The Truth About Love (20 page)

I tilted my head to the side as I considered her words.  “I have court on Tuesday, but we could leave after…same day or the next and get there in time for Thanksgiving.”  For the first time in a long time, it felt liberating to be able to make decisions without consulting anyone.  “Yeah.  Let’s do it.”

Brynn perked up.  “You mean it?”  A smile lit up her face.

“I really do.  Let’s go be with mom.”  Even if it meant I’d have to come clean about Shane and our impending divorce, I wanted to see her.  This was one of those times I really needed my mommy, especially since by the time we’d returned to the house, the truck was gone.

***

The next few days blew by.  Despite how busy I was meeting with the lawyer and organizing for the ten-hour road trip, I still noticed how quiet Brynn had been.  “What’s going on?” 

She stared at me blankly.  “I don’t know what you mean.”  She shrugged and turned away to change Max’s diaper.

“You can’t get away with that forever.”  I warned.  “We’ll soon be stuck in a car together.”

“Cool.  We’ll talk then.”

So I dropped it.  I had to.  At the moment, I needed to get ready for court.  This was the hearing about the year long Order of Protection.  If granted, Kylie and I would be free for a year.  By then, the divorce would also be final, since we’d now been apart for nearly a week.  I tried to imagine life without him forever.  It still hurt.  On the one hand, it felt amazing to not have to worry about his outbursts and tantrums.  On the other, I missed our closeness, the good times.  I struggled with the fear he’d finally pull it together, but not with me.  Some other woman would get a chance to live the life I’d dreamed of living with him.  In those moments, my heart truly ached. 

“How do I look?”  I joked as walked toward the door.  When I slipped the curve hugging sweater dress on, my one thought had been to make Shane sorry, make him remember what he had lost.  Now as I prepared to wear it in public, I was riddled with doubts.

“Great!”  She sounded a little too happy. 

“You’re trying too hard.”  I grumbled.  “I’ll be back when I can.”  Then I kissed my sleeping baby and walked out to the SUV. 

The drive to the parking garage had become too familiar already.  I knew precisely on the fourth floor I stood the best chance of finding a spot.  Exiting the ramp there, I pulled into a space and parked.  As I stepped out of my vehicle, a silver truck pulled alongside my bumper, blocking me in.  I tried not to act alarmed, but my heart could probably be seen through my coat as it pounded in my chest.  Though I never made eye contact, I recognized his rims, the way he revved his engine.  I opened the door to the back seat and pretended to be looking for something inside as I pulled out the phone and prepared to call 311, the non-emergency police line.  Before I finished dialing, a car stopped behind him and beeped, so he squealed off.

I grabbed at my chest, stood up, shut the SUV door and leaned heavily against it.  Glancing around, I tried to figure out where he had gone.  Since he wasn’t in sight, I grabbed my purse and court folder, then raced toward the elevator, cursing the whole way.  I should
neve
r have to run in heels, or period.

Once I arrived on the ground floor, I kept racing.  There was safety in numbers, and inside the court building.  The lights at the crosswalks cooperated.  Even though I kept looking over my shoulder, I never saw him.  Finally, I made it through security and up the elevator to the courtroom.  I’d about started breathing again when my lawyer tapped me on the shoulder and I nearly wet my panties.  “Dammit!”  I hissed.

His eyes widened.  “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Nodding, I held a hand to my chest as he steered me into the conference room before the actual courtroom so we could talk.  He followed me in.  As he closed the door behind us, I saw Shane peeking in as he walked past and I burst into tears. 

My lawyer looked bewildered.  “Are you okay?

Shaking my head, I reached for the tissues on the table.  “No.  I’m not.”  I explained how Shane had scared me in the garage.  “I ran!”  I sniffled as I swiped at my tears.  “I’m not a runner.”  I grumbled.

With an awed look on his face, he spoke.  “You’re amazing.  Still joking even through the tears.”

Then I laughed.  “Actually, I was serious about the running.”

We went into the courtroom after he gave me instructions.  “I’ll meet with his lawyer.  We’ll see if we can’t get him to agree to your terms.  Then the judge will approve everything and you’ll be free.”

He made it sound so simple.  We exited the conference room and he walked me to a seat before going to speak with Shane and his lawyer.  Out of the side of my eye, I watched as they left the courtroom, presumably for the same conference room.  As patiently as possible, I sat and waited.  Soon Shane returned to his seat.  He sat several rows ahead of me on the opposite side of the room.  He was wearing a pair of faded blue jeans and a brown thermal shirt.  All of it was new, which shouldn’t come as a surprise since he’d been unable to return to the house in several days.  As I watched, he slowly nodded off.  My heart hurt as I realized he had to be on something.  Despite this hearing, and the concerns for our safety, I still loved him, still cared about him, still wanted him.  Seeing him like this gave me real physical pains.  Sadly, I bent my head and folded my hands in my lap.

Eventually, his lawyer returned to his side, nudged him, and then moved to sit with other lawyers.  Finally, my lawyer caught my eye and motioned for me to follow him.  Once back in the conference room behind a closed door, he let out a sigh.  “So, they aren’t fighting anything,” he announced. 

I pursed my lips before speaking.  “What does that mean?  Because you don’t seem to be excited.”

Frown lines appeared on his forehead as he nodded.  “I have a feeling they’re going to try to supersede this order in family court.”

“Can they do that?”  I sat up alarmed.

“Yeah.  They can.”  He placed his hands on the table.  “Now based on everything, I don’t know why they would, but you never know.”

We walked back out to the courtroom and soon after I sat down, a deputy came over.  “You’re being served,” he announced.

“What?”  I had no idea what had transpired even as I took the papers he passed me.

“Sign here,” he urged as he pointed to a line marked with an ‘x’ on an envelope.

Once I signed, I opened the manila envelope and started to read the papers I’d been delivered, the lawyer rushed over to me.  “I don’t get it.”  I felt completely bewildered.

“May I?”  He reached for the documents in my hand.  After a moment, he murmured, “You need a lawyer.”

Already he shook his head emphatically.  “This isn’t my area.  I can make some recommendations though.”

My cheeks were on fire.  I could feel Shane looking at me.  No doubt he was busy gloating.  Before I could finish processing everything, the judge had called our case.  We had both signed the paperwork my lawyer submitted.  The judge approved everything.  Then he turned and looked at me.  “Ms. Powers, you’ll have to allow him in to collect his personal belongings.”

I nodded.

Then the judge turned to Shane.  “Mr. Powers, you’ll have to make an appointment and bring the police with you to collect your personal belongings and
just
your personal belongings.”  He stared at him sternly.  “The rest is a matter for family court.  If you violate this order, I can send you to jail.  Understand?” 

Shane glared at me.  “Yes, your honor.”

Obviously, my lawyer had made clear some of our concerns, since Shane had tried to sell everything out from under me not so long ago.  Finally, it was over for now.  I was allowed to leave the courtroom first.  Shane would have to wait ten minutes at least to give me a chance to get out of the building.  As I rushed away, his lawyer caught me near the elevator.

“Shane would like to come get his belongings tomorrow.”  He stared at me with disdain.  I could only imagine the lies he’d been told about me, how my husband had manipulated him.

“Tonight would be better,” I responded as the doors opened and I stepped inside.

His eyebrows rose.  “Leaving town?”  It was a guess I knew better than to answer.

“I’m pretty sure that’s none of your business.”  I crossed my arms over my chest.  At the moment, I felt really prickly. 

He grinned like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.  “You got me.  Okay.  I’ll tell him to come tonight.”  Then he backed away and the doors closed between us.

As soon as I reached the vehicle, I took in several deep, gulping breaths.  I felt desperate to leave the parking garage before Shane had a chance to catch me again.  Worse, now I had to prepare for a visit from him at some point this evening.  Having police presence would be of little comfort.  It was time to warn Brynn.  She picked up on the first ring. 

“Gah.  Tell me you’re on your way.”  She sounded exasperated.

“I am.”  I sighed.  “And at some point, Shane and the police will arrive to remove his personal items.”  I braced for her reaction.

“What the ever-loving fuck.”  She muttered under her breath.  “Okay.  Anything special we have to do?”

“Can you take the kids into the spare room and lock yourselves in until he leaves?”  I realized I had a white-knuckle grip on the wheel and slowly released.

“Of course.  I get the easy job.  You have to deal with him.”  Max started crying in the background, which meant Kylie soon would too.  “Hurry.”  She urged as she ended our call.

When I arrived home, I found a stack of bills in the mailbox.  At first, I thought to ignore them until we returned from Thanksgiving in Florida, but since several of them had angry warnings on the outside, I had no choice but to open them.  It seemed Shane hadn’t been paying the utilities.  Worse, it looked like there were cut off dates scheduled for while we would be gone.  I had no choice but to pay or work out some arrangement.

By the time I’d finished paying the bare minimum on the electric for the lights and the gas for the heat, I’d spent half the money Grace sent me.  Then I received a text message from AT&T.  Shane hadn’t turned off my phone, this time.  Instead, he had made it so he could track me.  Since I wasn’t the owner of the account, there was nothing I could do, but get a new phone.

Sitting down to eat with Brynn, I weighed my options.  “I guess I need to get a new phone tonight.”  I moved the green beans around with my fork. 

“A new phone is exciting!”  Brynn seemed desperate to lift my spirits. 

“It would be if I wasn’t so low on cash.  By the time I get a phone with GPS capabilities for our trip, I’ll be lucky to have enough for gas to get us to and from Florida, plus some money for incidentals.”  I leaned back in my chair. 

“You could sell some stuff…”  She looked around the room.

I shook my head.  “The judge can throw me in jail for selling joint property.”

“What do you have that’s just yours?  Nothing he can lay claim to?”

Looking down at my hand, I sighed.  “Only my jewelry, really.”

“Well.”  She gave me a pointed look. 

I knew she was right.  I had no choice.  Why bother holding onto something I’d never need again when I needed money now.  The knock on the door interrupted my thoughts.  “Guess he’s here.  You ready?”

She grinned wickedly.  “Yes, but I’m bringing my plate with me.”

Before answering the door, I helped her take the kids into the spare bedroom.  Max was already asleep.  Kylie was in the middle of a feed.  “Keep it locked.”  I reminded her as I walked away.

Shane was positively bouncing on his heels as he entered the house with two officers in tow.  “Where’s Kylie?”  He asked as his eyes sparkled.

“We have an Order of Protection.  You can’t see her.”  There was a tremor in my voice as I spoke. 

“You aren’t going to let me see my baby?”  His frustration was evident as his hands knotted into fists at his sides.

Shaking my head, I murmured, “No, I’m not.”  Then I walked away and sat on the couch. 

It took everything in me to hold it together as he ransacked the house.  Even though he’d been told not to take anything of value, I watched as he removed his entire coin collection.

“Personal belongings.”  I spoke sternly and looked to the police for help.  They said nothing.

Then he grabbed all of his clothes and toiletries.  He started to take some of my bags to transport them, but I stopped him.  “I bought those before we were married.”

“Yeah, well I bought the house before we married but you’re living in it now, aren’t you?”  He sneered. 

Ignoring him, I walked out to the garage as tears dripped down my face.  He took tools, which he claimed were for work, but I knew he’d be pawning.  He even hooked up one of the two trailers he owned. 

“He’s just going to sell everything!”  I complained to the officers.

“Ma’am, we can’t do anything.  He says he needs them for work.”  The officer crossed his arms over his chest and stood there silently while Shane finished loading everything of value into his truck and onto the trailer.

When he’d finished, he walked over to me one more time.  “I’m going to leave now.  Before I go, I’d like to see Kylie.”

I shook my head.  Hurting him to protect her didn’t bother me anymore.  It was obvious he’d made his decision.  We were done.  He would screw me over every way possible. 

Leaning in close, he murmured, “Fine.  I’ll be watching.”

Shivers ran up and down my spine as he stalked off.  Minutes after he left, the police departed too.  Looking down at my hand once more, I suddenly didn’t feel so badly about pawning the rings.  At least the money would be going to support our child.  God only knew where his money would be going.  I thought of all of his addictions and shuddered.

After closing the garage door, I trudged inside and knocked lightly on the bedroom door.  “He’s gone.  It’s safe.”  My voice came out a whisper.

“Cool,” Brynn remarked as she opened the door.  “Now what?”

Peeking inside, I discovered Kylie had fallen asleep on the big bed.  For the moment, I decided to let her sleep.  Then we walked back out to the great room where I collapsed onto the couch.  “I’m thinking I need to go now to get a phone, pawn the jewelry, that kind of thing.  You should pack.  We’ll leave bright and early in the morning.  I’d love to be there by dinner, or at the very least, in time for the kids to go to bed.”

“Good plan.”  She agreed as she eyed the kitchen table sadly.  “Guess I’m on clean up.” 

***

My alarm went off at six in the morning.  The excitement of our trip had me flying out of bed and hopping in the shower.  There were still a few items to pack and I was eager to leave as soon as possible.  If we could load two sleeping kids into the vehicle and drive some distance from Charlotte before they woke, it would be even better. 

Thankfully Brynn and I seemed to be on the same page because she was sitting on the couch dressed and ready to go by the time I emerged half an hour later.  Max was asleep in the car seat on the floor beside her.  Smiling, she placed a finger over her lips. 

It was still dark when we pulled out fifteen minutes later.  With the motion of the SUV helping to keep the kids settled, we let the music play on low and finally spoke. 

“We’re going to Florida!”  Brynn squealed.

“Yeah.  I can’t wait to see mom.”  I admitted quietly.  “We’re off to a good start.”  I looked over at my sister in the passenger seat.  She had grown quiet as she played with her phone.  “What’s going on?”  Somehow, I worried our trip would be canceled.

“Just…Allen.”  She groaned.

I chuckled.  “What’s going on with your baby daddy now?”  They always seemed to be on again then off again.  I had a hard time keeping up unless she went out of her way to talk about it.

Setting her phone down hard in her lap, she exclaimed, “I’m a single mom.”

Nodding, I glanced at her from the corner of my eye.  “Yeah.  So what?”

“So, I don’t want to be.”  She announced.  “I want to be married, like you.”

“Well, apparently I won’t be married much longer.  Don’t do it like me.”  I tried to laugh it off, but it fell flat.

“I know, but I never saw my life turning out this way.”  She stared out the window.  “I thought I’d be all married and in love when I had a baby.”

I sighed.  “I get it.  I really do, but you had to know what you were getting into when you met him.  It’s not like he mislead you.  He told you straight out he never wanted to get married.”

Brynn whipped around and glared at me.  “Didn’t Shane say that too?”

Titling my head to the side, I scrunched my face up and tried to recall the discussion she’d referenced.  “Not exactly.  He told me this after we were already married.  He didn’t see himself ever getting married until he met me, then he knew he’d have to marry me to keep me.”  This time my chuckle was genuine.  “Suddenly, life without me was scarier than marriage.”  I shoved her shoulder gently.  “That’s how love is.  It makes you do things you never thought you’d do, want things you’ve never wanted.”  I smiled. 

“Are you saying Allen doesn’t love me?”  She hiccupped in an effort to hold back her sob.

Shaking my head, I explained.  “Not at all.  I’m saying maybe Allen is loving you the best he can with all he has right now.”  I shrugged.  “That’s all.”

She smiled through the tears.  “When did you get all philosophical?”

“Probably when I started to have more time to think.”  I looked at the GPS, eager to change the subject.  Talking about love and marriage hurt me to the core these days. 

After making more stops than I could count, we’d managed to turn a ten-hour trip with two babies into a thirteen-hour nightmare.  Already I dreaded the idea of having to drive home in five days.  What were we thinking?  Then we parked in mom’s driveway and she opened the door.  She looked so fragile and shaky at the moment, all my regrets were wiped away.  This was why we came.

Within minutes we were in the house with the little ones.  Mom had tears in her eyes as she hugged us and kissed the kids.  “Two of my girls and two of my grandbabies, here for the holiday.”  She laughed.  “I’m so glad you came.”  She took one look at us and grinned.  “Although at the moment, I’m guessing you’re regretting the drive.”

I tried to play it off.  “Well, I wouldn’t do it every month, but it’s totally worth it to see you.”

Mom looked past me out the door.  “Where’s Shane?”

Brynn and I exchanged looks.  “I thought you might have mentioned something.”  I narrowed my eyes at her.

“Oh no.”  Brynn took two steps back.  “I have enough issues.  Unwed mom, remember.  Your story.  You tell it.”

Sighing, I shifted Kylie to my other hip.  “Well, Shane and I are getting a divorce.  He moved out.”  Then I walked over to the open space on the floor to change my baby’s diaper.  The room was strangely quiet.  I could feel everyone looking at me.  “What?”  I eyed them both.

Slowly, my mother moved to sit in the rocking chair near me.  “What happened?”  She folded her hands in her lap, a sign she would patiently wait for me to tell her the whole story.

I frowned.  “Please mom.  Not tonight.  I’m too tired.  We have days together.”

Her chin jutted out.  “Tomorrow then.”  She patted my shoulder.

“Tomorrow’s Thanksgiving!”  I felt exasperated.

She stared at me intently.  “Not until one in the afternoon at the community center.”  Then she slowly pushed herself to a standing position and motioned to Brynn. “Which room do you want?”

“Hey.”  I interrupted.  “This is a two bedroom.  I’ll take the couch.  Kylie will take the floor, and Brynn will take the spare room with Max.”  I glared at my little sister meaningfully.

“What?”  She tried to look innocent. 

“You know what.  Mom gets her bed.”  Then with Kylie’s diaper changed, we left mom to cuddle the little ones while we unloaded the vehicle.

Sure enough, the next morning, I found mom sitting at the kitchen table bright and early after I emerged from the shower.  I looked around, hoping for a distraction, but nothing appeared.  Soon, I found myself hoping Kylie would wake because this was beginning to feel a lot like the Spanish Inquisition.

“We’re finally alone.”  She remarked.  “Want some tea or hot chocolate?”  She gestured to the Keurig on the counter.

Nodding sadly, I walked over to the machine and made myself a hot chocolate.  Through it all, mom simply waited and sipped on her coffee.  Finally, I joined her at the table.  “I don’t want to talk about me.”  My shoulders slumped.  “Can’t we discuss your recovery?”

“I’m getting physical therapy twice a week.  Your turn.”  She smirked at me over the rim of her mug.

Leaning back in my chair, I bit my lip in an attempt to hide a grin.  “And people wonder where I get it from.”  I set my hot chocolate on the table.  It was too hot to drink comfortably yet anyway.  “I don’t know what happened.  Shane changed.”  I stirred my drink and hoped my words had been enough.

“Nina, Shane loves you.  Are you sure you can’t work through this?  It’s obvious you’re hurting.”  Her frown deepened.

“He’s the one who hired an attorney.”  I took a breath to calm down.  Part of me wanted to shock her with how bad it had been.  The rest of me, the sane part, didn’t want to cause undue worry.

“The thing about love is sometimes you have to decide if you want to be right, or if you want to be happy.”  Her eyes begged me to understand.  “When you want happiness more than anything else, you’ll find a way to let go of everything holding you back.”

Bewildered, I had no idea how to respond.  There were plenty of times lately where I’d been caught up in being right, but it wasn’t what ended our marriage.  Shane’s temper ruined everything.

“Mom, he lost it.”  Brynn spoke as she hobbled into the kitchen with Max on her shoulder and an empty bottle in her hand.  “He wrecked the house.  He started abusing drugs.  You can’t want that for your daughter or her baby, right?”  She set the bottle on the table and placed a protective hand on my shoulder.

Mom looked back and forth between us.  “No.  I want you safe.  I just see how unhappy you look.  I know how much you love each other.”  She set her mug down and threw her hands in the air in frustration.

“I get it, mom.”  A tear slid down my face.  “Sometimes, love isn’t enough.”

Pushing off the table, she stood and balanced on the back of the chair.  “It’s not.  You’re right.  Just remember, if it’s true love, it always finds a way.”  She nodded knowingly at me.

We enjoyed Thanksgiving dinner at the neighborhood community center, surrounded by a bunch of retired strangers and their families.  We spent the next few days shopping and helping mom prepare for Christmas.  The night before we left, after Brynn and the kids had fallen asleep, Mom came and sat down with me in the living room.  “You should be in bed.”  I smiled at her, feeling pretty sleepy myself.