The Mason List (7 page)

Why would
they continue to bail out this poor family over and over again?  Did it make
them feel powerful over others?  Something they could hold over gutter trash
like me?  Something they could brag about with their other rich friends?

“Look
Pumpkin, the Masons are nice folks.  I know Mrs. Mason can be a little harsh at
times, but they have good hearts.  Actually, they have really big hearts if you
would just look at it that way.  You even have one of them as your best friend. 
I don’t question why.  It’s not something that is in our control.  They came
into our lives when we needed them the most.  Don’t worry about
why
they
were our miracle.  You need to just be thankful they
were
the miracle
and not be angry.  Your mother wouldn’t like to see you this way.”

“Well, I
guess it’s good she’s
dead!
”  The internal thoughts accidentally slipped
out in real words.

“Alexandra!”

I stared
back at his face, feeling the impact of my sudden outburst.  I didn’t want to
talk about it anymore.  I’d caused this to happen tonight.  I ruined the
amazing evening of the carnival with my ever present struggle over this
deep-rooted, grown-up issue.  I may sound sixteen, but all I really wanted to
be was ten going on eleven. 

Turning
on my heels, I stomped to my bedroom and slammed the door.  A little better,
but it wasn’t enough.  Opening my closet, I looked around with wild eyes and
saw the latest pair of dress sandals, courtesy of Mrs. Mason.  I grasped the
toe and beat the little shoe into the wood floor.  Come on,
break!

“Pumpkin,
what are you doing in there.”

My
shoulders froze, waiting for the door to swing open.  I stood up with my arms
held high above my head, gripping a patent leather shoe as if it were a
weapon.  I felt the thud of my heart with each breathe.  He could not see me
crack.  I set the shoe carefully back in the closet and threw a shirt over the
wood floor damage.  Something I would need to fix later.

“I’m
sorry,” I said, cracking open the door.

He didn’t
believe me.  The reality of being a father and not a mother registered with
sadness as he watched through the four-inch slit, not sure if he should extend
comfort or punishment.  “I know, but I think we should talk about it some
more.  I don’t think you understand.”

I saw the
look of failure in the creases around his eyes.  He was worried that I was on
the brink of a destructive meltdown.  Maybe I was tonight.  Instead, I took on
the role of comforter to the broken man in front of me.  Back to being sixteen.

 “I
do
understand, Dad.  I am really sorry for saying it.  It won’t happen again.  And
I’m glad we have the Masons.”  He looked back at my face and the reassurance
seemed to help.  “I’m going to bed now.  I’m kind of sick from all the cotton
candy.”

“Ok. 
Good night.”  My father reached through the opening and patted the top of my
head like I was three. 

I shut
the door tight.  This wasn’t over.  He could think whatever he wanted.  I would
not sit idle and let our debts go unaccounted for to the Masons.  I would pay
them all back; I just didn’t know when or how, I just knew it would happen. 
Someday, I would repay every so-called miracle.  I would not be a product of
charity. 

Pulling
out a piece of notebook paper, I drew columns down the page with a ruler.  I
numbered in the left corner and tried to picture the first day I met the Masons
and every item that was delivered. 

I turned
the pencil over and applied the eraser.  This list needed to go back even
further than the first day in Arlis.  I wrote number one as
Momma’s Hospital
Bills
.  As Jess had pointed out when we first came to the ranch, the
Mason-funded hospice wing was the reason for us even moving to Arlis.  My
fingers cramped as I printed in tiny letters down the first column.  I sat
back, reflecting on each item. 

I glanced
at the film strip from the carnival; our laughing faces side-by-side.  My
friendship with Jess was a difficult thing for me when it came to the Masons. 
It was the one thing that had my feelings completely divided.  My eyes shifted
back, contemplating the items.  It needed to be called something.  I guess it
was pretty simple.  I printed the name in large letters across the top of the
page for
The Mason List
.

Chapter 12

When
I was ten…

The next
Saturday after the carnival, Jess showed up at the farmhouse.  He said today
was the day for horse riding and refused to take no for answer.

“Are you
sure I can touch them?” I looked at the two horses and shuddered.  I was a tall
girl, but these beasts towered over my head. 

“They’re
really nice, you just have to give ‘em a chance,” Jess said over his shoulder
as he tied the lead rope to the fence.  “Here’s some carrots.  Feed ‘em to Blue
Bonnet.”

“Which
one is Blue Bonnet?”  I looked back and forth between the two tan horses. 
Maybe they had name tags like a dog.

“That
one’s BB,” Jess said, walking to the other horse.  I was surprised he could
even stand up straight with the excitement.  Once we got here, he’d switched
over to pancake-syrup talk, slurring every syllable into Texas gibberish.  I
knew me riding horses meant the world to him. 

“I think
BB is bigger than the other one.  Maybe I should get the smaller one.”  It was
only a few inches but a few inches seemed a little less terrifying at the
moment.

“No, you
don’t want to ride Clive.  You need BB.  Here, take the carrots and feed her
one.  Like this.”

My eyes
grew wide as I watched Jess shove the carrot into Clive’s mouth.  I didn’t know
horses had such big teeth.  Jess moved his hand up Clive’s neck to scratch
behind his pointed ears.  I knew Jess loved his horses.  He desperately wanted
to share his pretty animals with me. 

Looking
at BB’s silky hair, I reached up to touch her neck.  She lunged forward, and I
screamed.  BB knocked the carrot from my hand to the ground.  Her big teeth
scooped it up.  The horse chewed with her big brown eyes fixed on me.

“What are
ya’ll doin’ back there?”

“I’m not
going up.  I can’t even feed the carrots right.” 

“You’re
goin’ up.  Stop chickenin’ out!  You said you would do it!” 

We stared
at each other for a few moments.  I took a deep breath and offered a
compromise.  “Fine, but I’m only sitting on her.  No walking.  Just sitting
tied to the fence.  Promise?”  I needed a firm understanding with that boy
before I ever got on top of his horse.  I knew how he worked.

“Promise,”
he said with a grin.

After
several attempts to boost me up, Jess finally got my behind on top of BB.  Jess
climbed up on Clive.  He leaned over and untied them both from the fence.

“Hey! 
What are you doing?”  BB followed along behind Clive.  My fingers trembled,
clenching the rein in one hand and the saddle in the other. 

“You’ll
be fine!  We can just go down the fence row!”  Jess yelled back.

“You
promised!”  I was so angry but too scared to say anything else.  I managed a
few deep breaths and let them out slowly through my mouth.  Each step jarred me
sideways a little in the saddle.  My thighs clung to the horse.

We
traveled at a steady pace in a single line down the fence.  Maybe Jess was
right.  I was doing ok.  I wasn’t upside down on my head.   Feeling brave, I
glanced around the fence.  It was a different experience than a four-wheeler. 
So peaceful and quiet.

I
released my tightly-clenched hand from the saddle and patted BB’s neck.  Her
hair felt really soft against my palm.  I calmly stroked her until suddenly, a
loud yapping came from my right.  One of the cattle dogs chased a small orange
cat around the stables then through the grass directly toward us.  I felt BB
move faster and then like a flick of a switch, she broke off from the fence row
and out toward the meadow.

I
screamed and yelled.  I grabbed a hold of anything my hands could grasp as I
bounced along on top of BB.  My screams got lost in the wind and the barns
faded from view.  The trees and grass flew by in a blur as the horse continued
to gain speed.  In the distance, I saw a fallen tree directly in our path.  I
panicked and felt the horse go airborne.  She cleared the massive tree trunk,
but I couldn’t stay in the saddle.   

I hit the
ground with a hard slam that sent my body rolling for several feet.  Everything
hurt and I couldn’t catch my breath.  I wanted to scream but nothing came out. 
I thrashed around on my back, trying to breathe.  I heard the sound of pounding
hooves.   

No!
  BB was coming back to trample me. 
As I tried to move away, I saw Jess ride up on Clive.  He jumped off and ran
toward me.

“A…lex…a…are
you ok?”  He was out of breath and his words came out in spats.  Leaning over,
his black hair flopped into his blue eyes.  “I don’t know…what…happened.”

“I’m…
going to… kill you!” I tried to rise up and throw a swing at Jess.  My left
foot gave out, and I crashed back onto the ground.

“Alex,
you have to calm down.”

“This is
all your fault!”

“No,
Alex.  Be still.”

“Jess!” 
I snapped with anger.

“There’s
a snake.” His voice remained steady while his blue eyes darted to the left
again.  I looked over my shoulder to see the tan and dark brown shape about a
yard from my hand.  The tail rattled just a little, sending prickly fear down
my spine.

“What do
I do?” I whispered through clenched teeth. 

“I wish I
had my gun.  It’ll take too long to go get it,” Jess whispered back.

Since
moving to the ranch, I had listened to numerous tall tales involving rattlers. 
Right in that terrifying moment, I recalled the photographs Davey Rawlins had
brought to school of his uncle’s foot half-rotted off from a snake bite.  Davey
said it struck his Uncle Skeeter straight through his boot. 

The
images spread fear through my body.  It would hurt as the snake sunk the sharp
fangs into my skin.  The venom would burn as it ate away the tissue and then my
hand would gradually fall off.  Very simple.

“Alex,
you listenin’?” His voice sounded like a hiss.  Beads of perspiration dripped
down the front of my pale, clammy face.  I saw his eyes move to the snake then
back to me.

“I’m
gonna move in slowly to the left.  Then I’ll toss a rock over in the other
direction as a distraction then pull you real hard.  You gotta push off with
your good foot.  We only got one shot at this.”

“It might
bite me,” I whispered.

“Yup.”

“But…”

“Let’s
go,” he whispered, giving me no time to think any more.

Jess
tossed a baseball-sized stone in the opposite direction and then yanked my arm,
pulling me up from the ground.  In the dusty air, the sound of rattles played
like background music.  His body held me up, dragging me along to keep the
weight off my throbbing ankle.  For several yards, we stumbled through sage
bushes and vines cursed with thorns.  The sharp spikes dug into the legs of my
denim jeans. 

“Are you
sure it’s gone?”  I peered through the grass for signs of the scaly body.

“I think
he went the other way when I threw the rock.” 

“You
think?”

“No.  I’m
sure.” Jess lowered us both to the ground.  The muscles in my legs felt like
Jell-O. 

“That was
really scary.” 

“I know. 
I ain’t ever been that close to one without a gun.” I watched his grungy
fingers push the hair off his forehead.   

“You
saved my hand from rotting off.” 

“Your
hand was gonna rot off?” his eyebrows scrunched up in a frown.

“Never
mind.  I just wanted to say thank you.” 

Jess
looked at me for a moment then shrugged. “It’s no big deal.  Friends have each
other’s backs.  I’ll always have your back and you’ll always have mine.”

“Always? 
That’s like forever.  How do you know we will be friends forever?”

“I just
do.”

“You
do?”  I looked over at him in disbelief.  He had no control over the future.  I
knew first-hand how life changed faster than the flash of a hummingbird wing. 
One moment you’re playing Barbies, and the next your mother is dying while you
eat moldy sandwiches.     

“If you
don’t believe me, then we should swear on it.  Then it ain’t gonna change.”

“I don’t
think swearing will make a difference.”

“Alright. 
A blood pact,” his famous grin widened across his face.

“Are you
crazy?”  Maybe that rattler got in a strike and the venom was eating away at
his brain.

“Nah,
that’s what they used to do.  You know, Cowboys and Indians and stuff.” 

Jess
pulled a small pocket knife from the left side of his Wranglers.  He flipped
out a blade roughly three inches in length.  With a quick slice, red bubbled
from the small opening in his palm.

“Stick
out your hand.”  Jess grabbed my right hand in a tight grasp.

“I am not
letting you cut me on purpose.”

“Just a
nick.  Then we seal it with a shake.  Trust me.”

“Trust
you. 
Really,
” I rolled my eyes.  This boy was so unbelievable.

“I won’t
hurt ya.”

“Ok.  But
I’m not watching.”

With my
head turned to the right, I let Jess Mason slice across the lines of my hand. 
The pain was the same as a paper cut.  I unclenched my eyes to see a streak the
color of deep crimson run to my pinky finger.  Jess wiped the knife across the
knee of his jeans then snapped it shut.

“Ok.  You
ready?”

I nodded
in agreement.  Jess mashed the inside of my palm in a tight handshake, mixing
the blood and dirt together. 

“I
promise we always will be friends and have each other’s backs.  No matter
what.  Even when we have no teeth and no hair.”

“No teeth
or hair?  I will never have no teeth or hair.”

“Alex! 
Just swear, ok?”

I watched
the serious blue eyes of a ten-year-old boy waiting for my answer.  Forever was
a very long time to promise loyalty.  I smiled as I thought about the last two
years.  I had numerous issues with the Mason family, but I’d never felt anything
like I did when I was with Jess.   

I saw the
picture he painted with Jess bald and toothless, except I had long red hair and
perfect white teeth.  It was a fantasy that would never happen in the reality
of our world, yet I looked into his grinning face and longed for it to be
true.  Maybe the act of speaking words sworn in blood could cement this pact
into cosmic existence.

“I
promise we will always be friends and have each other’s backs, no matter
what.”  I gave his hand a little squeeze to seal the deal.  Dabbing my hand
against my denim jeans, the cut left dark traces on the fabric.

“Now I’ve
got your complete sworn trust,” Jess arched his eyebrows up with a mischievous
smile, “I’m gonna help you get up.”

“Why do
you need my trust?”

“Because
we gotta get you up there,” Jess motioned to Clive.  

“Oh no! 
No.  I am
not
doing it.”  There was no way I would get back up on one of
those things. 

“We don’t
got no choice.  You can’t walk back and we can’t just sit because the rattler’s
over there.”

“I thought
you said it’s gone.”

“Well, I
didn’t kill it, you know.”  A sharp, prickly feeling radiated down my spine at
the thoughts of one very not dead rattlesnake.  Jess was right.  I didn’t have
a choice. 

With my
ankle, it took some effort to get up on the horse.  Jess climbed up behind me. 
I held a tight grasp on the saddle while he handled the reins.  It was a
completely different experience with someone else in control of the horse.  We
slowly trotted back to the barn.

“Alex,
I’m really sorry.  I didn’t think any of this would happen.  I should’ve had
Uncle Frank out there with us.”

“Um, that
may have been scarier than BB and the rattlesnake combined.”

“I know,”
his voice came with a burst of laugher behind my ear.  “He’s my uncle, but he’s
just plain scary sometimes.  I turned ‘round the other day in the barn and he’s
just standin’ there.  Watchin’ me.  Cigarette hangin’ from his lips.  I don’t
know how long he’d been there.  He spit on the ground and said,
Boy, you
better hurry it up or I’m turnin’ the lights out and leavin’ you in here in the
dark with the rats cause you ain’t goin’ home ‘till it’s done. 
Then he
used that gross bandana ‘round his neck to wipe his nose.  That thing ain’t
ever been washed.  Every day.  Same ol’ snot.”

“
Eeew.
 
Have you ever thought Uncle Frank looks like that guy from
City Slickers
?”

“
City
Slickers
?  Like the old dude with the gold?”

“That’s
the one.”

“You’re
right,” he giggled.  “You wanna sneak in his house?  See if he’s hidin’ gold
under the floor boards?”