The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (89 page)

AS WE'VE SEEN, anger is an inevitable part of any relationship, including marriage. We've talked about some of the reasons behind it, but today I'd like to focus on the practical. Here are six suggestions on how to handle your anger toward your spouse.

1. Admit to yourself, "It's okay to feel anger."

2. Remind yourself, "It's not okay to lash out at my spouse or to withdraw in silence."

3. Pray that God will give you wisdom on how to handle your anger.

4. Seek an explanation before passing judgment. You might say, "Honey, something is bothering me, but I might be misunderstanding the situation. Can I ask you a question?"

5. Seek a resolution; don't seek to win the argument. If you win, your spouse loses. You don't want to be married to a loser, do you? The right question is, "How can we solve this problem?"

6. Affirm your love for your spouse. "I love you and I don't want anything to stand between us;' might be an appropriate statement.

As the psalmist reminds us, losing our temper only leads to harm. By contrast, these six steps pave the way for a good resolution. Positive anger management may well save your marriage.

Father, thank you for these ideas on how to handle my anger toward my spouse. Please help me to put them into practice. Mayl not sin in myanger,• mayl be respectful and loving toward my spouse.

Three things will last forever faith, hope, and love-and the greatest of these is love. 1 CORINTHIANS 13:13

LOVE AND MARRIAGE-they go together like a horse and carriage. Right? Well, they should, and in a healthy marriage, they do. Most people agree that our deepest emotional need is to feel loved. The apostle Paul even identifies love as the greatest thing, and King David wrote that God's "unfailing love is better than life itself" (Psalm 63:3). There's no question that God's steady love for us can be our emotional rock. But we also need to experience human love. And if we are married, the person whose love we long for the most is our spouse. In fact, if we feel loved, everything else is workable. If we don't feel loved, our conflicts become battlefields.

Now, don't misunderstand me. I'm not suggesting that love is our only need. Psychologists have observed that we also have basic emotional needs for security, self-worth, and significance. However, love interfaces with all of these.

If I feel loved, then I can relax, knowing that my spouse will do me no ill. I feel secure in his or her presence. I can face the uncertainties in my vocation. I may have enemies in other areas of my life, but with my spouse I feel secure. In the next two days, I'll talk about how to effectively meet your spouse's need for emotional love.

Lord Jesus, thank you for your love that never fails. And thank you for the love 1 can share with my spouse. Please help me to love effectively, so that he or she will feel secure in our relationship.

See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are! 1 JOHN 3:1

OFTEN, MARITAL LOVE makes the difference between low self-esteem and healthy self-esteem. Love makes a difference in the way I perceive myself.

In reality, of course, all of us are of great value simply because we are made in the image of God. The apostle John makes clear that God calls us his children because he loves us so much. The Bible also uses the image of sheep. Psalm 100:3 says, "He made us, and we are his. We are his people, the sheep of his pasture." In short, we are loved and valued, we belong, and we are cared for. That's a wonderful message for any believer's self-worth.

But not all of us feel valuable. In marriage, we can be God's instrument for building our mate's self-esteem. The best way to do that is to love our spouse and communicate God's truth to him or her. Speaking our spouse's love language and keeping his or her love tank full also communicates worth. After all, if my spouse loves me, I must be worth something.

Do you know your spouse's primary love language-what really makes him or her feel loved? Then ask God to give you the ability to speak that language well, whether it's physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, or acts of service. Watch your spouse blossom into the person God intends him or her to be. Love makes a difference.

Heavenly Father, thank you for allowing us to call you Father! You have adopted us as your children, and you care for us as tenderly as a shepherd cares for sheep. Thank you for valuing us. Please help me as 1 strive to communicate that value to myspouse through my expressions of love.

Above all, you must live as citizens of heaven, conducting yourselves in a manner worthy of the Good News about Christ. Then ... I will know that you are standing together with one spirit and one purpose, fighting together for the faith, which is the Good News. PHILIPPIANS 1:27

THE NEED FOR SIGNIFICANCE drives much of our behavior. We want our lives to count for something. In reality, I am significant because God made me. Life does have meaning. There is a higher purpose-to share God's love with others by spreading the Good News. The apostle Paul encouraged believers to be united in this purpose, and that still holds true today. When we communicate God's love, we are doing something highly significant.

However, I may not feel significant until someone expresses love to me. When my spouse lovingly invests time, energy, and effort in me, I feel valuable. But surprisingly, when I choose to love my spouse and give my life for his or her well-being, I feel even more valuable. Why? Because it is more blessed to give than to receive.

Christ is our example. He gave up his life for the church (see Ephesians 5:25); consequently, God "highly exalted Him" (Philippians 2:9, NASB). One of your greatest contributions to the cause of Christ is to love your spouse.

Father, lam thankful for the significance you give me. I want to fulfill your purposes for me and share your love with others. Please help me to start by loving my spouse well and selflessly. Through that, may he or she feel significant too.

Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, 1 press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. PHILIPPIANS 3:13-14

ACCORDING TO 1 CORINTHIANS 13, love "keeps no record of wrongs." How many times in a counseling session have I listened as a husband or wife detailed each other's past failures? The hurt, pain, and disappointment are all felt as though the wrongdoing happened yesterday. I ask you, of what value is that?