The Only Choice (The Choices Trilogy #3) (28 page)

“I would have to be confidant that that would even have an effect on you if torture was my plan.” His eyes fix on mine trying to see my game plan, but I don’t have one. “And I’m not confident and it’s not my plan. My plan is to enjoy you today. So no, none of these people will be dancing with me later. I have you for one day, so I won’t waste a minute.” His eyes widen, perhaps a little shocked at my revelation but given that nothing is at stake any more I have no reason to be cautious, no reason to lie and no reason to walk on eggshells. It’s liberating. “You’re mine and I’m not sharing.” I smile but have to bite my inside cheek to keep it there when he adds, ‘for today,’ but I manage and even laugh to ease the little tension that has crept between us.

There is a loud cheer and a sudden surge of movement as Paul and Sofia begin to make their way down the line and Daniel holds me a little tighter to protect me from being jostled. It takes a little while for the couple having greeted, kissed and hugged their way down the long line but finally I get the chance to hug the most beautiful bride, ever. She holds me so tight and I hear a little sob which sets me off and we pull back, both with full wet eyes she cups my face and because of the noise she mouths ‘I love you sister.’ I nod with her hands still clasped to my face and mouth back the same but take a steadying breath before I break. Her eyes widen as she spots the man behind me and I shake my head almost imperceptibly but as she looks again at Daniel with narrowed eyes I hug her once more and whisper that we’ve sorted everything. She leans back with the biggest smile and I don’t feel at all bad for the lie and technically it wasn’t a lie, we have sorted everything, for today. It is just that Sofia is programmed to decode in a positive light, her glass is never half full its always overflowing.

We follow the wedding party into the main reception room where the tables are set under the impressive fifty foot high art deco glass conservatory with a domed centre that draws the sun’s rays and reflects shards of rainbow lights across the room. The tables are white linen, with crystal, silver reflecting more light and sparkles. The tall stemmed vases in the centre of each table are elegantly bursting with lush bouquets of pale coloured avalanche roses, sweet peas and carnations. The top table is oval and I am on the far end next to Milly. Daniel is seated on the table next to mine and right in between Fia and Pip, Sofia’s twin cousins that came on the hen weekend. Sofia had settled on ten courses in the end which was a fight given the family business and that her mother had had fourteen courses at her wedding but Sofia was adamant she didn’t want to feel too fat to dance. Even with ten it is going to be a long time and with Daniel just out of reach which it will make it that much longer. I settle Milly back down and tuck in several napkins to try and protect her cream dress. Not that she cares but the photographer is still eagerly snapping away and the pictures would be spoiled with olive oil dribbled down her front. Sofia’s grandfather is seated on my left. He speaks very little English but from past experience that doesn’t stop heated conversations it just makes them more entertaining. I top up his champagne, I can’t help the waitress in me from waiting but when I turn back to Milly I nearly drop the bottle when I see that Daniel has switched and without a word he simply winks and tips his glass to me for a refill.

I laugh because I don’t even know why I’m surprised but I am surprised Milly was so quietly coerced into the exchange. I laugh again when Milly runs back over to me and whispers that she’s sorry but the nice man is going to buy her a brand new Chelsea kit. That makes much more sense because as charming as Daniel is, I think his stunning good looks are wasted on a four year old, but apparently not when she adds that he also promised her a dance. She giggles as she returns to her seat and I lean in to Daniel and whisper. “Heartbreaker.” My smile is met with sadness when he replies. ‘No, that is your title Miss Thorne.’ I take a moment. I’m sure there are going to be a few ‘moments’ but I refuse to look away from his deep blue eyes. They hide a wealth of emotion and probably reflect mine but no matter what they are hiding, we have this one day and I’m not going to ruin it with any more sadness. Neither of us need to fill the comfortable silence because just as the first of many courses is being laid the speeches begin. There is no formal break for speeches and the room doesn’t really fall silent because the food is being served and drink is flowing. It is all very relaxed and fun. It is traditional though that anyone that wants to say a few words to the happy couple will get the chance and I believe there are many here that wish to do just that.

The microphone is handed from the closest family to start with and as the meal progresses so less familiar faces take over. Some only speaking in Italian and others really only saying the odd word of congratulations but it’s all so heartfelt and filled with so much love my cheeks start to ache with smiling. I lean into Daniel to give him as much background information of those that are sharing this day. I have met most of the family at one time or another and there is always a story to tell. I love it that he laughs so freely and that rich belly laugh does things to me that make me want to keep him laughing. His eyes crinkle with pleasure and he looks truly happy; God I could look at him forever. When he laughs like that it warms my soul and when he looks at me, he sees me and for that moment I’m the only woman in the world. I find I have finished my story and am dazzled by his face to the detriment of my awareness of my immediate surroundings. Even the hushed room doesn’t alert my attention to the fact that the attention of the room is now focused on me. Daniel gives a smug grin fully aware of what has me so distracted and I feel my cheeks heat and turn to face the room only to be faced with a spongy black ball inches from my face. The microphone! Oh No! The microphone! I feel a tight reassuring squeeze on my leg that is now a trembling mass of jelly. I look with utter panic at Sofia and Paul. Sofia flashes her sweetest smile and has nothing but encouragement in her eyes, Marco just a little further along winks and nods but when my eyes flicker back to Sofia I see the trace of uncertainty. I haven’t moved, my hand frozen inches from taking the microphone. Not wanting to let her down, I take what courage I have that has been hiding behind my ever present sadness and man the fuck up. I stand and my chair is pulled slightly by Daniel to stop it scraping. I brush down my dress, pull my shoulders back and let out a sigh.

“Oh crap.” I exhale in a whisper but straight into the microphone. There is a ripple of laughter. “Ok, if I said I knew anything about this, it would be a huge lie and since I’m a terrible liar I won’t start this
little
speech with one and because I want you to believe every word I’m going to say about Sofia.” I cough a little to clear my throat. “I met Sofia on my first day of college where in the space of five minutes I knew, but wouldn’t recall accurately for some years to come, all the names of her many brothers and cousins, where she lived, what she loved, what she hated. I knew what she dreamed of and what secret she hid from her Dad.” I grin and hear her gasp and her wide eyes flash to me and it’s my turn to laugh. “Hey, you wanted me to have the microphone.” I giggle and continue. “She was open and honest and I was honoured and overwhelmed when she welcomed me into her family. I went from having one person in my life to having, well looking around today, I’d say just a few more than that.” There is another ripple of encouraging noises and nodding heads and I take a quick sip of water because I can feel my words start to break in the back of my throat. “She has been one half of my best friend from the moment we met but I honestly feel like I’ve loved her all my life. She has the biggest heart of anyone I know and if I could find a fraction of the happiness she has and rightly deserves with Paul, then I would count my blessings every day. I don’t have regrets because even the bad choices lead us to where we are today. My only regret would be that if I wasn’t here to share this day with you.” I feel my eyes water and my hands are starting to shake when I feel comfort and warmth as Daniel threads his fingers through my hand hanging at my side. “There is a spoken song that speaks of the perfect day and how you wish everyday could be like that, well this is a perfect day and each day can be like that . . . you just have to choose the right person to share it with.” I draw in a shaky breath and grab my champagne glass raising it to Sofia and Paul, “Evviva gli sposi.” Sofia’s eyes mirror mine as tears trickle down our cheeks and everyone joins in the toast; hurray for the newlyweds.

I quickly take my seat and lay the microphone in front of me. Sofia’s Granddad picks it up and there is a not too subtle groan followed by lots of laughter from the guests. Daniel is still holding my hand and I can feel his gaze on me but I need another one of those moments before I can brave his eyes.

“That was a really lovely speech Bethany.” His soft words make me look up. His smile is warm and genuine but all I can focus on his how tempting his soft full lips look. I swallow the dryness once more and take another sip of water.

“Thank you.” I shake my head in an effort to push the last five minutes from my mind. My cheeks are still burning and I can still feel eyes on me even though Sofia’s Granddad is doing his best to captivate the Italian speaking part of the room. The speeches may have ended but he is just a little reluctant to let go of the spotlight. The room starts to fill with more noise as people begin to mingle from table to table. “Stolen lyrics, hardly original but—”

He interrupts. “—No it was perfect, from the heart . . . from your heart.” Something flashes across his face but it was so quick, maybe sorrow, maybe anger but it’s gone and his killer grin is back in force. “So no regrets?”

A sharp laugh leaves my mouth with my look of astonishment that he seems happy to dive into such a potentially volatile topic of discussion but maybe he thinks the venue will prevent me from answering honestly. He is very wrong, if anything this whole situation is liberating. I have no need to lie or sugar coat and with no future with him to covert and protect. I have no consequences to fear from full disclosure. “Yes Daniel.” I laugh again feeling relaxed and comfortable, happy to tell him anything he wants to hear. “I have no regrets, because I meant what I said, good or bad, my decisions meant I spent part of my life with you and no . . . I don’t regret that. But that’s not the question you really want to ask?” I fix him with my eyes and notice he looks a little wary maybe he senses the change in my tone, in my confidence. “You want to know if I accept I made mistakes.” I take another sip of the water I have cradled in my hands and notice his eyes widen just a fraction. “Oh I made mistakes, huge mistakes. I fucked up but I’d do it again in a heartbeat if it meant protecting you from a life of . . . well, let’s just say I don’t regret trying to protect someone I love.” I smile and chuckle as his mask slips, his jaw twitches and his throat takes a slow swallow of his champagne. I never said I would make it easy either. I know my words won’t change his mind but there is no reason I have to keep them inside like an insidious poison that erodes me from the inside out.

“A little over dramatic don’t you think?” His tone is flat and I can see he is withdrawing. My declaration has made him uncomfortable but really should it come as a surprise I love him that much; enough to risk my own future with him. Well, if he didn’t know that, he should fucking know and I’m pretty sure he does now. Even as my heart beat races and I feel tension and hurt building my soft voice is nothing but calm and measured. I lean over and speak closer to his face.

“Not when it’s your heart that is at stake Daniel.” I place my lips on his cheek, the stubble is rougher than normal which only indicates that his intention to attend is very last minute or not planned at all. He turns his face, my lips graze the rough hairs before they are covered by his soft urgent mouth, steeling my breath. His lips capture and consume and the guests noise and music of the band blur into white noise when all I can feel is him, with every nerve and fibre. All I hear is his heartbeat and his deep breath. I sigh contentedly and smile against his lips as he pulls back.

“It sounds like you are reconciled—” I shake my head on a tight smile before he can finish that sentence.

“—Not reconciled.” I roll my eyes like that is even a possibility. “Resigned is more apt. I know you Daniel and I know I hurt you, betrayed you and that is unforgivable.” I notice he flinches at this because his pain coincides with the tear in my heart but I press on with a surprisingly level voice. “So no, I am not reconciled and yes it hurts like a motherfucker!” I place my hand on my chest but try to keep the serious sadness at bay with light shake of my head and a smile much bigger than I am capable of genuinely producing.

“But you’ll survive.” His eyes pierce mine as if this is the lifeline he wants me to throw. I can see the pain and feel the desperate need, but for what? Acceptance, agreement, absolution? I don’t think so, but that’s what happens when you have nothing left to lose, a reckless regard for yourself and those around you.

“I will exist . . . and for now that will have to do.” I take a look around and notice that the tables have started to empty and the band is playing a little louder. Daniel gives a strained laugh and I look to see him straighten in his seat.

“Bethany you will survive. You will thrive and find—” But his confident words falter and it is my turn to interrupt.

“—Please don’t belittle what I feel with a trite statement like ‘I’ll find someone else’ because that is never going to happen. I’m not
that
stupid.” My voice is a little sharper and I take a minute to calm my inner turmoil from spilling because despite my slightly raised tone, at this moment no one is looking at me, only Daniel. I bite my lip and force another smile, my fucking jaw is killing me. “Twice bitten, well I’d have to be a fucking moron to risk a third, don’t you think?” A rhetorical question, I rub the indent in my little finger at the absent reminder of my first someone. Silence ensues when I say under my breath, “besides it’s a little more complicated now.” I stare into his crystal clear blue eyes and wish I had a photographic memory so I can recall them in the future when I know I’ll struggle to remember their fierceness. “So,” I draw out the word slowly to not so subtly change the subject, “How’s your mother?” I again bite my lip but fail to hide my laugh when he barks out a loud throaty laugh.