The Guestbook (9 page)

FRIDAY:

A LOVELY DAY AT THE BEACH TODAY. WE STAYED MAINLY IN THE DUNES, IT WAS VERY QUIET AND ROMANTIC.

I STILL FEEL WRACKED WITH GUILT. ANNIE YOU’RE THE LAST PERSON IN THE WORLD I’D WANT TO HURT. I’M NOT EVEN SURE HOW I DID IT. SURELY FINDING OUT THAT OLLY LOVES YOU IS A GOOD THING. HE LOVES YOU, YOU LOVE HIM, BUTTERBING, BUTTERBOOM!

SATURDAY:

WE’RE LEAVING TODAY. THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR HOSPITALITY.

YOU PROBABLY WON’T THANK ME FOR THIS EITHER, BUT I TOLD OLLY WHAT I HAD DONE. HE WAS FURIOUS. I THINK HE MIGHT BE ON HIS WAY OVER.

HOPE IT ALL WORKS OUT FOR YOU.

VIV X

**********

7
^th
July - ?

Oliver Black.

Monday:

I’ve just arrived from New York to talk to Annie only to find she’s not here. Sophia let me in, reluctantly and I’m staying until Annie gets back.

At least without Annie knocking on my door every few minutes I’ll be able to get some writing done until she comes home.

Tuesday:

The last time I was here I persuaded Annie to use Twitter. I thought it might be another way to get Willow Cottage noticed if she was posting special offers and what was going on in the local area. She agreed to give it a go for herself first and once she got the hang of it she would open a Twitter account under the name of Willow Cottage. I set up an account for her and showed her how to use it.

This has back fired spectacularly on me. As one of her few followers, I’m now being updated with progress on her holiday. Tweets like ‘Went to the beach with Connor today’ and ‘Connor is the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen’ and ‘Connor and I are going on a trip to Skomer Island’ and ‘I may actually be in love’ are pissing me right off.

I’ve phoned and tweeted her but she hasn’t replied. She seems to be deliberately ignoring me.

Wednesday:

Annie, did Vivienne mention the money, is that why you’re angry with me?

I had to give you the money. Without Nick’s income you would never have been able to afford the mortgage repayments on your home and on Willow Cottage. Of course he wasn’t insured, I only told you that so you’d accept the money. Even if he was what kind of insurance policy do you think would pay out two million pounds?

I had to know you would be ok, that with everything else that was going on I didn’t want money to be an issue for you. And after all, it’s my fault that he’s dead. You’ve never said as much, but you must think it. I was driving the car. I should have done something, reacted quicker, anything to avoid the other car.

Thursday:

I am furious. Sally Jenkins, another one of Annie’s followers has tweeted demanding to know details about Connor. Annie has replied that he is magnificent in
every
single way possible.

I’m so livid Annie. I didn’t give you all that money so you could spend it jumping into bed with any man who catches your eye. First me, then Barney and now Connor. You’re not the person I thought you were. Did Nick mean nothing to you? And what kind of stupid ass name is Barney? Sounds like a sodding dinosaur.

I’ve just split open Vivienne and Darcy’s entries. I can’t believe you say you loved me the whole time you were married to Nick. Do you know how sick that makes me? Do you have no loyalty at all? How do you think Nick would feel if he knew that?

I’m going to keep ringing you until you answer.

Friday:

If I knew where Hetty lived I’d drive up there and drag you home myself.

What happened between us that night was a mistake. It will never happen again. I at least have some integrity over honouring my brother’s memory, where you appear to have none.

Saturday:

I have just texted and left an answerphone message for Annie to say there’s been a fire at Willow Cottage. She phoned me straight back and I told her she needed to come home as soon as she could.

I’m not particularly proud of myself. She sounded really upset. But at least she’s coming home now and we can talk about all this.

Damn it. It’s a good seven hour drive from Tenby to here, if not more. Annie’s driving back through the rain, tired and upset. What the fuck have I done? If anything happens to her I’d never forgive myself.

Sunday:

Early hours Sunday morning now. Where the hell is she?

She’s here. Thank God.

She’s going to be pissed.

Urgh! I hate arguing with Annie. Not only do I feel like I’ve just kicked a puppy, but she’s my best friend. I can’t sleep, I’m so wound up.

We shouted at each other until our throats were raw. We’ve never shouted at each other before. I was angry after we slept together but as she was crying the next day over what happened I couldn’t bear to shout at her so I just left. Now… Everything came out last night and I hate it. I hate what I’ve become.

It’s nearly lunchtime now and I haven’t seen Annie since she flounced off to bed last night. She’s probably exhausted.

Going for a walk on the beach to clear my head.

I’m so angry at you. I have never been so furious before in my entire life.

My first holiday since Nick died and you ruined it with absurd jealousy, misplaced guilt and anger.

You need to stop feeling guilty over the accident. I don’t blame you at all. There was nothing that you could have done and it wasn’t your fault. Do you honestly think I wish it was you that had died instead of Nick? I can’t believe you said that last night. That thought has never entered my head. I was so grateful that I hadn’t lost both of my best friends that fateful night.

You gave me two million pounds of guilt money? I was so stupid to think that was Nick’s insurance money. I still have most of it. I’ll arrange for it to be transferred to you tomorrow. I am not taking your pay offs. I will re-mortgage the house and pay you back the rest. At least then you won’t seem to think you have the right to tell me what to do with my life.

As for what happened between us, I don’t regret it for one moment. It was not a mistake, well not for me. I cried the next day because I was so confused by my feelings. Grief is a complicated emotion, as I’m sure you’re aware. I cried because I felt no guilt at all for sleeping with you and I felt that I should. Because I bloody well enjoyed it and there was you all angry for letting it happen. I cried because I knew you were going to run, like you always have when times get tough. I cried because I knew you leaving was going to hurt like Nick dying all over again.

Am I supposed to feel like scum because I love you, because I loved you the entire time I was married to Nick? Well I don’t. Loving you did not mean that I didn’t love Nick. I never settled for Nick. I had the best husband in the world, my best friend. I loved him more every day we were together and there was never a moment that I wished I had married you instead. Nick was perfect for me in every single way. But I still never stopped loving you and Nick knew that. He often joked that we should have joined some weird cult where I could have married you both. That I could have worked out some rota where you both had an equal share of me.

What I do and with who has nothing to do with you. Regardless of the money and that you’re Nick’s brother you have no claim over me. How dare you say that I’m being disloyal to Nick by being with these men. It’s been two years, do you honestly expect me to be alone for the rest of my life. Do you think that’s what Nick would have wanted?

As it happens, nothing happened with Barney or Connor. Connor is gay and camper than Christmas. But Barney was sweet, funny, kind and incredibly patient. When it came down to it, I couldn’t do anything with him. I wanted it to be you kissing me and touching me not him. For some stupid reason I felt like I was being disloyal to you. You, not Nick. How could I be such an idiot when you have so little regard for me?

I want you out the house and I don’t want to see you again.

Annie…

I don’t know what to say.

Please, I don’t want the money back. I don’t need it. I tried to give you guys the money before Nick died and you both were too proud to take it. The one great thing about being a successful writer is being able to look after my family and friends.

We can never be together. Regardless of your opinion of the accident, I know that I should have done something to save my brother. I cannot and will not be the person that kills my brother then screws his wife.

You’re right. I need to leave you to live your own life without interference from me. Can we make a deal? You keep the money and you’ll never see me again.

Take care Annie. I hope you will be happy.

**********

15
^th
– 18
^th
July

Mrs Applecroft

THIS IS NOT THE MEDIUM FOR SUCH DISCUSSIONS. I DO NOT WANT TO READ ABOUT THE SORDID SEX LIFE OF MRS BUTTERWORTH OR OF ANY OF THE OTHER GUESTS THAT HAVE STAYED HERE. PLEASE KEEP YOUR PRIVATE LIFE PRIVATE AND DO NOT AIR YOUR DIRTY LAUNDRY FOR ALL AND SUNDRY TO SEE. WHEN I BOOKED THIS HOLIDAY I DID NOT EXPECT TO BE EXPOSED TO THIS KIND OF DISGUSTING BEHAVIOUR.

Quite right Mrs Applecroft, my apologies.

WEDNESDAY:

I FOUND A PEA AT THE BACK OF THE FREEZER. I WOULD THINK THE FREEZER WOULD BE CLEANED OUT IN BETWEEN GUESTS.

MRS BUTTERWORTH SEEMS TO BE CULTIVATING WEEDS IN THE BACK GARDEN. THERE ARE TWO BIG BUSHES OF WHAT ARE OBVIOUSLY WEEDS. ADMITTEDLY THEY HAVE PURPLE FLOWERS SO IT MAY BE HARD FOR THE UNEDUCATED TO IDENTIFY BUT I KNOW A WEED WHEN I SEE ONE.

THE GRASS OUT ON THE GREEN NEEDS CUTTING.

THE SIGN TO BUTTERWORTH FARM IS
STILL
SQUEAKING.

THE BEACH WAS VERY COLD TODAY.

THE CARPET IN THE SPARE ROOM HAS AN UNSIGHTLY STAIN UNDERNEATH THE RUG.

THE FROG AND RHUBARB, WHICH INCIDENTALLY I’VE ALWAYS THOUGHT WAS A SILLY NAME, CHARGED ME TWO POUNDS FOR A PORTION OF CHIPS TODAY. THOUGH THE CHIPS TASTED GOOD I WILL NOT BE GOING THERE AGAIN AND PAYING THOSE EXORBITANT PRICES.

Thursday:

I just came by to drop off some eggs like you asked. I am not responsible for the upkeep of the grass on the green; I suggest you write to the council if it offends you so much.

Nor am I responsible for the squeaky sign to Butterworth Farm or the cold weather.

My apologies for the pea in the freezer, I must have missed it the last time I cleaned it out.

I may be uneducated in the gardening department but I know what I like and the purple Buddleia is a beautiful plant that encourages butterflies to the garden.

There is nothing I can do about the blackcurrant stain in the spare room. The house is open to children and that is something I will never change. Accidents happen and the only thing that I could do was cover it with a rug. Quite why you are poking around under a rug I don’t know.

As for the prices at the Frog and Rhubarb you will find them more than reasonable when compared with other eating establishments.

I DO NOT APPRECIATE YOUR ATTITUDE. I THINK YOU’LL FIND THAT WHEN RUNNING A CUSTOMER FOCUSSED BUSINESS SUCH AS THIS THAT THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT.

FRIDAY:

THE CHICKENS WOKE ME UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT SQUAWKING AND MAKING A TERRIBLE RACKET.

MRS BUTTERWORTH HAS NOT BROUGHT MY EGGS AS I REQUESTED. I HAVE HAD TO HAVE CEREAL FOR BREAKFAST.

The chickens were both killed by foxes last night hence the terrible racket, they obviously won’t be bothering you again. But that does go some way to explain why they were not so forthcoming in laying their eggs this morning.

As for the customer always being right I’m sure we can easily rectify this. After this weekend you will no longer be one of my customers. I am never having you back in this house again. You can take your self-righteousness and stick it up your arse.