The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (28 page)

KEGELS: Insert your finger into your vagina and explore all around the inside in a clockwise manner. Try squeezing your PC muscle (this is the muscle you use to stop a stream of urine) and watching it contract around your finger. Building up this muscle can help you experience greater sensation and stronger orgasms. For more on Kegel exercises, see the Sexual Anatomy 101 chapter.

Masturbating with fingers

BREATHE: Many women hold their breath during sexual arousal, but are surprised to discover that deep breathing can result in stronger orgasms. Take regular deep breaths, and exhale through your mouth. As you approach orgasm try to time your exhale with your orgasmic release, and you’ll feel the contraction ripple throughout your body. It’s fine to hold your breath if this works better for you, but as you get more comfortable with your orgasms, experiment with inhaling and exhaling. You might also find that timing your breaths with some regular pelvic rocking (rather than remaining rigid) helps circulate the sexual energy throughout your body.

BE PATIENT: Try not to get too fixated on the orgasm or else “trying too hard” might kill your arousal. It’s not unusual for it to take an hour of stimulation to bring you to the edge, so remaining patient and focused is important. If you find you’re easily distracted, try reading some erotica or looking at a video to maintain your state of arousal. Take little breaks if you start to get frustrated. When you resume the stimulation, you’ll find your place again. If you find you get really aroused but are having difficulty letting go into an orgasm, reduce the intensity of your stimulation and build back up. You’ll find that stopping and starting again will get you nearer the orgasm than applying a steady stimulation, which only desensitizes you after a while. Try to relax other parts of your body and concentrate on your genitals.

TRY TOYS: You can also try adding some toys for a little variety. Vibrators are ideal for women whose hands tire easily or who need more intense stimulation, and many have the added attraction of more than one speed (see the Vibrators chapter). A stream of water from the tub or a shower hose can be a welcome alternative, offering variation in temperature and pressure.

FOLLOW THROUGH: Once you slide into orgasm, don’t stop the stimulation unless it’s too sensitive to continue. Many women experience a more satisfying orgasm this way, and in some cases it can even lead to a second one.

What’s it like? Many women will tell you that you’ll know an orgasm when you have one (see the Sexual Anatomy 101 chapter for descriptions).

The very first time I masturbated, and actually had an orgasm, it was the most wonderful feeling I had ever had. I finally knew what all the hubbub was about, because I was standing in my bathroom, and my knees almost collapsed under me.

This isn’t true for everyone, however, and first orgasms don’t always come off like bombs bursting in air. A slight bump in your sexual response might leave you wondering “Was that it?” It may or may not be; we can only advise you to pay attention to the signs: engorged genitals, uterine contractions, sensations that shoot through your body. If you think you’ve had an orgasm, but were disappointed with the results, take a break and try again another time. Whatever your experience, try not to worry, for there are plenty of ways to enhance your experience of arousal. If you can enjoy the ride rather than focusing all your energy on the goal, you’re more likely to make progress.

Changing Your Style

Perhaps you have no difficulty orgasming but would like to change your routine. Most of us have one tried-and-true method of masturbating—which is perfectly fine—but you may want to experiment with a little variation at some point. Masturbating with a variety of methods has several advantages.

For one thing, you increase your options for pleasure and learn more about your sexual responses. A vibrator-induced orgasm will feel different than one brought about by your finger, just as a penis positioned under a flow of water will experience different sensations than one thrusting in and out of your hand. This, in turn, will allow you more freedom when it comes to deciding where and how you want to indulge in solo sex. It might be hard to masturbate on the roofdeck of your apartment if you only know how to come in the bathtub.

For another, masturbation can have some pretty nice ramifications for partner sex. As a boy you may have had to masturbate on the sly, so coming quickly was key. While there’s nothing wrong with coming quickly as an adult, you might want a little more control over timing so that you’re not always beating your partner to the punch. Similarly, if you’re able to get off from a variety of methods, it’ll probably be easier for your partner to please you in many different ways.

Finally, the more ways you learn to come, the better equipped you’ll be to adapt to the ways in which your sex life will change over the years. Women often find that their orgasmic patterns change during pregnancy, postpartum, and after menopause. Age, injury, and various medications can all affect your sexual response, but if you’re not completely dependant on one method of achieving orgasm, you’ll be able to slip into a new routine with little anxiety or stress. For more on this subject, see the Sex Over a Lifetime chapter.

How to go about altering your pattern? It’s important to get in the mood, go slow, vary the stimulation, and practice! Hard as it sounds, you might try depriving yourself of your favorite technique. This will help your desire build, which could make you more receptive to different kinds of stimulation. Who knows, you may one day find yourself capable of masturbating to orgasm without ever touching yourself at all:

The most memorable time I ever experienced masturbating was when I accomplished my first orgasm without the help of any stimulation. I lay on my bed and mentally stimulated my thoughts and body.

How To

There is no single “right” or “best” way to masturbate. Really, can you imagine someone telling you you’re masturbating the wrong way? A lot of people have a favorite method, but this changes from person to person, and your favorite way today might be old hat tomorrow. During one of our continuing education nights at Good Vibrations, eighteen of us went around in a circle and described our favorite way to masturbate. It was astonishing, because though many of us used the same toy, or stimulated the same general area, no one masturbated in exactly the same way. Think about all the things that can vary from person to person, like
position:
sitting, squatting, standing up, lying down on your stomach, back, or side, knees up or down, legs open or closed; or
pressure:
fast or slow, stop and start, or continuous, hard or soft. Toss in a variety of toys or different locales, and you’ve got endless possibilities for a good time.

Sitting naked, watching gay pornos, right-hand “jacking,” left hand on the remote, fast-forwarding to the good parts. I enjoy a basic up-and-down motion—basic but beautiful.

My favorite method is a toss-up between hand or vibrator on my clit, either in a car or in the dark. I also like to masturbate in a pool with the water from the jet hitting my clit.

I strip naked, lie on the bed, then warm myself up by playing with my nipples, rubbing my thighs, and fingering myself till wet. Once excited, I use a dildo to fill me up and, at the same time, use a battery-operated vibrator to play with my clit.

I like manual stimulation (my first two fingers moving in circles over my clitoris) while I’m kneeling. Sometimes I put a finger inside me and use my thumb on my clit. My girlfriend rubs her clit while she’s driving and has an orgasm with her pants on!

I enjoy using a vibrator and sometimes a dildo or candlestick at the same time. I also like oral stimulation: eating a banana or Vienna sausages while masturbating. I am very oral, used to smoke while doing it, but have quit for health.

We can’t emphasize enough the individual, experimental approach to masturbation. Unfortunately, in all the hoopla over the clitoral-versus-vaginal orgasm and the endless quest for the G-spot, we tend to lose sight of the fact that any way you come is the best way! What follows are brief descriptions of a few different methods, with quotes from people telling it like it is for them!

Women

Studies suggest that at least 70 percent of women masturbate. Many women like to combine a variety of activities as part of their solo sex ritual. Use one hand to stimulate yourself while caressing your body with the other. Alternate or combine clitoral, vaginal, or anal stimulation. Try doing Kegel exercises, taking deep breaths, and rocking your pelvis in time with your breathing to see how this enhances your arousal. Add a little lube for a different sensation but especially if you’ll be inserting your toys. Get off on a good fantasy or enjoy some porn as you play with yourself.

Clitoral Stimulation

HAND, FINGERS: This involves stimulation (rubbing, stroking, pinching) of the clitoris with one or more fingers or the palm of your hand. Some find direct contact with the clitoris too intense, and prefer stimulation near or around the clitoris more pleasurable. Others prefer to have a layer of clothing or some other fabric between the hand and clit. Alternate touching your clit with stroking your labia, your vagina, or your anus.

I prefer manual stimulation with the flat of my hand and fingers inside my vagina.

I love fingering my clitoris with my index finger and thumb while reading or watching porn.

I lubricate my vulva with baby oil and rub my clit with two fingers until it gets hard. I often use a dildo in my vagina or a butt plug.

The middle finger of my right hand rubs my clit. I start rubbing just to the right of my clit, then quickly move to the left side where it remains for most of the session.

My left hand is holding the wrist of my right hand. I’m lying on my back, with my legs spread, but sometimes I prefer raising my knees to my head.

Lying on my back with my legs as tightly together as possible. Tickling my clitoris with one finger kind of bent-up very lightly.

WATER: A shower massager with a hose attachment will render any tubless shower a masturbation den. The added attraction of the shower massager is the versatile control that switches the water from a steady stream to a pulsating jet spray. Keep one hand free and adjust the temperature or water pressure for even more variety. Hot-tub jets are fun, too.

I lie in the bathtub on my back and spread my legs beneath the faucet. I turn the water to a small but steady warm stream and let it flow onto my clit. I hold my lips open and move my hips up and down. Absolutely magnificent. It feels a lot like a good licking.

I can’t begin to count the times I was lolling in a swimming pool somewhere, ostensibly reading a paperback and sipping a cold drink, while really positioning myself over the heating jets, always keeping a straight face…ah, bliss!

I had a very close relationship with my shower head when I was growing up. I used it every time I took a shower. I remember my mom commenting on my excellent hygiene!

RUBBING AGAINST AN OBJECT: Press against some object to stimulate the clitoris. Many discovered this pleasure by lying on top of a pillow or a piece of furniture, while others found it by pressing against the washing machine during the spin cycle or rubbing against the crotch seam in a pair of jeans!

I was going to sleep one night and the duvet rubbed up against my clitoris when I lay down and I had this urgency to get up and start right away!

I love to balance myself on a corner of the ottoman in our living room. I rub my clit on the corner and periodically lift my hands and my feet off the ground. This gives me an exquisite feeling of flying when I come.

VIBRATORS: These are used primarily for clitoral stimulation, though many women also use these electric or battery-powered toys for vaginal or anal stimulation. They can be combined with different toys and used in any number of positions:

I prefer lying in bed with sexy music, rubbing my body with scented oil, fingering my nipples, and using the Hitachi Magic Wand on my clit.

I enjoy lying on top of my vibrator and whacking myself on the butt.

I most enjoy vaginal penetration with firm, fast strokes, usually using a vibrator. I like to have one hand playing with my nipples.