The Redemption of Callie and Kayden (20 page)

anyone.

“Fine,” I say and then smile as I point to a man walking down

the street in a pair of mini pink shorts and a T-shirt. I’m trying to act cool and control my blush but it’s hard when there’s so much

skin showing everywhere. “But if I have to dress in this stuff, you

have to dress in one of those.”

He follows where I’m pointing and then grins. “Deal, but I’m

totally getting one in blue. Pink doesn’t look good on me.”

“God, he has to be cold. It’s not that warm.” I start to laugh

at the idea of Seth in them and then my laughter picks up when he

joins in. We’re laughing hysterically by the time the cashier hangs

up the phone. Tears are steaming down our cheeks and there are

temporary laugh lines around our mouths. We keep laughing even

when she gives us a dirty looks, because we’re on the beach, trying

to have fun. And laughing is the first step to fun.

By the time we walk out of the store, it’s gotten even hotter,

but maybe that’s because of Seth’s last few items he threw on top

of the stack. I have a bag in my hand and Seth is carrying several

more at his side. The sun is at its peak and shining down on

everyone. But I feel terrible. Guilty. Sad. I’m walking around in the sunlight and laughing when Kayden is bearing so much darkness

inside himself.

#14 Let the niceness be

Kayden

The sun’s bright. Like really fucking bright. Maybe it’s

because I’ve been trapped indoors for the last few weeks. Or

maybe it’s because I feel so dark inside. Who the fuck knows. I’m

trying not to think about it too deeply because then I’ll have to

think of the pain—feel it—and I don’t want to yet. Maybe not ever.

Luke and I are strolling up the sidewalk beneath the sun. We

stopped and grabbed some clothes at a local shop and I also

ended picking up something for Callie. I’m not sure when—or

if—I’ll ever give it to her, but it was just too perfect not to get. One day, maybe, I hope.

Since Callie and Seth still haven’t showed up, we decide to

walk down to the beach. Luke keeps checking out every girl who

walks by. He’s acting weird, even for him. But he’s always been this

way whenever something bad is going on at home.

“Are you okay?” I ask as we cross the street at the corner

where the two roads converge.

He glances at me with his eyebrows creased. “Yeah, why

wouldn’t I be?” When we reach the other side of the street he asks,

“Are you doing okay?”

“I’m fine,” I lie, weaving around a woman shoving through

the crowd while talking really loudly on her cellphone. Luke checks

out her too, angling his head to the side so he can watch her until

she disappears around the corner. “I’m just a little tired.” It’s the stupidest excuse I’ve ever given, but he doesn’t press.

We walk the rest of the way down the street without talking

and pause at a crosswalk at the end. There aren’t any cars coming

but we both just stand there staring at the land as it opens up to

the ocean. The waves are fairly quiet and the sun hits the water

and creates a blinding reflection.

I shield my eyes and start to cross the street. There aren’t too

many people, but I don’t want to be around even the small

amount who are headed toward the water. I just don’t want to be

around people right now. I want to be inside somewhere in the

dark, because I feel like they all know what’s inside me by the

bandage on my wrist and the rubber bands. It’s like everything I

worked so hard to hide is out in the open. Luke knows it. The

people half-dressed on the beach know it. Callie knows it.

“So what do people do around here?” Luke asks as we hike

through the sand to where the frothy waves collide with the shore

and wipe away the footprints in the sand.

I shrug, lowering my hand from my eyes. “I’m not sure. Your

father’s the one who lives here.”

His jaw tightens. “Yeah, doesn’t mean I know anything about

this place… or him.”

“How did you even get a key to his place?”

“I don’t have a key.”

I give him a questioning look. “You don’t have a key?”

“Nope,” he says simply.

Great. Just what I need. I’m already facing charges if Caleb

doesn’t accept my dad’s bribe. And after what happened last night,

I’m wondering if he’ll decide to turn it down. I got a text from my

mom this morning saying that he blew her off on the phone when

she called to check up on their deal. Part of me doesn’t want him

to accept. Part of me wants to be cut off from my dad. As I think

this, a hint of rage and agony surfaces inside me and I quickly

choke it down because I’m not capable of dealing with it without a

sharp object to transfer the tearing inside of me to the outside of

me.

“Are we going to get into trouble?” I ask, fidgeting with the

bandage on my wrist, peeling the tape away and then pressing it

back down.

“Nah,” he says and inches up to the brink of the water. “He

hardly ever comes here. And if he does, he won’t be pissed. He’d

probably be happy.”

I end the conversation there because I know it’s bothering

him. Setting the few bags of clothes on the ground, I lower myself

down to sit in the sand and I bend my knees up and rest my arms

on top of them. Luke plops down too and we just sit there, letting

the silence wash away the pain like the water does to the sand.

I’d probably have stayed that way if my phone didn’t start

beeping. I move my arms off my knees and take my phone out of

my pocket.

Callie: Where r u?

Me: We r at the beach. Where r u guys?

Callie: At the shopping center looking for you guys.

Me: Go to the end of the street and head toward the

beach. We r right there on the first opening.

Callie: OK

I put my phone away and rest back on my hands. “They’re

headed over here.”

Luke bobs his head up and down as he stares off at the

horizon. “What are we going to do tonight? I don’t want to just sit

around and do nothing. I came here to do… something.”

“I think I’ll just stay in.” I stretch out my legs. “I don’t feel like going out.”

He mulls over what I said with his brown eyes squinty against

the light. “Look,” he says. “I know you’ve been through a lot, but…

but I think the last thing you need is to sit around and think about

it.”

“We don’t have to go out.” Callie’s voice floats over my

shoulder and my body immediately goes as rigid as a board as

emotions rush through me.

I turn my head and look at her. The sun is shining in her big

blue eyes that are shielded by her long lashes. Her hair is pulled up and her skin glistens from the heat. She has a bag in her hand and

a skeptical look on her face. Seth’s next to her, carrying an

extensive amount of brown paper bags with a purple flower logo

on them. He’s staring at the ocean with a puzzled look on his face.

I stand to my feet. “What did you get?” I nod toward the bag

and force a smile to my lips. “Anything good?”

Her brow puckers as she glances down at the bag in her

hand and then back at me. “I don’t know.”

The way she says it, with such perplexity, makes me wonder

what’s in the bag. I start to reach for it to tease her. “Can I see?”

She shakes her head quickly and moves her hand around to

her back, her cheeks turning a little pink. “No way.”

Okay, now I’m even more curious. I look at Seth for an

explanation but he just shrugs nonchalantly. “Callie’s just being

Callie.”

I’m not sure what that means because Callie being Callie

means her being sweet and adorable, but she’s acting offish and

twitchy. “Okay… do you guys want to go get something to eat?”

Callie nods and I can’t help but think about how she told me

she makes herself throw up. I’m not sure what to do with this or if

there’s anything I can do. I understand bad habits and how they

own you.

Luke grumbles something as he pushes up to his feet and

brushes the sand off his jeans. “No sushi or crab or anything

seafood related.”

A smile forms at my lips. “I think we established the first time

the four of us went out that none of us like seafood.”

Seth raises his hand above his head and then points a finger

down at himself. “Um, hello. I’m pretty sure I said that I love sushi.”

“You did,” Callie tells him and then peeks through her

eyelashes at me. “It was Kayden and me who said we didn’t.”

“It seems like forever ago,” I mumble as my mind travels

back through time, back to when I was first met her, back when

everything was nothing. God, she’s incredibly gorgeous in more

ways than most people will ever know. As stupid and as cheesy as

it may sound, she’ll perpetually own my fucking soul—or the

pieces of it that are left, anyway.

I don’t know how she does it. How I can be feeling so shitty

one minute, and then she smiles and for a second the pain is gone.

I can’t take this anymore. I need her like I had her before. I

need her right fucking now before I lose it.

I grab her hand, surprising her, and lead her with me as I

stride across the beach toward the street, because at the moment I

don’t give a shit about anything but touching her. Her shoes

shuffle against the sand as she hurries along with me. I search for a place out of the way, because what I want to do can’t be done in

public. I spot a gap in between two small shops, one an alarming

yellow and the other a clear blue, like the sun and the sky. They are shaded by slanted roofs that nearly connect over a narrow alley.

“Kayden, what are you doing?” Callie stammers as she trips

over her feet, struggling to keep up with me.

I shake my head as I push through a group of people and

head down the trail toward the shoreline. “Just hang on.”

I cross the street and then when I reach the front of the

yellow store, I round to the side and tuck us between it and the

building next to it. There’s a large Dumpster near the back end and

a pile of crates at the other. It’s not the perfect place, but

perfection is overrated.

“Are you okay?” she asks, breathless as I slow us down.

I take a breath and face her. I don’t give her, or myself, time

to react as I wind my hand around her waist and press her small

body into mine. She gasps as I attach my lips to hers, knowing I’ll

probably regret it later when I’m by myself. But I need her now.

When our mouths unite, I can finally breathe again. It’s like

I’ve been drowning for the last month, only coming up for air

when my lungs are about to burst. But her kiss has brought me to

the surface.

“Kayden,” she murmurs as she grips handfuls of my shirt. “Oh

my God.”

I slip my tongue inside her mouth and she opens her lips to

let me in deeply. I devour her, realizing how starved I’ve felt over

the past month. I press her closer as I back us into the wall, our

legs tangling as we fight to keep our balance. Her bag falls from

her hand and my hand comes down on the side of the building.

The wood scratches at my palms and I savor the small abrasions.

But the most pain comes from my heart rupturing open from

kissing her.

She lets out a quiet moan as my hand slides up her back and

to her neck. The sound nearly drives me mad. The small kiss heats

like a flame and my heart comes to life again. She opens her

mouth wider and I slide my tongue in as far as it will go, running it along the inside of her mouth, tasting her, breathing her in. Her

hands move around my midsection to my back and she holds onto

me.

I want to stop it, but I’ve lost all control. I move my hand

away from the wall and the other away from her back and quickly

glide my palms down her side to her thighs. Spreading my fingers

around her legs, I pick her up and she latches onto me, crossing

her ankles behind my back.

Her bottom lip trembles as I gently nip at it and I’m

reminded of how innocent she is and how I’m the only one she’s

ever trusted to touch her like this. And that’s got to count for

something. Because Callie is the most stunning, incredible, kind,

loving person I’ve ever met.

It has to mean something that she cares for me.

Callie

I forgot what it was like, how scary it is, but equally as

wonderful, to be touched, felt, held by him when he’s letting go of

his pain. At first I have no idea what’s going on. One minute we’re

talking about sushi and the next he’s dragging me away from the

beach. I start to ask him why, but he silences my thoughts with a

brush of his lips and all thoughts about life—about

everything—vanish. He’s kissing me and not pulling away and that

has to mean something, like we might have just stumbled forward

from our standstill.

He tastes like mint and need, as he overpowers me with his

tongue. His scruffy face is like sandpaper against my skin as I

clutch onto him, wanting him to touch me all over and terrified by

the thought of him ever letting go. I’d latch onto him endlessly if I could, so I know he’ll be okay—we’ll be okay.