The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (72 page)

Since there are literally thousands of sex-related sites, your quest will take you on a unique path reflecting your own interests. To help you get started, we’ve included some of our favorite websites in the resource listings at the back of the book. These sites represent just a slice of what’s out there, yet they provide a good jumping off point for a variety of interests.

Sex Information and Education

Sex Information

It’s safe to say you won’t find such easy access to so much sex information anywhere else as you do on the Web. If you’ve ever tried to find a sex-related book at a public library, you probably discovered that it was lost, stolen, defaced, or mysteriously missing. Even if you were lucky enough to find the book you were looking for, you may have been too embarrassed to check it out. Although you may not find the text of this same sex book online (we believe you will some day), you’re likely to find sample chapters and a company to buy it from. You’re also bound to locate more on the same subject somewhere on the Web. For example, you’ll find sex magazines, advice columns, archival collections of research materials, resource listings, and chapters from sex books devoted to every conceivable sexual topic.

There are several advantages to this hodgepodge of sex information, not the least of which is the tremendous variety of perspectives you will be exposed to as you roam. You may have started with a visit to Parents Place looking for tips on nutrition, dropped in on their chat group on gay parenting, read about a great sex education book for kids, which then linked you to the sex shop selling the book. There you’re intrigued by a link to the Feminists for Free Expression, and soon you’re reading about women defending pornography. We can only hope that this exposure broadens individual understanding and tolerance of alternative sexual viewpoints.

The Web offers a unique culture of information-sharing. Bookstores and libraries naturally only carry work by published authors, and to be a published author (at least when it comes to sex writing) usually requires that you have some professional credential or specialized knowledge. Since anyone can make a Web page, you can find out what the people next door, who love talking about sex, are really doing! Jane Doe enthusiastically writes about her personal requirements for satisfying oral sex while John Doe shares what he looks for in his favorite pornography. Some of these virtual sex pioneers develop quite a following, their opinions trusted more than a professional’s. In addition to individual Web pages, the discussion boards, forums, or mailing lists on many sites are great resources for peer-based information, advice, or opinions about sex.

As Time Goes By

Every new technological development in art or communication is seized upon almost immediately for use in expressing sexual ideas or creating sexual materials. From Stone Age carvings, to the printing press, to the development of films, to the video revolution, to the design of DVDs and the Web, sex has been the subject matter of each new medium. It’s widely taught in literature classes that the first novels were composed in eighteenth-century England. It’s less widely noted that
Fanny Hill,
one of the first novels ever published, is a piece of classic porn that’s been setting readers’ pulses racing since 1749. Among the earliest film reels available are clips of the gay ladies and gentlemen of the twenties having amorous escapades. It’s a chicken-and-egg conundrum whether VCRs became must-have appliances due to their convenience for viewing X-rated videos in the privacy of one’s home, or whether adult video became a multi-billion dollar business due to the advent of video technology. And from the time of the very first Usenet news-groups, sex has inspired online communication around the world.

Some might argue that the inevitable use of each new technology for erotic expression is proof that we’re a nation of techno-nerds who feel more comfortable with impersonal gadgets than with face-to-face communion. We at Good Vibrations prefer to see the link between sex and technology as proof that most creative impulses are intimately linked to sexuality—humans instinctively seize upon each new medium as a way to explore our boundaries, to add excitement to the human experience, and to reach out and touch someone.

The Web may do more for our sexual literacy than any other medium that’s come before. People are often too embarrassed to buy sex books or ask their doctors about sex. But visit Go Ask Alice, a site run by health educators from Columbia University, and you’ll see just how much sexual curiosity is out there. The site administrators answer sex-related questions from readers—now numbering in the thousands—about everything from contraception to self-esteem to technique. The Society for Human Sexuality (see sidebar) archives the largest collection of sexuality materials online. And SIECUS, the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, offers fact sheets, bibliographies, and provocative discussions of contemporary issues in sexuality.

Keep in mind that if you’re seeking advice for a specific medical problem, you should always consult with a health professional. The Web can be a great source of information, but don’t rely on it for the diagnosis or treatment of medical conditions. For example, one of the many excellent sites on STDs may help you determine that you have contracted an infection, but a health professional should evaluate your personal health history and help you set up a proper course of treatment.

Sex Education

Educational sex sites aren’t for adults only—we like to remind people that the Web can be a wonderful resource for parents and children too. Parents can find expert advice on talking to kids about sex, can locate other parents with similar questions and concerns, and can tap resources that will help answer their children’s questions about sexuality. Teens can get answers to crucial questions about sex and sexuality that they might not get from schoolteachers, parents, or other adults. Sites like the Coalition for Positive Sexuality and one called Sex
Etc.
are run by youth who explore issues of sexual responsibility, safety, and health with refreshing candor and openness. Some excellent adult sites also sponsor teen-specific sites, such as Scarlet Letters’ Scarleteen.

Unfortunately, when it comes to kids, sex, and the Internet, the media tend to focus on the importance of protecting children from a vast online wasteland of porn and predators. We’re the first to admit that there’s a lot of tasteless porn online, but we’d rather parents take an active role in steering kids to quality educational materials than avoid the Web altogether.

And while creeps can be found online, they aren’t the pervasive presence you might fear. Teach kids online safety just as you would water or car safety, and they’ll be well equipped to surf responsibly. Make sure they know not to give out personal information, including pictures, without your permission. If they want to meet a cyber friend in person, accompany them and arrange to meet in a public place. Encourage your children to bring to your attention any site or email that makes them uncomfortable. Adopting these common sense practices will minimize the risk of harassment, and helps create a positive learning environment for you and your child.

As part of our national preoccupation with “protecting” kids from sexually explicit imagery, parents are often encouraged to install filtering software, which blocks access to adult websites. Unfortunately, filters are problematic, as they can block access to health, sexuality, and First Amendment sites as well as to X-rated material. Rather than restricting access wholesale (most tech-savvy kids can circumvent filters anyway), we encourage parents to take a proactive approach to their children’s online sex education. Bookmark sex sites you find appropriate, discuss surfing habits with your kids, and talk to them about sites that make you or them uncomfortable (a useful way to teach about sexual stereotypes at the same time).

We make no bones about our belief that kids have as much right to accurate sex information as adults. After all, they are sexual beings from birth, and we owe it to them to foster a healthy and happy sexuality. Children are naturally curious, and unless you address their questions, they’ll seek answers elsewhere—with potentially harmful results. In the past, well-intentioned parents who couldn’t bring themselves to discuss sex left educational sexual materials on the family bookshelf for kids to read in private. Today it’s even easier; parents can point kids toward online resources.

Community

Maybe you just had a baby and want to find other moms who will share their experiences about postpartum sex. Perhaps you’re contemplating sex reassignment and need advice on hormone therapy. Or it could be you’re moving to a new city and wonder what businesses in the area are queer-friendly. You can find special-interest websites, which offer a host of valuable resources, provide a place to ask questions, and sometimes allow you to chat with other users. Anyone who’s ever tried to get sex-specific information, resources, or advice offline knows the search can be frustrating and difficult. The Web offers discretion, up-to-date referrals and a nonjudgmental embrace from other folk with interests like yours.

One of the most powerful contributions the Web has made to individual sexual exploration is its ability to unite sexual communities. If you thought you were alone in your preference for BDSM or polyamory, simply log on and discover what a welcoming and diverse community awaits you. If you’ve been frustrated by the lack of sex information or support as a person with a disability, check out the growing numbers of sites that disseminate relevant information. No longer do queer teens growing up in small towns need to feel isolated when they can log on and exchange Instant Messages with like-minded youth around the world. Finding your desired community involves some simple investigation. Use search engines and directories, check out discussion boards, ask for recommendations in chatrooms, subscribe to mailing lists (see the Chatting in Delayed Time section below), or check out your favorite sites’ links.

The wondrous fringe benefit to all this is that the Web more accurately reflects the diverse sexual spectrum than any other medium today. It doesn’t matter what the church, your mother, the latest women’s magazine, or the president decides is “normal sexual behavior”—all you have to do is go online to discover that people’s sexual tastes and genders cannot be neatly categorized. Not only does the Web offer refuge for people who might have been considered on the “sexual fringe,” it inspire’s people to push the envelope of their own sexual fantasies and activities—and could ultimately serve to make us all more tolerant and sexually free.

Shopping

It didn’t take long for commercial interests to discover the sales potential of the Web, which has been a particular boon for sex-related businesses.

Benefits of Shopping Online

For the thousands of people who have no access to a store like Good Vibrations, for those too embarrassed to shop in one anyway, or for those who’d rather not have adult catalogs sitting in their mailboxes, the Web is the ideal solution. It’s a discreet, easy, and convenient way for folks to order from the privacy of their own homes. You can shop at any time of the day or night, without anybody seeing you, and without speaking to a soul.

It’s true that nothing quite compares to picking up a product and holding it in your hands. But online retailers can provide far more detailed and up-to-date information about products on a website than in a paper catalog, so shoppers can do their homework before buying. Not sure what a G-spot vibrator is supposed to stimulate? Perplexed about how to size up the right dildo for you? Wondering why some butt plugs flare in the middle and others don’t? All these answers are online. And let’s face it, most people shopping in a retail store won’t ask their most explicit questions of a store clerk, but they are more likely to send a query through email.

Happily, online consumers enjoy a few extra perks as well. Discounts, freebies, sales, and other ordering incentives are common: Many companies want to divert retail or catalog customers to the Web since it’s a cheaper way to do business. Search engines make price comparisons easier, though bear in mind that many companies rename products, and one company’s G-spot Vibrator might be top-of-the-line while another company’s might be junk.

Finally, since Web surfers are accustomed to unlimited amounts of free information, most commercial businesses who hope to succeed will offer information, services, or resources in addition to their product line. For example, visitors to the Good Vibrations website will find replicas from our antique vibrator museum, sex trivia, information about our cooperative business structure, a lively magazine, answers to customers’ most frequently asked sex questions, and much more. This abundance of information produces savvy consumers and allows potential shoppers to become more familiar with a company before they decide to patronize it. It’s worth noting that word travels fast on the Internet, so a company that treats customers poorly or engages in bad business practices can lose its reputation overnight.

Finding Good Companies

If you’d like to start shopping online, we hope you’ll make Good Vibrations your first stop (if you haven’t already!). But we also encourage you to see what else the Web has to offer. Whether you’re looking for fetish wear, sex toys, educational sex videos, or lingerie, you’ll find it online. Online shops resemble those you’ll find in the real world—generic adult bookstores exist, but so do a plethora of more unique boutiques. Folks who may not be able to afford the start-up costs of a retail store in their town’s commercial district (or who might be run out of town even if they could) can still do a brisk business out of their home with a Web page attracting customers from all over the world.

While it can be hard to differentiate legitimate businesses from those out to make a fast buck, these tips should help you weed out less reputable sites: