The Irresistible Bundle (145 page)

"What do you want" I flatly reply. I won't even be bothered with pleasantries or addressing her as
Mother.
It's fucked up but I live for further pissing her off. It adds a wrinkle here and there making her take frequent visits to the plastic surgeon.

"Have some respect you little slut" she bites. "How dare you pull this stunt?" She shrieks. Nicholas actually has to put the volume on the phone down just so she doesn't make our ears bleed.

"And what exactly have I done this time dear?" Sarcasm weighs heavily in my tone. Nicholas reprimands me with a scathing glare but I don't care enough to tone it down.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. First we receive demands from some hot-shot attorney to review the trust we so-generously allowed you. Then your father receives a notification that you have the gall to claim he isn't paying for your education."

"He hasn't covered my tuition in two semesters" I calmly reply. Somehow her irate rants pacify me. I like them being in a tizzy over this.

"How are you still even in school? It's not like you're smart enough to get grants or scholarships."

"I learned from the best
Mother
" I drawl, "I'm sleeping my way through the right connections. Can't depend on my parents forever, can I?"

Diego frowns but doesn't say a word. It may not be entirely true but the wretched witch on the other line doesn't need to know that.

"We know what's best for you!" She shrills. "You can't steal from the very thing that came from us! I have every right to use that money towards your wedding! But no! The judge mandated that we pay back the trust. You need to fix this! You need to tell him that those funds are approved!"

And there it is folks! Wow, they've sunk to a new low. I wonder what else they've tried to claim were for my good but to their direct benefit. I never agreed to this sham of a marriage. I don't give a shit what Mr. McNamara promised them in exchange for me. More and more the guys' strategy for using portions of my trust begin to make sense. Had Jeremy not requested the copy I still would've been ignorant to the fact that they were somehow accessing it. For too long I've looked at that trust as blood money but I need to get over it. There will never be enough money in the world to get back my innocence but at least I can give them hell for as long as possible.

"I'll take care of everything" I sweetly reply. Eyebrows arch all over the room but I don't say a word to reassure them.

"You damn well better" Mother huffs.

"She disconnected" Nicholas states into the silence. It's not surprising. Mother only calls for very specific reasons and once she gets what she's after she's done.

"What the hell was that about?" Diego demands. He's fucking pissed. "You are not marrying that son-of-a-bitch!"

"You're right I'm not" I quietly concur. Diego's entire body slumps in relief. I want to pull him into me but this is too important for us to selfishly take a private moment. The room is heavy with tension and dreaded silence. I know everyone's holding their breath waiting to hear what the hell that was all about.

"First and foremost" I say to the room at large. I motion for everyone to take a seat so that I can make my little speech. I needed to hear that bullshit from Mother. It makes everything so much easier to accept. "I want to thank you for taking the initiative. I don't think I would've willingly pursued reviewing the trust if it weren't for you three." I pointedly look at Jeremy, Valentino, and Nicholas.

"I am going to have particular specifications regarding this so-called housing" I announce. "If what you say is true then it should be no problem for me to purchase a generous portion of land and build on it."

Carina jumps up and down with excitement. Jeremy tilts his head pondering what I've just said while Nicholas stands up and paces. These really aren't the reactions I expected from them. Carina's? Yes... Jeremy's? Sure, he's an attorney, he'll rarely be quick to jump on the bandwagon.

"The biggest issue we have there" Nicholas states as he continues to pace, "Is that if you choose new construction it may take 18-24 months to complete and I'm not sure if the trust will permit that." He looks to Jeremy for a response.

"Right now her tuition reimbursement covers her housing" Valentino interjects. "Why don't we go that avenue? Nic can cover the apartment while the trust covers the purchase and construction."

"This sounds feasible" Jeremy flips through the section of the trust pertaining to education and housing. "Do you know any real estate agents or would you like me to recommend one to you?"

"We've got a few" Nicholas smirks. His eyes shine with mischief as Valentino and Marco chuckle.

"Ohhh, do we know the members?" Carina quickly catches on.

"That's private information" Nicholas playfully chides.

"Why don't we ever see you at the estate?" I direct my question to Jeremy. He flushes brightly making Carina giggle with delight.

"I keep trying to get him to at least visit the estate" Jaxon complains, obviously unsuccessful in his endeavor.

"What should we tell them you're looking for?" Nicholas gets right back to business.

"Lots of land so every one of you fuckers can build a home there... Whatever we construct first can be the main house that we'll all use until we finish school. It doesn't matter if you decide to pursue your Master's or PHD. I just want everyone there. Then each house built after that can be to everyone's specifications."

"Even me" Jaxon waggles his eyebrows. I roll my eyes not the least bit surprised. This really is an outlandish request but if my trust is as deep as I suspect then I have no problem at all with finding a nice piece of land and gifting everyone a place of their own. My career and future lies within
Hedonism
. All of my necessities will be covered through income earned from the estate.

"My place is and always has been the estate" Nicholas smiles warmly at me. I nod my understanding. For all that I hope and wish, I don't think that man will ever get married and have children of his own some day.

"Does that mean if Valentino and I fund the construction of our place that Carina can move in with us as soon as it's done?" Marco's eyes light up. Valentino's lips twitch but he's trying real hard to pretend that Marco's idea isn't fucking brilliant.

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there" Carina replies for me. I know I'm a selfish cunt sometimes. Their relationship is progressing beautifully. The proof is in the matching rings the three of them wear. Marco and Valentino constantly remind us of what they want: Carina, married, having their children. But I still have two years of hoarding my best friend.

"Doesn't matter anyway" Diego gruffly states pulling me into him. His warm chest presses against my back. Despite all this drama, he's still here with me. Loving me.

"Why's that" Marco asks in disbelief.

"Because after the construction of the main house, Desirae and I will be the first ones to get a place on the property. I'll be damned if I have to constantly share her with you asshats."

The guys laugh while Carina
aww's
. What a fucking sap. His words of affirmation ground me. He and I are in it for the long haul. We may've taken the bumpy road to get there but we can finally enjoy the view. I'm not ready for talks of marriage and babies but this will most certainly do.

"Let's get to it then" Nicholas agrees. He hands me my phone before bidding goodbye. I know I'll be hearing from an agent before the end of the day. The man is that fucking efficient.

"We take each step together, the whole way through" I state as I look at Valentino, Carina, Nicholas, Diego, and Marco. Jaxon will undoubtedly provide his input whether or not I ask for it. I don't know where everyone plans to be five years from now but there are certain people in my live that I know I cannot live without. For the first time ever I have the ability to keep the ones I love and cherish safe and tethered to me.

"Absolutely" they reply. Worries about my past disintegrate as the occupants in this room fill me with their unconditional love. Ain't that some shit? I'm worthy of being loved...

EPILOGUE

~ DESIRAE ~

"The words
ravishing, exquisite,
and
magnificent
come to mind but they're still an understatement." He says as he holds me at arms' length.

I don't think I can breathe. Granted, it's been 11 years since I last had a birthday party but the haunting memories are too close today. Just like over a decade ago, today is a big milestone. I'm 25. I'm officially free.

Diego squeezes my arms trying to communicate something without words. Oxygen deprivation doesn't let me formulate thoughts or sentences. I know I'm being irrational. I know I'm safe with the man who loves me more than life itself but I can't shake this impending panic attack.

I look towards the mirror admiring the girl in the reflection. I've looked at her more than a dozen times in the last 20 minutes but I still can't believe it. The dress really is breathtaking. Carina managed to trick me into accepting this ostentatious gift. Her and her fucking designer dresses. I smooth my hands over the satin material hugging my waist and thighs. The wicked slit starts high exposing plenty of my left thigh opening up to show the rest of my leg, but it's the bodice of the dress that leaves me breathless. Somehow Carina found a dress that matches me to a tee. The see-through black mesh material has a touch of naughty while the rhinestone designs demands to be worshipped.

"I can say the same about you" my voice cracks a little letting him know that I'm trying to keep my shit together. He really does look delectable with his black dress pants, crisp white dress shirt, and sharp double-breasted jacket. His presence soothes me. He's the balm my restless soul needs.

"You ready" he doesn't move an inch. He sees the signs of distress. He knows what I've been through but he doesn't belittle my anxiety or try to placate me with useless reassurances. I can do this. I just have to get my brain and body on the same page.

"Don't leave me at all, okay" I don't care if I sound needy. It's rare when I need to completely lean on someone else to get through something. Diego smiles brightly loving how after being together for five years that I still need him as much as I did back then.

"I'll even help you pee" he solemnly replies. That's what finally gets through. I roll my eyes laughing at my Latin Lover. The only thing he'd be helping me with would be cleaning the seed dripping down my thighs. He may pretend to be the chivalrous gentlemen but he's really a sexy beast.

"Let's go" I chuckle as I pull him out of the room. Nicholas has closed the estate to all members. To say plenty of people caused a stink would be a grave understatement but I love the man for having balls of steel and doing this for me. It helps with my lingering paranoia and craziness to know security is at maximum level with only familiar faces greeting me wherever I go. Even the staff are only well-known individuals. I know I'm fucked up. They know I may forever be fucked up. But they still love me as I am, monsters, memories, and all.

"Happy birthday
Tesoro
" Diego whispers as he leads me to the main room of the estate. We walk down the stairs together. His hands squeeze mine with every step we take. I viscously swat away the memories that parallel this moment a little too closely. Instead I focus on the decorations and people waiting below. Andrea, Carina and Leticia have gone all out tonight. The place looks immaculate. I'm trying hard not to ruin my makeup by crying.

"Happy birthday" everyone cheers as we make our entrance.
Firecracker, Freckles, Troublemaker,
and even
Mistress D
are shouted amongst the party goers. I hiccup-laugh, trying valiantly to swallow the sob. I never got my spectacular 14
th
birthday party, or any more after that. This is too much yet exactly what I needed.

"Thank you" I croak as my favorite girls rush me. Diego holds me up as they swarm. I lived 18 years without knowing what unconditional love was but it didn't take long after meeting the Lobos siblings for all of that to change.

"Ready to party" Andrea waggles her eyebrows making us all laugh. I look around absorbing how many people came to celebrate my day with me today. There isn't a single person dressed in jeans or hoochie dresses. Even the staff has on cocktail dresses and eye-catching suits. Every single person here knows me on some level; not as passing acquaintances or catty bitches.

"Yes" I confirm. Carina grabs my wrist caressing the tattoo I got a few years ago. She kisses it reverently before scurrying onto the makeshift stage. I swear they can't party without having to perform. Carina welcomes everyone before she locks eyes with me.

"Once upon a time I met a girl who was a helpless victim to her circumstances." My right hand flies up to my mouth covering the sob before it escapes. Diego pulls me close holding me tightly. He grabs my other arm placing my left wrist over my heart. He knows the story of my trip to the tattoo shop with Carina. We weren't drunk. I'd thought long and hard before deciding to get it.

Carina continues as if she isn't shattering my already tattered heart. "She was haunted by monsters and was convinced that she'd become one too."

Diego grabs my wrist kissing the tattoo, just like Carina had. "What she didn't realize was that she was a warrior. She'd become a survivor defeating the monsters that tried to kill her spirit. She had angels on her side..."

"Fallen angels" Marco yells from the corner.

Carina smirks, winking at her fiancé. "She had
fallen angels
" she corrects herself, "That lifted her, strengthened her, and loved her unconditionally. This song is dedicated to that girl who once a victim but became her own warrior."

She forms a heart with her hands telling me without words that she loves me. I blow her a kiss allowing the tears to slide down my cheek. Carina sings Demi Lovato's
Warrior
bringing me back to the day she went with me to get the tattoo.

~

"Are you even going to show me what you're going to get" Carina nervously asks. It's rare that I keep anything from her anymore but I really want this to be more of a surprise. She's here as moral support. I want her to be the first one to see it.

"You could tattoo the guys' names on your twat while we're here" I playfully suggest. Carina howls with laughter as we enter the tattoo shop.

"They'd probably like that" she snickers.

"Can I help you?" The already annoyed girl greets us. Why are chicks so fucking catty?

"I'd like to get this done here" I hand her a small piece of paper and point to my left wrist. Carina leans over the counter not giving a shit that she's invading the girl's space or blatantly ignoring my request to be surprised.

"That's fucking brilliant" she squeaks. She's crying and we haven't even gotten into the fucking room.

The girl looks at the three simple words and infinity symbol. She shrugs knowing there must be a special significance there but neither Carina nor I are sharing with her.

"I don't if the guys can get those initials on it but I'll ask."

"Thanks" I whisper knowing that she can make or break that part of the design.

"I didn't see it" Carina huffs.

"Teaches you to not be a wench" I saucily reply. Carina sticks her tongue at me but doesn't say anything. She knows she shouldn't have looked. But I like that she got a glimpse without seeing the whole thing. I can still manage to show her the finished product and see her reaction.

Catty Chick leads us into a small room. Carina stands in the corner knowing that it's that or wait outside. A grungy looking dude with interesting piercings and head-to-toe tats looks at my request. "It's going to be tight" he warns.

"I know" I quickly add. "And I know that it may not look the same as the years pass."

"Ok" he grunts. He gets to work sketching, preparing his machine, and stabbing me with the little fucker a million times over. I watch Carina as she makes silly faces for a little while. When that stops working she changes tactics. She makes vulgar and obscene gestures behind the guy's back. I snort several times stopping his progress. He glares between me and Carina threatening to throw her out until he's done with me.

She tones it down changing from sad, puppy-dog eyes to awkward dance moves in the corner. Finally. Finally he's done. Who would've thought a fucking needle would make me squirm more than a cane or a whip?

"I don't get you" she voices. "You'll take a cane. You even like getting fucking shocked but you become a pussy with a small needle."

The guy snorts but we both notice his eyes widening and reassessing me. "Look at it" he instructs. "Need to cover it up and then you're done."

Carina rushes over pulling my wrist for closer inspection. She doesn't touch the fresh tattoo but traces around the reddened skin. "Victim" she breathes as she traces the top word. It's placed directly on my wrist. "Monster" her voice hardens as she caresses the word from my wrist going down the right side. The "M" from victim connects the "M" for monster. Her eyes snap up as she looks at the remainder of the tat. She swallows loudly stammering, "Warrior." The "R" for monster connects the words. There's a heart in place of the "O" reminding me that without love I never could've survived and become my own warrior. Lastly she looks to the infinity symbol. Tears fall down her cheeks as she looks at the tiny letters on each section of the symbol. "D" for Diego, "V" for Valentino, "C" for Carina, and "N" for Nicholas. The four people who irrevocably changed my life, me...

Carina kisses the side of my wrist. The dude ruins our intimate moment with, "Damn, that's hot."Making Carina pull away. She reverently hands my arm back to the pervert; quietly watching as he wipes it clean bandaging it. The moment isn't ruined for long. Carina threads her fingers through mine. We hold hands as we walk back to the car. The touch isn't the least bit sexual, if anything I feel cherished, loved. We slide into the car but Carina doesn't pull out of the parking lot until she puts on the song that's now become my anthem.

~

"Tell me those are happy tears" Diego's voice pulls me out of the memory.

"They are" I sniffle. I can already tell this is going to be an emotional evening. A DJ makes a few announcements about food and having a good time before putting on good music. The dance floor quickly fills up as bodies press together grinding to the music. It doesn't matter that we're all dressed to the nines, we still party like it's any other night.

I don't know how much time passes before Marco and Jaxon make their way onstage. "These next two songs are dedicated to birthday girl" Marco announces.

"From the love of her life" Jaxon finishes.

"Enjoy the slideshow" they simultaneously state as the lights dim and an entire wall illuminates with images of me with others. Marco begins Jason Mraz's rendition of
I Won't Give Up
. Jaxon joins him in the chorus alternating verses as the last few years flash across the wall. Images of me with Diego, Valentino, Carina, Nicholas, Marco, Jaxon, Andrea, Leticia, Griffin, Rafe, Sati, Beatriz, Devon, and Brody; some are group shots while others are as couples or trios. But every picture tells a story. Every image reveals a small piece of my now complete puzzle.

The crowd cheers as the guys finish the song. Like a damn pansy I'm shedding tears again. Okay so this birthday is nothing like any others but still.... Can it be memorable for something other than making me cry?

"And now onto Edwin McCain's
I'll Be
" Marco's eyes glow with excitement. My heart stutters. The last time he was on stage looking like this... Little puffs of air enter and exit my lungs as Jaxon belts out the opening verse. I fucking love this song and have always longed to have Diego dance with me to it. And he does just that. He wraps me in his arms making the rest of the room disappear. He holds me close whispering the chorus as Marco and Jaxon sing it together. As Marco sings about fighting back from the dead Diego fumbles for something in his pocket. He grabs my left hand kissing the tattooed wrist again before pulling my hand between us. He does his best to sing the chorus with the guys as he stealthily slides a beautiful emerald and diamond ring onto my finger. Jaxon and Marco belt out about being the greatest fan of our lives as Diego cups my face with his hands.

"We said forever" he reminds me like he does on a daily basis but this time it's different. This time he's put a ring on my finger.

"I love you as you are" his thumb strokes the word
warrior
on my wrist. "As you were" he strokes the word
victim.
"And everything in between" his voice cracks a little as he strokes the word
monster
.

I look down at that infinity symbol. Standing just a few feet away are Carina, Nicholas, and Valentino. The others are there too but it's only fitting that my mighty foursome are here together. I snort-sob, looking entirely unattractive for such a momentous moment.

"Say yes" Diego quietly pleads. My man knows me well. I don't want all the hearts and flowers of a romantic proposal. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

"Yes I will marry you" my voice echoes in the now silent room. Diego's face lights up as Carina and Andrea squeal like little pigs. The guys pat Diego on the back and pull me in for a group hug while I cry like a freaking ninny.