The Future of Our Past (The Remembrance Trilogy) (16 page)

“Of course I’m hungry, but you didn’t answer, honey.” I lifted my eyebrows and reached into the skillet to take out a chunk of the crumbled sausage and pop it in my mouth.

She giggled at the look on my face. “Nothing. Just being a good
big brother
. Very sweet.”

I leaned my hip against the counter and took in all of the ingredients scattered around. Herbs, vermouth, hazelnuts, celery and onions, apples and pears, lined the counters. Shit, I didn’t even remember my mother going to this extreme. “Yes, but
what
did he say?” I persisted.

She giggled again. “You know this is fun. I could tease you all day with this, sweetie.”

My heart thumped at her use of the endearment. “You can tease me, sure, but not with Aaron’s call, okay?” I added suggestively and then gave her my pouty face, sticking out my lower lip. She wouldn’t be able to resist for long.

Julia sighed as she dumped the sausage into the same bowl that held the dried bread. She cocked her head to one side and then shook it slightly but smiled. I knew I had her then.

“Just that he’d beat your ass if you didn’t take good care of me. He was playing with me. It was cute.”

“He’s a good man. Jen was giving me a ration of shit, too. Do you need any help, my love?”

“You can help me after you’ve had breakfast.” Turning, she pulled out some fresh lemon muffins from the oven and removed them to a plate. My favorite.

In college she used to make them for brunch, usually accompanied by some fruit, Eggs Benedict and fresh orange juice. Aaron used to complain that she didn’t make blueberry enough since they were what he liked best. When she did, she always made the lemon, too. I smiled at the memory. How did I miss how much she loved me back then? She spoiled me rotten.

On cue she went to the fridge and pulled out a bowl of freshly chopped fruit and set it in front of me along with a plate holding two of the warm muffins.

“Juice and coffee?” Her soft green eyes rose to meet mine and I brushed her hair back from her face.

“Yes, please. Why are you so perfect?”

She smiled and shrugged. “I’m not, Ryan.”

“Of course you are. I’ve known you all this time and I haven’t found anything I don’t love about you.”

“I piss you off a
lot
when I don’t give you your way,” she teased. “Sometimes we fight like cats and dogs.”

“Technicality. Nothing more,” I scoffed and then lathered butter all over one of the muffins before popping half of it in my mouth. “I only get two of these?” I smiled with my mouth full.

“Pfft! What do you think?” She went back to chopping up the onions and some celery stalks before putting them in the skillet and then returning it to the stove.

“Well, I think…that you’re going to give me my way in
everything
this weekend.” I wagged my eyebrows at her. “At least…I’m hoping.”

“Your way is mine, too. It works out well, doesn’t it?” Her soft laughter was like music to my ears.

“Extremely well. I love you, you know.”

She glanced over her shoulder as she stirred the contents of the skillet, the delicious scent filling the air as she did so.

“Yeah, I know.” She shrugged offhandedly and then laughed. “I love you, too.”

I pushed my plate away and pulled up a stool next to the counter bar where she worked.

“Julia.” I watched her face as she finally emptied the rest of the vegetables into the bowl and began chopping up fresh sage, rosemary and thyme.

“Hmmm?” she said absently as she worked, so focused on what she was doing, like she’d done it a million times before.

I wanted to talk about last night. “Julia, last night was…a miracle. I’ll never forget it,” I said softly. “It was the best night of my life.”

She stopped what she was doing and set the knife down. “It meant the world to me, too. Thank you for being so gentle. It couldn’t have been better, Ryan. Truly. You made me feel so special.”

“Come here,” I begged and took her in my arms. “You
are
special. That’s why I didn’t make moves on you before. I didn’t see you the same way I saw other women. You were so much more.” Her arms wound around my waist and I pulled her tight against my chest and kissed the top of her head. “I love you so fucking much.”

She breathed in and nodded against me. “I know, and it’s okay. Looking back, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you how I felt, but at least we were together.”

“My best friend, Julia.” I sighed against her temple then placed a series of soft kisses on the side of her face and the corner of her mouth. “So beautiful, irresistible and amazing that no other woman could hold a candle to you. Not even close.”

“Not that irresistible. You resisted almost four years,” she reminded me.

“I was dying with it, though. And the other guys,” I huffed, “I wanted to kill every one of them; sure you’d figure me out. I tried to get over it but couldn’t stand thinking of them touching you and kissing you. When I discovered that you dumped them after I let you know I hated them, I used it.” I smiled. “I was a selfish prick.”

“I just thought you were being overprotective.”

“More like territorial. You were mine…in my head, at least.” I turned her face toward mine and let my mouth take hers in a deep kiss.

God, she melts me.

“Not just in your head. It’s like I said last night, Ryan. It hurt me too, but there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. I tried to change how I felt, but nothing worked.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were a virgin before? I thought we shared everything,” I asked softly as I brushed her hair back and stared into her face.

Her eyes filled with tears. “I didn’t want you to think I was a loser or worse- that I was in love with you. I didn’t want you to figure out I couldn’t let anyone else touch me. I mean…It would have been humiliating.”

I sighed and pulled her tight against me again. “Oh, baby, no it wouldn’t. It would’ve gotten my head out of my ass that much sooner. I’m sorry you were hurt by those girls, my love. So sorry. They meant nothing. You’re the only one I’ve ever loved. It’s always been
just you
.”

She breathed in and her shoulders shook in a sob. “I know. It’s over. I’m just glad we’re together.”

“Don’t cry, sweet. I can’t bear to see your tears. It’s all going to be perfect now, Julia. I promise.”

She raised her teary eyes to mine and finally answered. “As perfect as we can make it from so far away. I wouldn’t trade it, though. I’ll take you from 3000 miles over any other man in the same room with me.”

I smiled at her words as my heart expanded to the point of pain. “Enough tears. We’ve got all weekend to talk about it and as long as it takes to figure that shit out. Okay?”

“Okay.” She wiped her tears and moved back, resuming her task of chopping the herbs on the cutting board. “Ryan, will you put those hazelnuts on that cookie sheet and set the timer for 15 minutes?”

I smiled as I moved to do her bidding.

This is my life. This is going to be my life. My life with Julia.

If I had to drop out of Harvard and move to the West Coast, I’d do what needed to be done to be with her.

“Stop thinking about leaving Harvard,” Julia said shortly. I raised my eyebrow.

How did she know what I was thinking?

“I can tell by that serious look on your face that you’re trying to figure out a way to get out here. Forget it, Ryan. I mean it. I’ll move there. Maybe not Boston, but at least New York.”

“Julia, I—” I began but she interrupted me.

“Was I wrong or was that what you were thinking about?” she asked, her brow knitted as she paused to look up at me.

“No. You’re right, but I can—”

“No. We both worked our asses off for you to get into Harvard and I won’t let you give it up. We’ve got forever, isn’t that what you said?” She said sternly, all the while continuing to put the dressing together without missing a beat.

“Yes, but I
need
to be with you.
We need
—”

“I know. But I need you to finish what you started out there. It’s your dream.”

“My perspective has changed. You’re my priority, now.” I felt my voice grow in volume.

“Why are you getting upset? We have the same priorities. But it will happen on the East Coast.” Julia loaded the herbs into the bowl and began chopping up an apple and a pear.

I didn’t know what to say. She was amazing. Once again, she was giving me what I wanted above all else. Letting me have Harvard
and
have her near me. She would make the sacrifice necessary to make it happen, and do it without even flinching.

Finally I found my voice. “Julia, you don’t have to give up your dreams for me. That isn’t fair.”

“Who said I’m giving them up? I’m moving them to the other side of the country or, worst case scenario, putting them off for a couple of years. What’s three or four years?”

I was stunned. “You’re amazing. I don’t deserve you.” I walked around to stand beside her and ran my hand down her back and began to rub soft circles over my shirt.

“You deserve any damn thing I want to give you, got it?” She nudged me with her shoulder. Our nudge. I nudged her back. I wasn’t going to win this argument and I gave in willingly.

“Yes. Love you.”

“Yeah, well you better! I’m moving to fucking New York, for God’s sake!” The laughter in her voice was a beautiful thing. “I must love you, too.”

I took the knife from her hand and enfolded her in my arms, lifting her so that her mouth was level with mine. We kissed again deeply, her hands fisting in my hair and pulling my mouth tighter against hers. When we were both breathless, she finally dragged her mouth from mine. “Unless you want raw turkey, you need to let me get this thing in the oven,” she breathed against my jaw and then kissed it.

“If I must. Right now, raw sounds okay, though.”

The day sped by. We worked in the kitchen together until the turkey was in the oven, the yams were candied and the bread was raising on top of the stove, letting the warmth of the oven assist in the job.

We curled up on the couch and he turned on a football game while I leaned up against Ryan’s chest, content to do nothing but lie there folded in his arms. I snuggled in and he pulled me even tighter, sighing against the side of my head that rested against his shoulder.

I closed my eyes, letting myself savor the moment. This was where I needed to be for the rest of my life and it didn’t matter if it was in New York, Boston, L.A. or Timbuktu. He was home to me and nothing was more important than being with him.

Dinner was glorious and it was fun watching Ryan help make the gravy. He loved watching me and was amazed at the amount of Vermouth I had him add.

“Dump?” he asked incredulously. “Don’t you measure it, Julia? I don’t want to mess it up.”

“Just dump. I’ll tell you when,” I laughed. “The same thing with the cream. Keep stirring the whole time with that wire whisk, unless you want lumps.”

“This has been such a great day. Thank you.”

I put my hand to his cheek. “Don’t thank me, babe. I’m very happy you’re here with me.”

He reached down to kiss me and then I handed over the fork and carving knife. “Would you mind?” I asked and he smiled.

“Of course not. This feels like—” Ryan stopped abruptly and glanced at me after he’d started carving the bird.

“Yeah. It feels damn good,” I said softly.

His blue eyes sparkled as he nodded.

“So good, Jules. I’ve really missed you.”

“Hey,” I said, feeling a lump rise in my throat, “no missing me tonight. I’m right here in front of you.”

“Okay. You’re right.”

I quickly had the potatoes whipped and the bread on the table with everything else we’d made together. “Are we ready?” he looked at me expectantly. He looked like a kid at Christmas and I laughed.

“Yeah. I’ll get the wine and meet you at the table.”

Ryan lit the candles and then turned off the overhead light as I poured the wine. He pulled me into his arms and held me, sighing deeply and kissing first my cheekbone and then my temple.