The Fourth Ceremony: The Sacrifice Trilogy (30 page)

              She was supposed to be dead now. Her duty was to die. She was in the Box and ready to die. She had left it. She had left duty. She had left her family. She had left Khilyn. Alessa missed them already with an ache that threatened to tear open her chest. Would she ever see them again? Somehow, she doubted it. The guard station with its tiny shack and short fence seemed now to be an impenetrable wall between her and everyone she had ever known and loved.

The water continued to beat down on her. She thought she might drown here in the shower, under the spray of the stinging water that, logically, she knew she could shut off at any minute. She looked around her. The walls of the shower seemed to create a Box of sorts. They felt closer than they had been moments ago. Alessa turned slowly under the water. Her skin was burning, it was too hot. Her heart was still cold, it was
n’
t hot enough. She turned her back to the spray, hoping it would help. But the inability to see the source of the water made her fear worse. She closed her eyes and opened them, the walls were still closer. Her breath was coming in fast bursts now. Any minute she would be forced to take her last breath, dive under the water, and hope that she could make it to the next safe point. Would she forever be on the brink of drowning?

Alessa shut off the water. She hurried out of the Box. No, the shower. She hurried out of the shower. She wrapped herself in a towel hanging on a bar and lowered herself to the floor. Alessa wept. She wept for the parents she would never see again. She wept for Khilyn and the feelings he had only begun to express. She wept for her lost sense of duty and the heaviness of what lay in front of her. She wept for fear and for exhaustion. She wept for everything she had been refusing to face for her entire life. She wept for every Sacrifice that came before her, who had to lay themselves in that Box with no escape. Who had to feel that incredible tearing and burning in their chest. The ones who could never raise themselves to the surface of the water for that renewing breath of air.

There was a noise. Alessa was
n’
t quite sure what the noise was. It sounded like a dull thud. She guessed it must be her head aching from the sobs racking her body. She buried her face into her knees and made herself into as small of a ball as possible on the cold floor of the bathroom. The noise sounded louder. In a distant world, Alessa heard her name. Then, the cloud of steam that was suffocating her started to dissipate.

“
Alessa
!”
Camde
n’
s voice reached her from far away, like a memory
.“
Alessa, what happened, are you okay? Alessa, look at me
,”
Camden was demanding. Alessa felt her face being pulled up. She looked into worried green eyes.

“
Alessa, talk to me, please
,”
his voice was almost pleading now. Alessa tried to find her voice, but she was
n’
t sure what to say.

“I’
m very tired
,”
was all she could manage. She felt pathetic. Camden lifted her into his arms, still wrapped in the towel, and carried her into the bedroom. Without setting her down, he somehow pulled back the covers of the bed and settled her into them. He lowered the covers over her just as he pulled the wet towel out from under her.

Camden settled himself on the edge of the bed looking into her face with a worry that aged him a decade. He was questioning if she could do this. He thought she was torn through with agony over fatigue. How pathetic.

“
I-
I’
m sorry, Cam
,”
Alessa started. Camden smoothed the hair back from her face.

“
Shh, i
t’
s okay. I understand, Alessa, I get it, and i
t’
s okay
,”
Camden said softly, his voice somewhere between a whisper and a song
,“
if I get you some food, do you think you can eat
?
”

Alessa nodded weakly. Camden ran his hand along her face again before he left the room. Alessa felt tired in every piece of her body, but she also felt shame and something similar to sorrow. She sat up. Then, realizing she had
n’
t dressed, she jumped up to go back into the bathroom. Her legs protested and she almost fell over, but she righted herself on an ancient dresser.

In the bathroom, she dressed herself slowly. Alessa analyzed her reflection in the mirror. She did
n’
t look any different. Her eyes were red rimmed and her face was splotchy, but she did
n’
t look like the completely different creature that she felt she had morphed into during the past few hours. A knock sounded lightly on the door.

“
Alessa, are you okay
?”
Camde
n’
s voice was quiet, but held an edge to it. His concern overwhelmed her. He would
n’
t last for the next three days if he worried for her like that the entire time. It would eat away at him from the inside out. Alessa opened the door. Camden stood on the other side with a bowl of what appeared to be a steaming stew. She walked past him and into the kitchen. She sat at the table like a proper person and accepted the bowl in front of her. Camden sat down beside her, watching her warily.

“
Have you already eaten
?”
Alessa asked.

“
No, I just got some for you
,”
he answered.

“
Join me, Cam. You have to be starving, too
,”
Alessa replied. She waited while he gathered a bowl and a glass of water for himself. He situated himself back at the table beside her and together they ate in silence. Camden stood to get himself a second serving. He motioned towards her bowl, silently offering her another serving for herself. She shook her head, silently declining. She was
n’
t sure why they had entered this meditative silence, but allowed it to continue until Camden was finished eating.

“
Cam, I was
n’
t just tired in the bathroom
,”
Alessa started.

“
I never figured you were, Alessa
,”
Camden said simply
,“
yo
u’
re much stronger than that
.
”

“
You give me more credit than I have earned
,”
Alessa scoffed. Camden started to respond, but she stopped him
,“
I had a moment. I was thinking about how the water hit me in the Box, and then I began to think about everyone I left behind. I thought about how I might never see my parents and Khi again. Then, I thought about the Sacrifices before me who could
n’
t push a button in the corner of the Box and get out. They could
n’
t escape. It must have been horrible
.
”

“
Alessa, I promise you that I am going to do everything I can to help you see your parents and Khi again. And as for the other Sacrifices, yes, I suppose it must have been awful. Tha
t’
s what the SDL is all about. No young woman should have to face that. We want it to stop. We want you to help us stop it
,”
Camden answered. Alessa sat, quietly thinking, for a long moment.

“
Do you know what the worst point of it was
?”
Alessa asked. Camden shook his head
,“
the worst of it was after I started swimming. It was that moment right before I came up for my first breath of air. I was trying to swim as far as I could and get out of sight of the Cliffs before I came up. I was swimming as hard as I could and I felt like I was hardly moving. My body began to push the old air out, without my consent. I was breathing out without choosing to do so. I knew that if I did
n’
t make it to the top, I was going to breathe in. I was going to breathe in whatever was right there in front of me whether I wanted to or not. For a second, I was afraid I was
n’
t going to make it to the top and I was going to breathe in the water anyway. My chest was burning with a fire like an incinerator. My muscles were starting to cramp. In those few seconds, I flashed a moment of what it would be like to drown. It was
n’
t while I was in the Box. That was the scariest moment of my life, but that was
n’
t the worst. It was when I was right there on the brink of breathing in the water. Every sacrifice that has ever lived has gone through that moment and every one before me did
n’
t get the relief I got. They breathed. Without their own consent, their body breathed and they died
.”
Alessa stopped for a long moment.

“
Yes, Camden, I will help you stop it. No one should feel that, no one should face that fear, no one should have to die that way
.
”

Camden sat staring at Alessa. He reached over the table and took Aless
a’
s hands in his. Then, he stood and pulled her into his embrace. He held her, firmly yet gently, almost rocking her in his arms.

“
I wish you never had to go through that. I wish with everything that I am that our plan happened before you had to get into that water. I wish I could erase that memory from your mind. But, since I ca
n’
t, i
t’
s so incredible that you can use it to inspire yourself. I know I keep saying it, and i
t’
s going to sound old, but you are amazing, Alessa
.
”

Alessa was
n’
t sure what to say. The compliment hung over the room for a few minutes, making her feel awkward and unsure. Finally, she stepped away from him.

“
Despite all the bravery talk, I am very tired
.”
She smiled shyly at Camden and he returned it.

“
Of course you are
,”
he replied on a laugh
,“
come on
.
”

He led her into the bedroom and turned off the lights, the kitchen light casting a dull glow in the bedroom. Camden shifted uncomfortably by the door.

“
So, uhh, do you want to be, uhh, alone o
r
…
”
he let his sentence trail off. Alessa wanted to laugh at his lack of confidence, it was so uncharacteristic. She also thought of spending the night alone in the strange house while being hunted by the Government.

“
No, actually, I, uhh, was hoping yo
u’
d like to stay
,”
she responded, silently chastising herself for matching his eloquence. Camden sighed deeply.

“
Good
,”
he stated as he climbed into bed beside her and pulled her into his arms
,“
because the thought of not having my eyes on you even for a second right now is a little more than I can stand. I ca
n’
t tell you how glad I am that you are here, Alessa. I ca
n’
t tell you how proud I am of you for being so brave. But, most of all, I ca
n’
t possibly explain to you how relieved and ecstatic I was to see you in that water swimming towards me. Waiting for you under that pier, it was almost more than I could stand
.
”

“
Cam, of all the things I am unsure about, I am so very sure that I needed to be wherever you were.
I’
m glad I did it, too. I ca
n’
t imagine not being with you right now, no matter what
.
”

They both hugged each other closer and Alessa fell into a deep sleep, more peaceful than any in her recent memory.

Alessa awoke feeling disquiet and concerned. She was
n’
t sure how long she had been asleep, but it was still dark out, and she knew they would not begin moving until sunlight. Alessa tried to roll over and lull herself back to sleep. Then, she heard what had woken her up again. A branch broke outside, it had clearly been stepped on. Alessa sat straight up in bed. Camden grabbed her immediately and pulled her to his chest.

“
Do not make a sound
,”
he whispered, almost inaudibly
,“
do not move unless I tell you to and do not say a word. They found us
.”
Alessa gasped softly
.“
I
t’
s just one right now, I think i
t’
s a scout, but we need to take care of him before he passes the word
.
”