The Heart of a Girl (2) (3 page)

Chapter 3

             
Saturday afternoon shopping trips with Sylvia had become something of a highlight over the summer. As silly as that sounded, it was true. We took our time roaming the aisles and stocking up on necessities, talking all the while about whatever was on our minds.

             
I’d gotten closer to Sylvia over the summer. She was very grandmotherly and willing to offer me advice on anything I needed help with. She seemed a little understanding about my situation, though she had been married and not quite as young as me when she’d had her children. Her husband had died nearly twenty years earlier and both of her kids lived in different states with children of their own. Her daughter Jennifer lived closest, and offered to have Sylvia move in with her multiple times, but Sylvia always turned down the offer. This was her home, she explained when I asked why. Even though she’d long since sold the home she’d owned with her husband and moved into an apartment, this would always be her home. The last little bit of the life she longed to hold onto.

             
I felt a comradery with her because in a way, we were both pretty alone in the world. My dad might be returning within a few days, but things would never be the same between us as they once were. And Nora, I’d be surprised if she even looked at me again. My mother, Lila, had disappeared the minute I refused to give in to her whims and I wasn’t counting on hearing from her again, despite Mason’s suggestion that I make the first move. I had Adam, but things between us changed after Harper was born. I loved him more than I ever had but there was a feeling of distance between us, something I couldn’t really place. I had the Montgomerys and I adored them and appreciated all they had done but I knew that if things didn’t work out with Adam in the end, I’d run the risk of losing them, too.

             
Harper was the most important thing in my world and I sometimes worried I was going to turn out and be a disappointment to her. My greatest fear was that I wouldn’t be able to give her all the things she needed and deserved.

             
“You didn’t bring a list,” Sylvia commented as we entered the store that afternoon. I closed my eyes in relief of the cool air that greeted us. Sylvia noticed and laughed at me. “You’re not much for the heat, are you dear?”

             
“No, I am not. I think living in Oregon so long ruined me. But no, I didn’t bring a list because I don’t think I need all that much stuff.” I shifted Harper slightly and she made a small, protesting noise. She didn’t want to be here, I could tell. Mason had offered to watch her after she’d woken up and I’d fed her, but I’d declined his offer. I always felt sort of guilty, leaving her with someone else even if it was at their request.

             
So I kept her against my chest in the baby sling Julia bought for me after the first time we brought Harper out in public and realized she wasn’t much of a fan of hanging out in a stroller or a car seat. This was easier than carrying her and it pleased her to still feel like she was being held.

             
“You’ve lost a lot of weight,” Sylvia commented in a way that made me feel like maybe that wasn’t so much of a compliment. “Have you been eating alright?”

             
“Yeah, of course. I wanted to lose the baby weight as quickly as I could.”

             
“I know dear, but you look thinner than you were in the first place. I wouldn’t say anything, but I know how stressed out you’ve been lately. I want to make sure you’re handling everything well.”

             
“I’m fine,” I insisted, trying to keep my voice level. I knew Sylvia meant well, just like I knew Julia meant well whenever she made a comment. But it bothered me to think they were so unsure of my potential to take care of myself. “It’s not like I’m breastfeeding, anyway.”

             
I couldn’t keep the bitterness out of my voice when I uttered those last words. It was the source of probably my biggest guilt when it came to Harper and I still wasn’t completely over it. I’d sworn up and down that I’d breastfeed after she was born. It was the natural step after having a natural birth, right? Apparently my body hadn’t agreed. Thea said my stress levels were too high, making it near impossible for me to ever produce enough milk to feed Harper all that she needed to be fed. The more I tried to calm myself down the more stressed out I became and eventually there was no other choice but to switch her to formula. The pediatrician I’d begun seeing reassured me that there was nothing wrong with feeding her formula, that she’d grow to be every bit as healthy as she was meant to be but it was still hard to accept for me. I wanted to do everything perfectly and by being unable to feed her in the most natural way, I already felt like I’d failed.

             
“Oh honey, stop worrying about that. And even so, you should make sure you’re in your best shape possible, because Harper can sense when you’re not. Trust me on that. We might have maternal instinct, but babies have an instinct all their own.”

             
I couldn’t argue with that. Harper was very in tune with my emotions, crying hysterically whenever she sensed I was upset. Due to that, I tried to keep my feelings in check at all times, no matter how intense they might feel at the moment. I was doing a pretty good job at it. Then again, my hormones had calmed down significantly since she was born. A few weeks after, I’d been an emotional wreck. It was scary.

             
We headed into the diaper aisle first and I grabbed two big boxes to try and avoid a mid-week shopping trip for more. More formula and that was it, except for maybe a few frozen pizzas. Adam hadn’t gotten home until two hours after he’d left the night before. I hadn’t questioned him on it, just pretended to be asleep when he crawled into bed beside me but maybe it wouldn’t hurt to stock up and try to prevent him from leaving for that long again.

             
Or maybe we could just try and talk about whatever’s been going on
, I thought to myself, but ignored it. There was nothing going on. We were both stressed out, and it was taking its toll on both of us. Everything would be fine. We’d be fine.

             
Sylvia and I turned a corner and nearly bumped into a young woman a few years older than me. She had long, pin-straight blonde hair and wore sunglasses.

             
“Oh, I’m sorry, dear!” Sylvia exclaimed, placing a hand over her heart as she always did whenever she was startled. It was so grandmotherly; I wanted to hug her every time I saw her do it.

             
“It’s fine, I wasn’t watching where I was going,” the girl said, pulling her sunglasses down to reveal pale blue eyes. They were focused on me even as she spoke to Sylvia.

             
“How old?” She asked, and for a second I had no idea what she was talking about. And then I realized it was Harper she was referring to.

             
“Ten weeks,” I said with a smile. The girl nodded.

             
“She’s beautiful.”

             
“Her name is Harper.”

             
She nodded again, and something about the expression on her face made me believe she somehow already knew that. But that was crazy. I was pretty sure I’d never met her before, and in a town as small as Haven, you tended to know everyone whether you wanted to or not.

             
“I’m sure you love being a mom,” she said softly, smiling. “She has such beautiful dark hair.”

             
“Thank you.”

             
“No problem. I’ll um, see you around I guess.” She flashed another quick smile and walked around us. I turned, watching her disappear down another aisle.

             
I frowned at Sylvia. “Do you know her?” I asked.

             
“No, I don’t think I do but I feel like maybe she knew me.”

             
“She seemed sad,” Sylvia remarked. “Maybe she’s just visiting and doesn’t want to go back home again.”

             
“Maybe,” I agreed, even though the sadness in her eyes seemed a little too strong to be related to something as simple as that.

             
We’d just gotten to the formula aisle when my cell phone rang. Expecting it to be Adam wondering why I was gone for so long, I answered it without checking the caller ID.

             
“I’ll be home in a little bit,” I said.

             
“That’s great but I think you should stop back here first.”

             
I frowned. “Mason?”

             
“Yeah, who else?”

             
“Sorry, I didn’t check before answering. What’s going on? You sound weird.”

             
“Yeah, well I feel a little weird. Can you get Sylvia to drop you back here before you go home? It’s kind of important.”

             
“I guess, but I bought some frozen stuff.”

             
“Put it in the freezer here or ask her to drop it off at your house. I wouldn’t ask but it’s really important, Lainey.”

             
I felt my blood run cold. I’d never heard Mason sound this anxious before. A million thoughts ran through my mind. A plane crash. Hannah drowning. Nora killing both of them in a fit of rage.

             
“Okay,” I managed to choke out. “I’ll be over as soon as I can.”

Chapter 4

             
Sylvia offered to take Harper home with her but I declined. She would get upset if she saw me leaving without her and it wasn’t worth it. Whatever Mason had to say, maybe it wouldn’t take too long.

             
I hoped not. A million thoughts continued to run through my mind, a million possibilities, all bad. I’d never heard him sound that way before.

             
I said a quick thanks to Sylvia as the car stopped in front of Bella Vista. I jumped out, opened the back door, and scooped Harper out, car seat and all. She looked irritated, if it was possible for a ten week old baby to look irritated, and I muttered a brief apology.

             
“Do you want me to come back and get you in a bit?” Sylvia asked, looking concerned. I shook my head.

             
“No, I’ll just call Adam. Thank you, though. Sorry I had to cut this short.”

             
“Don’t worry, dear. I just hope everything is all right. I’ll see you later on.” She waved to Harper then pulled away, heading in the direction of the Montgomery house.

             
I stood in front of Bella Vista for a few minutes, staring at the front door and dreading whatever I was going to find when I entered. I knew whatever it was had to involve my dad and Nora and possibly even Hannah. Never had a building looked so imposing.

             
I found Mason in the office resting his head on one hand, the other using a pen to tap consistently at the desk. He glanced up when I walked in, but his facial expression didn’t change.

             
“What’s going on?” I asked nervously, setting Harper’s car seat down on the couch and sitting beside her. She began to fuss and I placed a hand gently on her stomach, hoping that my touch would calm her down. Sometimes it worked, other times not.

             
“Dad called,” Mason said, and the dread grew more intense. Somehow having this directly involve our dad made it all the scarier.

             
“What did he say?” I asked, not sure I really wanted to know but feeling obligated.

             
“He’s coming home tomorrow.”

             
“Isn’t that good?” I felt a little confused. I knew Mason wasn’t looking forward to leaving Haven behind but at least it meant being reunited with Cynthia again. I’d thought that would override any hesitation he felt about going back to Delaware.

             
“He’s coming back alone.”

             
The world stopped. Out of all the things I’d pictured, somehow this hadn’t been one of them. Coming back alone? I knew things between him and Nora weren’t great, hadn’t been for a while, but I hadn’t thought they were that bad.

             
“Why?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

             
“He didn’t go into details. All he said was that he and Nora got into a really big fight and she got on a plane to Raleigh.”

             
“A fight about what?” I asked, though I was sure it didn’t matter. It could be anything. Nora had such a short fuse as it was, especially when it came to him. Maybe she found out about Teagan. Maybe she didn’t. Maybe she’d just gotten tired of the way he acted, the way he looked at life and treated the people in his.

             
“Again, he didn’t say. All he said was he was catching a plane at noon and would be here sometime tomorrow. He gave me the flight information so I’m going to get online and see what time it actually arrives since he didn’t bother to check for himself.” There was a hint of bitterness in his voice and I couldn’t blame him. Mason hadn’t had to take care of our dad the way I did before Nora came around, but he was getting a taste of it and it definitely wasn’t something you’d want more of.

             
“What about Hannah?” I asked, although I was afraid to know the answer. Logically, I knew she must have left with Nora. Nora was her mother, my father just a stepparent. They’d never gained legal rights to either of us. My dad would have no way of bringing her back to Haven.

             
“He didn’t say,” Mason replied. “But I wouldn’t count on her coming back, at least not yet. I’m sorry.”

             
I nodded and swallowed against the tears that were threatening to pour out. Crying right now would be a bad idea. Harper was already frustrated by the busy day we’d had so far and witnessing me crying wasn’t going to help matters.

             
“I should have known something like this would happen,” I said instead. “The only way I’ve been able to accept having you leave is knowing Hannah would be back. I can’t do this alone, Mason.”

             
“You’re not alone, little sis,” he tried to comfort me. “You’ve got Adam and the Montgomerys. And Sylvia. You’re going to be alright.”

             
I shook my head, not believing it. “And what about Hannah? She practically hates Nora. How is she going to be able to deal with living in Raleigh with her and her grandparents? She’s going to lose it, Mason.”

             
Mason sighed. “I don’t blame her,” he admitted. “But Lainey, we’re assuming too much. Dad and Nora got into a fight, and she ran home to her parents. That’s all we know. Chances are, they’ll both get over whatever they were arguing about and get back together and everything will be fine. Try not to assume too much based off of the little bit we know.”

             
I nodded, but it was hard to follow that advice. All I could picture was a Haven without Hannah and it was such a scary, depressing image.

             
We sat in silence for a few more minutes until Harper’s fussiness became more prominent. “I’d better get her home,” I said with a sigh. I’d forgotten her diaper bag in Sylvia’s car in my haste to get inside and get this all over with. “She needs to eat and take a nap.”

             
“Want me to drive you home? I don’t have many guests here right now. It should be fine.”

             
I shook my head. “No, I’ll call Adam. I don’t think he’s doing anything.” I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed Adam’s number. It rang for what felt like an eternity before he finally answered.

             
“Yeah?” I could hear music in the background.

             
“Where are you?” I asked, frowning to myself.

             
“Brad’s. Why?”

             
“I need you to come pick me up from Bella Vista.”

             
“I thought Sylvia was doing that on her way to the store?”

             
“We already went to the store. I had to come back. It’s a long story.”

             
The music in the background became muffled, and I could picture Adam holding the phone away from his ear, covering the mouthpiece with his hand. He came back a few seconds later, sounding annoyed.

             
“Can’t Mason drop you off? I just got here and I told Brad I’d help him get ready for the barbeque tonight.”             

             
“What barbeque?”

             
“The one he decided to throw last minute. Want to come?”

             
I couldn’t imagine anything I’d like to do less. Brad was one of the guys Adam worked with and they’d become fast friends sometime before Nolan went to California. He was Nolan’s replacement as far as I was concerned, and not a very good one. For all Nolan’s cockiness and over assurance of himself, at least he had a good part to him, a side that seemed almost sensitive at times. Not Brad. He was twenty-five, had a son with a girl he was no longer with and never had anything nice to say about and lived in a rental property near the beach.

             
“No,” I said, and got a sigh in response from Adam. He was always telling me I needed to give Brad and the other guys a chance, that they were his friends now. Everyone he’d known in high school had gone off to college, so it wasn’t like he had much of a selection.

             
“Why?” He asked. “It’ll be fun. My mom can watch Harper for a few hours. You might actually enjoy yourself.”

             
I highly doubted that. “I’m tired and stressed out, Adam. I don’t feel like spending time at a barbeque with people I don’t like. You go and have a good time, okay? And don’t worry about picking me up. I’ll just ask Mason to do it.”

             
“I’ll be there in ten minutes,” he said, and I could tell from the sound of his voice that he was clenching his jaw. I hung up the phone and squeezed my eyes shut.

             
“Trouble in paradise?” Mason asked, sounding sympathetic.

             
“I wish I knew,” I replied.