The Strength to Fall (McKinnon Brothers Book 1) (17 page)

Ozias looked at Declan with a warning. I guess he understood that look because he held his hands up and started to walk away when Erica spoke.

“I’m Erica, by the way, these two brutes don’t have enough manners to make introductions.” She held her hand out to me. I was raised that manners were always expected regardless how you feel, so I shook her hand.

“I’m Adira. Nice to meet you.” Even though it wasn’t.

“I’ll let you two enjoy my party, but first I can’t let you think I was hitting on Ozias. He’s like a brother. We haven’t seen each other in a while. I’ve been away at school. Declan asked me to help him with his plot to get you two speaking.” She pointed at Declan and his eyes grew wide. Obviously she wasn’t supposed to tell us this. “Ozias, I’m surprised you danced with me. All those years growing up we all tried to get you to dance and hang out and you never would.” She looked at me, “I think he had motivation to make you a little jealous when he saw you with Dec. Great dance, by the way.”  Ozias was eyeing Declan with a death stare. “Anyway, you too enjoy the rest of your evening. I had fun. It was worth it. You two seem made for each other.”  Erica grabbed Declan walking him to the dance floor.

“Happy birthday,” I said to her as she walked away. She smiled and nodded. Declan looked at Ozias and raised his shoulder in surrender. I couldn’t help it. I started laughing. Ozias looked at me like I was crazy.

“You think this is funny? Dec’s lucky we’re around people right now. He’d be begging for mercy.”

“Awe, come on. You have to admit his plan worked. We’re talking. I feel horrible about the whole week.” I said.

“Me too. I’m sorry. I, I just don’t know how to do this, a relationship. When you didn’t want me to help you, I convinced myself that what we had, all we said, all weekend was over. I mean, emotions had run high for days and it was easy to get carried away with you.”

“Do you feel that way now?” I was scared for his answer.

“No. I didn’t really feel that way, but I had thought through all that happened and it seemed a logical explanation. I was trying not to push you. By Thursday I was in agony. I talked myself out of knocking on your door hundreds of times. I thought you were only asking me to dinner so you wouldn’t have to eat alone and I knew I couldn’t see you without wanting to touch you.” Ozias wrapped his arms around me and glanced down at my cleavage the corset top made visible. He stifled a moan. “And taste you.” He kissed me and then moved his lips to my ear. “You want to get out of here?” He looked at me with hooded eyes full of promise.

“Yes,” I whispered and my whole body tensed in anticipation.

Chapter Twenty-Five

              As soon as the elevator doors closed, Ozias attacked me with passion. He pushed me against the wall and trailed kisses up and down my neck.

“Adira, you are driving me insane in this dress.” He moaned as his mouth found mine.

I wrapped my leg around his waist and pulled him closer to me. Ozias grabbed my ass and held me against him. I felt his need for me pushing against my belly. I heard the bell ding signaling we were on the 40
th
floor. It dawned on me then that I rode down without music, or breathing exercises…just Ozias. He didn’t give me time to say anything before he was pulling me toward his place. As soon as we were inside he picked me up and carried me to his bedroom.

After gently placing me on his bed, he started unbuttoning his shirt. I stopped him.

“Let me,” I said. I stood in front of him. I kissed him everywhere I unbuttoned. He put his hands in my hair and I heard him moan with every kiss. When I reached his waist I unbuckled his belt and then his pants, I looked to his face and kept eye contact as I kissed the skin right above his boxers.

“Fuck, Adira. Stand up for me. I need to look at you,” he commanded. I slowly rose. “Turn around for me.” I did as he asked. He came close and kissed the back of my neck. He trailed his tongue over my shoulder and to my ear. “When I saw you in this dress, I had an instant hard on. I had to look away to gain control.” I panted. He pulled the strings of the corset and loosened each line. I felt it loosen enough to slip out of so I took the top and slid it down exposing my lacy red strapless bra. Ozias groaned and turned me around.

“Ozias,” I breathed. I hooked my fingers in the top of his boxers and reached inside. As soon as I felt his hard, velvet skin, I was shivering with want. He pushed me away enough to take his clothes off all the way. Standing, I pushed my dress to the floor. Ozias scanned my body stopping at my black boy cut panties. He walked to me and gently pushed me on the bed.

He leaned down and picking up my foot, he slowly removed my shoe and kissed my ankle and up my thigh. He did the same to the other leg.

“Lay back on the pillows,” he ordered. I quickly did as I was told, excitement building. He kneeled in front of me, took the top of my panties and expertly pulled them down. Ozias kissed my belly and swirled his tongue around my belly button.

“God,” I felt shocks all through my skin. I felt my bra snap exposing my breast. I looked down as Ozias was tossing my bra off the bed. I arched my back into him. I moaned and cursed at the pleasure. I roamed his chest with my hands. He was so muscular and tight. His biceps flexing to support his weight, I trailed kisses over them.

He kissed me all over. The passion overtook us as we explored each other’s body in foreplay. Ozias brought me to heights of pleasure I’ve never known. I crashed and shuddered screaming his name. He looked up at me with a sexy smile.

“I hope I’m to pleasuring you.” He said. It made me sad how desperate he was for my approval.

“Ozias, you can pleasure me like that anytime you want. I want to please you too.” 

“Adira, you’ve already surpassed any fantasy I’ve ever had.”

“Your turn,” I said seductively. “Lie down.” He didn’t hesitate.

I positioned myself over him kissing him everywhere I touched. He sucked his breath in deeply and moaned my name. I returned the favor until I felt him tensing. I stopped and looked at him. “Unless you want to come now, I better stop.” He sat up quickly.

“Lie down, Adira.” He was over me before I was down all the way. He was about to enter me when I remembered. Condoms.

“Ozias, what about condoms?” I asked hating to break the mood.

“Crap,” he said. Dec took them with him. He figured he wouldn’t be using my place anymore and I didn’t even think about buying any. “Stupid!” He sat up on the edge of the bed holding his head.

I hesitated before speaking. “I’m on the pill. I have been since I was a teen.” I had been reluctant to tell him that before.

“What?” he looked surprised. “I thought it had been over a year since you’ve been with someone. Do you stay on it just in case? Are you consistent with how you take it? I’ve heard that if you’re not, it isn’t effective.” Ozias was panicked.

I laid my hand on his arm to calm him. “Ozias, why the panic? Yes, I take them on schedule and have since I was eighteen. I take them for my periods, to regulate them. I’ve always had issues. I wouldn’t lie about something like this. If I wasn’t concerned I wouldn’t have stopped you.”

He looked at me for a minute. “I know you wouldn’t. I’m just mad at myself for not thinking about condoms.” He turned his head to me.

“Well, if you’ve been honest with me about being a virgin, then I know you’re clean. Do you trust me?”

He hesitated, his eyes cast toward the ceiling like in deep thought. A few minutes later he said, “Yes, I do. Have you been tested before? I hate to ask you that.”

His hesitation shook me a little. I felt defensive. “I have but it’s been over a year. I’ve never had sex without a condom though, if that makes you feel better. The two other guys I’ve been with. I didn’t trust them that way.” Saying that out loud made me feel horrible about my past choices.

“Why would you be with them if you didn’t trust them?” He seemed puzzled by my actions. I guess his lack of experience with women makes it hard for him to relate to being in relationships for the wrong reasons.

I sat back against the headboard covering myself with the gray sheets. I felt vulnerable talking to him about this while naked. I sighed and tried to explain myself. “Ozias, I’ve been running from my pain since my parents left. I wasn’t thinking everything through. Those men, they were a distraction from the emptiness I felt. You, you make me feel again. I’ve felt emotions I haven’t felt in years in the past week, good and bad. I think that’s one reason whatever this is,” I pointed my finger back and forth between us, “is so scary.”

Ozias was silent again. He was still sitting on the edge of the bed with his feet propped up on the bed frame, he put his head back in his hands. I could tell he was thinking, analyzing the situation and whether I should or not, I felt under interrogation. “Ozias?” I said to get his attention.

He positioned himself on the bed in front of me. He reached for my hands. Reluctantly, I gave them to him. Finally he spoke. “I trust you,” he said. “Statistically, the chance of pregnancy with condoms is like fifteen percent, I think that’s right. I read it one time in an article. And if it’s been a year since you’ve had sex and a year since you were tested, well, it may not be accurate, but I trust you. I do.”

I was shocked. “How do you know that? Who knows statistics like that?” I pulled my hand from his.

“I have a very good memory, practically photographic.” He said matter-of-factly.

“O…k.... But I already told you I’m on the pill. Would you like to see my pills and count them? And I’ve told you I’ve never been with anyone without a condom. I could get a doctor’s report for you.” He was being responsible about this but I was somewhat offended.

He stood up, put his underwear on and paced the room, putting his hands through his hair, “I do trust you and, no, I don’t need to see your pills.” He hesitated and faced me. “A doctor’s report would be the right thing to do if we decide to not use condoms at all, but I don’t want to ask that of you. I’m not so ignorant of relationships to know that sounds offensive, even if it’s the right thing to do.” I guess he picked up on my shocked expression. What kind of guy talks like this with a naked and willing woman in his bed? I’m starting to understand why he’s still a virgin at his age. He stopped pacing and stood near the bed, hands running through his hair. “Adira, I’m not saying I don’t trust you, but we just met and regardless of how I
feel,
I can’t make decisions on just my emotions, it’s not how I’m built.” He sighed and looked at me seriously. “I’m a logical, analytical guy, it’s who I am. I had no idea you’d even be at the party tonight or that we’d end up back here making love. I don’t want to hurt you by doing something stupid and I don’t want to get hurt either. Does that make sense? I’m fucking up again, aren’t I?”

He doesn’t want to hurt me. God, I’d be a fool to be mad at him about that. We’ve both been foolish enough this week and my goal tonight was to let him know I want him. I scrambled off the bed and embraced him. “I don’t want to end our night like this. I made a mess of this last week and I want to make this work with you.” I put my arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. He was hesitant at first but then he slid his hands down my back and pressed me against him.

“Ozias, you feel so right, so good. Like you were made for me.”

“Adira, touching you ignites a fire in me. It’s more than I could ever imagine.”

“Do you want to just cuddle or fool around like we were? Or we can go buy our own condoms.”

He looked up in thought again. I can see his mind working in his eyes. “Well, it would be really, really hard to just fool around and not be able to make love with you. I want to be with you. Would it ruin the mood to go for condoms?”

“No, nothing could possibly be more of mood breaker than talking statistics and doctor’s reports,” I said jokingly to him. He smiled. “I understand you wanting to be cautious. Do you want me to go with you?”

“I don’t know? I’ve never bought condoms before. I think I would like you to come.”

I smiled at him devilishly, “Oh, Ozias, I hope to come several times.”

His cheeks flushed with embarrassment at his innuendo, “Well, I guess you better
come
with me to the store then. I never realized how everyday words could be made so sexual until you fell into my life, literally and figuratively.”

We dressed quickly and headed out to the store. I put my earbuds in and held Ozias’ hand down the elevator. I didn’t even feel my chest tighten. It just may be true that moving here is the answer to overcoming all my anxieties and Ozias McKinnon definitely is helping.

Ozias was embarrassed at the drug store because I had him buy the biggest box of condoms they carried. I told him it was a good deal for the money and he’d have to buy them less often. He couldn’t look the woman cashier in the eyes. I thought it was hilarious. Neither of us had eaten so we grabbed a quick meal of some really fancy and expensive burgers and fries. Hand in hand we walked back to the building and rode to the 40
th
floor kissing and holding each other the whole way. I didn’t even need my music.