The Future of Our Past (The Remembrance Trilogy) (19 page)

“Your body tells me that you’re ready for me, my love, but I don’t want to hurt you, honey. I want you to take control, okay?”

Her mouth parted as her breath left her body in a rush and her lids lifted to look at me. I moved up into a sitting position against the headboard, pulling her up and guiding her to straddle my lap as I looked into her beautiful face. Her eyes were heavy, her lips swollen.

“God, you’re beautiful.” I felt my heart swell with emotion and my throat tightened. I groaned as I pushed her hair back with one hand and moved the head of my dick against her, rubbing it back and forth in the slick wetness.

Her head fell back and her mouth opened wantonly.

“Ryan…mmmmm.” I found her entrance and slid the hand at her face down her body, touching until I found her clitoris, rubbing little circles with my thumb. So responsive, she instinctively started to arch into me and lower her body onto mine.

“Baby, go slow. I don’t want to hurt you. Only do what feels good, Julia.”

Her head snapped up and her eyes opened as she looked into my eyes. She lowered herself, completely sheathing me. I gasped at the heat and the look in her eyes.

“This is what feels good. You inside me. All the way, Ryan.” Her hips rocked against me and I continued to stimulate her with one hand and the other grasped her hip to help guide her movements. Her arms wrapped around my shoulders and her fingers tangled into my hair as we began to kiss deeply.

The kisses were incredible, so intimate, as we sucked on each other and moved together. I’d never felt closer to another human being in my life. We went slowly, feeling every touch, every inch of every thrust and every nuance of each and every kiss until she was finally panting and trembling around me. I felt myself losing control of everything I had. Body and soul, she owned me.

“Uhhh…Ryan.”

“Say it, baby. I need to hear you say it,” I moaned against her breast as my arm wound around her waist and pulled her harder onto my body, increasing the pressure and the pace.

“You’re making me come, Ryan. Oh God…I love you.”

“I can’t live without you. I need you like air.”

Our hips moved together and I exploded inside her as she cried my name into my shoulder, both of us shuddering and quaking together for endless seconds. We held each other and kissed the sides of each other’s faces as I raked my hand down her back.

“Oh, babe.
Julia
,” I breathed as her body jerked one final time.

I was still shaking as I moved, holding her to me, still buried inside her body, lifting her with me to lay her down on her back on the bed. I propped myself on my elbows and looked down at her. She raised her tear filled eyes to mine and I brushed the tears from her face.

“Shhh…love, are you okay?” Julia nodded and touched my face with gentle fingers as she gazed into my eyes.

“Perfect. I just…” she closed her eyes, “I can’t believe how much I love you, Ryan. It takes my breath away. It’s like…
not possible
that this much love even exists.”

“I know. You’re my whole life.” I ran my nose up one side of hers and down the other before kissing her mouth, tracing her top lip with mine. She sucked my lower lip into her mouth until I deepened the kiss as she demanded. I couldn’t help myself and felt myself growing hard within her again and her hips surged against me.

“More,” she whispered against my mouth as we began to make love again and I knew that we’d be sleeping late tomorrow. Tonight I had other plans.

~6~

The weekend flew by and I was sitting across from Julia for the last time in what would be God knew how long, as we both picked at our breakfast. It was a shame because it was perfect Eggs Benedict. I begged Julia to stay in bed with me, but she insisted she make breakfast. Unfortunately, it was tasteless in my mouth and I struggled with every bite, my heavy heart overshadowed everything else. Julia was pushing the food around her plate, barely eating in the same lackluster manner as I was; her eyes downcast and preoccupied, a small crinkle between her perfectly arched brows.

“Hey,” I said softly, longing to see her beautiful dark green eyes rise to meet mine, but afraid of the sadness I’d find there.

She glanced up and tried to smile, the corner of her mouth barely rising. “Hey, handsome.”

I stared for a long moment, unable to tear my eyes away. She was tousled from our night of passionate play, her hair messed by my hands; my t-shirt was falling off of one bare shoulder, the neckline too big for her slight frame. She turned her face to the side, presenting me with her profile as she tried to blink back the tears and swallowing hard in the process. My stomach dropped as I watched her struggle with her emotions.

She was the most beautiful thing in my life and my mind had settled long ago that she always would be. I loved her so much I could barely wrap my mind around it. It was like the sun being the center of the universe, the planets all held captive around it, unable to break free of the pull and unable to sustain without its magnificence. She was my sun, the absolute
center
of my universe.

“Come here,” I murmured and set my fork down before pushing my plate away. My arms were aching to hold her, my whole body screaming to be near her, and my eyes beseeched her to come enfold herself in my arms.

She stood up suddenly and took her plate to the sink, tossing it in carelessly, the glass clanking against the side of the ceramic. She leaned against the counter and dropped her head as her shoulders visibly slumped. She was on the verge of breaking down and didn’t want to show it, thinking it would make me even more miserable leaving her.

“Julia. Please. I need to touch you,” I begged, my voice low and aching.

She turned around and looked at me, stretching her hands out on the counter on both sides as she leaned against it, her eyes filled with tears on the brink of spilling over, her chin trembling.

“I don’t want to do this, Ryan. I
never
wanted to do this,” she said brokenly.

Oh, God.

Her voice was shaking as she covered her eyes with her right hand
. “
This is why I resisted loving you. I knew it would kill me to be away from you. I just…I don’t know if I can do it after…” She broke off as the silent tears slipped from her eyes and she angrily wiped them from her cheeks.

I got up from where I was sitting at the kitchen bar and gathered her close to my chest. I turned my face into her hair, but she refused to hold me in return and my heart broke. Her resistance was not something I expected after the beautiful weekend we’d shared.

“Baby, are you mad at me? Why aren’t you holding me back? I need to feel you, Julia. I want to touch you every second we have left to us.”

I felt her body go limp against me as she gave in to the silent sobs that started to shake her shoulders, and her arms finally enfolded my waist to pull me closer as she cried. “I don’t want you to go,” she whispered as if her heart was breaking. “I don’t want to ache for you when you can’t
be with me
!”

My heart exploded in my chest, a mixture of elation and misery. My arms tightened around her and I kissed the side of her tear-soaked face. “I love you so much.” I held her as if my life depended on it and stroked her hair with one hand until her sobs quieted a little.

Finally, she found her voice. “I-I’m s-sorry,” she whispered brokenly.

“Sorry for what? For loving me so much? The last thing you should be is sorry.” I tried to soothe her by rubbing small circles on her back but, in truth, my heart was shattering like glass, the shards falling to slice me open. I kissed her face again using my hand at the side of her jaw to raise her mouth to mine. “Please don’t be, Julia. I’m sure as hell not sorry,” I whispered against her mouth. “Nothing means more to me than you, you
have
to know that.” I placed a series of soft kisses on her lips and dragged my mouth along her jaw. My hand slid behind her head and I fisted in her hair while I pressed my open mouth to the pulsing vein in her neck, sucking on the warm skin.

“I know it…but it doesn’t make this any easier, Ryan.”

She moaned and I expelled my breath as her hands ran through my hair to tug my mouth back to hers. She was angry at the situation, maybe even at me, but she wanted me and I was lost. My mouth opened to devour her. Our lips moved in unison, tasting and sucking on each other, our tongues dancing together in intimate play; perfect mirrors, each one knowing when to give and when to take.

These long, sensual, deep kisses were ours. Just ours. I’d never felt so connected over a kiss with anyone in my entire life. I caught her lower lip between my teeth and pulled it with my mouth as I raised my head. “God, babe. I don’t ever want to stop kissing you…it’s so good. You taste so damn good.”

I pressed my hand on her chest over her heart and rested my head against hers, struggling for breath. I closed my eyes as her chest heaved under my hand, her heart thudding beneath my fingers. The whole time my body was swelling to the point of pain, my heart was aching and pounding so fast it felt like I was dying.

How is it possible to ache so much in so many places, and be so damn hungry, desperate and heartbroken at the same time?

“God, Julia, I’m going to miss you.” My hands were frantic in their search for more of her skin, as they found both of her breasts under the material of the shirt. The tender flesh was so soft and supple in my palms, my thumbs brushing across both nipples at the same time and she moaned.

She pulled my lower lip into her mouth and then slid her tongue along my upper one; doing things to me I couldn’t explain or understand. A low groan tore from my chest almost against my will.

“Ryan…” she breathed my name, her voice throbbing with want and love. I could hear it dripping off of her words like honey and knew I had to have her one last time or I wouldn’t survive. “Ryan, please,” she begged against my mouth.

“No…
Julia, please
…I need you.” The desperation was overwhelming us both as my arms tightened and I lifted her so her mouth was level with mine.

“Yes…yes,” she breathed, her hot breath fanning over my face.

I wrapped my arms around her body and continued kissing her over and over until finally she lifted one leg to wrap it around my hip. I pulled it higher and could feel her heat and I wanted more. “How do you want me, babe? Anything you want and it’s yours,” I moaned against the skin of her cheek and jaw as I dragged my mouth from hers.

Julia was breathing hard and took hold of my jaw while her hot little tongue came out to flick lightly and oh, so softly, on my upper lip. “Take me to the couch, Ryan,” she whispered and I moved to do her bidding.

I lowered her down, returning my mouth to hers as my knee sank into the cushion at her hip. I wanted to taste every inch of her, feel every smooth surface of her skin, and hear the delicious little sounds she made as my body took hers. Mostly, my heart ached to be closer, to imprint upon her that she belonged to me, body and soul. I wanted to be the only man she wanted, the only one to ever kiss her or touch her for the rest of her life.

“My God, Julia. I’m…so in love with you.” Her knees came up on either side of my body and I surged into her, pressing my hardness into her hot softness and she moaned, her hips rising to increase the pressure even more. “You’re so beautiful.” I continued to move on her, rubbing against her through the thin material of her panties and my silk pajama bottoms.

I rose up on my elbows so I could look into her face. “Please look at me,” I whispered as I brushed her tangled hair back from her face with both hands. “Open your eyes, baby.”

Her hips moved with mine while her mouth dropped open and her breath rushed out. I nuzzled her nose with mine until she finally opened her eyes. They were darker green, almost black and full of fire. “Can you come like this?” I asked as I moved my hips with hers. “I want to make you come more than once. I’m the one who does this to you, Julia. Just me.”

“Uhhnnn, Ryan. I love you. You’re the only one who will touch me like this.
Ever
…and yes.” Her hands were clawing at my back, moving down to urge my hips forward, increasing the delicious friction. “Yes, you can make me come like this…but I want
you with me
.”

I dropped my head to hers and closed my eyes, my body throbbing and twitching against her. Her voice was so sensual and she moved her body against mine while she said those delicious words. The combination of her voice, her breathy moans and her body beneath me were almost my undoing.