The Girl With No Past (25 page)

Mum spun around then and reached for my arm. ‘Of course you can. This is your home.’

Upstairs in my old bedroom, I was grateful that Mum had changed it so drastically. The whole room felt as if it had never belonged to me, like it had never been my sanctuary. I had left my shoes downstairs because Mum didn’t want the carpet to get dirty and I sat on the floor with my legs stretched out, rubbing my hands over it and breathing in the new scent, feeling as if I were in a carpet showroom.

Mum had actually let me take a mug of hot chocolate up with me, although she’d insisted I use a coaster and hold the mug tightly so I wouldn’t spill any. It was like being a child again. Just another reason my visits back to Watford were so irregular.

I had borrowed a notebook and pen and I opened it on the floor and began writing a list of everyone connected with what had happened. It had spread far beyond five people and had to include family members. Imogen only had her parents around but what if there were cousins? Aunts or uncles? I couldn’t rule any of these distant relatives out without extensive research. I wrote a question mark beside Imogen’s underlined name.

Then there was Corey. I remembered he had three sisters, who were all a lot older than him, so I would need to check them all out. His mum was a single mother and he’d barely known his dad, so I didn’t think it likely this stranger could be responsible. Also, it didn’t seem possible a parent would be doing this to me. Even after what I had done.

Adam had his parents and an older brother, but had never mentioned anyone else. I wrote another question mark by his name.

So that just left one more person. Miss Hollis. I knew nothing about her family or the boyfriend we had seen her with. I wrote two question marks next to her name. That one would not be easy.

By the time I’d finished compiling my list, my head was pounding and a revolting layer of skin had formed on the top of my hot chocolate. I put the mug on the bedside table, leaving it to go cold. I was exhausted and needed to sleep. The day had seemed endless, and I couldn’t believe it was only a few hours ago I had stood on Julian’s doorstep, being shouted at by his brother.

I pulled my mobile from my pocket and scrolled to his name, pressing it before it was too late to change my mind. This time it didn’t go to his voicemail; instead a message told me that the number had not been recognised.

Climbing into bed, I turned onto my side and closed my eyes. I hadn’t brought nightclothes or anything with me so would just have to sleep in my jeans. At that moment I didn’t care, I just needed to rest. Tomorrow the hard work would begin.

I would find out who was threatening me. I had no idea what I would do once I knew, but I wanted my life back. Or rather, the new life I could now see myself living.

All punishments eventually had to come to an end.

TWENTY-TWO

I’ve moped around the house for two weeks now, not knowing what to do with myself. Mum has given up asking if I’m okay and why I’m not out with my friends. She knows Imogen is away with Corey and that Adam has just fobbed me off with another excuse for not being able to see me today. This time it’s because he’s snowed under with maths revision for his exam in November. But I know this isn’t true. Firstly, Adam doesn’t need to revise; he could pass his GCSE without even reading the questions. And secondly, the exam is months away, so why would he give up his summer like this?

As usual, Dad is working from home today, sitting opposite me at the table, peering over the top of his newspaper while I push soggy cornflakes around my bowl.

‘No Adam today?’ he asks.

I am surprised at his question, both of us having developed a silent agreement not to mention him, and I stare at him, wondering how to answer.

‘He’s busy,’ I say eventually. ‘Studying.’

No matter how distant Adam has become lately I still want him to look good in Dad’s eyes. I still want Dad to accept Adam as my boyfriend. Recently he has begun to come around to the idea that we are together, so I don’t want anything to set back this progress.

He puts down his newspaper, folding it carefully, as if it’s a shirt that’s just been ironed. ‘Look, Leah, I know it’s difficult…but you’re so young. Both of you. There are so many more important things to concentrate on. You shouldn’t be sitting around waiting for a boy to call. You should be out there living your life.’

I don’t know where this lecture has come from but I’ll scream if he adds that I should be meeting other boys. He doesn’t, so I let him off. Clearly he’s given this a lot of thought. As much as I want to, I can’t be angry with him; he’s just looking out for me. I see that now.

‘I…I love him, Dad.’ I say this as if it is the solution to everything, as if nothing else matters provided love is involved.

‘Yes, you may think—’

‘Dad! Not everyone meets the right person when they’re conveniently older. You and Mum didn’t! Just because we’re young it doesn’t mean Adam’s not the one for me.’ I don’t mean to raise my voice but I need to defend us.

He sighs and then slowly nods. ‘I know…I know. And the heart wants what it wants. But is he good to you? Is he treating you right? Because all I’ve seen lately is you hanging around the house waiting for him to call.’

I open my mouth to argue but he is right about this. Instead I say, ‘I love him. That’s all that matters. Look at you and Mum. Neither of you are perfect but you overlook that because you love each other.’ Even as I say this I am astonished that I’m speaking this way to Dad.

He doesn’t reply, but smiles, so I know he agrees with me. Picking up his newspaper, he unfolds it just as carefully as he folded it and continues reading.

To avoid another lecture, I force myself to eat a couple more mouthfuls of cornflakes and then jump up.

‘Anyway, I won’t be hanging around the house today, I’m meeting Adam.’

It’s only just occurred to me that I don’t need to wait for an invitation. After all, I’ve got to follow my heart and it’s telling me I need to see him. Now.

Dad seems surprised but tells me to enjoy myself. For once he doesn’t ask what time I’ll be home.

I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been to Adam’s house. It’s at least a forty-five minute walk from mine and is twice the size. He’s very vague about what his parents do but they must have great jobs to afford to live in such a huge house.

I think Mr and Mrs Bowden like me, but it’s hard to tell whether they care one way or the other. Don’t they say that indifference is the worst of all? It has crossed my mind that they think I’m just a friend, like Imogen and Corey, but it’s probably best they think this. This way they leave us alone. Why does everything have to be so complicated?

I pass a Costcutter and decide to get Adam some chocolate. He loves Maltesers so I buy him a family size bag for us to share. The man behind the counter gives me a strange look, probably because I’m grinning like a demented clown.

When I turn onto his road, nervousness replaces my excitement. I’ve never turned up here unexpected before and don’t know how he’ll react. I still fear being one of those needy, desperate girls like Anna Proctor, who practically stalks her boyfriend, but I want to see Adam. I want us to make the most of the summer holiday before it’s over and we’re swamped with our A-levels.

I am in the middle of planning an excuse for turning up unannounced when I notice him coming out of his house. I’m still quite a distance away so he doesn’t see me, but turns in the other direction, walking slowly as usual. He’s never in a hurry to get anywhere. I stop for a moment and try to organise my thoughts. Even though I didn’t think he would be studying, I am shocked to see him leaving his house. I shouldn’t be; he is free to come and go as he pleases and doesn’t have to update me on his every move, but if he was going out somewhere then why didn’t he want me with him? Turning around, I resign myself to going home without seeing him, until an idea occurs to me.

It feels wrong following Adam but this is what I do. My head screams at me to turn back and go home, but my legs keep walking, heading in his direction. At first I tell myself he’s only going to the shop and there is nothing for me to worry about, but the closest one is the Costcutter I’ve just been in. Imogen and Corey are away and there’s no one else Adam bothers to hang around with. Loads of kids at our school have tried to become his friend, but he only has time for us.

As we keep walking I become plagued with doubt. Something isn’t right. He’s meeting a girl. Someone from school, it has to be. My heart pounds in my chest and I walk faster, ensuring I keep a safe distance between us. At least I will know one way or the other. Isn’t it better to know? If Adam doesn’t want me then I won’t force him. Like Dad says, I am young. There will be other people out there for me.

For twenty minutes I keep repeating this, whispering the words to myself, while I watch Adam’s back. And then I realise the road he is turning into looks familiar. But I have no sense of direction so can’t be sure. Until we pass a shop I’ve been in before.

And then I know with certainty that Adam isn’t cheating on me. This is much, much worse.

Even though I now know where he’s going, I still follow him, just to be sure. And to see exactly what he will do this time. Miss Hollis and her boyfriend must be back from their holiday by now.

My suspicions are confirmed when Adam turns into Kytes Drive and follows the road around to her house. And then, like last time, he stops right outside and inspects the property. I stop where I am; any closer and he will surely see me. There is no way I can explain what I’d doing here, following him, being a stalker like Anna Proctor.

He sits down on the grass, in exactly the same spot we all sat last time, and pulls a book from his pocket. I can’t see the cover, but it looks too small to be a maths textbook.

I lean against a tree, hoping it’s hiding me enough, and watch him sit there. Nobody comes out of the house, but every few minutes he glances up, just to make sure. I don’t know how long he’s planning to stay there but I can’t be part of this. No good can come of whatever it is he’s doing.

TWENTY-THREE

Standing outside Adam’s house caused a flood of memories to overwhelm me. Just like mine, his had barely changed, as if time had stopped. I wasn’t even sure the Bowdens still lived there. When I’d questioned Mum about it that morning, she’d told me she had no idea where they might be. That she had kept away from them, and vice versa.

So there I was, taking a leap into the unknown, not prepared at all, but knowing I had little option but to confront the Bowdens. Standing on people’s doorsteps had become a regular occurrence but I needed to get used to it; there would be more to come.

The woman who answered the door was not Adam’s mother. She looked around the same age that Mrs Bowden would be now, but there was nothing else similar about them. This woman had a kind face, soft and oval rather than the harsh angles of Mrs Bowden’s.

‘Can I help you?’ she said, her voice as warm as her face. It was a strange thing to say: old fashioned and out of place.

‘Hi, sorry to bother you. I was looking for the Bowdens but I’m guessing they don’t live here any more?’

She smiled then. ‘That’s right. We moved here a couple of years ago. Lovely house, isn’t it?’

‘Yes.’ Memories of being inside it tried to invade my head, but I forced them aside. ‘Um, do you happen to have a forwarding address for them?’

Shaking her head, she folded her arms. ‘Sorry, they didn’t leave one. They moved to America. I suppose we should have asked them for it, I mean mail for them still arrives here and we just have to chuck it. Sorry.’

‘Never mind, thanks anyway.’ I turned away. Although I was disappointed, at least I had been spared having to confront the Bowdens.

‘They do have a son in London, though. Maybe you could try him?’

My chest tightened and I began to feel faint but I forced myself to turn back to her.

‘Jeremy, I think his name is. Trouble is I don’t have an address for him either and don’t know where he works. I think they said he was a lawyer, though.’

Thanking her, I walked back to Mum’s, taking my time so I would have a chance to think about my next move before she interrogated me about where I’d been. So Adam’s brother was in London. I wondered why he hadn’t gone to America with them. When I’d first met Adam his brother had been studying there on a basketball scholarship, so I was surprised he was back here. But that didn’t matter. Finally I had somewhere to start.