The Three Sisters (20 page)

“Behold, a euthemonic, u-shaped euphemism
of eudemonism.”

“Hallelujah.”

“God Himself is
hidden within.”

“Open
says me.”

“Have you
experienced Grace?”

“Never
met her.”

“
Mirabile dictu
.”

“Thy fruits are full grown
and perfect.”

“Why,
thank you.”

“Cover my defenseless head

With the shadow of Thy wing,

Freely let me take
of thee…”

“One at a time my feminivorous friend,” complained Regina, her breasts
being attacked.

“…rise to
all eternity.”

“If thou art willing, remove this cup from thee,” requested
Mr. Simpson.

“Now that the wrapping’s off, we can enjoy
the package.”

“Grease is the word,” added
the radio.

“I’ll trade you a bit of the soft for a bit of
the hard.”

“But when the
desire cometh.”

“JEDP!” moaned
Mr. Yansky.

“But downward bend his wond’ring eyes

At my mysteries
so bright.”

“Ascending
and descending.”

“Coordinated coxal caresses cause contentment,”
cried K.

“Lord this bosom’s ardent feeling

Vainly would my lips express:

Low before thy
footsteps kneeling.”

“I tell you what, I’ll let you in on the ground floor if you’ll raise
the elevator.”

“A cluneal kiss
for thee.”

“Be prepared.”

“Verily, a voraginous vagina.”

“Many are called, but few
are chosen.”

“INRI!”
he groaned.

“Perfect pareunia.”

“I wonder what that would register on the
Richtor scale?”

“But K, how do I know that it’s you?” he asked in
the darkness.

“Feel the hair,” she replied, thinking
of Abraham.

“Oh may my love to thee

Pure, warm, and
changeless be.”

“You’re cute, let’s coot,” Theodora
told him.

“A woman’s work is
never done.”

“Don’t you know nuns just want to
have fun?”

“Ah, the Tree
of Life.”

“K, Sirrah.”

“If Ann Lee could see
us now.”

“
Que
?”
asked Regina.

“Repeat the sounding joy,” they
chanted happily.

“Speaking of
open-door diplomacy…”

“I can no other,” he
told her.

“So that’s what Mona Lisa was
smiling at.”

“
In hoc
signo
vices.”

“These are a few of my favorite things,” sang
the radio.

“Lift up
your gates.”

“Of that life-giving stream,

My thirst was quench’d, my soul revived.

And now I live
in Him.”

“My, what big eyes you have,”
declared Regina.

“My, what big nipples you have,”
replied
Mr. Simpson.

“
Vidi, veni, vici
,”
said Theodora.

“A supine subject for sex,
I see.”

“Christ is Risen, alleluia, swell
the strain.”

“I wonder if King Kong could’ve climbed up the
Washington Monument?”

“
Ich strebe mich an
,”
declared Coito.

“What are you trying to do, swab my tonsils?”
asked Theodora.

“But downward bend his wond’ring eyes

at my mysteries
so bright.”

“Here goes another dive into the dark,” said the dame with no shame for whom
men came.

“Beard-splitting anyone?”

“Better than hairsplitting,”
said Coito.

“For they shall eat and not
have enough.”

“Ever seen a Venus
fly trap?”

“I was a wondering sheep,

I did not love the fold:

I did not love my Shepherd’s voice,

I could not
be controlled.”

“The hills are alive with the sound of music,” declared
the radio.

“Ah, ah,
ah, ah.”

“Evoe!”

“What God hath
joined together…”

“Ever visit the Hagia Pudenda?”
asked Theodora.

“Just what I always wanted,
a jack-in-the-box.”

“Jeepers, creepers, where’d you get that peeper?” asked
the radio.

“Where angels go, trouble follows.”

“
E
pluribus unum
.”

“I monopolize mentulated men,” promised Coito as Mr. Merring revealed the
pleroma
of
his being.

“
Eh bien, le
moat
juste
,”
added Theodora.

“Going up?”
she asked.

“The kingdom of heaven is
at hand.”

“What a friend we have in Jesus,

All our sins and grief’s to bear,

What a privilege to carry,

Everything to God
in prayer.”

“Divide and conquer, that’s my policy,” he
told her.

“Such is the way of an adulterous woman, she eateth, and wipeth her mouth and saith, I have done
no evil.”

“I certainly must be a saint then,”
she added.

“For it is written in the Acts of Paul and Thecla, ‘Blessed art the chaste for God shall reveal himself to them,’” quoted Theodora
from memory.

“No doubting Thomas he,”
added Coito.

“Who is
Victor Virga?”

“Turn the
other cheek.”

“Gladly.”

“I love to tell the story

Because I know ’tis true.

It satisfied my longings

As nothing else
can do.”

“Here comes the red
fire engine.”

“Ah, the Holy of Holies.”

“∞?”

“∞!”

“Rosebud.”

“Friar Bush at
your service.”

“For my mind, taking in thought of the woman’s nakedness suffered me not to sleep until I had done the
abominable thing.”

“Don’t cross the Rubicon, rub
the Rubicon.”

“Want to have my cake and eat it too?”
she asked.

“Wax and wane, story of
my life.”

“Let he who is with sin cast the
first stone.”

“I wonder how many angels can dance on the head of a sperm?” asked a
philosophic Theodora.

“It doesn’t make any difference
to me.”

“I piss on Pesistratus,”
proclaimed K.

“There, a plentiful harvest, my dear,”
said
Mr. Yansky.

“Russia would be jealous,”
Theodora replied.

“Just as I am of that free love

Thy breadth, length, depth, and height
to prove.”

“It’s the black hole!” screamed
Ms. Suora.

“Let my
people come.”

“÷+
0
=!”

“I always thought that one in the hand was not worth two in
the bush.”

“They have committed
whoredom continually.”

“We try.”

“K won,”
she said.

“See three,”
they replied.

“Just as I am without
one plea.”

“Without one pleat?”
asked Regina.

“You know what they say, a standing prick has
no conscience.”

“What a coincidence, neither do I,”
confessed K.

“Want to try a
‘noble experiment?’”

“Joshua blew his trumpet
at Jericho.”

“Melts in your mouth, not in
your hands.”

“
Coito,
ergo cum
.”

“Ah-ha, the smoking gun,” he said, pointing at
the accused.

“May I juggle your
jugate jugs?”

“And the walls came
tumbling down.”

“And behold, it
was good.”

“Well, aren’t you proud below the navel,”
she declared.

“Wouldst thou like to eat of the fruit of Beelzebub’s orchard?” K
asked him.

“Would I?” he
anxiously replied.

“Mastoid masturbation
is magnificent.”

“The Agapetae
were fools.”

“Yes, we have
no bananas.”

“Men, can’t live with them, and can’t live
without them,”

“
Ad majorem
Dei gloriam
.”

“To a fornicator, all bread tastes sweet, he will never cease until
he dies.”

“Jesus, lover of my soul,

Let me to Thy
Bosom fly.”

“The first shall be last and the last shall
be first.”

“I’ll be happy to be in-between,”
he added.

“Well,” she promised him, “this is one Mount Pleasant Christ
never touched.”

“How would you like to drink out of my
sacred vessel?”

“RMN.”

“Finally, a perpetual
motion machine.”

“Yea, how the mighty art fallen,” she said as he lay
there exhausted.

“Climb every mountain,” suggested
the radio.

“Slide! Slide!”

“What’s the matter? Your pen run out of ink?” asked Coito, continuing to
pester him.

“As it was in the beginning,

Is now and ever
shall be.”

“‘Tis the harbor of hope and the hole
of content.”

“Could you spare
your spear?”

“Here is
the church.”

“Ω.”

“And here is
the steeple.”

“A.”

“Open the
doors and…”

“Coito.”

“CREEP!”
he yelled.

“
Ecce homo
,”
she declared.

“The dew on
the fleece.”

“What did Helen Keller say when she had her
first period?”

“I
don’t know.”

“W-A-T-E-R. How did Helen Keller learn
to masturbate?”

“I
don’t know.”

“Spelling the
word W-A-T-E-R.”

“
Ecce femina
.”

“An outward and visible sign of an
inward
and spiritual…”

“Desire.”

“The world will little note, nor long
remember what we
say here.”

“What a
beautiful cupola.”

“I think they’re
both nice.”

“Every tree in the forest will fall.”

“Stand up, stand up
for Jesus.”

“Here I am in the land of cotton

Where good times are
ne’er forgotten…”

“Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!”
exclaimed Regina.

“All that thou sayest unto me I shall do,”
she promised.

“Holy conspicuous consumption!”
declared Regina.

“We are the hollow women.”

“Oh come all
ye faithful.”

“Thy thelyphthoric thrust
thrills me.”

“The land flowing with
milk—and honey.”

“Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it’s
hard to get it
back in.”

“Four-score-and-seven
men ago.”

“Off goes the
black veil.”

“P.F.S.”

“Seek and ye shall find. Knock and it
shall
be opened.”

“Though thy beginning was small, yet
thy latter end should
greatly increase.”

“Like manna
from Heaven.”

“I surrender all,”
they sang.

“Blessed be the name of
the Lord.”

“Thy rod and thy staff, they
comfort me.”

“Verily, verily.”

“Fallen, fallen, fallen is Babylon
the Great.”

“Ah, best of all possible worlds, where are you?”
asked K.

“Ah,
the stars.”

“
Ite, orgium
platonicum est
.”

“
Coito gratias
”

“Amen.”

CHAPTER VIII

True is it that we have seen
better days.

– As You Like It
, II,
vii,
120

oito’s request for a five-hour delay in negotiations gave Detective Hole, Captain Edwards, and members of the FBI time to formulate their strategy for capturing the Three Daughters of Canaan and securing the safe release of the hostages. Detective Hole and the others hoped for a peaceful resolution of the siege through a quick surrender, but in case negotiations broke down, plans for an assault on the upper floors of the Washington Monument were already
being made.

Judging from the scant information that had been obtained from the helicopter surveillance, the conversation with Coito, and through other means, Detective Hole and the government officials conducting the siege surmised that the hostages were being held on the uppermost of the top two floors of the Washington Monument with one of the three permanently stationed on each of the two upper floors—one to watch for a surprise attack, and one to guard the hostages. The third member of the gang, when not resting, had the job of supervising the defense of the upper floors.

Artists’ renditions of the allegedly gun-toting nuns and their hostages were sketched by an FBI man who cordially distributed the drawings to members of the media who immediately contacted their networks’ news departments who interrupted regular programming to display the hostages’ desperate plight before millions of Americans. Having shown the public how the Catholic Terrorists were abusing the innocent hostages, the government knew the nation would support it should an assault on the Washington Monument
prove necessary.

Attacking, however, would involve much guesswork. The SWAT team was totally ignorant as to how well the hostages, lower floor, and stairwell were guarded. Even if they could secure the lower floor without alerting the criminals on the upper floor that they were being attacked, recapturing the upper floor bloodlessly might not be possible. Unlike many other situations the SWAT team had encountered, there was no way they could attack the terrorists from the front and behind simultaneously to minimize the loss of life. Since the three had no means of escape and would inevitably be captured, the police decided not to attack until they deemed it necessary. The three would certainly be captured; no other outcome was possible, but how and at what cost the siege would end, no
one knew.

What Detective Hole and his fellow lawmen had to determine was how to handle Coito in order to bring about the three’s surrender. They knew Coito was the leader of her gang, and once they got her to see the inevitability of being captured, the siege would end. But the consensus was that Detective Hole’s conversation with Coito the night before had not gone well. Not only had Detective Hole failed to gain any concessions from K the Catholic, much less talk her into releasing some of the hostages or surrendering, but she had upped the stakes, making absurd demands for the release of the hostages. It troubled the group that K had refused the food they had offered her, as this would have enabled them to get a clearer picture of what was really occurring, but more worrisome was Coito’s defiant attitude and
seeming instability.

Nevertheless, members of the FBI felt that as time passed and the three saw the futility of holding out, their intransigence would disappear. Hoping their intuition was right, the authorities below decided to wait on sending in the SWAT team, even though the mob of spectators who had gathered at the base of the Washington Monument to watch the action was growing
increasingly restless.

After Detective Hole told several reporters he could not comment on any plans which the police or FBI had made for securing the hostages’ release, he and John Hotchkiss walked down the hill on which the Washington Monument stood. One of those who waited at the Washington Monument and whom Detective Hole and John Hotchkiss passed as they fought their way through the crowds was Benny Ditkus. Since his $
10
,
000
windfall depended upon the outcome of the siege at the Washington Monument, Benny had decided to remain at the scene of the crime until the three
were captured.

“Detective Hole?” Benny called, catching the two
men’s attention.

“Yes, Bernard,” replied Detective Hole who felt nicknames were too informal for people to use in polite conversation. The detective stopped walking, and after a few seconds Benny had made his way to the spot where Detective Hole stood. John Hotchkiss took up a position between Benny and
his superior.

“Did you talk to the three sisters and see what they’re going
to do?”

“Yes,
I did.”

“Well, what happens now that the three
are surrounded?”

“It is difficult to say for sure, Bernard,” said the detective, careful not to leak any news to media members who could be standing nearby. “We’ll just have to wait and see how the
situation develops.”

“So are like the three going to be captured, or are they going to surrender,
or what?”

“They doubtless will be captured, Bernard, but just how this will come about is difficult to tell. We are hoping that they will
surrender peacefully.”

“What he means is that the operation is on hold at the moment,” John explained, supposedly to clarify what Detective Hole had said. “A number of ideas are in the initial stage of formulation which might lead to their possible implementation, but no final decision has been reached at this point
in time.”

“Who is this?” asked Benny, puzzled by John’s
press release.

“This is Mr. John Hotchkiss, Bernard. He has been working on the case with me since we first found out about the three
Catholic criminals.”

Mr. Hotchkiss extended a warm handshake. “This case means a lot to me, Benny. I’m glad you’re on our team,” he said. “I think we’re both looking forward to the criminals’
early capture.”

“Yeah, well sure we are, but let’s say that they’re captured. What happens then?” asked
Benny impatiently.

“Once they are captured, unless they plead guilty, they will all be brought to trial. Then if they are found guilty, all of them could and probably will go to prison. But our duty is to ensure that the three are captured and the hostages are safely released. Then it is up to the courts to make them pay their debt
to society.”

As they talked, the group was a study in contrasts. Detective Hole was calm and reserved, careful about every word he said. Benny was constantly moving around, adjusting his feet, and looking away from Detective Hole at the police, reporters, spectators, and religious groups who surrounded the monument. John Hotchkiss acted like a referee who was more interested in keeping the game going than in participating
in it.

“All of them, even Regina?” asked Benny, as if his favorite had been completely innocent. Though Benny wanted the $
10
,
000
, he was still interested in Regina and hoped that one night he might meet her. Though Detective Hole did not know it, Benny had spent most of his time at the Washington Monument thinking of Regina’s fate and could have cared less about
the hostages.

“All three, if they are found guilty,” the detective replied, “which they probably will be. I personally don’t see how they could get away from me this time. Not only is there no means of escape, but they have been caught red-handed committing more crimes. After they are recaptured, they will be taken into federal custody to ensure that they do not escape again. Furthermore, the audacity they have had to violate one of the most important monuments in our great nation will most certainly hurt them at their trial and adversely affect their sentencing if they are convicted. They will be acting very unwisely if they do not surrender and
plead guilty.”

“But when I was following them, I like watched Regina. You know, the
blond one.”

“Yes, I do,” admitted
John Hotchkiss.

“And she seemed like she was being forced to go along with the other two,” Benny lied. He wanted the three to be captured so he could get the money, but he secretly hoped Regina would be
set free.

“By the other two, you mean Coito and Theodora?” asked Detective Hole, removing his glasses to
clean them.

“Yeah.”

“If this is true, Bernard,” Detective Hole began, “it will come out at their trial, but such matters are for the courts to decide. You’ve done your part to help capture them, and we’re more than grateful for the work you’ve done to help us make this world a safer place for normal people like you and me to live in. Now I have to do my part and make sure they are captured. I can only hope that no one will be hurt in the process. Will you say a prayer for the
hostages, Bernard?”

“A prayer? But like how are you going to
capture them?”

“I said before, Bernard, we will try to convince them to surrender.” Detective Hole put his glasses back on. “It would be easy to send the SWAT team in, but some of the hostages could get hurt in the process. So until we have to move in, or we know that we can protect the hostages during an assault, we will negotiate. On the other hand, if the three criminals prove recalcitrant, especially Coito, we may have no choice but to attack. If the atheist Catholics are intelligent, they will see they have no logical choice but to surrender. Whether that will happen or not remains to be seen,” concluded Detective Hole, who thought the term atheist Catholics was redundant rather than an oxymoron since it was clear to him that Catholics worshiped the Antichrist Pope and the Blessed Virgin Mary, and not
Jesus Christ.

“Well, you don’t want anyone to get hurt, do you? So maybe if like you met some of their demands, they might surrender. Then you wouldn’t have to shoot up the Washington Monument. Right? I mean, why don’t you give them the three well-built men like they asked for? Then everything would turn out like it’s supposed to. That’s what they want, three well-built men,
isn’t it?”

“Actually, there are several reasons why we don’t meet their demands, Bernard. First, we must be firm and not give into Coito or her sisters one inch. If we begin compromising now, they will never surrender. They will continue to take advantage of us until they are running this siege, not us. Second, if we give into them, other criminals will think that the law will be soft on them as well. That will encourage them to commit crimes which otherwise might not have occurred. We cannot let that happen. We have to show these women from the start that we mean business. I’ve gone through these sieges before, Bernard. They may be tiring, but slowly wearing the criminals down and hanging tough is the only thing to do if we’re going to come out on top. We must never give in to the forces
of evil.”

John Hotchkiss had begun flipping a coin. Looking at the officers around the building, Benny was suddenly inspired. “I know that, but like, why don’t you send in some SWAT guys disguised as the three well-built men that the three sisters want?” Benny’s eyes were shining. “Not fat ones like these guys here, but what Betty Brown at school calls ‘hunks.’ You know, with lots of muscles. Then these policemen could capture Regina and the other two or protect the hostages, and no one would get hurt. I know that if I were a well-built man, I’d volunteer to go up and see Regina. I mean, they’re
just women.”

Detective Hole paused for a second to consider Bernard’s suggestion, then suddenly spoke up. “How right you are, Bernard. As you say, they are just women. That might not be a bad idea after all,” the detective mused. God had once again worked through this young man and now had given Detective Hole the means to recapture the Catholic criminals. “Three nuns versus three well-built and trained policemen. It just might work.”

Feeling that he could trick the three sinners and bring about their capture, Detective Hole grew less tense and became less guarded in his actions. He suddenly let up, and revealed his personal feelings on the case to Benny. “Actually, I’ve been apprehensive about trying to wear them down because I don’t think it would work. Coito Gott, the leader of
the three—”

“Is she the one with red or
black hair?”

“She has red hair and is the tallest of
the three.”

“Oh yeah,”
remembered Benny.

“Anyway, Coito Gott is a desperate, degenerate, and depraved person who would do anything. She has no moral scruples. I’ve been trying to convince the others that we eventually will have to attack,” he revealed, “but to no avail. However, with your idea the others may listen to me now. Bernard, why don’t you come with us? I want to see what the others have to say about this idea of ours.”