The Future of Our Past (The Remembrance Trilogy) (13 page)

“You know me…you feel me, don’t you?”

“I was as worried as you’ve been, baby. And as incredible as this feels to finally be holding you like this,” he pushed his hips into mine and kissed my mouth gently, “nothing is worth losing you. Nothing.”

“Uhhh…” I sighed as his hips gyrated into mine. “So many times when you’d touch me or say things…I felt that maybe you loved me, but I kept telling myself that I was dreaming. I wasn’t willing to lose you either…not even for a dream.”

He let out a deep sigh, his chest pressing into mine. My body came alive as he touched my body, over my hips, then up again, making me tremble and crave him even more.

“I can’t believe you’re in my arms like this after all the wanting. But, if you’d feel more comfortable taking things slow, I’m willing to do whatever you need.” His voice was seducing me even in contradiction to the words themselves.

“Really?” My blood was thundering so loudly in my excitement, that I could barely hear my own voice.

There was no way in hell that we weren’t going to make love tonight, but it was fun to play with him a little. I could see the disappointment flash briefly across his perfect features before he nodded.

“Really. You give me everything just by letting me touch you like this. To be able to finally kiss you is…God, it’s amazing.” He rolled back and pulled me onto my side, removing the contact of our bodies directly in the spots that were driving me wild. I silently cursed at my stupidity. Ryan nodded and moved his arm around my lower back.

“I want this to work, Julia. So yes, whatever you need from me. Even if you don’t want to make love until we’re geographically closer. I’ll understand.” His fingers wound in my hair as his hand cupped the back of my head and neck. I shivered in his arms.

Our conversation of a few weeks ago came rushing back. “I only said that because I can’t expect you to be celibate when we’re so far apart.” I knew my voice was trembling, aching as I said the words.

“Julia. Stop. I can and I will. Even if I can’t be with you, I don’t want anyone else. I’ll give you any part of me that you want.” He shrugged. “I don’t…have choices where you’re concerned.”

My chest constricted and I gasped quietly. His words were so beautiful, the way he touched me so tender and the look in his eyes so loving, that there was no way I could doubt him.

“What if I
do
want you?” I whispered.

His eyes were as deep as the ocean when they snapped back to mine. “I’m yours. I can deny you nothing.”

Did that mean he’d be okay with taking my virginity?

My heart skipped a beat. Since the day I met him, I could think of no other man touching me like that. I dated a few guys in college, mostly because I was trying to get over the love and lust I felt for Ryan, but they all paled in comparison and left me aching for him even more. My quest to distract myself from the fact that he was dating and bedding other women had failed miserably.

Should I tell him? Will it stop him from making love to me?
I didn’t want to think about it, I just wanted to
feel
him
.

I slid my hand down over his chest and up again, beginning to undo two of the buttons and slid my hand inside. He gasped at my touch. His skin was warm and my fingers tangled in the soft hair I found there. When I flattened the palm against him, his hand came up and pressed mine into his body. I could feel his heartbeat and his chest rise and fall with each breath.

“I’ve dreamed of your hands on my body, fantasized about making love to you a million times,” he whispered against my mouth. I let my tongue dart out to lick his upper lip and that was all the invitation he needed to press his mouth to mine.

“Ryan…I’ve wanted you, to feel you pressing into me like this…wondered what it would be like to kiss you, to taste you…” I took a deep breath and said the words he needed to hear. “I’ve wanted to feel you inside of me.”

“God, Julia. I just told you I’d wait, but I’m going to die if you keep talking like that when I can’t…have you.” He raised his eyes to mine and I felt my body react at his words and his hands on me, a flood of wetness spreading and the throbbing becoming unbearable.

“You
can
have me.”

He was very still as his eyes searched mine, but his heart under my hand was racing, his chest heaving with the effort of his breathing.

“Are you sure? There is nothing I want more, but I want you to be sure.”

My face tilted up to his and I silently begged for his mouth to return to mine. “So sure…”

He kissed me over and over, both of us clamoring to get closer to each other. Our faces tilted so our mouths fit perfectly over one another’s and our tongues moved over and around, deep in each other’s mouths.

He was so incredible, tasted so amazing in my mouth, his muscles playing beneath my hands as he moved to pull me closer. The kisses were deep and less frantic as Ryan struggled to gain some control and his lips tugged and teased mine, coming back for more kisses each time I thought he would stop.

“Baby…I love you so much, I’m dying,” he whispered against my mouth. “I know we’ll be amazing together.” He was so incredibly sexy, I almost came at his voice, telling me he wanted me in that low, oozing tone was more than I could take.

“Uhhh…” I sighed. “Let’s go into my room,” I said softly and he nodded moving off of me and taking my hand to pull me up with him. He lifted me, sweeping me up in his arms as if I weighed nothing and strode down the hall toward the bedrooms.

“Which is yours?”

“On the left, just past the bathroom.”

I snuggled into his chest and tried to calm my nerves. I was almost 23 years old and a virgin. Would his view of me change? We’d shared everything; but our sex lives with others was carefully avoided. I could see now that Ryan hadn’t wanted to know the details of my dates any more than I had wanted to know the details of his.

He laid me gently on the bed and placed a soft, wet kiss on my mouth before turning to close the bedroom door. His shirt was almost all the way unbuttoned from my play in the living room but he finished the job and threw it off his shoulders on his way back to the bed.

I gasped at how beautiful he was.

The muscles of his broad shoulders and strong arms, his chest and abs, all left me breathless. The small amount of hair on his smooth skin grew thicker in a line that disappeared into the low waist of his jeans. I sat up on my knees so I could touch him, my fingers sliding up from his stomach and over his chest. His arms slid around my waist, his hands fisting in the back of my dress as he drew me close and buried his open mouth in the curve of my neck and shoulder.

He groaned against my skin as his mouth sucked on the sensitive skin, sending shivers through my entire body. “Oh Ryan…God.”

He drew back to look into my eyes, one hand coming around to cup my face, and his thumb rubbing my lower lip until my mouth parted and my breath left in a rush. “Jesus, you’re so beautiful. You’re beautiful to everyone, but to me there is nothing more exquisite than seeing the love…the
want…
in your eyes when you look at me. It’s a miracle.”

My hands moved into the hair at the back of his head and pulled his mouth to mine as my body throbbed and ached for his to fill me. “Make love to me,” I begged.

I trembled as his fingers unzipped the back of my dress and slid it down, his touch igniting every inch of my skin. I had dressed carefully that morning in anticipation of this moment. I wanted to please him, to give him everything. I gasped against his mouth as his hands followed the dress down around my knees where I kneeled on the bed.

Ryan’s eyes darkened as he looked upon the black lace bra and my chest heaved in anxious anticipation. His hands moved over me, discovering the matching thong panties and he shuddered. “Oh, God. Look at you,” he whispered as his other hand ghosted over the swell of my breasts visible above the top of the lace, before he bent to place his open mouth where his hands had been.

“I want to taste every inch of your skin. It’s all I’ve thought about. Julia…”

His fingers curled around one of my bra straps and dragged it down as his hot mouth followed the path it took across my skin. He had me gasping for breath, my head lolling to one side as I clung to him helplessly.

I reached behind me and unhooked my bra, letting it fall away from my body. Ryan’s hands came up to cup the outsides of my breasts, both of his thumbs grazed over the nipples. I was already on fire, but they tightened even more under his delicate touch.

Suddenly, Ryan’s arms enfolded me and lowered me to the bed, his mouth hungry on my own. He kissed me deeply before dragging his mouth down my neck and across my chest as he loomed over me. His mouth sucked one nipple in as his tongue played and licked. He moaned against me and I almost died. His mouth was scorching and the ache in my lower body intensified.

“Ryan…I want…will you come to me?” I turned my head and kissed his forearm that was supporting his weight.

He stood up and pulled the dress from around my feet, tossing it aside before lifting one leg and then the other to remove the thigh high stockings and letting them drift to the floor. “Oh, babe, you’re so sexy. I’m…undone.”

He unbuttoned his jeans and slid the zipper down before completely shedding them along with his boxer briefs. He was so beautiful and his erection rock hard and ready. I stared as he lay down beside me and rested his head on one hand so he could look down upon me.

His hand softly brushed over my skin, sending goose bumps cascading everywhere he touched. I was hesitant, but I reached out to touch him as his hand flattened on my stomach, between my navel and the top of my thong.

Ryan’s head fell back and he gasped as my fingers closed around his length. “Is it ok to touch you like this?” I whispered.

“It’s…incredible. Uh…Oh, Jesus.”

My heart swelled in my chest. “I want to give you pleasure, Ryan.” I squeezed as I pulled my hand up from the base over the head, my thumb catching the clear drop of fluid there to rub it around the skin. It felt like steel encased in silk.

“I’m wound so tight, you have to let me touch you first…I need to taste you, my love.”

He bent to kiss and suckle the skin along the top of my panties as his thumb hooked under the edge and began to drag them down. I kept touching him and his hips surged in my hand. He moved down on the bed to a place where I couldn’t reach and placed his forehead on my hipbone. He inhaled deeply and I blushed, knowing what he wanted.

I felt him shudder as his hand moved from the flat of my stomach down to the secret place that ached for his touch.

He kissed my stomach and the top of my thighs as his hand nudged my legs apart and parted the tender flesh he was seeking. He groaned against my skin. “Julia…oh Julia. Finally. Mmmm, you’re so wet…”

“It’s you, Ryan. Because of you.”

I felt him insert two fingers inside me and I gasped. “Dear God, you’re so tight. Open for me, Julia. Please.” The tone in his voice was dripping sex, low and urgent. I couldn’t deny him and my legs fell open to him.

He bent his head and kissed me, running his tongue up my center as his pushed his fingers inside again. “Uh…Ryan.” My back arched of its own volition and I surged toward his mouth. It was like nothing I’d ever felt and pleasure shot through my entire body.

“Mmmm, baby,” he groaned and the vibrations against the sensitive skin made me writhe and clench beneath him. I must surely be dreaming another of my intimate, amazing dreams where Ryan made me completely his. His tongue and mouth continued the sweet torture and his fingers inside of me pressed upward to rub back and forth. I lost track of time and didn’t know if it had been seconds or hours, but the sensations were more than I could bear and I felt myself start to lose control. My body began to clench and spasm around his fingers and against his mouth. Wave after wave, he brought me through it.

“You are so incredible, so beautiful.” He kissed me one last time and then moved up my body, his mouth running across my stomach and breasts until I couldn’t stand it anymore. “You don’t know how many times I’ve wanted to do that, Julia. There were so many times in the dorms or our rooms as we studied that I wanted to throw you down and have you. So many damn times that I could barely contain myself,” he whispered against my mouth, “I’ve literally ached with it. The way you smell and taste is more than I could have dreamed of.”

My heart was pounding in my chest and I wanted him more than I’d ever wanted anything in my life. I wanted to feel him inside my body, be around him, and to consume him.

“Kiss me, Ryan…Oh God, have me.” The muscles on his body were solid and defined, and my arms pulled him down and he settled between my legs. I could feel his erection, hard and huge against my thigh and I turned slightly to bring it into direct contact with my center.

Ryan was staring at my mouth and then his eyes closed as I moved against him. “You’re so hot,” his voice thickened as his hips rocked into mine, grinding and rubbing our most sensitive parts together. My fingers raked down his back and grasped the muscles of his butt. “Are you sure you’re ready? Are you protected? Should I get a condom?”

He lowered his arms to rest on both sides of my head and brushed the hair back and I nodded. I licked my lip and pulled his mouth to mine. “No, I mean, I’m on the pill and I trust you. Please.”