

By the time he arrived, I was exhausted from worry and had lost my appetite.  Of course, I still had to feed Kylie.  Shane had yet to see this.  “She’s still on baby food.”  I announced as I pulled a couple of pouches from my bag.  “But she’s getting better every day.”

He watched in amazement as she devoured spoon after spoon.  “Aw, what a big girl!”  He seemed so proud and excited.  Then he smiled at me.  “I’m so proud of you, babe.  Look at all you’ve done.”

We had a relaxing family evening, snuggled on the couch after we ate.  Then together we put Kylie to bed.  Finally, Shane looked at me, nestled into his shoulder.  “I’m really worn out.  It’s been a long time since I’ve slept in a bed.  It’s been even longer since I’ve shared a bed with you.  Wanna go lay together?”

Smiling up at him, I nodded.  “Wanna hold me?”

“Only all night long.”  He offered a sleepy smile before giving me a gentle kiss.

I can’t remember the last time I slept so well.

When we woke in the morning, it was time for a serious conversation.  “Decision time.”  I noted as I packed up after my shower. 

Shane sat hard on the couch and leaned over on his knees.  “What do you think?  Am I the husband you want and the father Kylie deserves?”  He stared at me hopefully.

I chuckled.  “Damn, your lawyer takes some good notes.”

“Well, he was very impressed with how articulate you are.”  He inhaled deeply.  “And he was worried you were right about what a mess I was.”  I raised an eyebrow.  “You were, of course.  The minute I had hope, I had a reason to change.”