The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (64 page)

Phone sex is wonderful for connecting my penis and my prostate to my mind. I feel safe talking dirty when I’m not face to face with someone. It’s an intensified form of shared imaginations; the negotiations are very different, and they keep shifting with words instead of actions.

To me, phone sex is the ultimate in intimacy. Having to be verbal, explicit, and direct is a potent erotic combination because I’m normally a shy person.

Commercial phonesex companies cater to every conceivable sexual proclivity. You can sample everything from “the voyeuristic journey of female bodybuilder fantasies” to “cross-dressers waiting to meet you.” The FCC does regulate what words and subjects can be discussed over the phone lines, so don’t expect to explore fantasies of bestiality, incest, or sex with clergy members with professional phonesex operators. Phonesex advertisements can be found in many sex magazines, tabloids, gay newspapers, and directories. Make sure to read the rate information in the ad, as charges can vary drastically between companies.

Tips for Enjoying Phone Sex

•
Get in the mood.
Before you make the call, spend a little time relaxing with a glass of wine or some favorite music and fantasize about what you want to talk about. You may want to wear some sexy clothing, or nothing at all.

•
Get comfortable
. Set yourself up in your favorite chair or stretch out on the bed. Find a position that will allow you to hold the phone and play with yourself at the same time. Speaker phones free up both hands, while cell phones allow for maximum mobility around the house (or garden or pool or office)!

•
Be prepared.
Have some lube nearby and some tissues or a sex towel. If you plan on using sex toys, put them within easy reach and make sure they’re all plugged in.

• To get your money’s worth out of commercial phone sex, be prepared to initiate the sex talk, otherwise you may waste time while the operator tries to figure out what you want. Remember, the longer you’re on the line the more money the company makes, so they’re in no hurry to get you off (pardon the pun).

Pagers

Once an annoying little beeper used primarily by on-call doctors, the pager is now a sophisticated, affordable device that blends the erotic possibilities of a vibrator, computer, and phone. Everyone from expectant parents to security guards enjoys the instant communication offered by the pager, though not everyone has discovered that pagers can be used for erotic expression and arousal. Invest in a pager with a digital readout and the caller can leave short, steamy messages for the recipient. Combine this with a vibrating model, and your sweetheart will receive your sexy sentiment along with a titillating buzz!

I wanted to eat in the restaurant at Nordstrom’s but there was a wait, so they gave me a pager to carry around while I shopped. I put the pager in my breast pocket and when it buzzed I shrieked! I certainly gave the salesclerks a good laugh; they must see that little sex toy work its magic all the time.

Computer Sex

Plenty of fantasy material awaits you on the Web. You’ll find sexy stories, fantasies, and images to inspire your erotic imagination. Bookmark pages you want to share with a partner, engage in some online chat together, go surfing together for sexy pictures, or find a naughty game to play. For more on these erotic offerings, see the World Wide Web chapter.

Exhibitionism and Voyeurism

Most people associate exhibitionism with the flasher who gets off by showing his genitals to a shocked stranger, and this activity is illegal. Many of us, however, possess exhibitionist tendencies that we can act on safely with consenting partners. Some people like the thrill of having sex in semipublic places because the chance of getting caught increases their arousal.

On a road trip once, I stayed in a nice hotel where it was possible to get into the pool after hours. The indoor and outdoor pools were connected and you could go from one to the other by just ducking your head under the partition. I got myself aroused by taking off my trunks and swimming nude in this forbidden public place. I stayed near my trunks, knowing that if anyone approached, the water would hide my nudity long enough for me to get into them by the time somebody got close. I started daring myself to venture further and further away. When I couldn’t take it any longer, I masturbated under the water.

Once I was in the passenger seat of a car driven by a lover, and he commanded me to masturbate. It took a while to get past the worry of truck drivers looking in, but eventually I got into it.

Some enjoy performing acts of exhibitionism for their lovers’ eyes only, because it turns one or both of them on.

I fantasize that I am hiding while watching him stroke himself off.

I like being watched when I masturbate, which works out well since my husband says he gets turned on by watching me.

If there’s an exhibitionist in you but you’re not sure how to let her or him out, go to a strip club, rent an instructional strip video, check out stripping scenes in erotic videos or on websites, and then practice some of the moves you see. Observe people around you and notice what turns you on so that you can appropriate any of the things you see for your own exhibitionist behavior. You may find that certain clothes, an attitude, even a hair style catch your attention. Experiment with wearing tight, sheer, or revealing clothing. Masturbating somewhere besides your bed can make you feel more exposed or daring. Ask your partner if you can masturbate in front of him or her, or start walking around the house naked. For encouraging guidance on unleashing your sexy inner self, read Carol Queen’s engaging book
Exhibitionism for the Shy.

Voyeurism is the flip side of exhibitionism—voyeurs are folks who enjoy watching others have sex. Voyeurism can be fun when you indulge in it with willing partners. Watching your partner strip or masturbate, peeking through the keyhole as she or he bathes, making X-rated home videos together—these are ways to express your voyeuristic side. Alone, you can enjoy voyeurism by going to strip shows, looking at pornographic materials, and overhearing the neighbors having sex!

I enjoy lingerie (wearing it, being admired in it, taking it off, or doing it with it on). I also enjoy looking at pictures of my lover and me having sex.

Once I watched my best friend make love and it was totally beautiful!

Love voyeurism! When I was in NYC, I could watch hetero sex across the courtyard and homosexual activity across and one floor up. Made me very hot.

Cross-Dressing

If you find yourself partial to the costumes involved in role-playing, or if you’re simply fond of your girlfriend’s or boyfriend’s clothing, dress up! Many of us get an erotic charge out of putting on and wearing the opposite sex’s clothing; it’s a harmless way to indulge our fantasies. Even though it’s often associated with drag queens, cross-dressing is more common among straight men. And there are plenty of women who have “passed” as men over the ages, as well as modern-day “drag kings” with fully developed male personas. We’d like to expand the definition of cross-dressing to include anyone who gets a sexual charge from dressing up in clothing not typically associated with his or her particular sexual identity. For example:

I’m a butch girl who occasionally loves to dress up in sexy lingerie.

Sex Toys

We were tickled to see how many people include sex toys in their descriptions of favorite fantasies. In some instances, they are one of many props that enhance a scene.

I fantasize about being in a ménage à trois with two other bisexuals and a room full of toys, ties, and swings.

I want to have a group of five or six women kissing, sucking, fucking, and touching me all over after I have done the same for each of them. I want to be last so that I am as hot as I can get. We use dildos, feathers, crops, restraints, blindfolds, wax, and oils.

In other fantasies, sex toys play the starring role.

I have this one super fantasy that involves me and my girlfriends simultaneously getting off every night with vibrators in our dormitory at a Catholic girls’ school.

I fantasize about fucking a guy with a strap-on while I jack him off.

At Good Vibrations, we like to remind people of the enormous fantasy potential of their purchases. A woman strapping on a dildo and harness suddenly finds herself with a “penis”
and
a new perspective.

Although I am a femme lesbian, I always seem to fantasize that I have a dick.

Cock rings are another example of sex toys with fantasy appeal. Adorning that penis with a lovely collar not only perks it up, it can tease out those stud fantasies as well.

I enjoy the look and feel a cock ring gives. It’s ornamental in a way that makes me feel a bit daring and more confident.

Our entire store is often the setting for people’s fantasies; some even confess during their visit that they’re acting out a fantasy! Some have been sent on a specific mission to visit the shop with warnings not to return empty-handed; at other times folks just visit because the sight of all those dildos, harnesses, and vibrators gives their erotic imaginations a boost.

We go to Good Vibrations if we want to get really, really hot!

Group Sex

FRIENDS AND INTIMATES: Sex with more than one person at a time is a popular, hot fantasy. In a survey of
Men’s Confidential
readers, 84 percent of the predominantly heterosexual male respondents said they fantasize about masturbating in front of or with other men. Although more people have an interest in threesomes and foursomes with friends than act this out, several customers shared experiences of multiple mouths and hands exploring their bodies.

The hottest foursome I had involved butch/femme play, dildos, blow jobs, lingerie, and latex. We made a lot of noise and broke my friend’s bed.

I like masturbating with other guys—it’s quick and just about sex—which is not usually the case when I’m with women.

I like to experiment with threesomes. Usually it has been two women and one man, although I would like three women.

I would like group sex if it were with good friends.

When it comes to sex, the more the merrier! I’ve managed several times with two women and a man, and am still looking to try two women.

If this sounds like fun, why not throw a party? You could be the first person on your block to do so, and it sure beats sitting around waiting for someone else to do it! Plan it as you would any party—send out invitations (ask for an RSVP) and prepare delicious finger food. You may want to let your guests know in advance what your party rules will be (examples include safer sex, consensual activity, polite behavior). Arrange your home or apartment to ensure that there are comfortable areas to play in, and furnish them with sheets, pillows, and cushions. Cue up an X-rated video or put on some sexy music to help get things started. Make plenty of party favors available to your guests: condoms, gloves and dams, lubricant, vibrators, dildos, massage oil, whipped cream, soft mitts, paddles, and anything else you think will inspire your playmates. You’re all set to earn your reputation as the hottest host or hostess in town!

JACK-AND-JILL-OFF PARTIES AND SEX CLUBS: Group-sex parties have become increasingly popular in the age of AIDS. Some (but definitely not all) are governed by strictly enforced rules regarding consensual behavior and no-risk activities. These parties usually feature courteous guests, safer sex accouterments, and toys, and they provide a secure, playful environment for those who want to voyeurize, exhibit, role-play, fantasize, masturbate, or simply experiment.

I love to watch sex between people at sex parties, especially two men having sex together.

Folks interested in exploring group sex, but who are frustrated by the logistics of organizing their own parties, could investigate this alternative. You can usually only find these parties in certain major cities, and attendance is often by invitation only, so getting hooked up with one requires some work.

Larger versions of these parties are sometimes held in clubs and are a bit easier to find. Look for announcements in local sex newspapers or magazines. Although sex clubs are subject to regulations (usually from the local health department) that seek to prevent the spread of STDs, not all clubs follow them, so you won’t always find safer sex practiced. Try to find out in advance whether the club adheres to safer sex guidelines—and avoid the ones that don’t.

Parties and clubs cater to a gay, lesbian, straight, mixed, or S/M clientele; inquire in advance if you don’t know your hosts’ particular slant.

Games

If you’ve ever played strip poker or “spin the bottle” or adapted an ordinary board game for sexual purposes, you’ve discovered the erotic potential of game-playing. Adult board games, card games, and word games abound and run the gamut from those intended to improve erotic expression to those that script out sexual scenarios. One of Good Vibrations’ most popular impulse buys is a pair of Dirty Dice. One die lists a variety of actions—lick, suck, kiss, and the like—and the other lists body parts—lips, below the waist, and so on. Both players win with every shake of the dice!