The Heart of a Girl (2) (4 page)

Chapter 5

             
Sunday came and went the way every Sunday had all summer. Adam hadn’t gotten home from the barbeque until late the night before, smelling like charcoal and beer, and slept in long after I’d gotten up and started Harper’s day.

             
I wasn’t angry about it. Some part of me still felt guilt over all this, like it was completely my fault that our lives had changed and we weren’t really teenagers anymore. If going to barbeques thrown by people that were hardly likeable and drinking too much were how Adam wanted to spend his Saturday nights, then so be it. Too much of me knew that I was lucky he was even still around, that he supported Harper and me both financially and sometimes emotionally. As untraditional a life as Harper might end up having, at least she’d always have her dad around. The same couldn’t even be said for me.

             
Adam woke up around noon, showered and left again around three. He promised he’d be home for dinner but then called back around five and said there was a change of plans. He’d gone back to Brad’s and apparently some of their other work friends stopped by with pizza. I didn’t mind. I hadn’t actually started cooking anything anyway.

             
The anxiety started to hit around six. This wasn’t like every other Sunday of summer. This was the
last
Sunday of summer. Tomorrow school officially began again. I’d have to wait until the end of the day before I could find out about any upcoming assignments, but still. It meant there was a change coming, more things added to my ‘to-do’ list. I wasn’t looking forward to that.

             
I was pretty sure Scott had gotten home sometime that weekend but refrained from calling his house or cell phone to find out. I told myself he’d contact me when he wanted to, if he ever wanted to. We’d gotten back on good terms before he left but he hadn’t been around when Harper was born and I had no idea where we really stood. If you were friends before you were anything else, then broke up, could you ever really go back to being just friends? I had no idea and no one to really ask about it.

             
Mason called earlier in the day to let me know he’d heard from our dad again and had a set time to pick him up, but I hadn’t asked what time and told myself I didn’t care. My dad being back in town was meaningless and I wasn’t going to let myself worry about it. The more I thought about it, the more unlikely it seemed that Hannah would be with him and she was the only one I really considered family anymore. Just her and Mason and of course Harper and Adam, but that went without saying.

             
As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I kind of liked having the day to myself, with Adam gone. Spending the entire day together, just the two of us. Giggling turned out to be her newest development, and she seemed to enjoy doing it. No matter what I did to her, she responded with a giggle whether it was a tickle, a touch, or a kiss. It warmed my heart in ways I never imagined possible.

             
“Are you going to stick with me when you get a little older, or are you going to be a Daddy’s girl?” I asked her around seven, after her bath as I was dressing her in her pajamas. She giggled in response, so I took that to mean she was going to stick by me.

             
I scooped her up and took her over to her rocking chair, sitting and rocking slowly, murmuring little things to her. I could feel her relax in my arms, her eyes growing heavy as I whispered. I wondered if my voice was always familiar to her, if she knew it before she had been born. It was a pretty amazing thing if you ever sat down and really thought about it, the bond between mother and child. She was the only person in the world that knew what I was really like on the inside. I’d carried her within my own body for close to a year and for that time period we were one and the same. I couldn’t imagine any other relationship being quite so intimate.

             
“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” I whispered to her and meant it. It wasn’t the first time I’d come to that realization. As stressful as the first few weeks of her life had been for me, I think I’d felt it the first time I held her in my arms. All the hardships, all the struggle, anything we would have to face in the future was all worth it.

             
Someone began knocking on the door close to eight and I cringed inwardly at the sound. It was probably Julia, coming to check up on me. I hadn’t really seen much of her all weekend or all week, for that matter. I felt bad about it, but sometimes I just felt a need to put a little bit of a distance between us. She meant well, but she was too full of helpful suggestions on how to take care of Harper. I hadn’t thought of a nice way yet of telling her that some things I just wanted to find out on my own.

             
Harper was too deep asleep by then to care much about our visitor, so I kissed the top of her head and placed her in her crib, standing there for a few more seconds to make sure she remained asleep. Whoever was at the door was quickly growing impatient, their knocks becoming harder and more persistent.

             
“I’m coming,” I hissed, no longer convinced it was Julia. I threw the door open, and nearly fell over in surprise.

             
“Hannah?”

             
She grinned at me. She was different, at least a little bit. She’d cut her hair though it was still much longer than mine, and there were two very big, very bold purple stripes on the side. She wore black eyeliner, something she hadn’t really been a fan of before and a purple shirt that perfectly matched her hair. She’d lost a little bit of weight without losing the curviness that made her turn heads in the hallway at school all last year.

             
“Bet you weren’t expecting to see me,” she said, still grinning.

             
“No,” I admitted, and got out of my shock long enough to throw my arms around her. All that worrying for nothing. I didn’t know how I could have ever doubted that Hannah would find a way to end up back here. Haven was her home.

             
“Come in,” I said, ushering her into the house and closing the door behind her. “When did you get here? How?”

             
“Like, two hours ago but you know how the airport is. I flew in with Michael. He was going to come by with me but I made Mason drop me off on the way to Bella Vista. I figured you might not be ready to see him yet.”

             
“Did Nora come back?” I asked, ignoring any mention of my father. At least he had the common courtesy to stay away until I was ready. Or he hadn’t really felt like it anyway.

             
Hannah rolled her eyes. “Nope, she’s in Raleigh. Tried to make me go with her but that wasn’t happening, so she gave up. I’m staying with Michael until they figure out whatever’s going on, but it looks like they’re headed for divorce.”

             
“Wow,” I whispered, standing in the middle of the living room even after Hannah had taken a seat on the couch. She seemed surprisingly unaffected by the news she’d just sprung on me.

             
“It’s not that surprising, not after spending so much time with them. Seriously Lainey, they’re like the worst match ever. I don’t even know why they got married in the first place. Do you have any food? Michael went with the cheap airline and all we got was one pack of peanuts each and Michael didn’t even offer me his.”

             
“Yeah, of course.” I hurried to the kitchen and began scavenging for something Hannah could eat. I couldn’t seem to find anything but she came up behind me and held a bag of Doritos up.

             
“This should do.”

             
“I can make you something,” I offered, although I had no idea what I could make. I made a mental note to actually grocery shop next time I went to the market with Sylvia.

             
“I’ll live. I ate way too much on vacation, anyway. You wouldn’t believe how mad Mom got every time we went for fast food.”

             
“Why didn’t you go with her to Raleigh?” I asked, cutting to the chase. As happy as I was to see Hannah, it kept coming back to me how she could possibly be here instead of with her mother. If I knew Nora as well as I thought I did it made no sense.

             
“Can I see Harper first, at least?” Hannah asked and I wondered if she was avoiding the question or just honestly wanted to see her niece. I smiled and nodded yes.

             
“Yeah, of course you can. But be quiet, okay? I just put her down and if she wakes up now she’s going to be really miserable and not willing to go back to sleep for hours.”

             
“No problem,” Hannah said, putting the back of Doritos back on the kitchen counter and following me down the short hallway and into Harper’s nursery. She walked over to the crib and peered over, placing a hand over her mouth.

             
“Oh my God,” she whispered to me. “She’s gotten so big! And she’s so cute. She looks exactly like Adam,” she laughed. “He could never deny her!”

             
I shot her a quick glare but couldn’t help but smile, remembering back to when she first found out I was pregnant and actually asked if there were a chance it could be Scott’s.

             
“I love her,” Hannah announced quietly, reaching down and stroking Harper’s face with her forefinger. Harper moved slightly as if sensing someone new was around, but didn’t wake up.

             
“Me too,” I agreed. “More than anything.”

             
“I’m not going to school tomorrow, so I’ll come back here and see her when she’s awake and in action,” Hannah said. “Where’s Adam, anyway? I was kind of hoping I could catch a ride back to Bella Vista from him.”

             
“He’s out with some friends. Why don’t you stay here tonight? I have plenty of stuff so you don’t need a change of clothes or anything. I can ask Julia to take us over to Bella Vista tomorrow and I’ll help you unpack.”

             
“That sounds like a great idea,” Hannah agreed, yawning. “I’m way too tired to deal with any of that, anyway.”

             
“Do you have your cell back? You can use mine to call my dad and let him know, if you want.”

             
She shrugged. “Nah, but it doesn’t matter. He’ll figure it out when I don’t show up, if he even notices. You know how he gets and he’s been in his own little world more now than ever since my mom left.”

             
“Why did you stay with my dad?” I asked once again, but Hannah yawned, this time more exaggerated.

             
“Can we talk about it tomorrow?” She asked and I agreed simply because I was too happy to have her back to ask many questions as to why that was possible.

             
I got her some clothes to change into and a pillow and some blankets and within twenty minutes she was fast asleep on the couch. It was still early, but I had a feeling Harper would be up a lot that night so I changed into my own pajamas and climbed into bed to read for a little.

             
Adam got home an hour later and climbed into bed with me. “There’s a girl with purple hair asleep in our living room,” he said with a smile.

             
“Yeah, I think that’s Hannah but I can’t be too sure,” I smiled back.

             
“She’s the only person I can think of that can be gone for two months and come back and fall asleep on a couch right away, so I’m betting on it.”

             
“I’m glad she’s back,” I said.

             
“Me too,” Adam agreed and kissed me. For the briefest of moments it felt a little like it used to, his lips just lightly brushing mine, leaving me wanting more and not knowing how to ask for it. Adam would always have that effect on me.

             
“I love you, Adam Montgomery,” I told him suddenly as he got up and began to undress. He turned to me and smiled.

             
“I love you too, Lainey Winslow.”

             
I leaned back into the pillows and smiled, feeling sleep begin to come on. Everything in my world was starting to fall back in place. Adam was home and smiling at me in a way he hadn’t in a while, Harper was safe and sound just across the hall and Hannah was just a few feet away, asleep on our couch. Tomorrow, I’d find out exactly what this meant for our family, or at least the family I used to belong to. But for now I was content to just accept what I had in this moment because it felt like just enough.

             
Adam had into bed and I had just rested my head on his shoulder feeling sleep overcome me, when Harper began to cry. I opened my eyes and threw my feet over the side of the bed, halfway to the door before Adam could react. I didn’t mind. Sleep could wait.

Chapter 6

             
“I was going to bring you back something but you never like anything, so…” Hannah flashed me her signature grin and tore open yet another bag. It was Monday afternoon and we were in my old bedroom, unpacking her things while Harper looked on.

             
“That’s fine as long as you brought Harper a souvenir. A few years from now when she asks why you weren’t around the first few months of her life, you’re going to need to present pretty convincing evidence that it was necessary,” I replied.

             
“Oh, you’d better believe I brought her back some things,” Hannah announced, ripping a rainbow-colored stuffed bear out of the bag. It was excessively bright and easily bigger than Harper herself. But it was endearing with its ice blue eyes and matching bow tie.

             
“San Francisco,” she explained with a grin.

             
“She’ll love it, once she grows into it,” I said with a laugh.

             
Most of the contents of that particular bag ended up being presents Hannah brought back for Harper. A few outfits, most of which she’d have to grow into since Hannah didn’t know what size she’d be when she got home, a few more stuffed animals, and a snow globe she’d gotten from Disney Land.

             
“There’s enough here to keep her entertained forever,” I said, impressed once all the presents were out and strewn over the bed.

             
“I guess I got a little careless,” Hannah admitted. “But I was sad! I mean, I was there your entire pregnancy and so I kind of felt cheated, missing out on the actual baby for so long.”

             
“It’s okay. I know you would have been here if you’d had a choice. Did you have any fun at all?”

             
Hannah shrugged. “A little. L.A. was really cool but Mom kept trying to put a limit on everything I did, so that was pretty crappy. They were already fighting by then anyway, so Michael and I escaped a lot of nights when she was in the shower.”

             
“Why were they fighting?”

             
Hannah rolled her eyes. “Why weren’t they? Your dad wanted to go visit your mom when we were in San Francisco so naturally that started World War III. I don’t even think he meant anything by it – I think he just wanted to check in and let her know about Harper, since he figured she hadn’t checked in with you at all, but no. My mom put her foot down and it was Hell after that.”

             
“I don’t think I’d believe him, either,” I admitted. “He doesn’t even know what Harper looks like, so why would he want to tell my mom about her?”

             
“I think he feels bad about that, honestly. I mean, he mentioned you a lot on the trip and said he wanted to plan another one for when Harper was a little older. Of course Mom had to ruin the moment and say by that time you’d probably have two or three more kids.”

             
“That’s mean,” I said, trying to hide the hurt in my voice.

             
“Well, my mom is mean,” Hannah reasoned.

             
“True. Was she mad you didn’t want to go back to Raleigh with her?” I asked, lifting Harper out of her car seat and rocking her as I walked around the room. It wasn’t the first time I’d tried to bring up the subject since we’d been there but I was hoping the more I asked, the more Hannah would get the hint and finally tell me what happened.

             
“Livid is more like it. But there was nothing she could do about it.”

             
“There wasn’t? But my dad doesn’t have rights to you or anything, and you’re still just sixteen,” I pointed out unnecessarily.

             
“Yeah, I mean there’s stuff she could do legally about it, but after what she did…” her voice trailed off and her face grew steely.

             
“What happened?” I asked, stopping in my tracks. Harper made a small protesting sound.

             
“Let’s just say she’s been keeping some secrets and I found out and there’s nothing she can do or say that is ever going to make me forgive her,” Hannah said and by the tone of her voice, I decided against prying. She would tell me when she was ready.

             
“I’m sorry, Han,” I said softly. She looked up at me and smiled so brightly it was almost like the past few minutes hadn’t happened.

             
“Don’t be. You know she’s a witch as much as I do. I’m just glad I’m back and away from her.” She pulled some clothes out of another bag and held a top up to her.

             
“Do you like this?” She asked, changing the topic so smoothly I almost forgot what we were supposed to be talking about.

             
“It’s okay,” I said. “But I’m probably the last person you want to talk to about fashion. Anymore I just try to wear whatever I don’t mind Harper spitting up on.”

             
Hannah laughed and shook her head. “You’re like a thirty year-old now,” she said. “It’s kind of bizarre.”

             
“I guess that’s what having a kid does to a person,” I said ruefully.

             
“Yeah, I guess so. Good thing I’m not planning on doing that anytime soon.”

             
“Did you get to talk to Nolan at all?” I asked, even though I knew I probably shouldn’t. Something flashed across Hannah’s face but it disappeared so quickly I didn’t have time to try and decipher it.

             
“Nope. When did he leave?”

             
“Sometime in August, I think. He and Adam kind of stopped talking back in July.”

             
“Really? Why?”

             
I shrugged. “I don’t really know. They were hanging out a little bit right after you left but then they stopped. Adam started hanging out with the guys from work a lot more, so I guess that’s why.”

             
“Maybe,” Hannah agreed. “Nolan was afraid that he and Adam would lose touch after the baby got here.”

             
I was surprised, to say the least. I knew Nolan and Adam were close, that they had been for years but I guess I never really saw Nolan as being the type of person that worried too much over losing friends, even the close ones. He’d claimed he loved Hannah to me but hadn’t reacted much after she’d left.

             
“I guess it was inevitable,” I agreed. “That won’t happen to us though, right?”

             
“Of course not. Don’t be silly. We’re family, Lainey. No matter what. Got it?”

             
I smiled. “Got it.”

             
She sat down on the edge of the bed and reached for Harper. “Give me my niece. We need to be reacquainted. She is partially named after me, you know.”

             
“I have a feeling you’ll never let me forget.”

             
Harper settled quickly into Hannah’s arms and Hannah sighed happily. “This is pretty cool, a lot cooler than I thought it would be,” she told me. “I was kind of worried she’d be all red faced and screaming all the time.”

             
“Nah, she got over that phase. She’s a pretty calm baby, from what I’ve been reading online.”

             
“Oh I bet. So why aren’t you in school today?”

             
I winced. I hadn’t mentioned to Hannah that I was homeschooling yet and she’d probably assumed I stayed home today in order to be with her.

             
“I’m getting my assignments either later or tomorrow, depending. I’m going to homeschool, at least for this year.”

             
Hannah’s eyes widened. “Seriously? You’re lucky.”

             
I shrugged. “I guess so. Adam isn’t all that happy about it but it didn’t seem right, going back to school and leaving Harper with Julia all day.”

             
“School is overrated, anyway. I’m not looking forward to going back and I could probably get away with skipping this entire week but if my mom found out she’d probably try to get lawyers involved.” She made a face. “Not worth the risk.”

             
Again, I was tempted to ask exactly what it was that Nora had done to Hannah. It wasn’t like her to keep things to herself.

             
“Have you talked to Scott yet?” I asked.

             
“Nope, not yet. I’ll probably call him later to let him know I’m back in town and all. Michael promised to get me a new cell phone today, one that my mom can’t get access to or take away.”

             
“That’s good. It was horrible not being able to talk to you for so long.”

             
“Yeah, but at least you had Adam and Harper to keep you occupied. All I had was Mr. and Mrs. Jekyll and Hyde. How is Lover Boy, anyway? I don’t think I saw him last night or this morning.”

             
“Yeah, he got ready in the bedroom and took his breakfast with him so he wouldn’t wake you. He’s good.”

             
“Yeah?” She raised her eyebrows like she didn’t quite believe me. “And how are you two, like, couple-wise?”

             
“Fine,” I replied, because it seemed like the most appropriate response. No matter what, Adam and I would always be fine. I was going to make sure of that.

             
The same look as before crossed Hannah’s face, but once again it happened too quickly to decipher. She smiled softly and kissed the top of Harper’s head, an almost dreamy look forming on her face.

             
“Good,” she said. “You need to stay that way for Harper’s sake. She deserves to know her parents love each other enough to make it work, no matter what.”

             
There was something strange about the way she said that, but I didn’t press it. Hannah would tell me when she was ready and we’d get through it together the way we always did.