The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (56 page)

Ben Wa Balls

While they aren’t exactly dildos, we’re including ben wa balls in this category because they are insertable toys. Many women and men have heard exaggerated claims about the pleasure potential of these marble-sized balls. Even if ben wa balls really were decent sex toys, they’d have a hard time living up to their hype. According to legend, the women of ancient Japan used to insert two hollow ivory balls filled with mercury into their vaginas, then sit back and enjoy the sensation as the balls rolled around inside them. This legend has some lapses in logic: Mercury is a highly toxic substance, and the vagina is not a gaping cave that anything is likely to “roll around” in.

Probably, ben wa balls were small ivory spheres inserted during intercourse to enhance sensation. The modern-day incarnation consists of two gold-plated ball bearings about three-quarters of an inch in diameter.

Some women enjoy ben wa balls for their fantasy value or use them to tune into subtle sensations in the vagina. You probably won’t feel any more sexual sensation from ben wa balls than you would from a tampon, though we have heard from women bus drivers and motorcycle riders who say they enjoy wearing ben wa balls on the road, as their vehicle’s vibration sets the balls in motion. Some women find that ben wa balls provide stimulation during intercourse, even though they don’t move around much. Bear in mind that you shouldn’t use ben wa balls anally, as they could easily slip into your colon and out of your reach. We’ll discuss anal beads in the chapter on anal toys.

Over time I’ve purchased many toys and all have been fun and exciting EXCEPT ben wa balls. Last Halloween I put them in while I took my child trick or treating—I figured I should have fun too. They immediately popped out and rolled around in my underwear the entire night. I was scared that one would pop out and roll down the street. Since then, I keep them on my night stand in hopes that I will come up with a good use.

Duotone balls are a variation on ben wa balls that have more potential: Each metal ball bearing is encased in a hollow sphere about one-and-one-half inches in diameter, and the spheres are leashed together with a nylon cord. Since the heavy ball bearings roll around inside their casing when you rock your hips or tug on the string, they create a sensation of movement that can be stimulating. You might want to position duotone balls half-in/half-out of your vaginal opening for maximum effect. You can find duotones made of jelly rubber, plastic, or silicone; strands with up to four balls; and duotones that vibrate.

I think duotone balls are especially fun to wear in public for secret surprise stimulation. They were a great pick-me-up when I was on crutches (swinging hips).

Duotone balls are interesting—I like having them tugged while I’m being masturbated or anally fucked. I was once vaginally fucked while I had the balls in and we both couldn’t believe there was room! That was a powerful encounter.

With a little ingenuity, you can devise your own variations on this theme:

I also enjoy this fake pearl necklace that I wash (of course), wad up, and shove inside my vagina. Then I pull the pearls gently and slowly out and up, so they hit my lips and my clit.

Some women adopt a “bigger is better” approach and insert Chinese healing balls instead of ben wa balls. Slightly larger than a golf ball, healing balls are made of weighted metal that produces a lovely tone, like a distant wind chime. These two balls are designed to be rotated in your palm, thereby stimulating acupressure points and improving the circulation of vital energy through your body. Perhaps you’ll find acupressure points inside your vagina that you never knew you had!

Vegetables

We once received a testy note from a customer who was tired of our unremitting praise of silicone dildos—she wrote to let us know that in her opinion “a microwaved zucchini” was infinitely superior to any dildo on the market. You too may be among those who are happiest with a cornucopia of nature’s dildos. If you do play with produce, make sure to avoid potentially irritating pesticides—either peel your vegetable or slip a condom on it. If you don’t own a microwave, you might want to blanch your chosen vegetable in some boiling water to render it warm and flexible.

I thought using a carrot for penetration might be nice. It was cold!

In a classic example of art meeting postmodern life, you can find silicone dildos shaped like corn and zucchini, for those folks who want the relationship with their dildos to last past dinnertime.

Buying a Dildo

You may find yourself a little overwhelmed by the sheer number of options available to the dildo-buyer, but you can quickly narrow the field by considering the following variables:

Aesthetics

Would you like a dildo that resembles a penis or one that doesn’t? The choice is yours. We’ve rarely come across a customer who doesn’t have a distinct aesthetic preference, and there’s no predicting tastes in the matter. The blushing baby-dyke just back from the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival may well demand a realistic dildo complete with scrotum and testicles, while the biker dude who just rode in on his Harley may be purchasing a Dolphin dildo for his old lady.

Dildo Shopping Checklist

Some things to consider before buying a dildo:

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Aesthetics:
Would you prefer a dildo that resembles a penis or one that is nonrepresentational?

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Color:
If you’d prefer a dildo in skin tones, select a vinyl, cyberskin, or rubber realistic. If you’d prefer a dildo in decorator colors, select a jelly rubber or silicone model.

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Expense:
If you’re experimenting to determine your preferences, you may gravitate toward an inexpensive vinyl or jelly rubber model. If you know what you like and you’re making a long-term investment, treat yourself to a silicone model.

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Material:
If you want a flexible dildo, try models made of rubber, jelly rubber, or cyberskin. If you want a dildo that’s resilient and easy to clean, get silicone. If you enjoy firm stimulation of the G-spot, try models made of acrylic, metal, or firmer silicone.

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Size/width:
Confirm the diameter that’s right for you before you buy!

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Length:
If you or your partner plan to wear the dildo in a harness, select one that’s at least six inches long.

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Function:
If you or your partner plan to wear the dildo in a harness, make sure to select one with a flared base.

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Shape:
Contoured or smooth, the choice is yours.

Even though that dildo is destined to go where the sun don’t shine, color will probably influence your selection process. Folks who are disappointed by the limited palette of realistic dildos are frequently relieved to find silicone dildos in purple or jelly rubber dildos in green. Others look for a realistic dildo that most closely approximates their own skin color.

Intentions

Different sizes and styles of dildos suit different circumstances. Many people find that they enjoy a thicker dildo when they’re playing alone and can control the pace and timing of penetration. If your partner is manipulating the dildo, you’ll probably want it to be slimmer than one you’d masturbate with. If you plan to insert it to the hilt, select a shorter model, but if you want to manipulate the dildo, or if your partner plans to wear it in a harness, you’d be better off with one that’s at least six inches long. Several of the adult novelty dildos on the market have the shaft set on a handle like a nightstick for easy control. Or you can get creative with a double dildo.

I like to use a long double dildo, putting one end in my cunt and stroking the other end, pretending it’s my cock.

Size

While it’s true that the average person can accommodate many different sizes of dildos, it’s also true that most of us have a decided preference for one size or another.

I like small penises, or better yet, dildos. With very small penises, I orgasm easily. The dildo shouldn’t be more than five-and-a-half inches long and one-and-a-quarter inches in diameter, and penises should be even smaller.

I love the feeling of being filled up, so big dildos, lots of fingers, and a fist make me real happy. When they say that size is not important—well, it is for me.

Stores such as Good Vibrations stock a wide range of sizes, and first-time dildo buyers are frequently intimidated by the abundance of alternatives. Male customers seek reassurance that some of the models are “awfully big, aren’t they?” while women wonder which model is “average.” Frequently, shoppers ask salesclerks, “Which size should I get?” as though dildo dimensions were as easily identifiable as glove or shoe sizes. The truth is, there’s simply no way anybody else can select dildo sizes for you. Here are some things to consider in making your own decision:

Obviously, the diameter of the dildo you’re selecting is more important than its length, as you can control how deeply you insert the dildo, but there’s no way to adjust for an uncomfortable width. Are you currently enjoying penetration from someone’s fingers or penis, a candle, a hairbrush handle, a cucumber? You may want to select a dildo that approximates the measurements of an object you already know and love, or you may want to seize this golden opportunity to size up or down. Perhaps you’ve always fantasized about trying out a two-inch-thick dildo, or maybe you’d like a dildo slimmer than your partner’s penis.

If you’re a woman who has recently undergone genital or abdominal surgery, if you’ve never experienced penetration, or if it has been a long time since you did, you should take the time to measure your vagina before purchasing a dildo. Don’t be afraid to think small. Medical dilators sold to postoperative male-to-female transsexuals start at about one-third of an inch in diameter and go up from there, while dilators sold to women with vaginismus start at just under an inch in diameter. Some women take advantage of the fact that butt plugs are often available in slimmer sizes than dildos.

I use butt plugs in the vagina—dildos are too big.

One easy (and affordable) way to take your measurements is with vegetables. Head for the nearest produce stand and select some carrots, zucchinis, and cucumbers. Wash them well, dress them in condoms, and try them on for size. When you’ve found a vegetable that suits your taste, cut it in half and measure its diameter (remember, diameter is the distance across, not around a circle). The same considerations apply if you’re selecting a dildo for anal penetration. Take the time to research your preferences before you make your purchase—you’ll be glad you did.

My most disappointing sex toy experience was the purchase of a too-large dildo when I first dared to buy one. I was all excited—got it home, practically tore off the wrapper, and hopped into bed with it only to find that its width was an irritant, even with lube. I felt embarrassed that size didn’t equal pleasure for me and kept trying to use it for a while. Eventually I braved the trip to the sex toy store again and got other sizes!

Most dildos run between one and two inches in diameter. While people who enjoy vaginal or anal fisting may want dildos greater than two inches in diameter, the average Joe or Jane is generally content with this range.

Shape

Dildos vary greatly, not only in length and girth, but in their shape as well. Some are textured with “veins,” some are rippled, some have a head larger than their shaft, and some of the more creative silicone styles undulate in unexpected ways—imagine slipping first the arms, then the head, then the breasts of a “divingwoman” dildo into your vagina. This is another instance where previous experience with penetration can help you make your selection. Do you particularly enjoy the sensation when your vaginal opening expands and then contracts around something? If so, you may find yourself intrigued by a rippled dildo. If you enjoy vaginal fisting, you may be drawn to a dildo with a large head and slimmer shaft. Or you may be someone who has never understood what all the fuss about “textures” and “ribbing” is about, and you’ll be perfectly happy with a simple, smooth model.

Playing with Dildos

You can use a variety of methods to incorporate dildos into your sex life. We recommend that you experiment by yourself first, so that you can get a sense of what sizes, styles, and strokes you enjoy before springing a dildo on your partner. You may find you want to insert the dildo and simply rest with it inside yourself; you may want to tantalize yourself with gradual insertion; or you may want to pump away vigorously.

I like to put my dildo up my butt and just lie there motionless.

Initially I like to hold the “head” of the dildo just at the opening of my vagina, usually with some lubricant. My orgasm may occur at this point, or one inch inside, or all the way in.

In any case, have respect for your anatomy. Cover the dildo with lube, position it to correspond with the angle of your vaginal or anal canal, and insert it gently. If you’re playing with a curved dildo, angle the curved tip toward the front wall of your vagina, rather than down toward your perineum. The firm pressure of a dildo can be popular with women who enjoy G-spot stimulation. Be particularly cautious when inserting a dildo anally, and don’t jab it into the walls of your rectum.

Dildo Care and Cleaning

To avoid wilting your dildo, store it in a cool dry place away from bright light or heat. Acrylic dildos are the exception—feel free to display these on your sunniest coffee table. Wash dildos after each use, and let them dry completely before putting them away. Viruses and bacteria won’t live on a dry surface.