The Rise of Emery James (31 page)

“I know it’s morning, but stay here and sleep with me,” I say.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he answers. I snuggle in closer, tangling my legs with his and I fall back asleep, putting off reality for just a little bit longer.

When I open my eyes again, Cole is still sleeping. His face is so relaxed and I can’t help but stare at him in an effort to memorize his face like this. I’m not ready for him to leave. I’m not ready to push this whole night away and pretend that it didn’t happen. But that’s exactly what we promised we would do. It’s the smart thing to do, even if this blissful cloud I’m in makes me question that.

He starts to stir, maybe because he can feel my eyes on him. “Morning,” he grumbles with his eyes still closed.

“Hi,” I offer. I feel nervous in the light of day. Vulnerable with my naked body tangled with his. The heat of his skin warms me through and I know that when I leave this bed, this embrace, I’m going to feel it’s absence in a very real way.

“I can feel your brain working,” he teases.

“No, I’m just enjoying you. That’s all,” I assure him.

He opens his eyes and smiles at me. God I love his sleepy smile.

“Last night was amazing. Thank you,” I say shyly.

“It was amazing. We have always been amazing together,” he says. I don’t know why that makes me blush, but I feel my cheeks heat. Probably because I feel so vulnerable right now.

“What happens now?” I ask.

“What do you want to happen?”

I think about it for a long moment. I wish I knew. But it is all so confusing. The way I feel wrapped up in his arms, makes me want to reconsider our one-night promise. But if I jump into this relationship will I mess it up if I’m not really ready?

As if sensing my internal monologue, he says, “I’m not pushing you to do anything, Em. I promise. I meant what I said last night. If you want to go back to the way we were, we can do that. We’ll go about our day like this never happened.” I’m not sure, but I swear I hear pain in his voice.

“I can’t pretend it didn’t happen,” I admit. That’s just the honest truth. I don’t want to forget that it happened. It was all too real. I needed it. I need to remember it all. He lets out a sigh of relief. “But I can’t move forward just yet either,” I say. His body tenses for just a moment and I look up at him. His eyes are warm and he relaxes pulling me tighter against him.

“I know that. And that’s okay. I don’t need to rush this, James. I just need you to know that I’m here. I’m waiting. I’ll give you anything,” he says.

“Even time?” I ask hopefully.

“All the time you need,” he promises.

“But we won’t talk about it,” I say. He frowns at me, not really liking that part of the equation. “I mean, if we talk about it, we’ll want to follow through with acting on it.” He knows I’m right.

“Fine. We won’t talk about it,” he concedes.

I smile up at him as he tries to pretend to be grumpy. But I still see the smile beneath his scowl. I hope he can wait me out. Because the truth is I do belong with him. I just need to make sure that I know who I am before I can give him everything that he deserves. And he deserves me at my best. The whole Emery, not just her broken pieces.

IT TAKES THE DING
of my cell phone to pull me out of my trance and make me realize that I've been stirring my coffee for five minutes. It's probably cold by now. I hadn't even realized I had zoned out.

This morning I'm a mess of memories and emotions. Mostly really good ones. Last night was a complete surprise. Even if Cole and I had been flirting with taking things further than friendship, I never would have thought it was going to happen last night. I never expected him to show up at the bar and take me home. Not just take me home, but take me over the edge of all sensible reason.

I shake my head as I feel my thoughts about to take me under again. I reach for my cell phone and can't help the smile that finds my lips as I read the text from Cole.

I know we aren't supposed to talk about it. So I won't. But know I'm thinking about it. I'm thinking about every single delicious moment.

I'm really glad that no one is here to see my goofy grin. It would be embarrassing. But since I'm alone I allow myself a little hop as I press the phone to my chest. I can't even remember the last time I felt like this.

I have no idea what I've gotten myself into. Maybe I should be worried, but honestly I just feel happy. Happy feels so good. If I close my eyes I swear I can feel him wrapped around me. I can still feel his breath on my skin and hear his raspy voice in my ear. I can still feel the ache of him between my legs and my lips are still swollen from his kisses. I feel relaxed and well-tended to. I feel amazing.

One night. I gave him the one night he asked for and now all I can think is the possibility of other nights to follow. Maybe that was his plan all along, show me what I've been missing and then wait for me to beg for more. It wasn't a bad plan. The ache and want from deep inside me proves that.

What do I do now? How should I act when I see him later? I can't believe I'm going to have to act normal around him tonight with Dad sitting across the table. What if he sees straight through me? Or worse, what if Cole really does act like nothing has changed between us and I'm the only one who becomes a fidgety mess?

Stop. I have to stop. We agreed to act normal. To go back to friends. We just happen to be friends who have slept together. But then, we were that before last night, so what's different?

Me. I'm different.

I feel the nerves unleash in my stomach as I remember every detail from last night. I don't want to take it back, but I'm a little nervous about what it all means or how I’m supposed to behave. Maybe I shouldn't have let him leave this morning. I should have begged him to stay here with me until it didn't feel weird.

I stare down at the text message again, reading it over and over.

I'm in deep trouble.

Cole

FUCKING FRIENDS. I HATE
that word. Don't get me wrong, being in love with your best friend is awesome. It's the part where she's not ready for you to
be
in love with her that puts a real kink in things. I already knew I was still in love with Emery James - but last night solidified the fact that I'm hers completely - now and forever. It sounds cheesy as shit, but being with her last night reminded me of how well we fit together. It's never been like that for me with anyone else. Not even close.

I've been thinking about her all day even though I know it's probably a bad idea. The constant replay of her body moving with mine and the soft sighs and moans that fell from her lips isn't doing me any favors as I sit at my desk and try to catch up on work. It never used to bother me, coming in to work on a weekend, but right now all I can think about is going back to her house and repeating everything from the night before. Don't ask me how I'm going to get through Sunday dinner tonight with Henry. He's going to know I corrupted his daughter. Again.

I think back to our conversation this morning. For some reason we both agreed that we'd follow through with our plan to let last night stand on its own and we'd go back to being friends. Just like I'd promised her. I won't lie, I'd been secretly hoping that she'd refuse, that somehow everything that happened would make her realize that she was ready to move forward.

It was a dumb hope. I knew that would never happen.

And it shouldn't. Not really. I don't want her to choose me, to choose us, until she's absolutely sure. Until she's ready. I need this to go the distance and even though last night doesn't support the theory...I
am
a patient man.

At least I used to be.

Emery kind of turns me upside down.

I smile at the thought of her, one of those big goofy grins that would get me laughed at if my friends were around to see it. Shit. I'm not getting any work done. I really should have just stayed at Emery's and taken as much time as she'd let me have.

Forever maybe.

I WALK UP TO EMERY'S
house later that evening carrying a bouquet of flowers. I grabbed them at the last minute, the need to bring her something pretty overwhelmed my good sense. Now that I'm climbing her front steps I'm starting to realize that they might be a bad idea. I'm just going to raise Henry's suspicions and make her uncomfortable.

Shit.

I pause, debating what to do. Trying to play the scene out in my head. I hear Emery's laughter from inside and it squeezes my heart.
Keep them.
Then, I hear Henry's bellowing laughter and I chuck the flowers into the wood planter's box by the door.

I'm a mess.

I walk in before I can change my mind and find the two of them in the kitchen. Henry is sitting at the bar drinking a beer and watching Emery cook. I wonder if he can see it, how the color in her cheeks makes her look young and vibrant, or the way her shoulders are relaxed and her smile easy. She looks like my old Emery as she laughs at Henry's joke and wipes her hands on her apron.

I love her.

Emery spots me in the doorway and her smile widens. "Hey," she breathes out and I swear my heart starts to beat stronger and steadier just being in her presence. I should have kept the flowers.

"Hi. Sorry I'm late," I say, holding her eyes. I know I should look away and be casual, but I can't seem to pull my stare away from her. She's so beautiful and I just want to go and pull her into my arms and kiss her. I'm not going to be able to hold up my end of this bargain. The soft blush on Emery's cheeks tells me she's not going to be able to do it either.

"It's alright, I've been distracting the cook," Henry smiles. Finally, I pull my gaze from his daughter and to him and he smiles at me. I wonder if he can tell? Maybe to him it's just normal. I suppose I've always looked at his daughter this way.

"It's almost ready," Emery says, slapping my hand away as I try to sample from the platter she's been filling with potatoes and carrots. "You were late. The time for taste testing is done," she teases me. I give her my best wounded look, but she doesn't take pity on me. So instead I grab one of the glasses that she has set out with ice and I fill it from the pitcher of iced tea. It's cool and refreshing and it soothes the fire that simmers inside me from being in this room with her.

We settle into a rhythm as we sit down for dinner. Sure I'm stealing glances at Emery, but for the most part it's easy and I can tell that we'll be able to navigate this whole thing with a little effort. It's worth it.

The whole night feels light. Emery is laughing, Henry is telling jokes and old stories from when we were kids. I’m taking in every moment and feeling like my heart might burst from the fullness. I want it to stay like this. This is the life I want for her. For us.

When Henry decides to call it a night it's already pretty late. I know I should go too. I'm not sure I will be able to leave so easily once it's just the two of us. We both see Henry out, waving as he pulls away. Once he's out of sight I turn to look at the girl of my dreams. She's leaning against the wood pillar like it might be holding her upright.