The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (63 page)

My fantasies are often about being straight, which I’m not! One is of being a secretary, and my boss says he’ll pay me extra if I fuck him, so we fuck on top of an executive desk in a high-rise with lots of windows.

I’ve noticed that in my fantasies I like to be taken advantage of by men in positions of power. It’s a real turn-on, especially when I imagine a cop making me fuck him in exchange for not getting a ticket.

Fantasies can also function as a rehearsal for a scenario you would actually like to act out. Perhaps you met someone recently—you could mentally role-play a variety of scenarios about how to intimately approach that person. Maybe you’re considering trying out some new toy or technique with your partner, and you want to envision a variety of ways to approach the subject and meet with success. These fantasies can sometimes be as much of a turn-on as the real thing, or even more so. Many couples have found that sharing fantasies is a good way to find out what a partner likes. Of course, if keeping your fantasies private is necessary for them to be effective, you may want to think twice about this!

You may find that your fantasies stay pretty consistent, or they may change dramatically throughout your lifetime. Events in your real life can have a profound impact on your fantasy life:

When I first learned to orgasm, my fantasy life exploded. Before that, I could only vaguely imagine climax, so my fantasies petered out somewhere during penetration. Now I get to have these earth-shattering orgasms!

After the abuse, my fantasies were masochistic. I deliberately played with domination fantasy to empower myself, and it worked. Now my fantasies change all the time. Sometimes a fantasy can “wear out” by being overused!

Because of marital problems, my fantasies seem to arise from frustration rather than fulfillment.

A lot of people discover that their range of fantasies expands as they broaden their sexual experiences.

Since being exposed (via online exploration with my lover) to a greater variety of sexuality (specifically, D/S, vibrators, blindfolds,
Literotica
stories, spanking, etc.), my fantasies now are much broader, kinkier, as it were. I still retain a very strong emotional connection to my partner in sexual fantasies, but we do more, and more varied, things.

When I was young I only ever dreamed about getting laid as much as possible, with no interest past that. As I have aged, the touching and feeling and holding has become more important.

Acting Out Fantasies

Your fantasies don’t have to remain entirely in your head. Transform some of them into reality via a few of the games described below. They can revitalize routine sex and settings. All this requires is a sense of adventure and a willingness to experiment.

Role-Playing

You can play with personalities, themes, or relationships by placing yourself in imaginary situations and letting a new sexual dynamic emerge. If you’ve fantasized about a life of movie stardom, it’s not too difficult to don some sunglasses, adopt a haughty attitude, and cast yourself as the toast of Hollywood. Your partner can be whomever you desire—an adoring fan, the lead in your newest movie, or the casting director.

These folks like to play with a specific theme that excites both of them:

Our favorite fantasies are more or less variations on a theme, a semi-S/M scenario.

My partner portrays a large, heavy gay male in some dominant, fairly dangerous position—we’ve played with the Star Wars empire, Nazi Germany, the record industry, a Satanic cult, the Victorian era, and we’re currently using characters from a Godfather-type Mafia. I’m a woman, but I usually portray a femmeish gay male in a bottom-type position—a slave, or a loved submissive boy. We do a lot of verbal domination and occasional verbal humiliation.

This couple leaves the fantasy, and the type of sex, up to chance:

All our game requires is some dice and a willing attitude. First we swap fantasies, describing what we’d like done to us or what we want to do. Then we roll the dice and the high number wins. The loser must perform the desired act, doing everything in her or his power to make the fantasy real. Sometimes it’s as simple as giving head. Other times the fantasy can take days and involve a significant amount of work. We do have one rule though: The loser is allowed to say no.

Some common roles people like to play with are:

• Schoolgirl/boy and headmistress/master

• Rich widow and delivery person

• Commanding officer and enlisted soldier

• Truck driver and hitchhiker

• Secretary and boss

• Star and groupie

• Priest/nun and parishioner

Choreographing the sexual encounter can be almost as much fun as engaging in it; the anticipation can be a heady aphrodisiac. Shop for props and costumes or try drafting a script for yourself. If you’re intrigued by role-playing and just need a few more ideas, read a book of fantasies, grab some erotic fiction, or watch an erotic movie. You might find characters, settings, or activities you’d like to imitate. There are also game books as well as card and board games that offer some imaginative suggestions.

Talking Dirty

Ever considered bringing someone to a higher state of arousal through your impressive, obscene verbal skills? Unaccustomed as most of us are to hearing and using sexually explicit language, using it with your partner can lend an intense charge to a sexual encounter. And it lends itself well to different locales—you can unexpectedly set someone’s pulse racing in a public place or during the middle of the workday (one individual likes to leave nasty messages on his girlfriend’s voice mail). Countless respondents to our survey mentioned explicit language as something that turns them on during sex.

I get off on talking dirty and reading erotic literature while we fondle and fuck. I do like crossing the line of propriety.

Using words like
cunt, cock, fuck, pussy
and others is exciting to me and my partner.

Most folks are intrigued by the idea of explicit sex talk, but don’t know how to begin. Start with writing your own list of dirty words. If you need a little help developing a sexual vocabulary, track down a book like
The Dictionary of Sexual Slang
or
The Fine Art of Erotic Talk.
Read a variety of erotic material, from the explicit to the euphemistic. Watch an X-rated movie, paying special attention to the dialogue you find arousing. Take a look at which words hold a special sexual charge for you. Similarly, read and watch erotica with a partner to discover which words are a turn-on for him or her. You may find that you each respond better to one type of language over another. For example, “I crave the feel of your sweet lips on my ripe, juicy peach” might stir your lust more than “Suck on my pussy until I explode” or vice versa. You may find you respond particularly well to certain words or phrases, or just to certain styles.

Dirty talk right up close to my ear is the ultimate. Especially P words, like “pound your pecker” or “pump my pussy, you pud.” The air-expunging P-sound is like a Smart Missile running right smack into an erogenous zone, a G-spot inside my brain somewhere.

I enjoy talking dirty as long as it doesn’t get explicit—I like it to be very suggestive and mysterious.

If you’re suffering from a bit of performance anxiety or are fearful you won’t be taken seriously, practice. Talk to yourself in the mirror or while puttering around the house—just make sure no one’s home! Practice using your hot words while you’re masturbating. If you usually moan, try substituting words as you get excited or voicing the fantasy you’re having. Phone sex can be a good place to start; if you’re calling a service, you may be emboldened by the anonymity, and we’ll talk more about this in the next section.

If you’re struggling with your script or subject matter, relax. You don’t have to memorize the text of a pornographic best-seller, you’ve got plenty of material inside your brain. Describe a past sexual encounter or a favorite sexy scene from a movie. If you’re with your partner, try relaying the sexual activity you’re engaging in at the moment.

My favorite fantasy is my husband, taking my clothes off—very hurriedly—and going down on me. And while he is doing so, he keeps telling me how good I smell, how great I taste, and how hard he is just doing that. And how he can’t take it anymore and how he has to be inside me. Knowing that I am turning my partner on is very arousing for me.

Give your partner a verbal list of the many ways you like to be made love to, or elaborate on what you’d like to do to her or him. Fantasies and erotic dreams lend themselves well to storytelling; you can have your partner ask you specific questions to draw out the details. Or make a game out of it by taking turns making up parts of the story.

Keep in mind that your language doesn’t have to be explicit to be erotic—role-playing can present you with new options for communicating sexually to a partner. You may find that just hearing your partner speak to you in the commanding voice of a drill sergeant is enough to turn you on.

There’s no wrong way to talk dirty! If your partner doesn’t enjoy the activity as much as you do, perhaps you don’t share the same turn-on around certain stories, words, or themes. You may talk yourself into a frenzy of desire when the subject is dominance, whereas your partner’s preference might be for sex with a science-fiction twist. Take turns indulging each other, and you should both be happy. If you like sex talk but it leaves your partner cold, you might ask yourself how important it is to you. Your partner may not want to participate in the dialogue, in which case you could simply get off from your own storytelling.

We play a game called “stay.” My lover comes home from work and I greet her at the door in an aggressive manner…kissing her and pressing her to the door. After a bit of heavy kissing, undressing, and grinding, I tell her that she has to do exactly what I say. I move away, get a chair, and set it ten feet away and start removing my clothes, telling her how my skin feels… how hot I’m getting. From time to time I go to her and kiss and caress her, telling her to keep her hands to herself and “stay.” I then get out my favorite vibrator and use it to get off, still reminding her to “stay.” After my orgasm, I go to her with a dildo strapped on and fuck her up against the wall.

Phone Sex

Although phonesex lines have been around for years, since the onset of AIDS, phone sex—paid and unpaid—has increased in popularity because it’s a completely safe and discreet way to get off. Anyone can understand the appeal of phone sex; just think about the last time you spoke to someone whose voice you found surprisingly sexy. Imagine yourself in a receptive, aroused state while that caller switches from extolling the virtues of a new long-distance service to describing the contours of her or his fine physique!

This popular activity often involves masturbating while engaging in sexually explicit conversations over the phone. Most people think of 900 numbers or paid phone calls to anonymous operators when you mention the term “phone sex,” but certainly any two (or more) people can engage in their own version of phone sex.

Masturbating on the phone with my girlfriend is always the hottest turn on for me. I know that she can picture in her mind every touch I am describing to her and I imagine her hands are really touching me. One time I called her and we had been just talking for two hours and teasing and leading up as I masturbated and just seconds before my orgasm I thrashed and hit the button on the phone and hung up on her…so I left her with “blue balls”!!! I called right back and we had to do it all over again.

I masturbated over the telephone with a man I met in a chatroom once. He kept me on the phone for four hours, telling me where to touch, how soft or hard, having me use a dildo, able to gauge from my voice where I was, keeping me on the edge forever. When I finally came it blew my mind.

My first experience of lesbian sex was on the phone with my best girlfriend when we were 15. We were too chicken to actually do anything to each other for a while so we told each other what we wanted to do over the phone.

Cell phones enable you to get pretty creative about where and when you place that provocative call. Think about calling him at the office the next time you’re sunbathing nude. Or dial her car phone when you know she’ll be stuck in rush-hour traffic and let her know what’s really on your mind. Nasty messages on answering machines and voice mail can be another fun game—just make sure you dial the right number!

The phonesex industry offers several different options for the libidinous caller who’s willing to pay for the call:

• You can dial a sexually explicit recorded message.

• You can speak live to one operator who will share nasty thoughts and fantasies tailored to your specifications.

• You can hook up with a party line—one or several other callers who get each other off as a group. For a hilarious and hot transcription of the phone conversation between a man and a woman who hook up via a party line, pick up a copy of Nicholson Baker’s novel
Vox
.

Engaging in phone sex can be a great way to learn how to talk dirty—after all, they say immersion is the best way to learn a foreign language. It also enables you to explore some of the fantasies or qualities you find particularly arousing. Southern accents may leave you cold while British accents turn out to be just the thing to raise your temperature. Many folks find that the anonymity of the exchange allows them to be more daring when it comes to vocalizing their desires.