The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (52 page)

IS THE MARRIAGE OVER if your spouse walks out? The answer is an emphatic no. Marital separation means that the marriage needs help. The biblical ideal calls for reconciliation. You may not feel like reconciling, and you may see no hope for reunion. The process may frighten you, but may I challenge you to follow the example of God himself?

Throughout the Bible, God is pictured as having a love relationship with his people-Israel in the Old Testament and the church in the New Testament. On many occasions, God found himself separated from his people because of their sin and stubbornness. In a sense, the entire Bible is a record of God's attempts to be reconciled to his people. Note that God always pleaded for reconciliation on the basis of correcting sinful behavior. Never did God agree to reconcile while Israel continued in sin. In the passage above, the prophet Isaiah passionately called people to turn away from their sins and toward the Lord. God was near, and his forgiveness was available.

There can be no reconciliation without repentance. In a marriage, that means mutual repentance, because the failure has involved both parties. Dealing with your own failures is the first step in seeking reconciliation.

Father, lam thankful for your example of calling for loving reconciliation. I confess my own sins in my marriage. Help me to deal with those first as I seek reconciliation with my spouse.

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. EPHESIANS 3:20

SEPARATION MEANS that the marriage is in trouble. Your dreams of making each other happy have been shattered. The lack of fulfillment you experienced before separation probably came from one of three sources: (1) lack of an intimate relationship with God, (2) lack of an intimate relationship with your mate, or (3) lack of an intimate understanding and acceptance of yourself. The first and last of these can be corrected without the help of your spouse. The second, of course, requires the cooperation of both husband and wife.

Radical change in all three areas is very possible. If you will begin working on your relationship with God and on developing a better understanding of yourself, you will be working on the reconciliation of your marriage-even if your spouse is not actively involved at this point.

Let a pastor, counselor, or Christian friend help you take a fresh look at God and yourself. Move toward God and seek his help in understanding your role in restoring your relationship with your spouse. Change yourself, and you open the door to the possibility of reconciliation. The apostle Paul tells us in Ephesians 3 that God can do more than we can ask or even think. He can restore your marriage.

Father, thank you for reminding me of the steps 1 can take toward reconciliation, even if my spouse isn't walking in that direction right now. I want to know you more, and 1 want to know myself better. Please guide me as 1 try to figure these things out.

(If you are not separated, pray for a friend who is.)

Whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone-especially to those in the family of faith. GALATIANS 6:10

FOR SOME PEOPLE, actions speak louder than words. Acts of service is probably the primary love language of these people. It's what makes them feel loved. The words "I love you" may seem shallow to these folks if they are not accompanied by acts of service.

Mowing the grass, cooking a meal, washing dishes, vacuuming the floor, getting hairs out of the sink, removing the white spots from the mirror, getting bugs off the windshield, taking out the garbage, changing the baby's diaper, painting the bedroom, dusting the bookcase, washing the car, trimming the shrubs, raking the leaves, dusting the blinds, walking the dog-these types of things communicate love to the person whose primary love language is acts of service. In Galatians, Paul encourages us to take opportunities to do good and kind things for other believers. How much more should we do this for the one we love most?

Do these things, and your spouse will feel loved. Fail to do these things, and you can say, "I love you" all day long without making him or her feel loved. If you want your spouse to feel loved, you must discover and speak his or her primary love language.

Father, there are so many ways to show my love through acts of service. Please help me to notice the opportunities throughout the day.

[Jesus said,] "Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many" MATTHEW 20:26-28

JESUS DEMONSTRATED the love language of acts of service when he washed the feet of his disciples. This was a task usually relegated to a servant, so it was shocking for a respected teacher to do-so shocking that at first Peter didn't want Jesus to serve him that way. But for Jesus this was not one random act; it was a way of life. The sentence that best describes his life is this: "He went about doing good" (Acts 10:38, ESV). He himself said that he "came not to be served but to serve others." Service was the central theme of his life. His ultimate act of service was to give his life for us so that we could be forgiven by God.

If your spouse's love language is acts of service, then let Jesus be your model. Read the Gospels again, and look for the ways in which he served others. Ask God to give you the attitude of Christ toward your spouse so that you can serve him or her in love.

Lord Jesus, your attitude of service is the ultimate model for me. Help me as 1 strive to imitate the generous ways you showed love to others. Please show me how to serve freely.

Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. EPHESIANS 4:29

IF THERE IS ONE SKILL that is more important than any other in gaining sexual oneness, it is communication. Why are we so ready to discuss everything else and so reticent to communicate openly about this area of marriage? When talking about sexuality, we should endeavor to follow the apostle Paul's advice and share helpful, encouraging words with each other. Your communication can make a dramatic difference to the level of mutual sexual satisfaction in your marriage.

Your wife will never know your feelings, needs, and desires if you do not express them. Your husband will never know what pleases you if you do not communicate. I have never known a couple who gained mutual sexual satisfaction without open communication about sexual matters. You cannot work on a problem of which you are unaware.