The Three Sisters (22 page)

“OK,” said Theodora. She had convinced Coito
at last.

At
12
:
00
P.M., the three well-built men arrived at the lower observation floor. As expected, Coito checked the three for weapons, but found none. After they had been searched, the three well-built men quickly realized that the three seductive sisters had no weapons either. Captain Cunningham was tempted to overpower the three so he could take credit for the criminals’ capture, but he remembered that his orders were not to make a move until the Pope called.

After K had looked them over, the three well-built men were ordered to take their clothes off. The three officers were incredulous, and at first were hesitant to obey, but knowing that if they refused to go along with the erstwhile nuns’ requests they might arouse suspicion, they acquiesced to the three’s demands. Once this was done, the three scurrilous sisters took off their own clothes without a moment’s hesitation and continued the orgy—this time with the three policemen cum well-built men as participants.

“We had no choice but to do as they told us,” Officer Dodd later testified in court. “If we had refused, all the government’s careful planning might have been ruined by our lack of cooperation.” The three well-built men were later commended by the Police Department for
their actions.

When
2
:
00
P.M. rolled around, it was time for the Pope’s phone call. The three secluded sisters left their newest lovers upstairs with the three National Parks Service employees. This was a big relief to the three policemen who now were left to fulfill their duties of protecting the hostages without any difficulty. Once the three had gone downstairs, the policemen put their clothes back on and prepared for the SWAT team’s assault. At
2
:
00
P.M. sharp, the phone rang and Coito picked up
the phone.

“My children,” began the Pope as soon as he heard K speak. “I speak with you, hoping that these words will comfort you and bring peace to your hearts so you may once again be reconciled
with God.”

“Only one thing comforts me,”
corrected K.

“When news of your actions first came to my attention, I was saddened to hear that three of my sisters in Christ had forsaken their upbringing. Even though the Church had provided you with everything you needed, you eschewed its message of brotherly love and chose a
godless path.”

“Sounds like Schmuck Hole,
doesn’t he?”

“But do not fear, God in His Infinite Mercy can find room in His Heart to forgive you and welcome each of you back into His Arms if only you will humble yourselves and accept
His Will.”

“Listen J.P,” said K to the representative of J.C. “We probably haven’t got much time up here, but I just wanted to make my appeal
to you.”

“It is for your own good that you return to
the Church.”

“Well, that’s not going to happen. From a lapsed Catholic to a lapsed Communist, both of these religions need to
change dramatically.”

“But perhaps you feel that the pleasures of the world can suffice your needs so you can ignore your consciences and the admonishments of the Lord, and though you may feel this way now, in the end, a life of sin will leave your hearts cold
and empty.”

“Well, it was life in the convent and not my life of sin that left me cold and empty. I tried to change the Church from the inside, but realized I didn’t have the power to do so. You’re a new pope. You can still change things before it’s
too late.”

“Once you return to Christ, the Spotless Spouse of the Spotless Lamb will take you into His arms and care for you because His is a love unmatched by anything on this planet. Remember, the love of God is boundless and merciful and is given to all who return
to Him.”

“In fact, I even wrote a poem for you which is easy to remember and sums up what you need to do. I call it Pope Limerick I.” If Pope Gregory XI listened to Catherine of Siena, maybe Pope John Paul II would listen to K.

“It is also important to follow his commandments. You must treat others with the same respect you expect from them for just as God shares His love with us, we should share our love
with others.”

“There once was a Pope named
John Paul

To whom Rome had given
the call

But if he didn’t
work fast

To change the Church
at last

Peter would lose His sheep one
and all.”

“The innocent hostages have done nothing to be harmed by you. Only by changing the spirit of man, and not through actions of violent terrorism, can there be peace on earth. Spiritual, not physical needs, must concern
us first.”

“Are you even listening to me?”
K demanded.

“Treat your guests kindly and God can still find room for forgiveness in His Merciful Heart. If you will return to the Shepherd and become one of his sheep, He will receive you back with great joy. The Bible says that the shepherd rejoiced greatly for the one sheep which was found again even though ninety-nine others
had remained.”

“Regina, remember the lost cause scene on the Senate floor in
Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
? Now I know what Jimmy Stewart
felt like.”

“Better talk to St. Jude,”
recommended Theodora.

“If you return to the Church now, you can still confess your sins and rejoin your brothers and sisters, but if you persist in your sinful ways, you will be answerable to
God alone.”

“This
is pointless.”

“I sum up by reminding you of that one truth which men have recognized since the dawn of time, that God is love, and in order to learn what true love is, you must return to the Church. My children, let God teach
you love.”

“How many positions does He know?” K quipped back. She remained silent, then broke into a paroxysm of laughter, though whether from a feeling of futility or true delight at her ultimate blasphemy it was difficult to say. Coito laughed so hard that the reportedly nocuous nympho was in no shape to defend herself. As the SWAT team burst into the top of the Washington Monument, K was rolling on the floor with laughter. When she rolled over and saw a gun staring her in the face, she laughed no more. The three Catholics were in no shape to defend themselves and surrendered immediately. No shots were fired, and no one
was injured.

The three well-built men appeared from the floor above and assured the assault force that the three hostages were safe. Theodora started pleading with their captors that they had planned to surrender as soon as the Pope had hung up, but she was handcuffed along with K and Regina and taken downstairs via the elevator.

As squad cars rolled up to the monument’s entrance, and the police and government officials began swarming about the base of the tower, the crowds knew the siege was over. They grew anxious to see the now infamous nuns, and after craning their necks for about fifteen minutes, the spectators finally saw the three sisters walk out of the Washington Monument, protected by a cordon of policemen. Ignoring the spectators, the three sisters were hurried to the police cars which waited to take them away. Once in the cars, the three sisters were taken into protective custody by the police. The court decided to hold them without bail since they had already proven there was flight risk to consider. They were to remain in jail for some time
to come.

CHAPTER IX

And as soon as he knew that he belonged unto Herod’s jurisdiction, he sent him to Herod, who himself was at Jerusalem at
that time.

–
Luke
23
:
7

ven after the three sisters had been taken into custody, they remained in the news because the real reason for the three’s overnight stay at the Washington Monument was eventually leaked to members of the media. The networks and newspapers quickly capitalized on this by revealing the unexpected news to
the nation.

The three National Parks employees who had stayed with the three sisters during the siege and had been protected by the three well-built men were nearly fired when their superiors learned what they had done that night. Pleas that they had participated in the orgy under duress and only “after hours when no tourists might have been offended” fell on deaf ears until the employees’ superiors were instructed by their own superiors not to fire the National Parks employees lest the media blow the dismissals all out of proportion to their importance. Forgetting was a greater priority
than forgiving.

The former hostages returned to their jobs at the Washington Monument, but for them life simply was not the same, especially for Mr. Simpson whose wife divorced him. Their appetites whetted, they wanted more, and only a few weeks after the orgy had taken place, they looked back upon their night of licentious abandon with an air of nostalgia. The former hostages were eventually transferred elsewhere so they wouldn’t be tempted by another overnight stay. Their replacements were warned to watch for anyone who might try to penetrate and violate the Washington Monument as the three had done.

The aftermath of the siege of the Washington Monument was a letdown for Benny Ditkus as well. Only after the three had been captured did he learn that he would not collect the $
10
,
000
reward until the three Catholic criminals had been convicted (a technicality which Detective Hole had been careful to include). Though it was expected that the three would eventually be convicted, their capture had raised Benny’s expectations to a fever pitch because he had wanted to spend his reward money immediately. To Benny, any delay of more than a month was as good as forever, and next to losing the money completely, no worse calamity could have befallen him.

Detective Hole, meanwhile, began working with the Justice Department to prepare the case against the three worshippers of Asmodeus. The government wanted a good and proper trial. Any superfluous charges against the three which would not hold up in court were quickly dropped, and anyone who could have been charged as an accessory (Tony Olisbos, for instance), but who might detract from the gravity of the three’s crimes, was not charged.

Several of the charges against the three, especially for crimes committed at the Washington Monument, seemed open-and-shut, and were pursued fervently. The three’s escape from jail in Tennessee was another incontestable fact and was also documented in detail. Charges for which the prosecution was in the least way doubtful were dropped. In particular, all the charges relating to the Rams were dismissed since the Justice Department knew it would be difficult to prove the three sisters had forced the Rams to do anything against their will. But on the strength of the crimes committed in Tennessee and at the Washington Monument, the government was certain it could win
its case.

After the Rams had revealed the details of their non-captivity under the three sisters to disappointed Justice Department bureaucrats, they were released on the condition that they would remain in the D.C. area until the trial concluded. Lacking a place to stay, Victor put the Rams up at the three sisters’ residence where they could housesit. This provided the Rams with the opportunity to visit the city and enjoy themselves. “It was like a second honeymoon,” Mrs. Ram later reflected. “I’ m just sorry it came at
their expense.”

Though these individuals’ lives fairly much returned to normal after the siege, the lives of K, Theodora, and Regina changed significantly. They were once again in custody, this time under federal protection, and had little chance of escape by winning at strip poker. Although they were presumed innocent until proven guilty, the government made sure the three would have the opportunity to redeem themselves by refusing the three sisters bail. To further ensure that the three would be tried, they were taken to Bolling Air Force Base, where it would be impossible for the three fishers of men to escape
from confinement.

Compared with their hectic schedules at the Kennedy Center, or the constant maneuvering required of them while fleeing from the law, the three sisters’ lives suddenly became the most stable and uneventful they had been since leaving the convent. Friends and reporters who visited them at the air force base kept life from being as boring as they had anticipated, but compared with their lives in the outside world, their existences settled down to a deadening routine. When not talking with members of the government or other visitors, the three kept their sanity by working on a myriad of projects which Victor expected them to complete whether they were in jail or not. “Business is business, K. Don’t want to hear bunch of feeble excuses for being lazy. No work, no pay. And if I know lawyers, you’ll need plenty of money from
now on.”

Coito had put on a brave front ever since she had been captured, and though a month in jail muted K’s cocksure attacks on all she disparaged, Coito still went out of her way to let one and all know that the government could not break her rebellious spirit. Just as in Catholic school, in college, in the convent, and now in confinement, when she was forced to act as others wanted her to behave, she adamantly refused. “It’ll take a lot more than this to tame Coito Gott,” she promised
one reporter.

Theodora, being the most pessimistic of the three, expected to be in jail for at least ten years, if not the rest of her life. So in addition to the regular duties which Victor had assigned to her, she began a pet project which she had aimed to carry out for several years: “reading” the Oxford English Dictionary, a work of some
16
,
000
odd pages (not including the supplements) in order to ferret out words which she thought could still prove useful and which she could add to her already wide-ranging vocabulary.

When this project was completed, she would at last be able to begin the novel which she had procrastinated (comperendinated, rather) since her sophomore year in college. Until now, Theodora had lacked the experience and the suffering needed to write an original work, but now she had acquired both these assets with a vengeance. She had always found a reason for not beginning her novel, but now with an unknown number of years of prison before her, she planned to begin as soon as she finished the O.E.D. and the projects Victor had assigned her, however long that
would take.

The most starved for life amongst the three was Regina who was undone by the same sort of anti-climactic ennui which had struck the former hostages. In jail there were no decent movies, no men, no sunbathing in the nude, no nostalgic music, none of the things which made life worth living. Regina had been cut off from the world and its flutter of ever-changing fads, possibly for years. Her only release came through the magazines and newspapers she read, and the TV shows she watched to keep up to date on social and cultural phenomena as well as she could. But left in jail where she could only watch current fads and changing fashions pass her by, this indirect link to the outside world could never compare with participating in the
changes herself.

Yet even if Regina’s life had returned to normal, she would have been disappointed. During those few days when she and her two sisters had been an evanescent national phenomenon, monopolizing TV, radio, and newspapers, she had enjoyed that Andy Warhol moment which only a few experience: the knowledge that the entire world was watching her. She had loved it and she wanted to experience it again. Furthermore, Regina had gotten the exposure she needed to really break into TV and the movies, but instead of going to Hollywood to capitalize on her publicity, she was stuck on a military base. Worse than that, by the time she would probably be released into the outside world, her brief fame would have been forgotten, and breaking into Hollywood would be as difficult as ever. It was almost enough to discourage her. “But at least I had those two days,” she reflected optimistically to reporters. “And who knows? I could still get
my chance.”

At the military base where the three were kept under tight security, the guards guarding were instructed not to speak to the three scarlet sisters under any circumstances. As a result, the three’s knowledge of the forces maneuvering around them depended solely upon their visitors. Victor, Detective Hole, members of the Justice Department, psychiatrists (whom Coito refused to talk to. “After a few sessions with me, they’d be the ones who would need therapy,” she promised.), priests praying (whom all refused to see), their own lawyers, reporters, and others, all demanded time from the misguided minchen. The floodtide of people during the first two weeks following their capture overwhelmed the three. The person most disturbed by the inundation of people was Victor because this distracted his employees from working on projects for the
Kennedy Center.

As time passed, the ranks of the three sisters’ visitors thinned and settled down to a handful of people who were involved with the three’s legal proceedings. The only visitor whom the three half-looked forward to seeing was Detective Hole who pressed the three to both confess their crimes and convert to Protestantism.

“It always amazes me that he keeps coming back despite my virulent attacks on him and his beliefs. Whether it’s because of perseverance, persecution, or pure stupidity, I’ll never know,” Coito told Victor. “He’s fun when the subject is religion, but bloody Christ, when it gets to legal matters, his voice becomes just like him—boring, persistent, and unchanging. He put Theodora to
sleep once.”

The most important of the three’s visitors was Victor who came not only to give news of their case’s progress and his ideas for gaining their freedom, but also to collect all the work for the Kennedy Center which the three had completed since his previous visit. The most welcome part of his visits were the gifts Victor brought them—typewriters, paper, books, periodicals, and other necessities. Victor maintained such a persistent flow of new presents for them that the three sisters wondered how he was able to bring them so many items.

In contrast to the three’s staid and predictable lives in jail, Victor’s life shifted into high gear. He profited enormously from the publicity of the three’s orgy at the Washington Monument, and without a moment’s hesitation doubled prices at the Kennedy Center. Even then, Victor had to turn customers away every night, and only tradition kept darts being shot at the
Warren Commission.

Because of the three’s fame, Victor revived several productions which Coito, Theodora, and Regina had previously put together. To take advantage of their newfound notoriety, Victor urged each of the three to create new presentations with which he could lure customers in once the revivals had run their course. Victor’s only regret was that the three could not actually be at the Kennedy Center since he could doubtless have doubled prices once more. “Supply and demand,” he explained to them. “Most important law a civilized society
can have.”

Because the three sisters could prove so profitable to Victor, he was doing everything in his power to help them, but trying to get the three sisters out of jail or even acquitted was proving to be the most difficult task he had ever faced. Victor soon realized how important his search for justice really was when crowds began to thin at the Kennedy Center in early June. “Supply and demand,”
Coito retorted.

Victor Virga knew drastic measures were called for if his windfall and inflated prices were to hold up, but what he could do seemed uncertain. Then it happened. Victor received his inspiration for how to save the Kennedy Center (and the three sisters) one morning after shooting Spiro Agnew. On June
17
, he first announced his exciting idea to the three sisters. The public, however, had to wait a few more weeks to learn what Victor’s mind had wrought.