The Fourth Ceremony: The Sacrifice Trilogy (20 page)

              "Yeah sure, see you in the dining hall."

              "Why don't we just eat in my room," Alessa missed the days that they had an intimate friendship.

              "Yeah sure, sounds good. I'll come by in thirty minutes."

              After a wonderfully hot shower that removed all of the gritty sand from her skin, Alessa dressed quickly and sat on her couch waiting for Khi to arrive. A knock on the door signaled his arrival. She skipped across the room and opened the door to him.

              "Hey!" Alessa was happy to see him.

              "Hey yourself," Khi responded, his tone slightly chilled.

              "So, do you want to eat on the balcony?"

              "Sure, the food will be up any minute."

              "Khi, what's the problem?" Khi and her relationship had been slowly distancing, but it was clear in that moment that Khi was angry. Khi sighed deeply.

              "Nothing is wrong, everything is fine," Khi said with agitation in his voice. Alessa said nothing, just continued to stand in front of him and looked at him expectantly. "Alright fine. I miss you, Less. I know you like Cam, and that's fine. Like I said he
is
a good guy, but I miss you."

              "Khi," Alessa threw her arms around his neck and was rewarded by being lifted off of the ground in one of her favorite bear hugs, "I'm sorry if you feel like I'm not spending as much time with you, I really am."

              "I know you spend my whole shift with me and I certainly don't have room to complain. It's just that I know he takes a lot of Alec's shifts and, I don't know, I guess I'm a little jealous. I'm used to being the only guy in your life, other than your dad, and I didn't usually have to compete too much for your attention."

              "Khi, I don't think how much time we spend together has anything to do with it. I think it's how we spend time together. It seems like we barely talk anymore, and when we do talk we don't talk about anything that matters." Alessa could feel that ache of missing Khi deep in her chest.

              "Yeah, I think I agree." Khi's voice was quiet and he didn't meet her eyes. Just as she began to speak again, a soft knock sounded at the door. "That's the food, I got it. Want to open up the balcony?"

              Khi went to the door as Alessa walked to the balcony and opened the doors. The sun was just starting to set over the district and Alessa was stricken with how beautiful it was.

             
There will only be so many more,
she reminded herself.

              Alessa shook her head and turned to watch the food be placed out on the table. After the staff had left, Alessa settled herself at the table and waited for Khi to join her. After a long silence, Alessa couldn't stand it anymore.

              "I'm sorry, Khi," she said weakly.

              "Less," Khi began. He shook his head and turned to her, "Less, I'm sorry. I've been kind of a jealous jerk. You didn't do anything wrong, okay? Nothing at all."

              They finished their meal in relative silence, breaking it only to talk about trivial things. When they were finished, Khi stood and walked to the door. Alessa followed him. He turned to her, wrapped his arms around her, and held her close to him.

              In that moment, in the circle of his arms, Alessa could almost convince herself that everything was okay. She was almost certain that nothing was changing and that Khi was not pulling away from her so quickly she couldn't follow. Almost.

              She took a moment to wonder if he really was pulling away because of Camden or if he was trying to protect himself from the inevitable loss. The thought made Alessa sad. She guessed that many people would try to protect themselves in different ways in the months to come.

              Khi loosened his grip on her and used two fingers to lift her chin so that she was looking into his eyes.

              "I'm on overnight, I'll be right outside if you need me."

              "That's nonsense, Khi, why don't you stay in here? At least have the couch." Alessa wanted desperately to keep Khi close. He continued to look at her for a long moment. "Khi, you will always be my best friend in the world. I love you dearly, no matter what."

              He smiled at her, not quite his old smile, but close to it. Alessa's heart warmed a little. He turned away from her door and took her hand as they walked over to the couch. Pulling her in to cuddle with him, he settled them on the couch where they talked and teased into the night.

              Alessa made a conscious effort over the next weeks to hold on to the connection that she and Khi had finally reestablished. Alessa realized that she was happy. She rarely thought about the Ceremony. Camden and Khi kept her days busy with activities and fun when she wasn't working out with Evan. She had dinner with her parents often and avoided the Minister as much as she could. Camden had tried to take her back to the Ocean several times, but quit when they both realized that it was going to end with much of the same results. They did discover, however, that she could stand to be in the pool again, and they spent many days swimming, racing, and playing in her favorite room.

              One day, Alessa and Camden were leaving the pool, laughing and tired, when they ran into Alessa's mother. Alessa's relationship with her mother had improved, although not greatly, over the recent months.

              "Hello, mother. How are you?" Alessa smiled as they approached.

              "Alessa, I need to speak with you in private. If you will excuse us, Camden," Alessa's mother took her arm and directed Alessa towards her room.

              "Of course," Camden said to their receding backs, "I will be right outside of your room, Alessa."

              After the door had shut behind them, Alessa's mother waiting while she wrapped her wet hair in a towel and changed clothes. Moments later, they were seated facing each other on the plush couch.

              "What in the world was that all about, mother?" Alessa hadn't heard her mother be so formal in months except when speaking to the Minister.

              "Alessa, I know I am about to say something you won't like, so I am warning you now. Please, try to remember that I love you and this is for your own good."

              "Alright, go ahead," Alessa said warily.

              "Alessa, what do you think you are doing with that boy? Do you think that making him fall in love with you is the best decision? After the Ceremony, he will be left very lonely and very sad, Alessa. Look, I want you to have the best time these months, I truly do, but I also don't want you hurting others in the process. Me, your father, Khi, we can't be helped, but Camden, he doesn't have to hurt."

              Alessa was shocked. At a loss for words, she simply looked at her mother. She couldn't feel angry, hadn't her mother just articulated all of the thoughts she had been having? Of course, she remembered that she had confessed on the beach that she was falling for Camden. He had responded by kissing her and they had spent a lot of time together since then, but he had never actually articulated his feelings for her. He was older than her, and she did not know his past prior to becoming her guard, perhaps it was all just fun for him.

              "Mother, I don't think he feels that way. I think this is all just fun. We both know it will end."

              "If you think that boy doesn't care for you, you are blind," Alessa's mother said plainly and Alessa couldn't stop from smiling. "Besides, sweetheart, I can see that you are also developing feelings for him. I worry about that more. Alessa, what you are expected to do is hard, monumentally so, and having a tie as strong as young love is going to make that task impossible." She was quiet for a long time. When Alessa looked at her, there were tears in her mother's eyes.

              Alessa grabbed her hand as her mother continued to speak, "I hate this for you. I hate that you have to do this. I wish I could take your place, but it is what it is. We cannot change the ceremony, but there is one thing you do have control over, Alessa." She looked deeply into Alessa's eyes as she spoke, "You can hold tight to your dignity. Don't let them take your grace away from you, Alessa. Be strong and hold your head high."

              They sat in silence for minutes that felt like hours, each lost in their own thoughts. Finally, Alessa's mother squeezed her hand and stood to leave.

              "Mom, wait," Alessa stopped her. She threw her arms suddenly around her mother and wrapped her in a tight hug. Alessa's mother returned the hug and they held each other close. "I love you, mom."

              "Oh, sweetheart, I love you, too. So very, very much." She pulled back, patted Alessa's cheek, and dried her eyes. Once she was presentable, Alessa's mother left the room.

              Alessa threw herself back onto the couch pondering the conversation she and her mother had just had. She heard a soft knock at the door. Knowing it was Camden, she ignored it. Perhaps her mother was right. If she truly fell in love with him, as she knew she was in the process of, it would make it even harder to be the Sacrifice. She couldn't think of anything worse than being dragged fighting and crying to her Ceremony. Even if she wasn't sure where Camden stood, she was sure that she was getting close to being in too deep.

              The knock sounded again. Not wanting to face him, she buried her face deeper into the pillows of the couch. She heard the door open and raised her face to look at him.

              "Hey, are you okay?" Camden stood in the doorway, unsure. Alessa found it funny that he wasn't sure what to do.

              "I'm fine, Cam, I just need some alone time, if you don't mind." Camden stayed at the door, looking intently at her.

              "I- uhh, yeah, okay. I'll be right outside if you need me. I'm on overnight tonight," he looked around as he spoke. Alessa realized that any time he was on overnight, she had invited him to stay on the couch. At that moment, the thought of him being in the same room as her made her immeasurably uncomfortable.

              "Thanks, Cam."

              As the door shut behind him, she felt tears of shame and frustration fill her eyes. She couldn't stand to face him. She had to figure out a way to disengage herself from Camden's grasp. Then, an idea struck her. It was almost the Season of Celebration. In a few short weeks, the feasts and celebrations would begin. First the Fall Feast, followed by the Winter Solstice, and finally the New Yea
r’
s Ball. All of that could be very time consuming if Alessa allowed it to be. She decided she would throw herself into the celebrations and allow that to be her excuse for spending time away from Camden. After the New Yea
r’
s Ball she would have to reevaluate her strategy, but she was sure by then that he would either lose interest or give in to her and assume her pulling away was due to the Ceremony. After all, everyone was expected to act strangely as the date loomed closer.

              The next day, encouraged by her strategy, Alessa opened the door to Camden sitting by her room. Her heart ached at the way he sat uncomfortably on the hard floor. Camden stood quickly at the sight of her.

              "Alessa, are you alright? I was worried when I didn't hear from you for the rest of the night, but I wanted to give you your time like you asked for. What happened with your mother?"

              "Oh, it was nothing, just telling me some important things I need to know. Actually, the Season of Celebration is coming up and I will be quite busy for a while. Do you mind telling my stylists that I need to have a meeting with them after breakfast?" Alessa kept her voice clipped and polite, trying not to betray the fact that she was blowing him off.

              "Umm yeah, sure," he said, uncertain, "I'll tell them on my way out. Alec should be here any minute to take over." He moved to give her a hug. Acting like she hadn't seen him, she turned and reentered her room. She sagged against the door after closing it. She felt like a complete jerk. She could make it. If she could just keep it up until the celebrations started she would be busy whether she wanted to be or not.

              Alessa spent the rest of the day talking to her stylists and, although she loved Lai dearly, she could not bring herself to get invested in what they were talking about. She gave mechanical responses and allowed them to pour over style books and dress examples with little input from her.

              That night, when Khi came on duty, she was relieved to have some companionable interaction. They spent the early evening walking the courtyard and had dinner in her room once the chill of the night after sunset took over. They talked about the upcoming celebrations and what sort of food would likely be served. Alessa decided against telling Khi about her conversation with her mother. She knew that Khi would argue against it, if for no other reason than it hurt Alessa to shut Camden out, and Khi would know that. Khi would not only hurt himself in order to make Alessa happy, he'd throw anyone else out to be hurt as well. Alessa snuggled closer to Khi at the thought of how much he cared for her. She thought that her mother was right. There was no stopping that Khi would be hurt after the Ceremony, but she could make sure that he knew how much she cared for him up until that point.