The Irresistible Bundle (139 page)

ENTANGLED

~ DESIRAE ~

He's right. I hate that Diego's right but I've been frozen in the same fucking spot with no end in sight. For such a brave girl I've become a chicken shit. Valentine's Day should've been a starting point for us instead it ended up being a fence that I couldn't decide if I was straddling or jumping over. Confused? Me too!

I stare at the note he's left. It's beautiful in its simplicity. Diego's always about meeting me halfway in things. When he refused to have sex with me he showed me that he could still play around and get me off. He's made efforts to learn more about things that interest me, like the dungeons. What have I done in return for him? Diego's patience can be grating but also endearing. No one else has fought for me. It's time I fight for him.

"Where you going?" Carina asks in a sing-song voice. Damn the girl is just too happy nowadays. But who can blame her? She has the blonde sex-god as her best friend. And she has two Italian studs as boyfriends-soon-to-be-fiancés. What more could a girl ask for? Oh that's right. Then she has Diego and Nicholas. Griffin. Rafe. Fuck we are such lucky bitches with the wonderful men in our lives.

"Going to the estate" I flash the note at her but don't allow Carina to read it, "Got a private party of one waiting on me."

Her eyes light up. Damn I never realized how much she wants this for us. Okay, maybe she's given me flashing strobe lights for a while but I'm finally paying attention. "Go on" she ushers me out of the apartment. Fucking hilarious I tell you. "I won't be waiting up" she calls from the top of the stairs. I flip her off from the bottom of the stairwell for good measure.

My nerves are shot but I welcome the feeling. For so long I've turned off my feelings to protect myself. I want to feel everything with Diego. The good. The rough. The uncomfortable. Nothing with him is ever bad. Not like the kind of bad I've experienced with Father and the others.

~

I walk toward the room with unsure steps and sweaty palms. Fuck! I never get nervous like this. I've been in countless awkward, tense, and uncomfortable situations. I know its Diego inside that room. I know he wants to move forward in our relationship. But I can't shake the mounting terror that's brewing in my chest. What does it entail for Diego to feel like we've made progress?

I pull my mini dress down suddenly wishing I'd chosen to wear leather pants or jeans. Leather is my armor, my shield and I purposely chose to see Diego without it. He should be thrilled. He should be humbled. Dammit he should be grateful! Closing my eyes, I inhale slowly allowing oxygen to completely fill my lungs. I open them before exhaling. It does the trick. I feel calm enough to enter this room. I grasp the doorknob grateful that my hands are no longer shaking. For a split second I contemplate knocking on the door but I know all my bravery will disappear if I have to wait for him to answer. Instead I slowly open the door and look around.

There aren't any kinky implements just laying around. It disappoints me. When is Diego going to be brave enough to take me? Am I too tainted for him to stick his dick inside me? Does he see me as broken? Beyond repairable therefore he can never penetrate?

"You came" he breathes. He smiles brightly, thrilled to see me walking through the door. Guilt presses against my chest. I can't blame him for his reaction. I've been so on the fence with everything. I've needed to see that I'm getting beyond Father's chokehold. I need to be independent before I can give myself to anyone.

"I came" I finally respond. My feet are glued to the floor. I've barely made it two feet into the room before becoming a fixture. My heart hammers against my ribcage. My hands shake and I'm not sure what to make of all of it. I think I'm having a panic attack but the good kind... Is there a good kind of panic attack or is a panic attack just an attack? Fuck, I'm a hot mess!

"Thank you" he whispers against my lips. Shit how did he approach without me noticing?

"I'm n-nervous, a little scared" I confess. I wouldn't admit it to another man but my heart trusts Diego. I just need to get my brain onboard.

"Me too" he admits which floors me. Diego knows why he invited me here. I feel too exposed, vulnerable. I hate walking into something without knowing but I'm placing faith in him. It's the only way I can get away from my past and step towards my future. For too long I've allowed Father and those bastards to dictate what I think and what I do.

"Are we going anywhere" I ask. I suspect he's reserved this room but I can't figure out why. I always thought he'd ask to go to the dungeons rather than a private room within the estate.

"No" he wraps his arms around my waist. I lean my forehead into him, loving how it nestles beneath his chin and chest. Diego smells of aftershave and I fucking love it. He doesn't wear any nauseating cologne and doesn't reek of B.O. He smells clean, sexy.

He leads me to the foot of the bed. My eyes immediately find the colorful ropes. Everything wants to shut down. Red flags flash before my eyes, my throat and chest tightens, my body begins trembling. Shit. Fuck. I can't let him see me fall apart. I can't let him dominate me. No one can ever lord over me again.

"Hey" he croons. He pulls me into him turning away from the bed and ropes. I'm gasping for air. My fingers clutch his shirt like it's some kind of lifeline. I want to be with Diego but I can't lose anymore of myself. There's barely anything left.

"Do you remember the other night when we watched Rafe" he whispers into my hair. I know what he wants I just don't think I can give it to him.

"I can't be tied down like that" I choke on the words. Memories of being handcuffed, beaten, and violently fucked resurface. I refuse to call it rape. Every time I left with those men I knew what was going to happen. How can you call it rape when you went back time and time again?

"I want to set you free" Diego's eyes plead with me. How the hell can tying me up set me free? The man's supposed to be intelligent but this is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. He takes advantage of my momentary confusion. "Just let me start with your legs" he caresses my cheek refusing to back down. "We can stop at your waist. I promise I won't tie your arms and I won't tie your legs down to anything."

My shoulders immediately slump with his reassurance. I can handle him tying the rope around my legs. I remember how the ropes looked around the girls legs; it was sensuous and beautiful. If things go south I can still stand up and leave.

"Okay" I quietly reply. His eyes widen in surprise and elation. Fuck I don't want to disappoint him. "What do I need to do?"

Diego takes a shuddering breath. Damn he's nervous. He looks at the ropes one last time before walking around me in a circle. Heat travels through my body as his eyes trace my curves. "First we take off the dress" he whispers behind my neck. I shiver as his breath tickles my skin. Diego places his hands on my thighs, moving them up to the hem of my dress. Goose bumps greet his touch as he pulls it up slowly above my hips, waist, and ribs. I lift my arms allowing him to remove it completely. Diego's hiss pleases me. I squirm as his hands trace the line of my thong.

"Fucking kill me" he mutters under his breath. My nipples pucker knowing they're about to be inspected too. He fingers my bra strap but doesn't remove my bra. I arch my back hoping he decides to. For months I've wanted him buried balls deep inside me. I've sought out sex. I've made plenty of men come. But this is different. We both need this but for different reasons.

"I want to take this off" he quietly admits.

"Then do it" I challenge. He growls making me want to moan in response. I see no reason why he should keep my stuff on.

"I don't know if I can hold back" He pulls me into his hard body.

"I trust you" The words shock both of us. This is a huge step for me. I'm baring myself physically knowing that he expects me to bare myself emotionally too.

Diego presses kisses against my shoulders, the back of my neck and down my spine before finally flicking my bra off. He kneads my lower back, butt, and thighs before pulling my panties off. He doesn't rush. He reverently kisses my body tenderly touching every inch of my skin.

Diego gently pushes me onto the bed. I lay on my back knowing I'm completely exposed to him while he's still dressed. His jutting erection protrudes from his jeans. I can't help licking my lips. Damn I want to taste him.

"Eyes here" his low commanding voice surprises me. My nipples harden and my breath quickens. This was so not the way I thought my body would react. Part of me rationalizes that I should be pissed, irritated, and indignant that he's using that tone with me. I'm the dominant one between us.

"I want to always see your eyes" his tone softens. "I need to be able to see if you're not okay with something. There's no need for safe words here. We aren't role playing. This is you me and Des. No past. No issues. Just us."

"Just us" I repeat. I need to remember that mantra when the ropes begin to bind more than just my skin.

"You ready" he asks. He doesn't move until I say the words he needs to hear.

"Yes"

Diego grabs a purple rope beginning with my left foot. I watch with as much trepidation as curiosity as he begins tying knots at my heel and arch of my foot. He secures each knot with just the right amount of pressure that I feel it more than just on my skin. A tingling sensation travels up my leg, up to the apex between my thighs. With each knot the sensation goes to other parts of my body: my belly, tits, and fingers; it's fucking insane. I'm so focused on the rivaling sensations that it takes me a few minutes to realize he's moved to my thighs. An intricate pattern of knots and rope decorates my entire leg.

Sweat lines his forehead. His hands remain steady while his eyes burn with heat. He's thoroughly enjoying this and yet we haven't done a single sexual thing. I know. I know. I'm butt ass naked but he hasn't touched me at all. Not a teasing brush against my swollen lips; no stolen kisses against my greedy skin.

He leaves a portion of the unused rope at the top of my thigh. He stares at his handiwork for several minutes before grabbing a red rope. He repeats the same process on my right leg taking his merry ol' time. I don't know how he can remain so meticulous but he manages to create the same intricate pattern on the other leg. Once again I'm distracted with the myriad of sensations with each completed knot.

By the time he begins tying the purple and red ropes together at my waist I'm a panting mess. I'm dripping wet between my thighs; he makes no effort to disguise his blatant eyefuls and slow inhalations. He fucking loves what he's seeing and smelling. My entire body is on fire caused by simple knots pressing against my skin! It's like nothing I've ever experienced.

"Are you uncomfortable anywhere?" Diego's raspy voice brings me out of my euphoric coma. He traces the ropes with reverence as he patiently waits for my answer.

"I'm good" my voice cracks.

He nods his head looking over everything once again before speaking. "I'm going to tie a few on your pussy" I gasp in surprise. Diego rarely talks dirty. Holy hell I love it!

"Okay" I wiggle my hips with anticipation. He hasn't tied me down but I can't bend my knees for shit. I smother the momentary flare of panic. Everything's okay. Breathe Des. This fucking feels great. I won't let those bastards win.

I grab fistfuls of the bed sheets as he places the pliable rope against my slick, swollen lips. He moves them back and forth before tying a knot directly over my clit.

"Shit" I mewl. "Oh fucking shit." My hips rock back and forth and hot damn. The rope rubs me just the right way. The tiny knot creates constant friction against my clit making it swell and throb.

"Like that" he purrs. He trails kisses along my belly, beneath my tits all while the rope caresses and strokes my skin. The contact is too much but not enough. I thrust my hips back and forth insane with need. My body lights up like the Fourth of July. I can feel every fucking knot; its exquisite torture.

Diego latches onto my nipple sending my hips off the mattress. I can't move them very much but it's enough to press the rope hard enough against my clit to push me over. I scream his name as the orgasm slams into me. The ropes continue assaulting me dragging out my orgasm until I damn near lose consciousness.

When I finally come to Diego's selected another rope, blue this time. He ties it around my ribs making an artful pattern over my breasts. This time the constricting rope triggers a memory. The realization comes too late. I can't pull out of the awful memory in time. It sucks me in; I'm helpless against it.

~

It's Mr. McNamara's weekend. The gleam in his eyes doesn't bode well for me. A business deal didn't go his way this week and now he's going to put it out on me. He steers me into the playroom. I hate this room with its gold fixtures and dark ominous furniture. Every time I come in here I learn something new, and it's not usually for the better.

"You cost me the Shanghai deal" his cold voice snaps. My body tenses, trained not to show any emotion to whatever he says. I don't know how the hell he thinks I cost him anything but I'm not stupid enough to argue with him.

"My mind's been on what I intended to do to you rather than closing the deal." I keep my eyes down refusing to take the bait. If he's been looking forward to my visit... I swallow the bile rising up my throat. I hate him as much as I hate Mr. Pearce. Fucking rat bastards.