The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (6 page)

When you feel fear, don't put yourself down and don't blame it on your spouse. Instead, run as quickly as you can to the loving arms of God.

Father, l want to trust you with my fears. Forgive me for the times 1 have lashed out at my spouse or blamed him or her because of my fear. Help me to bring it to you right away. Thank you for being with me.

"Don't sin by letting anger control you." Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for angergives a foothold to the devil. EPHESIANS 4:26-27

DO YOU FIND YOURSELF overreacting to little irritations? Your spouse forgot the milk, and you grimace or make a sarcastic comment. Your child tracked mud on the new carpet, and you explode. If so, there is a good chance that you are suffering from stored anger-anger that has been living inside of you for years.

Perhaps your parents hurt you with harsh words or severe punishment. Maybe your peers made fun of you as a teenager or your boss treated you unfairly. If you've held all of these hurts inside, now your stored anger may be showing up in your behavior. The Bible wisely tells us not to let the day end when we're still angry. In other words, we need to deal with our anger right away rather than letting it build up. In my book Anger, I talk about getting rid of stored anger. It all begins by releasing your anger to God. Tell him about your emotions, and ask him to help you handle the situations that caused them. He can help you release the hurts from long ago and forgive those who wounded you.

Experiencing anger isn't wrong. But as Ephesians 4 tells us, letting anger control us is wrong-and can be very damaging to a marriage.

Lord, sometimes 1 experience so much anger over such little things. I know I'm hurting my spouse, and 1 don't want to do that anymore. Please forgive me. I release this anger to you. Help me to figure out whyI have it and then let it go.

Jesus replied, "The most important commandment is this: `Listen, 0 Israel! The LORD our God is the one and only LORD. And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength: The second is equally important: `Love your neighbor as yourself."'

MARK 12:29-31

THE WORD CHRISTIAN MEANS "Christlike." In the first century, Christian was not a name chosen by the followers of Jesus. Rather, it was a name given to them by others. Believers based their lifestyle on the teachings of Christ, so the best way to describe them was to call them Christians.

What if Christians really were Christlike? Central in Jesus' teachings is the command to love. In fact, in the verses above, Jesus said that the greatest commandment is to love God and the second is to love our neighbors. These commands supersede all others, because everything else flows out from them.

Love begins with an attitude, which in turn leads to acts of service. "How may I help you?" is a good question with which to begin. Today is a good day to express love to our neighbor. In my opinion, that starts with those closest to us-first our spouse, then our family-and then spreads outward.

Father, you made it clear that loving you and loving others is the most important thing 1 can do. Help me to make that a priority. Let me show Christlike love to my spouse today.

Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. EPHESIANS 4:32

"BE YE KIND ONE TO ANOTHER" (Ephesians 4:32, KJv). We may have memorized it as children, but have we forgotten it as adults? Kindness is one of the traits of love, as defined in the Bible's famous "love chapter;" 1 Corinthians 13: "Love is patient and kind" (v. 4). Do you consciously think of being kind to your spouse throughout the day? Kindness is expressed in the way we talk as well as in what we do. Yelling and screaming are not kind. Speaking softly and respectfully is. So is taking the time to have a meaningful conversation with a spouse who is lonely, upset, or uncertain.

Then there are acts of kindness-things we do to help others. When we focus our energy on doing kind things for each other, our relationship can be rejuvenated. What could you do today to be kind to your spouse? Maybe it's taking on a chore that's not typically your responsibility, or bringing him or her a cup of coffee in bed. Or perhaps it's giving an encouraging note or bringing home a favorite treat. These are small things, but they can have a big impact. Imagine what your relationship would be like if you both emphasized kindness.

Lord Jesus, l want to show my love through kindness. Please help me to think of great ways today to be kind to the one I love.

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love. EPHESIANS 4:2

PATIENCE MEANS ACCEPTING the imperfections of others. By nature, we want others to be as good as we are (or as good as we think we are), as on time as we are, or as organized as we are. The reality is, humans are not machines. The rest of the world does not live by our priority list; our agenda is not their agenda. It's especially important for couples to remember this. In a loving relationship, patience means bearing with our spouse's mistakes and giving him or her the freedom to be different from us.

When is the last time you were impatient with your significant other? Did your impatience come because he or she failed to live up to your expectations? I don't think its coincidence that Ephesians 4:2 links humility with patience. When we're humble, we realize that the world doesn't revolve around us and that we don't set the standard for behavior. And when that's our mindset, we're far less likely to become impatient.

The Bible says, "Love is patient and kind" (1 Corinthians 13:4). If in impatience you lash out at your loved one, love requires that you apologize and make it right. Work for more patience in your marriage.

Lord, I need more patience. Please teach me to let goof my expectations-for what others should be like, for what 1 should be able to accomplish, and for what 1 think I'm owed. Help me to treat my husband or wife with loving patience.