The Fourth Ceremony: The Sacrifice Trilogy (21 page)

              The next morning, as Khi was leaving his shift, he came to tell her goodbye. Knowing that Camden would be on next, Alessa stayed in bed late.              

              "Khi, I have a headache, will you tell the staff I'll have breakfast in bed? And let everyone else know that I don't want to be disturbed please." She tried to sound as pathetic as possible.

              "Of course, do you want me to tell Cam to come in when he arrives for his shift?"

              "No, I think I want to be alone in the quiet right now," Alessa rubbed her forehead as she spoke. Khi eyed her curiously.

              "Oh, well, okay." Khi kissed her head lightly as he exited the room.

Chapter 8-

              Alessa had never been more bored in her life. She even skipped training with Evan on the days that Camden was on duty. She was sure that if she saw him, she would break down and return to what they used to be. She had spent weeks either talking to her stylists or faking sick on the days that Camden was supposed to be guarding her. She began to look forward to the days Alec was on duty. Khi had begun to look at her knowingly, although he never questioned her, and Alec's simple ignorance was a nice respite.

              On the night before the Fall Feast, Alessa knew that she had finally arrived at the time where she would be busy no matter what and had her excuse ready.

              "Khi, I want to rest before the Feast tomorrow. I think I will go to bed early. Will you just tell Cam that I don't want to be disturbed?"

              "Less, what are you doing?" Khi looked her squarely in the eye as he confronted her.

              "What do you mean?" Alessa feigned innocence poorly.

              "Why are you avoiding Cam? I mean, don't get me wrong, if he had done something I would remove him from duty myself. But I know that he hasn't. This is on you, and I wish you would tell me what's wrong." Alessa sighed, resolving herself to telling Khi part of the truth.

              "I just think it's better for both of us if we don't grow so attached. I mean, this can only end badly. There's no other option. I don't want to leave things.... Messy." Alessa turned away.

              "Less, things got attached a long time ago. And don't think I don't realize that you are missing him, too. You have been on autopilot for a while now. You guys need to at least talk this out."

              "I just don't want to deal with it, Khi. And I don't have to. I'm the Sacrifice. I get what I want, remember?" Alessa felt like a petulant child, but she knew Khi could sway her if he kept talking.

              "Except we all know you aren't getting anything you want. And you're just making it harder in the long run." And with those words, he walked out of the room.

              Alessa kicked the back of her couch in frustration. Of course Khi was right. As she settled down for another long night of boredom, she heard a knock at the door. Camden hadn't tried to get her attention in days. She thought he was finally getting tired of it all. She ignored the knock, but it came again. Thinking that it might be Jay or one of her parents, she opened it. It was Camden. She hadn't looked him in a long time and her breath caught in her throat. He was still beautiful, but he was marked with exhaustion and sadness. He had circles under his eyes and the corners of his mouth turned in a frown.

              "Khi said you needed to talk to me?" Camden's words held a slight edge of hope and that broke Alessa down.

              "I, uhh, I mean, yes, come in." Alessa was determined that she could get through this. "I was going to go to bed early, you know to get ready for the first Celebration tomorrow, but I thought that you could stay in here tonight. I'm sure you've missed that big, comfy couch." She tried to smile, but felt that it came out more like a grimace.

              "Alessa what the hell is going on with you?" Camden asked vehemently. Alessa was taken aback.

              "What are you talking about? I just offered you to stay in here instead of on the cold floor outside!" Alessa tried to come across indignant, but there was little power behind her voice.

              "You've been avoiding me. More than avoiding me, you've been completely ignoring my existence and I want to know why. Was it the Ocean? I let that one go and I thought we were past it. I thought the pool was okay, but if it's not I can stop asking you to go there, too. What is it? What did I do and how can I fix it?" His tone was almost pleading and it broke Alessa's heart. "Alessa, I miss you something awful. Let me fix whatever is wrong, please." She turned away so that she wouldn't have to bear witness to the hurt on his face, although it was laced throughout his words. After a long silence, Alessa finally couldn't stand the quiet and spoke.

              "Cam, you didn't do anything wrong," she started quietly, "it's this whole thing. It's all wrong. You and I are wrong. Us spending so much time together is wrong. It's all wrong and it's unfair and I'm not going to do it to you or me." Camden walked around to stand in front of her.

              "You aren't going to do what to me?" His voice was as soft as hers and she noticed him reach towards her and pull his hands back by his sides.

              "Care about you. Let you care about me, if tha
t’
s even what this is. I don't want any of it. Neither of us needs the complication. You don't need me fawning over you and I certainly don't need the inevitable heartache. It's just all wrong." Alessa started to step away and he caught her hand. Feeling that contact, even just his hand, after so long further weakened her and she felt tears prickle in the back of her eyes.

              "If you think you can stop me from caring about you by staying away from me for a few weeks you are completely out of your mind," Camden spoke pointedly. Alessa raised her eyes to his. He used the hand that he held to pull her to him and in a flash was kissing her deeply with his arms wrapped tightly around her body. For a moment, she was lost to him again, living breathlessly in his circle. Then, she came back to herself. She pushed him away.              

              "Cam, we can't. We can't do this. I can't do this. I don't think I can stand it. I can't stand to hurt you and I can't stand the hurt in myself. Please..." She trailed off as he stepped closer to her.

              "Alessa, I wish you trusted me enough to believe when I say that it's all going to be okay." Alessa laughed darkly and they both lapsed into a weighted silence. Standing inches from each other, Alessa seemed to feel every breath he took. His eyes held hers in a vice and she couldn't move or look away.

              "Aren't we already both hurting enough?" Camden asked as he stepped closer to her again and rested his forehead against hers.

              Something inside her broke at his words. He was right. She was torturing herself and she could see that he wasn't faring any better. Maybe they could just spend one night like they used to. One night would make them feel better. She slowly ran her hands up his arms and wrapped them around his neck, pulling him close to her.

              "Thank the Gods," he whispered as he buried his face in her neck and held her tightly.

              They stood there for a long while, holding each other and simply being together. They didn't move until Alessa shifted, uncomfortable from the stillness, and Camden released her. Before she could speak, he scooped her up in his arms and carried her to the couch. Alessa laughed out loud.

              "What are you doing, Cam?"

              "Getting more comfortable," he said with a grin as he deposited her half in his lap. She smiled brightly at him and was rewarded with a blinding smile back. He leaned in and kissed her. At first, his lips were soft and sweet as he rested a hand against her cheek, but the kiss quickly grew more passionate and he wrapped his fingers around the back of her neck, pressing her lips into his. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, raking her fingers through the back of his hair. He let out a low groan and moved over her, pressing her back to lie on the couch. He followed her back and laid his body over hers, their kiss becoming more impassioned.

              "I have missed you so much," he said gruffly while breaking their kiss for a moment.

              "I missed you too, Cam, you can't imagine," Alessa answered and he moved to kiss her neck. His hand squeezed her waist as he rained small kissed down her neck. Then, he moved the collar of her shirt to kiss her shoulder. She caught her breath as he kissed her, the moment intoxicating her senses. He pulled back and looked into her eyes.

              "Alessa," he sighed and buried his face back in her neck. He snaked his arms around her body and held her tightly to him. Running his hands up and down her back, he moved so that she lay with her head resting on the crook of his shoulder and he lay on his back with both arms around her.

              They laid with each other in silence for a long time. If it weren't for his fingers brushing through her hair and down her back, she would have thought he had fallen asleep.

              "What are you thinking about, Alessa?" His voice was barely louder than a whisper. Alessa pulled her head up and propped it on his chest so that she could look at him.

              "I'm trying to figure out where we go from here," she said quietly. She felt his arms tighten around her.

              "Just don't say you want to go back. Don't say you regret letting me in tonight." Camden loosened his hold just slightly as she shook her head.

              "I don't think I could stand to go back, Camden, especially after tonight. And no, I don't regret it at all, although I think in a few months you might."

              "You let me worry about what I will and won't feel now and later," Camden said as he cupped her cheek in his hand, "just, let's agree to take one day at a time. A lot can happen in four months, a lot of wonderful and amazing things. Take it one day at a time with me, please Alessa."

              Alessa closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. If he wanted to dilute himself into believing that everything would be okay, she supposed that she could join him in that.

              "Yeah, I'll go one day at a time with you," she answered. Camden smiled at her and leaned down to kiss her lightly. He pulled her back into his chest and continued to stroke her hair and back. It was under his gentle touch that she fell into a deep sleep.

              During the night, Alessa felt herself lift from the couch. She snuggled into his chest and felt him lower her to the bed. As Camden slid his hands out from under her, she caught his hand.

              "Don't go," she managed to say around her sleepiness. She heard him laugh softly and felt him lower himself onto the bed.

              "Alec will be here in a few hours," he reminded her.

              "He wouldn't dare come in without permission, you could sleep here for twelve hours if you wanted," she answered.

              "You're right, and spending twelve hours in a bed with you sounds wonderful." Alessa smiled sleepily as Camden wrapped his arms back around her and they drifted off to sleep together.

              Alessa awoke to the sun streaming through her balcony doors. She took a moment to enjoy its warmth on her face. Then, she turned to examine Camden. He slept soundly and she realized she had never caught him unaware or seen him when he didn't know. She reveled in the unguarded moment and studied him. Even in sleep, his arms wound around her body in a protective and possessive embrace. His mouth was slightly open and she noticed that every once in a while, he snored ever so softly. She smiled to herself. He was incredible. And, she remembered, he had finally admitted that he cared for her. She wasn't sure if she should be glad or sad for that, but she couldn't stop the warmth growing in her chest at the thought. She laid there in his arms watching him sleep and daydreaming happily. She forced unpleasant thoughts from her mind. She had promised him that she would live one day at a time. With the Ceremony rushing full speed at her, she couldn't think of a better way to operate.

              After a few minutes, Camden opened his eyes and met hers. He smiled at her and squeezed her tightly.

              "I could get used to this," he said mid-stretch.

              "Get used to what?" Alessa asked him playfully.

              "Waking up to a beautiful woman," he answered simply.

              "Oh? And any beautiful woman will do?" She teased him.

              "No, Alessa, any woman will certainly not do," he said seriously as he bent to kiss her. Alessa thought her heart would stop. He certainly had a way with words.

              "Well in that case, you're welcome all you want."

              "Oh I can think of a few days I won't be welcomed. I don't think Khi would like to sleep on the couch during his shifts while I lay in bed with you. And he certainly won't be as willing as Alec to give up his shifts," Camden said as he began to rise from the bed.

              "Speaking of which, are you staying with me today?" Alessa couldn't hide the hope in her voice and hoped that she didn't seem desperate.