The Strength to Fall (McKinnon Brothers Book 1) (15 page)

              “Did Claire want you two to meet?” she asked confused.

              She just asked me in her dressing room if we were in love yet. Did she really lose her memory that quickly?

              “Mom, do you remember talking to us day before yesterday?” Ozias asked concerned.

              “No. Did I?” Ms. Jo started at us intently like she was trying to piece together a puzzle. Then recognition lit her eyes. “Wait, I did, didn’t?” She pointed to me. “I met you? Right? You knew Claire…..you….knew her somehow….don’t tell me…..Oh! I can’t remember this minute.”

              “I’m her niece. She gave me her home after she passed not long ago,” I said hoping to jog her memory.

              “Claire is dead?” Ms. Jo was shocked and began to cry and get very emotional. “Why didn’t anyone tell me? You all treat me like a child!” She was trying to get up when Carla ran over to her from the other side of the room.

              “Now, now. It’s alright, Ms. Jo.,” Carla comforted her. “You know what you need? A nap. You woke up earlier than normal and it’s past time for your nap. I think maybe you’ve had too busy of a day. Let’s go get you rested.” Carla already had her to the door about the exit when she turned to us.

              “Ozias. I’m sorry, son. My head is a little fuzzy right now. It was nice to meet you, miss.” She let Carla lead her out as Carla gave Ozias as knowing glance and he nodded.

              “We need to go. Carla will call mom’s doctor. I don’t think her new meds are working well. She’ll call dad too. It’s best we leave Carla to care for her. Mom gets agitated sometimes with extra people in the house.

              The only extra person was me. Everyone else here was family. I know he didn’t mean to hurt my feelings but it did. I tried not to let it show though. He had enough on him seeing his mother this way.

              We went back to Ozias and we both went our separate ways. It was Monday and I had phone calls to make and Ozias said he could work from home today but he would have to go to some meetings tomorrow morning. He apologized that he may have to spend most of the rest of the day in his office here. I told him I was fine and I was. I needed a break from the intensity that seemed to follow us and I needed to speak to Gran and get some answers, hopefully truthful ones.

Chapter Twenty-One

              “Gran?” The phone only rang once before she answered. I glanced at the time. She was probably watching her afternoon talk shows with the phone right beside her. She is probably one of the last people to still only have a landline, she refuses to get a cell no matter how hard I tried to get her one. Her whole house is a time capsule for the 70’s. Thinking about it made me home sick.

              “Adira! Sweetie, I have been hoping you’d call. Wait a minute and let me turn the TV down.” I heard her swearing as she was fighting with the remote. She still hadn’t mastered the new remote from her upgraded cable. “Ok, oh, Adira, it’s so good to hear your voice.”

              “You too, Gran, but I’m calling for a specific reason. I need to ask you some questions.” I sat down in the chair on the balcony. I was nervous.

              “Oh, what’s going on? Are you ok?” Gran sounded worried about me.

              “Yes, I’m fine, well I fell and sprained my ankle but its ok. I have to ask you some questions about Aunt Claire and I need you to be honest with me.”

              There was silence for a few seconds. “Are you sure you’re ok, with your ankle, I mean? Do you need to come home? Not that I want you to. I really want you to give living here a chance.” She was stalling.

              “Gran, I’m fine. I’ve actually had a lot of help. My two neighbors, they were Aunt Claire’s neighbors too. Did she ever talk about Ozias and Dr. McKinnon, um, Alastair?”

              Again, silence. “Yes, she did, Adira. Well, I don’t know much about Ozias, she just told me about him a few months before she passed, but yes, I know of Alastair. So, you’ve met them then?”

              “Yes, and, well, a lot’s happened the last few days. Too much to tell you everything, but what I need to know is did you know Aunt Claire wanted me to move here to meet Ozias? Did you know she was playing matchmaker?”

              I heard her sigh. “Adira, the thing is, Claire wasn’t herself the last months, well even year, of her life. She was adamant you not be told about her condition. Do you remember when I told you I went to Atlanta to visit my sister, Ruth, several times the last few years?”

              “Yes. What does that have to do with this situation?” I asked.

              “I wasn’t in Atlanta. I did go once, but I’m not fond of that big city, if Ruth wants to see me she’ll have come here.” She was getting off topic.

              “Gran, please, just tell me. You have no idea how emotional the last few days have been. I just need to truth, plain and simple.” I said exasperated.

              “Adira, Claire had a brain tumor, the doctors said they couldn’t remove it. She didn’t even tell me about her diagnosis right away. When she stopped coming to visit, I just forced her to tell me why. I,…I” I heard Gran sob and I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. I wanted her to come home, but she refused. She said the city was home and that the best doctors were there anyway I was in California all those other times, with Claire, at a holistic health center. She wasn’t looking for a cure anymore, she just wanted more time and the time she did have to not be a burden to any of us. She didn’t tell me at first she was getting help from Alastair and I didn’t know they were neighbors until the last year. I know why she didn’t tell me, but that’s not a story for right now. .   Adira, I’m so sorry. I told Claire this was a bad idea but by the end she had me convinced it was the right thing to do.” She sighed and was quiet.

              This was painful for her. I was angry that Claire asked her to take all this burden alone. “Gran, I know the whole story….all of it. Yes, too long a story for right now. Just know Doc, uh, Alastair, spent a whole evening telling Ozias and I their whole story.” I breathed heavily. “But Ozias nor I knew about Claire’s intentions concerning us. Did she tell you about Ms. Jo, Doc’s wife, Ozias’ mom?”

              “No, I mean I knew he married after they broke up, but I didn’t know her name. Wait, so you’re telling me that Alastair and his wife know about Claire wanting you to meet their son?” Gran sounded surprised. Maybe she doesn’t know details. I decided to not share the rest of Claire and Doc’s story. Obviously, she never told Gran. I wondered if she told mom, but of course I’ll never know.

              “What did Alastair tell you about their relationship? Was he honest with you about how he broke her heart? She wouldn’t tell me everything, but I know she told your mama things she wouldn’t tell me. It just never seemed right to me that they would be together as long as they were and then he marries someone else. If you ask me, I think he met his wife while he was at med school and he was trying to be with both of them until he decided which one to marry. I never saw my Claire so broken. She was different after that, still spirited, but her spark didn’t glow like it had before.” Gran was crying now too. God, if I make it through this week without crying everyday it will be a miracle.

              “Gran, Doc isn’t a horrible guy. I know he broke Aunt Claire’s heart but I think she forgave him and was at peace about it. I know that’s no consolation now, but I truly believe that.” I said.

              “Maybe, but she never married again for love. I was quite surprised when she married Howard. I guess loneliness can just make you do crazy things.” She paused. “Adira, I want you to find yourself in there. You are stronger than you know. I know nothing will ever replace your mama and daddy, but they would want you to be happy. Claire thought that for some reason the city and Alastair’s son, what’s his name?”

              “Ozias,” I whispered.

              “Yes, Ozias, well, Claire thought you two should meet. Although I told her that you didn’t need to go to the city to find a man. There’s plenty of good southern men here from good families. She made me promise not to tell you all this though. I didn’t know she had told Alastair and that he’d feel the need to tell you as soon as he met you. Confirms my opinion of him.” Gran said smugly. I could just see her facial expression. My Gran is the kind of woman that you want on your side but never as your enemy. That quote “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”, well that was written about my Gran. She didn’t take lightly to anyone hurting her family and stubborn didn’t even come close to describing her.

              “You didn’t think this was one promise you shouldn’t keep considering this is my life? I’m just angry that all of you didn’t think I could make my own choices, especially concerning the men I chose. I’m not a child, Gran. I know I’m not where I need to be in a lot of ways and grief changed me. It changes everyone! I just would have liked you to have been honest.” I was reigning my temper in out of respect to Gran but it was hard.

              “Let me ask you something, Adira, what would you have done if we’d told you that there was this man that your aunt wanted you to meet, but you have to move to halfway across the country? You wouldn’t have gone, and you know it. Hell, I wouldn’t have either. Your uncle Jackson had to convince me to agree to all of this. I told Claire I would, but honestly, I didn’t plan to go through with it. I just said what I thought I needed to, for her. Jackson made me realize this was Claire’s wish, I just had to do as she asked. I trusted she was doing this out of love for you.” Gran said. She was right I wouldn’t have come here if they had told me the truth. I still didn’t like being lied to, and I now know Uncle Jackson knows too, and that just makes me angrier.

              “I understand what you’re saying, but I still would like to be included in decisions for my life, ok?” There was no reason being mad at Gran. She’s lost both her daughters cruelly. I’m being selfish not thinking of how this all affects her. “Gran, I love you. I’m sorry you had to bear Aunt Claire’s illness alone. I would have been able to help both of you if I had only known.”

              “I love you too, Adira, and that’s why I’m going to say this to you. No, you wouldn’t have. You would have sunk farther into the abyss of depression you’ve been in since your parents died. We all miss them, sweetie. The pain of losing my girls,” Gran was crying again. My chest constricted. “That’s pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone. And with your Grandaddy not being here with me, that makes it all the harder. I’ve loved and lost greatly, Adira, but you have to get back up and take life by the reins. You have strong southern blood running through your veins. Generations of our women have suffered loss but still lived great lives. You’re just going through the motions, sweetheart. Claire’s hope was that the city and this man could bring life back to you, the kind of life with feeling, not just drifting through.” Gran stopped crying and I could picture her sitting up tall and holding up a fist for emphasis. And she was right. I wasn’t living, I didn’t even feel alive, and yet the last few days I’ve felt more than I have in years.

              We said our goodbyes and I promised Gran I’d give this a chance. She didn’t need to know what had already happened between Ozias and me, not yet anyway.

Chapter Twenty-Two

              Tuesday morning I woke early so I could get ready for a day of moving and organizing my unit. I was excited and in a way sad that I was not going to be staying with Ozias anymore. Monday evening was uneventful and we were both so thankful for a somewhat normal night. We ate the roast and vegetables I made, decided to exercise, me just doing some light yoga. Ozias went for a run. We watched TV and I retired to bed early to read my new book Ozias bought me. I slept in the guest room and I expected Ozias to make a move but he didn’t. I was conflicted about that. I wanted to be with him but I think the emotions of the last few days hit their head and we both were exhausted. He told me he was going to be up late getting caught up with work, and I did hear him on the phone and see him walk to his office that’s in an alcove of his bedroom. I guess he was behind because of dealing with me all weekend. Ozias had a life before I literally fell into his. I shouldn’t feel slighted because he was continuing on with it, but I did. A good night’s sleep was the perfect solution for my confusion. I woke feeling better physically and emotionally than I had in a week. I could even put some weight on my ankle and walk, still with it wrapped in a bandage, with minimal pain. I would just take it easy today.

              I had called the moving company yesterday to confirm the delivery and asked to hire more men to unload and move furniture where I needed it because I was injured. I had to pay double for late notice but I needed the help and I didn’t want to ask Ozias. I was still determined to take charge of my life. I dressed for the day in a pair of khaki shorts and a wonder women t-shirt. I needed to be comfortable and this was my favorite work-around-the-house outfit. I was trying to put my injured foot in my Adidas when Ozias knocked on the door of the guest room.

              “Come in,” I said. I was bent over with my behind to the door while slipping my foot in my shoe. I heard Ozias come in and suddenly halt. I peered my head around my legs to see him staring at my ass.

              “Hey,” he looked at me and it scorched me. I stood up and faced him. He was dressed in a dark gray suit that fit him perfectly. I swallowed hard. “Did you want to get breakfast? I have to head to a meeting but I have time for a quick bite.” His eyes sweep my body stopping on my feet. “So, you’re ankle must be feeling better?”

              “Uh, yea. It’s sore and I’m going to be careful and take breaks. I hired extra guys so I won’t do any lifting or moving things around. I still have it wrapped.” He nodded as he slowly looked back up to my eyes. “Um, I could definitely use some coffee. Where do you want to go?” I asked.

              “We can go back to our coffee shop. I eat there almost every morning. It’s convenient, fast, and I like their food.” Ozias was walking towards me now. I like that he called the coffee shop
ours
. That was something couples had, places they frequented.

              “Let me get my purse and headphones and we can go, ok? Is it ok I’m wearing this and you’re dressed like that?” I ran my finger down his arm and I turned to get my things. He took my hand and spun me back around into his arms.

              “You didn’t come to me last night. I could barely sleep knowing you were down the hall. I wanted you, but I didn’t want to push you. I know we’ve said a lot of things to each other this weekend and a hell of a lot has happened, I just don’t want to push you. We’ve both said we’d try and see if whatever it was that Claire saw in the two of us is real. I meant that, Adira.” He pressed his lips to mine softly, almost like a test. I responded by placing my hand around his head and threading my hands through his hair. He moaned. I didn’t even realize we were walking backwards until I felt the bed touch the back of my legs. Ozias laid me down on the bed and hovered over me.

              “Ozias…” I didn’t know what to do. I wanted this man. Almost too much.

              “What if you didn’t overthink it and just went with your feelings. I don’t say that lightly. I’m not one to make decisions by emotions. Analyzing is my whole way of life, but with you, I just want to go with what I’m feeling even if its terrifying.” He leaned over and kissed my neck on that spot that drove me crazy.

              “I don’t think we have time for this though. I don’t want you to stop but I think we better. We’ve both responsibilities we have to keep today. Right?”

              He stood up and brought me with him. He traced my cheek with his finger. I shivered. “Yes, we do. Is that why you want me to stop?” He asked.

              “Yes, it is. I wanted you to come to me last night. I assumed you would knowing it was my last night here. I also was exhausted and I figured you were too. You were working. I heard you.” I stood and gathered my purse and headphones.

              “I guess we both were expecting something but too afraid to be the first to make a move. Adira, you know I’m knew to all this. I don’t know how to do all this, the relationship part, I mean. I know we’ve had one night of sex, but I think I’ve got that part down pat.” He smiled seductively and put his arms around my waist. “But the part of how to act around you and what you expect outside the bedroom, I’m lost.”

              At least he’s honest I thought. “Just because I’ve had relationships doesn’t mean I know what will work for us. We’ll have to sit down and really discuss that. What each of our expectations are. We don’t have time for that today though. If we don’t go eat now we won’t have time," I said. I don’t know what we’re supposed to be. It all feel awkward knowing we only are here together because of my late aunt’s secret planning. I’d feel better about all this if it had just happened naturally.

              “Let’s go then, and yes, what you’re wearing is just fine, Wonder Woman.” He patted my butt and I swatted his hand away. “You ready to ride the demon machine?” He was making fun of me but I know he was just joking. As we entered the elevator, he grabbed my hand after I placed my earbuds in and started my music. He smiled and mouthed the words, “
I will survive”
, knowing what I was listening to. I laughed and before I knew it we were on the ground floor. Easiest elevator ride I’ve ever had and I know it’s because of Ozias. That alone was enough reason to give this a real chance. No one had ever been able to make that happen but him.

Chapter Twenty-Three

              By noon all the contents of my life were in the unit but the unpacking had just begun. This is where my happy place was, organizing and putting everything in its place. Only a person truly with OCD could appreciate my joy in this task. I pulled my hair back in a ponytail and tied a red cotton scarf around my head, my working-at-the-house outfit complete. I put on my music to shuffle and started on the kitchen.

              I was jamming out to Queen’s
Somebody to Love
while unpacking items in my bedroom when I saw Ozias standing in the door frame. I about jumped out of my skin.

              “Ozias! You scared me to death! What are you doing here?” I asked holding my chest and leaning against my dresser. He had his suit jacket thrown over his shoulder and his white dress shirt sleeves rolled up to his forearms. Hot didn’t do him justice.

              “Did you know your door wasn’t locked and you couldn’t hear me knocking because of your music?” He seemed upset.

              I walked around him and turned the music down. “No, I didn’t. I thought I closed and locked it after the last load but I guess I didn’t. Good thing it’s only you then, huh?”

              He walked to me slowly. Ozias put an arm around my waist and one behind my head and looked into my eyes. “Yes, it’s a very good thing. Promise me you won’t do that again. Our building is safe but you can’t ever be too careful. If something happened to you, I…” he broke his words with a hard kiss to my mouth. I was breathless when he broke away. “Just be careful ok?” he stepped away from me and laid his jacket over a stool I have under the bar attached to the sink counter. I was frozen. I couldn’t move. This man was so overpowering.

              When speech returned to me I walked over to him as he was looking around my living room at a few picture I had unpacked. “Why are you here? I thought you had to work?”

              “I got done what I had to that I can’t do at home. I’m here to help you. I thought the time you’d need me the most is after the movers left. Unfortunately, I had to be at that meeting today or I would have been here to help with that too. What can I do? I’m here for the rest of the day.” He picked up a picture of my parents when they were just dating. It was my favorite of them.

              I walked over and took the picture and sat it back where it goes. “I appreciate that. I really do, but I actually really enjoy unpacking and organizing. It’s what I’m really good at. This is the first day I’m really excited about being here. It feels real now. I’m a city girl! I never imagined I’d ever say those words.”

              He clenched his jaw. “So you don’t need me then?”

              “I don’t mean it like that. I just meant, you didn’t have to cut your work day short. I’m good. Really. I’m taking breaks and resting my ankle when I need to and I’m focusing on rooms I need unpacked today just so I can function. I figure it will take me the rest of the week to get everything like I like it.” I smiled and tried to not sound like I didn’t want him here.

              He picked his jacket up and walked to the door. “I’ll be at home then, if you decide you need me.” He walked to the door and looked back before he walked out. “Lock this after I leave.” And he was gone. Shit. I hurt him again. Damn it! Do I go after him? Ugh. I just want to unpack alone and put everything where I like it. I just need this day to decompress. Can’t he understand that?

              I decided to text him an apology instead.

             
Hey, look I’m sorry. I’m super OCD and like to unpack alone.

           U want 2 have dinner 2nite over here?

             
Ozias responded almost immediately.

             
Maybe. I’ll let u know. Gotta go. TTYL

             
Not good. He’s pissed. I probably would be too. I really need to at least get my bedroom unpacked today and I can’t push myself physically too much because of my ankle. I decided to just focus on what I needed to do. If he texted back he wants to have dinner then we can talk more about defining whatever this is that we’re attempting.

              By 8:00 pm I was soaking in my bath satisfied with what I had accomplished today. The kitchen, my bedroom, and my bath were all unpacked. They weren’t completely organized put I wouldn’t be living out of boxes in those rooms and I felt accomplished. I never heard from Ozias. I almost texted him again, but I was so focused on unpacking I let time get away from me. I ordered a few staples from a grocer that delivers just to get me through the next few days. I didn’t plan on leaving my unit until it was organized and I felt comfortable. As I went to bed, it occurred to me that Ozias’ bedroom was behind my bedroom wall. That just made me think of the night we made love and I wanted him badly in that moment. Being the stubborn woman I am, I chose not to text him because he never texted me back. I invited him for dinner, he never even let me know he decided not to come. I’ve got too much to do to push him to come over. If he wants to see me he can come knock on my door, text, or call. With that thought, I drifted off to sleep feeling truly at home for the first time since I left Mississippi.

              The week went in a blur of unpacking, organizing, and decorating. By Friday, I was hanging the last of my pictures when there was a knock at my door. I looked through the peephole to see it was Declan. What would Ozias’ brother want with me? I opened the door and invited him in.

              “Declan. What can I do for you?” I asked.

              “Well, it’s not for me that I’m here. Look, if you aren’t into Ozias, you gotta tell him. He’s never had a girlfriend. Hell, he’s never really even had a friend that was a girl. He doesn’t know how all this works and something tells me you do.” He pointed his finger back and forth between himself and me.

              “What does that mean? Are you insinuating I’m teasing him or something even worse about my character?” I crossed my arms as a defense.

“Hey, no, don’t get angry, ok. It’s just, I don’t know what happened between Monday, when I last saw you two together, and today, but Ozias is miserable. He’s been in a horrible mood, snapping at everyone, running so much I think he could have run a marathon this week. Just be honest with him. If he really doesn’t have a chance tell him. It’ll be awkward as hell for a while but he’s a workaholic so you won’t see each other much.” Declan was trying to be a good brother, although I doubted Ozias would see it that way.

“I’m not going to get into our relationship details with you, but I appreciate you caring enough about him to talk to me. The truth is we had a minor misunderstanding Tuesday. I’ve texted him a few times to ask if he wanted to have dinner and he’s only texted back that he’s working late or he was busy. So, I’ll talk to him, in person, today and clear the air between us.” That’s more than Declan needs to know.

“Sounds like a good idea. Just follow through and actual see him and talk to him. He’s not great at communicating and frankly I’m impressed he even texted you back. He rarely texts anyone back. You’re important to him if he’s responding. Just understand he’s so far over his head with you. And it’s obvious he really, really likes you. I’ve never seen him like this.” Declan said with sympathy.