The Lost Blogs (27 page)

If you are looking for particular starting times of particular Lumière Brothers film attractions, just click on the name of
the film you would like to view and you will be presented with additional information!

On December 28, the Lumière Brothers will be proud to present these amazing, never-beforeseen, must-see-event films:

—

Arrival of a Train!
BUY TICKETS

The most amazing action picture ever produced!! There is a train coming straight toward the audience and what will they do!?
It’s coming closer!? Here, you’ll wet your pants when you see a train coming right for you when, in fact, it’s just another
one of the Lumière Brothers films!

Baby’s Lunch
BUY TICKETS

A baby is given lunch, and you are there to feel the stress! Watch in awe as the baby doesn’t eat everything the mother wants
to give him! A slapstick comedy in the vein of, well, nothing ever before seen!

The Sprinkler Sprinkled
BUY TICKETS

The comedy follow-up to the successful “Baby’s Lunch,” this lap-smacking farce is about a man and a sprinkler and the silly
damp relationship the two share! Bring your bathing suits, you may just get wet!

Girl Opens Door
BUY TICKETS

A girl opens a door. Over and over again. Marvel as she opens that door right in front of your eyes. It will seem as though
you’re there opening the door too! A knee-slapping comedy tour de force!

Man Lights Candle
BUY TICKETS

In this mystery film, a man takes out a dangerous flame and lights a candle right before your eyes. It is as if the candle
is right there, lighting up the darkness around you! How is it possible!? Then, he lights a candle over and over again! Amazing!

Woman Up Stairs / Woman Down Stairs (Double Feature)
BUY TICKETS

A film for the ladies! A woman goes up some stairs, and you feel as if you’re right there with her! Then, she’ll do it again
and again and again! But wait, there’s more! Here, in this double feature, you’ll also get to see the same woman go down some
stairs. Again and again. Stunning, a must-see!!

---

The Lumière Brothers pride themselves on their cutting-edge, must-see-event films! To subscribe to the Lumière Brothers mailing
list and hear about our upcoming films, please send an e-mail
here
.

From:
http://www.leo_tolstoy.ru/blog/

Subject:
Peace, Not War

I have recently begun corresponding with a young Indian named Mohandas Gandhi—whose words you can read
here
. He is a young activist who shares my thoughts and feelings regarding war and pacifism and does so on his
blog
as well (although I find his comments to be awfully terse—I am able to finish reading his daily thoughts in a few short minutes).
Although I have no way of knowing what impact this Gandhi figure may have on India in the long run, I am always pleased to
share thoughts regarding the issues that matter to me while bridging the gap between language, culture and society. (I would
suggest to him, had I known him better, that his name is not easy to spell and may not roll off the tongue as well as he may
wish it to. A possible name change may work wonders for him.)

My most recent thoughts on societal evil can be found
here
. As these writings exceed 145 digital pages of text, I am unable to provide them for you here on the front page of my digital
journal.

My supplemental thoughts on previous thoughts I had regarding the meshing of real historical figures with fictitious characters
in my novel
War and Peace
can also not be presented here on this front page, as their pages number 243. Due to the length of this journal post you
must
download it
and attempt to read it using your own mechanisms. Since I have written it I have been unable to reread it myself, due to
the fact that any and all of my devices are unable to retrieve a file this large. What I can tell you, however, is it is impressively
long!

I received some correspondence from those who read
www.leo_tolstoy.ru
who mentioned that my article entitled “The Positives of Peaceful Protest” had no text below the header. This was, it turns
out, due to the fact that this article in particular was 452 pages
long with a 10 point font. This comes out to be about 673 handwritten or typefaced pages and it appears as if the current
technology cannot handle such a thing. I will attempt to post the shortened version, which comes in at around 259 pages—a
quick read compared to the latter.

I have additional links to additional pieces that I have written for your perusal, but unfortunately, it appears as if those
additional mentions ended up taking approximately 320 pages—which I can also not provide here on this front page due to loading
issues. It appears as if I may have to break up the document, which includes links to all my documents and writings into shorter
documents like today’s text. In doing so, it will take me 1,298 days in which to communicate this information, but the information
and links will then, at least, be available to you. Expect such information over the next three or more years.

If there’s an article or document you are desperate to study, please do not hesitate to provide your contact information to
me
.

From:
http://www.ed_wood.com/blog/

From:
http://www.gene_roddenberry.com/blog/

Subject:
The Pitch!

Today I pitched my one-hour sci-fi/action/adventure drama,
Star Trek
, to the network.

The pitch was solid, I think. I mean, I think it was solid. Damn, I’m not so sure. I know that when I mentioned the “wagon
train” concept—you know, even though it’s in space it’s still about people riding around and stopping at different planets
(i.e., towns) where stories unfold—I think I saw some nodding. Of course, there was no recognition from the network executives
when I spouted out my astronomy equation about how many carbon-based life-forms there probably are in our galaxy.

2,800,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. (More on this equation
here
.)

They asked what that had to do with
Star Trek!

The more I think about it, the more I can’t quite tell how it went over. When I talked about the Captain (Robert M. April)
I sensed that they were… Oh, who am I kidding! I didn’t sense a thing. Wagon train. They got wagon train. Someone actually
asked if there would be horses. HORSES! I may have even said, “
yes, there will be horses
.” I don’t even know anymore. Hell, if horses would get the show sold, I would include horses. Do you want horses!? You got
’em! (I could probably just let the crew go back to some kind of “alternate universe” where they could exist in scenarios
that took place in familiar Earth settings like the Old West or 1920s Chicago or something…)

Who am I kidding? Maybe I should go back to being a cop!

When I mentioned the name of their ship, the SS
Yorktown
, I
sensed that people didn’t like it. I thought it was a good name. Strong, dedicated, powerful! The YORKTOWN!

I’m a total fraud, aren’t I?

If I could have one wish right now it would be that in addition to selling this damn TV show, I would have no emotional attachment
to it whatsoever. No emotions! At least then, no matter what happened, I could react to the situation with a calm, collected
state of mind. Hmm. No emotions would save me from being sad, angry, frustrated, conflicted—all my downfalls! It’s sort of
a great idea for a character trait.

Oh, give it up, Roddenberry! That’s the stupidest idea ever.

I’ll post as soon as I know what happens—for all THREE of you who happen to have stumbled across this site by accident. (Not
you, Mother.)

From:
http://www.albert_einstein.org/blog/

Subject:
Staggering Frustration…

About five or six weeks ago I took my usual break from the patent office to take a stroll around the outskirts of the city
with my good friend Michele Besso—you may recall my
writings
from weeks ago (one of my few posts on this very complicated blog software)—my head was weighed down with a thousand thoughts
about a thousand ideas and I was attempting to find the connective tissue between all of them. Michele is, indeed, so sharp
and patient at the same time that he allows my words to simply hang out there for seconds, sometimes minutes at a time—sometimes
they connect and sometimes they do not.

This particular time… they did.

I went home that night still close to what I was striving for but not fully grasping that which I had been looking for until
the following morning. The excitement was palpable. This theory of relativity was more concrete than ever before. Finally,
people who showed me no respect or consideration in the past would see that I had something worthwhile to contribute. I immediately
set out to put these theories to the digital page so that there would be no delay, the kinds which normal ancient paper presses
are ruled by. I would write them and print them here for the whole world to see!

There was one tiny impasse.

That impasse is this device which I have yet to fully grasp (which scares me every time I share a look with its blank, dark
screen). I visited my neighbors—their son, at a ripe age of ten, knows more about operating this machine and the software
within it than I can ever hope to know. He instructed me again as to how I could put my thoughts here on the digital page
for all to see. After hours of explanation and reexplanation (really, one must need to be a genius in order to operate one
of these marvels), I felt comfortable enough to begin writing straight into the blog’s interface.

There was my viewpoint on the production and transformation of light. My thoughts on the kinetic theory of heat. Theories
on electrodynamics of moving bodies and my special theory of relativity. Six weeks and thirty pages of work. I hit SUBMIT
and waited.

And waited. And waited. There was a beep of some kind, then a strange error message popped up in front of me. I turned the
power button off and on again, in the hopes that it would fix the problem. Yet, when it came back on, everything I had written
was gone.

The screen was blank.

Gone. It had disappeared! Everything. I frantically fetched the neighbor’s son, who searched but to no avail. Important documents,
I told him. Life-changing theories!! He had to retrieve them, all this work I had done.

The child looked to me and in an almost innocent voice exclaimed that he was, indeed, no genius. Indeed.

Of course, this text appears with no problem! There is no rhyme or reason to the odds involved with such a confounding situation.

I stare at the blank screen now with despair. The thoughts are still in my head, albeit a little less coherent, but I fear
having to do it all over again and things are busy at the patent office as usual. I will see if my motivation comes back in
a few weeks and possibly try again.

Ugh. I just don’t get these computers. Too confusing. My mind… it just can’t grasp it.

From:
http://www.cleopatra.com/blog/

Subject:
Vacationing to Rome!

44 B.C. is so the new 45 B.C., if you know what I mean.

Last year (45 B.C.) was like so crazy for me with just too much attention and crazed peasants trying to get a piece of me
every single minute of every single day! Oh my God, can you believe that I just grew tired of it all!? I mean, puh-leeze—I
am just a person like the rest of you, and just because I am extremely wealthy and attractive and happen to be unofficially
dating
Julius Caesar
doesn’t mean I don’t put on my personally designed gowns the same way you do!! With servants! Hah! Don’t we all!?

So, whatever, I know you feel me. Last year was crazy and now this year is more of the same with the people and the wanting
and the touching and the me me me me me!! It’s enough to just make you want to scream! And I have! Many times!

That’s why I’m taking Caesarion my son with me to visit his dad in Rome next month (March) to visit the A-list Roman you all
know from his power and his wealth and his good looks—J. Caesar. J.C. has promised he’s going to do it up for me, with lavish
dinners and even top-of-the-line transportation coming to pick me up for the trip from Egypt. All I have to say is he’d better
live up to his promises—we are traveling in STYLE.

I want a four-horse chariot or I am NOT GOING ANYWHERE. And when I get into that four-horse chariot there better be a kick-ass
Roman Gift Bag in there or J.C. ain’t getting anything from me if you know what I mean. I am a walking billboard of publicity
for that guy and that Roman empire and if he wants the people to continue to be obsessed with this “forbidden romance” between
the two of us then he’d better give the girl what she deserves. Jewels. I want more jewels.