The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (55 page)

The apostle Peter encouraged men to honor their wives and treat them with understanding and consideration. Men should do this first and foremost because God commanded it, but the truth is that it benefits them as well. The wise husband will seek to create a climate where his wife feels accepted and loved as a person. In doing so, he opens the door to sexual intimacy.

Lord, I know that you always want us to treat each other with honor, respect, and love. When we do this, our relationship runs more smoothly-and it honors you. Help me to grow in this.

If only someone would listen to me! Look, I will sign my name to my defense.

JOB 31:35

MOST OF US SHARE our ideas much too soon. We talk before we have really listened. In fact, one research project found that the average person will listen only seventeen seconds before interrupting.

The book of job gives many illustrations of poor listening. As Job suffered with physical illness, grief, and loss of material things, he steadfastly maintained his good standing before God. But his "friends" brushed him off and stated insistently that he must have committed some great sin for God to allow him to suffer so much. Finally, after pages of speeches, job gets fed up. We can hear his frustration in his words: "If only someone would listen to me!"

A good listener will never share his ideas until he is sure that he understands what the other person is saying. In marriage, this is extremely important. Ask questions, repeat what you think your spouse is saying, and ask, "Am I understanding you?" When your spouse says, "Yes, I think you understand what I'm saying and how I feel," then and only then are you ready to move on. You might say, "I really appreciate your being open with me. Now that I understand where you're coming from, may I share what I was thinking when I did that? I realize now that what I said was hurtful, but I want you to understand that I was not trying to hurt you." At this point, your spouse will hear your perspective, because you have first taken the time to really hear what he or she was saying.

Lord, I want to be a good and thoughtful listener. Let me not frustrate my spouse by expressing my opinions too soon and too strongly. Please give me ears to listen well.

Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom.

PSALM 90:12

AS CHRISTIANS, we know that life's ultimate meaning is to be found in relationships: first, in a relationship with God, and second, in our relationships with people. On the human level, the marriage relationship is designed by God to be the most intimate, with the parent-child relationship a close second. Yet some of us pursue activities that have little to do with building relationships. How do we stop the merry-go-round and get off?

Have you heard people say, "I know that I ought to, but I just don't have time"? Is it true that we don't have time to do what we ought to do? The word ought means to be bound by moral law, conscience, or a sense of duty. If we are not accomplishing our oughts, then we need to examine our use of time. Time is a resource the Lord has given us, and like any other resource, we need to be good stewards of it. The verse above, and many other places in the Bible, underscores the bottom-line reason for using our time well-because our time on earth is limited. Time is a precious commodity we shouldn't waste.

Ultimately, we can control how we use our time. We can accomplish our goals for our closest relationships. Making time for what's important means that we must say no to things of lesser importance. Do you need to sit down and take a fresh look at how you are using your time? Then do it today.

Lord, you know best how quickly our days on earth pass by. I want to use my time in the best way possible, and that means investing it in my relationship with you and my relationship with my spouse. Help me to make wise decisions as I evaluate my priorities.

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time. EPHESIANS 5:15-16 (ESV)

IF YOU AGREE that your marriage relationship is important, then what would you like to do to enhance it? Would a "daily sharing time" be helpful? Would a weekly date night be good? How about attending a marriageenrichment weekend? Decide what would be profitable, and make time to do the important.

I say "make time" because if you don't put it into your schedule, it won't happen. Saying yes to the important may mean saying no to the less important. For example, setting aside a daily time for the two of you to talk uninterrupted may require that you give up a thirty-minute television program each night. A weekly date night may require that you eliminate something from your budget to have money for a babysitter. If it's important, you can make it happen.

The passage above from Ephesians 5 encourages us to be wise in how we use our limited time, and to make the best use of it. Time and money are your assets. You must manage them well in order to accomplish the important. No one else will do it for you. Only you can take control of your life and see that you actually do what you believe you ought to do.

Lord God, it's so easy for me to get stuck in the way 1 usually do things and to forget about the really important things. Please help me to make a priority of spending time with my spouse-and help us to set a plan in place so that it will happen.

Dear children, let's not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. i JOHN 3:18

FALLING IN LOVE is a temporary experience. It is not premeditated; it simply happens in the normal context of male-female relationships. What many people do not know is that it is always temporary. The average life span for being "in love" is two years.

The "in love" experience temporarily meets one's emotional need for love. It gives us the feeling that someone cares, that someone admires and appreciates us. Our emotions soar with the thought that another person sees us as number one. For a brief time our emotional need for love is met. However, when we come down off the emotional high, we may feel empty. That's sometimes accompanied by feelings of hurt, disappointment, or anger.

If emotional love is to return to your relationship, it will require each of you to discover and speak each other's primary love language. As we've discussed, there are only five basic languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch.