The Kissing Booth (23 page)

For once, he didn’t push it.

At school, nobody seemed to think anything had happened; there weren’t even any rumors going around. Everything was totally, completely normal. The way it should be.

I stole a glance at Lee as we were talking to the guys. He caught my eye and gave me a half-hearted smile, shrugging one shoulder. He was just as uncomfortable acting like everything was fine as I was.

Things weren’t too bad until we were on our way to homeroom and I heard my name being called over the noise of students moving though the school.

‘Elle! Hold up a second! Elle!’

My head snapped up. It was Noah’s voice. I grasped Lee’s arm, looking at him with wild eyes. What was I supposed to do now?

‘Elle!’ He was getting closer. I didn’t want to deal with this right now. ‘Elle, hang on!’

I yanked Lee’s arm and tugged him after me as I diverted down the nearest corridor. We stopped just outside the classroom.

‘I can’t deal with him right now,’ I explained to Lee quietly, finally letting go of his arm.

‘Yeah, I don’t blame you.’ He gave me a smile. ‘Forget about him.’

‘You say that like it’s so easy. I can’t avoid him for the rest of my life. He’s your brother, for Pete’s sake.’

‘Thanks for the reminder,’ he muttered irritably. Then he sighed, running a hand back and forth through his hair and making it stick up even more. ‘Never mind. Guess you’re right, though. It’s gonna be pretty awkward between you two now.’

‘Thanks for the support,’ I mumbled sarcastically.

‘Come on.’ He led the way into our homeroom, and that was the end of the conversation.

I managed to avoid Noah until lunchtime.

I sat down next to Rachel and Lee, who were hanging out under a cluster of trees near the football field.

‘Very healthy,’ Rachel commented, nodding at my can of orange soda and candy bar.

‘Yup. You know me – ever the health freak.’

‘So I heard about the whole Flynn – I mean, Noah – thing,’ she said quietly, offering a sympathetic smile. Promptly, Lee climbed to his feet, then bent to give Rachel a quick kiss. ‘I’m gonna go join the guys playing football. See you in a bit.’

‘Still a bit of a sensitive topic,’ I mumbled. ‘At least, more so for Lee.’

‘Yeah . . . but I thought you could maybe use some girl talk.’

‘You’re absolutely right.’

‘So . . .’ She wriggled so that she was half lying down, propped up on her elbows, and I moved around to sit in the same position beside her. ‘Did you really like him? Or was it just for sex?’

I blushed. ‘That was only the one time. I was too scared of getting caught after that.’ I exhaled through my nose, searching for the right words. ‘He doesn’t exactly have a lot of redeeming qualities. He can be overprotective, he gets in fights, he’s impulsive—’

‘Aside from his undeniable hotness,’ she argued. ‘Don’t tell me that’s not a redeeming quality.’

I laughed. ‘Careful – that’s practically your brother-in-law you’re talking about there.’

She shrugged, and we both laughed again. I wanted to change the subject, but couldn’t think of any subtle way to do so.

It was Rachel who carried on talking. ‘Lee’s going to be pretty torn up if you do get back with his brother. I can see how it’s weird for him; and if you get hurt, you might not want to see Lee anymore – he’d miss you and I know he’d hate to lose his brother too, and . . .’ She trailed off, biting her lip and looking away.

‘Did Lee say all that?’

She smiled guiltily. ‘You know, he sounded ready to cry when he called me yesterday. He doesn’t want to lose you. You guys are practically twins.’

I broke off a blade of grass and twirled it around my index finger. ‘Most of his other girlfriends have been threatened by how close we are. They’ve always said they’re suspicious that, you know, it’s one of those things where you fall for your best friend. Which is just ridiculous and way more than a little weird, you know? Anyway. My point is, I’m glad you’re not like that.’ I laughed wryly. ‘I think you’re actually the first of his girlfriends who hasn’t hated me.’

‘You’re peas in a pod. I couldn’t imagine you guys being in a relationship like that.’

‘Finally,’ I exclaimed, ‘someone who sees that other than Cam and Dixon.’

‘Although . . . the way you’re talking, it is a little unnerving how many girlfriends he’s had.’

‘Not that many actually,’ I said. ‘But I’ll tell you a secret.’

‘Ooh, I’m listening,’ she said, making both of us giggle. ‘Shoot.’

‘You’re the first girl he’s ever ditched me for. So it must be pretty serious with you two.’

‘I hope so,’ she said. ‘I really, really like him.’

‘You’d better! Have you seen the way he looks at you?’

Her whole face brightened up. ‘It’s not just my imagination then?’

I shook my head. ‘You guys are so cute together.’

‘Thanks.’

We sat in silence a little while, watching the boys throw the ball around in front of us.

‘So what do you think you’re going to do about Flynn? I mean, Noah. God. Lee keeps telling me to just call him Noah, but it’s so weird, you know?’

I sighed. I thought I’d managed to steer her away from that topic. ‘I don’t know. I shouldn’t do anything, but I want to, and . . . I’m
confused
. And Lee . . .’ I sighed again. ‘I don’t know.’

‘Well, you’d better figure out quick.’

‘Why?’

‘He’s coming over here right now.’

I sat bolt upright, spilling my soda in the grass. ‘Shit,’ I muttered, clambering to my feet before it spilled onto my pants too. I dusted myself off and looked up to see Noah striding across the football field, coming straight toward me with a purposeful expression. All eyes were on him – or me, in the case of some extremely jealous girls.

‘Elle! Where are you going?’ Rachel cried after me.

I ran off to the girls’ bathroom like I was running from fire. I locked myself in a cubicle and despite several girls – Rachel, Lisa, Olivia, Jaime, Karen – trying to get me to come back out, I refused.

I didn’t come out until someone started bashing the door in and I heard Lee shouting, ‘Shelly, get your ass out here now.’

I threw open the door. ‘You can’t come in here! This is the girls’ room!’

‘Who gives a shit. Now come on. Get yourself together.’

‘Lee Flynn! What on earth do you think you are doing in here?’ cried a teacher, suddenly appearing from nowhere – Miss Harris, one of the math teachers.

‘Uh . . . women’s troubles? Really bad cramps, you know.’

‘Get out of here right now, young man, before I give you two weeks’ detention!’

He rolled his eyes and grabbed my wrist before I could do or say anything. I didn’t want him getting in trouble so I let him drag me out. Luck was on my side for a moment though: the bell rang and we had to go to class. As I sat down in English, I checked my cell phone. Another text from Noah.

I deleted it before I even read it.

Chapter 21

NOAH DIDN’T TURN
up back home at all on Tuesday, or Wednesday. His parents still hadn’t heard from him, but were satisfied that Lee had seen him at school and he was alive and well. I carried on ignoring his voicemails and texts, and avoiding him in school. He called the landline at my house Wednesday night, and my dad picked up. He hung up on Noah almost straight away.

Thursday morning, my luck ran out.

I stopped by the bathrooms before homeroom, and on my way out, I walked right into something – no, wait. Some
one
.

‘Oh, ouch, sorry,’ I said automatically. I’d been in such a daze I wouldn’t have been surprised if I’d just apologized to a brick wall. It sure as hell felt like—

Ah. Close enough
.

‘Oh.’ I tried sidestepping him, but a hand on my arm stopped me.

Noah looked . . . well, to be blunt, totally awful.

He had bags under his eyes from what I assumed to be several sleepless nights, and he smelled faintly of smoke.

Hey, this was Flynn, after all – I shouldn’t be so surprised. Who’s to say he wasn’t drunk too?

‘We’ve got to talk,’ he said, his voice a little croaky. Without waiting for me to answer, he pulled me into the nearest empty classroom, closing the door behind us.

I sat on the edge of the desk at the front while he stayed by the door.

‘How are you?’ he asked abruptly, looking me dead in the eyes.

I frowned in confusion, more than a little taken aback. ‘Much better now that Lee’s forgiven me, if that’s what you’re asking?’

‘That makes one of us,’ he muttered, running both hands over his face. ‘Too late to go back on it all now. Cat’s out of the bag.’

I felt like he was accusing me, and bristled. ‘Hey, look, I didn’t exactly want to tell him like that—’

‘I wasn’t blaming you, Elle,’ he said quickly. ‘I . . . Look, I need to talk to you, and . . .’

‘Then talk,’ I said, sounding way calmer and more confident than I felt. Not that I was complaining. I was glad he (hopefully) couldn’t tell how anxiety made my pulse go wild, how my palms were all clammy, how my stomach twisted.

‘I . . .’ He gulped, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. ‘I’m sorry. I took advantage of you, and I hated seeing you get hurt when Lee found out. We should’ve just told him from the start. I shouldn’t have let you lie to him like that. It was my fault too. I messed up. And I’m sorry.’

He said it all so rapidly, like he was trying to get the words out before he could take them back, that I thought I’d heard him wrong. And – and he sounded like he meant every word. As though he were really torn up about this.

‘I know,’ he said slowly, ‘you probably never wanted to see my face again, and I get it, but . . .’

‘Can I ask you something?’

‘Uh . . . sure?’

‘Where have you been the last few days?’

He gave a bitter smile, and looked up from his boots to my face again. ‘I was staying in a motel. I didn’t want to make things worse for you with Lee. I’ve been trying to forget about you. I haven’t been able to sleep, so I’ve been driving around. I can’t stop thinking about you,’ he added quietly.

That wasn’t quite the answer I’d expected.

But I knew Noah. He wasn’t one to lie.

He moved closer to me – so close that I got off the desk to avoid being trapped by him as he towered over me, his body brushing against mine.

‘I don’t know what the hell it is about you, Elle, but I can’t . . . I don’t . . .’

‘What?’

‘You drive me insane,’ was all he said then, his voice quiet, soft – intimate. ‘Absolutely insane. I need you back.’

My racing heart stopped, and then flip-flopped wildly. What was he saying? It wasn’t anything else. It wasn’t like he was in l—

Lee had just forgiven me. Maybe not moved on, but forgiven me, at least.

And now Noah just wanted to . . . to carry on where we’d left off? Was he crazy to think I could just do that?

After coming so close to losing my best friend, I wanted to finish this year in peace. Was that too much to ask? Besides, Noah was leaving soon for college.

I couldn’t get back with him. I
couldn’t
. It wouldn’t be right.

So . . . why was it so hard to convince myself that it was wrong?

‘Elle,’ he said, stroking my hair back off my face. ‘Shelly . . .’

I shook my head, putting my foot down. ‘No. It’s not happening. I can’t . . .’

‘Elle,’ he said, those electric-blue eyes darkening as he backed me up a step. ‘You’re killing me here.’

‘Are you drunk?’

‘No. I’m completely sober, and this is all true. I
need
you back.’

I shook my head again, retreating until I felt the wall at my back. Noah stepped forward, hands on either side of my head, his body pinning me there. His breath tickled my face.

‘Elle,’ he said again. I looked into his eyes. I knew he was telling the truth, but I didn’t want to believe it. I wanted to be able to put my foot down, close the door, lock this all away. I didn’t want to go back to the firework feeling of his touch and his kisses because I knew I’d never want to leave him. If I didn’t do this now, I never would – at least not until it was too late.

And I managed one word: ‘No.’

His palm slammed into the display board behind me, making the wall rattle and a loosely tacked poster fall down.

I shook my head, closing my eyes as if not looking at him would help steady me. It didn’t. ‘No.’

His hands dropped onto my shoulders then, and when I opened my eyes, his were pleading with me.

‘Get off me,’ I said, trying to push him off. I prayed he wouldn’t kiss me now – because I knew I’d end up kissing him back.

‘I can do it right this time,’ he said. ‘No sneaking around.’

‘I’m not dating you,’ I said feebly.

He sighed, leaning his head forward so it rested against mine. I stiffened. I wasn’t scared of him, though. I was scared of myself.

He almost had his arms around me. All I wanted to do right now was let him hold me, kiss me.

I couldn’t. I couldn’t go back to that. I’d never get back out. I couldn’t do that to Lee.

‘Noah, please, just . . . don’t.’

‘I can’t help it,’ he said tightly, the muscle in his jaw jumping when he pulled back to look at me. ‘I tried, believe me. What is it about you? You’re driving me crazy here, you’re killing me. I need you back.’

‘I said
no
.’ I shoved him hard in the chest, and slipped out under his arm to the other side of the classroom. ‘Noah, I can’t do it. I’m sorry, but I can’t.’

‘Why?’

‘I – I just . . . I can’t.’

I was saved by the bell: the hallways filled with people going to their first period class. Noah didn’t move, and I found I couldn’t either.

‘I . . . I have to go,’ I managed to say, and I fled, barging my way through people and not caring when I stood on someone’s toes. I just had to get away.

Not because I was afraid of Noah.

I was afraid of my feelings for him.

‘Are you telling me that for your seventeenth birthday – oh, wait, I’m sorry,
our
seventeenth birthday – you have no idea what kind of party you want?’

I laughed. ‘I haven’t really thought about it lately. But we need to sort something out really soon. We have, like, a week.’