The Fire Inside (31 page)

“Where’d he go?”

“I have no idea.”

Turning in his seat, he tipped her chin.
“Tess, what’s all this about?”

Just then, Megan came out to join them. With
the warm breeze ruffling her hair, she looked cool and collected in
shorts and a tank top, unlike at the hospital, where everybody had
been a mess. Healing had begun. Megan sat on the arm of Mitch’s big
wooden chair and put a hand on his good shoulder, rubbed it. The
small gesture of affection made Tess hurt inside. She missed that
kind of closeness with Jack.

Megan asked, “Did you tell her?”

“No, we were talking about how she and Jack
are blowing their relationship.”

“Mitch! She’s not your daughter.” Megan
looked to Tess. “Is that true?”

“Maybe it is. I got mad, he got mad, I got
mad again…hell, it sounds stupid to say it aloud.” She shook off
the thought. “What were you supposed to tell me?”

Mitch’s gaze narrowed, as if he was deciding
whether or not to let the discussion go. “Noah Callahan’s
retiring.”

“Because he almost died?”

“In a way. Eve left the HCFD a while ago, and
he’s been contemplating retirement, too. I guess when you have a
near-death experience, you come out of it looking at things
different.”

“Good for him.”

Jack could use lessons from his friend Noah
Callahan about moving on.

“That’s not all of it,” Megan told her.

Mitch added, “He wants me to replace
him.”

“Wow! Are you going to?”

“I’d have to be chosen by the mayor.”

“No, I mean, would you want it?”

“I’m not sure. Meggie and I have to discuss
it more.”

Tess smiled. “That’s good, Mitch, that you
have a choice.”

“You say that nostalgically. You have
choices, too, Tess, with Jack.”

“I gave my ultimatum. My choice is made. The
ball’s in his court.”

o0o

“Good to see you, Jack.”

“You, too.”

Don Caruso was one of the most respected
psychologists in New York City. Tall, looking a bit like a younger
Robert DeNiro, he had a pleasant smile and shrewd brown eyes.

“Is this appointment a consultation on a
patient?”

“No, Don, the session’s for me.”

His friend’s brows raised. “Since you’re one
of the sanest men I know, I’m surprised.”

Absently, Jack rubbed the arm of the dark
leather couch where he sat across from the psychologist. The office
windows let in natural light, bright and sunny, but Jack couldn’t
get past the darkness inside him. “Something’s happened. I can’t
get over it.”

“Then, you’re right to seek help. Why don’t
you tell me about it?”

Since Jack had never been to a counselor
before, it was odd being on the other side of the couch. Still, he
forged ahead.

He started with the background with Tess.

Went on to talk about the Recruit Concerns
class.

He stopped after he told Don about Senate and
two others’ deaths.

“I read about the shooting, Jack. I’m so
sorry.” He thought for a minute. “Didn’t the police discover he was
a pyromaniac who decided to take his task one step further?”

“The consensus is that he probably thought if
he killed firefighters, more buildings would burn. It’s crazy
thinking.”

“Sociopaths twist reality that way.”

Jack stared at the man blankly.

“This is where you tell me how you fit into
the situation.”

“I know it is.” Laying his head back against
the cushions, he took in a deep breath and said what was in his
heart. “I want a future with Tess.”

“That’s a good start.”

“But she won’t see me until I
get my act
together
. My guess is she thinks I won’t move on if she’s there
to…tolerate my behavior. Enable me. Or maybe she just doesn’t want
to.”

“The cold-hearted bitch.”

He came to the edge of his seat. “You know,
that’s what I…” His voice trailed off when he saw the expression on
Don’s face. “Ah, you were being sarcastic.”

“I was.”

“You think she’s using tough love, that she’s
trying to help me by not seeing me.”

“Maybe.”

“Fuck it. How do you
get over
something like the death of men in your department? One that maybe
you could have prevented.”

“Whose could you have prevented?”

He explained about Tom Senate.

Don leaned back on the chair. “Let me ask
you. What would you tell a patient who came to you with this
problem?”

Though he knew what Don was doing, he went
along with it. “First, I’d tell him he’d feel better with time,
when emotions weren’t so raw. But I’d also dig into his background
to find out where this sense of responsibility came from.”

“Both sound great to me.”

“Hey, I’m doing all the analysis here. You’re
supposed help me see this clearly.”

“I am, Jack. I am.”

o0o

On a Saturday night, three weeks after the
shooting, the Callahans invited a group of friends to their house.
Mitch said Noah was going to tell them about his retirement. She
wondered briefly if the chief had consulted with Jack.

She hadn’t seen Jack much. He worked every
day at the Academy, but mostly he just nodded to her in passing. In
down times and at night as she lay in bed alone, she questioned
herself for giving him the ultimatum. Had she been wrong to do
that? Should she have stood by her man? God, she sounded like a
karaoke song.

The gathering was in full swing by six
o’clock. A catered barbeque waited on the deck of their house in
the heart of Hidden Cove—which had specially built ramps for
Ian—and Eve was keeping a tight rein on Noah. He hadn’t been
allowed to do anything but sit in a chaise and talk to his
guests.

“Where are you, Tess?” Zach had come up to
her, where she stood on the grass sipping a glass of wine.

“Just thinking. How you doing?”

“Better now that Noah’s out of the woods.
Hell, that was the worst.”

“It was.”

His gaze never left Tess’s face. “Jack took
it super hard.”

“Yeah?”

Always astute, damn it, Zach studied her.
“Why don’t you know that?”

“Long story, which I don’t want to discuss
tonight.”

“Okay. There he is now.”

Searching the crowd, Tess found him on the
deck. He’d just come out of the house. God, he looked good. He wore
gray shorts and a T-shirt to match the stripe in the pants. She
studied him from head to toe and felt a longing so great she
gasped.

“You sure you don’t want to talk about it?
You’re drooling like a schoolgirl.”

Immediately, her hand went to her mouth.



“Gotcha.”

She shot her cousin an annoyed look.

Pulling her around to face him, Zach gentled
his grasp. “Honey, one thing we’ve all learned after the shooting
is that life is short. Terrible things have happened. It’s not okay
to waste time. And before you say it, I know I’ve wasted years of
my life along by acting bad. But I’ve learned lessons from it all.
And these last weeks have been a good reminder. I think we forgot
about Sinco.” The fatal fire in which Zach almost died.

For some reason, Tess’s eyes teared. Droplets
ran down her cheek. “I—”

From the side, she heard, “You makin’ my girl
cry, Malvaso?”

Zach scowled at Jack. “No, Harrison. You’ve
done that all by yourself.”

Tess, still stuck on
my girl
, couldn’t
keep up with the conversation.

“I’m gonna leave you two alone. Patch it up,
will ya?”

Zach walked away. Jack stared down at Tess.
His expression was warm, but something else. Determined? “You’re
coming with me” was all he said.

Taking her hand, he led her down a slate
pathway on the side of the house, to a door which, when opened,
revealed a laundry room. He pulled her through that to…where else?
“Another bathroom.”

“Yep.” He eased her inside.

She went willingly.

o0o

Jack meant to talk to her first. But when he
saw her wearing a skinny-strapped top that bared her shoulders and
made her look fragile, and especially when he noted the tears in
her eyes, he’d been overcome with emotion for this woman he’d hurt.
Pressing her gently into the closed and locked door, he lowered his
mouth to hers. She went up on tiptoes to meet him, to take and take
and take.

Buttons popped. The rasp of a zipper. All the
while, they kissed. His hands went inside her blouse, molded her
full breasts. She touched him everywhere as she wiggled out of the
shorts and panties he’d undone.

He freed himself from his clothes. She
grasped him, massaged his hard length.

Hiking her up, he stopped kissing her and
looked in her eyes. They were full of acceptance. For him. “I love
you, Tess,” he said as he slid—still gently—inside her.

The spasms began then for both of them. He
came in a rush of pleasure, of sensation so great it eclipsed his
vision. She joined him, calling out his name.

Then they collapsed into each other; he was
breathing hard, and so was she. When he could, he stepped back. She
looked up at him.

Righting his clothes, and helping her with
hers, he dropped down on the tile and drew her next to him. Her
hair was a mess from his hands, she had a slight brush burn on her
cheek and her gaze was soft and satisfied.

“I have things to say.”

“Me, too.”

“No, I want to go first.”

“No, me.”

He rolled his eyes. “All right.”

“I was wrong to give you an ultimatum. I
should have just stood by you.”

He shook his head.

“Don’t, Jack. We belong together. You said
you loved me. Let’s work this out.”

“I am.” His words were simple.

Those lovely eyes widened. “What does that
mean?”

“I’ve been seeing a psychologist in New York.
He’s good. I’ve had three two-hour sessions.”

“You have?”

“Physician heal thyself and all that.”

“I’m so glad for you.”

“It’s for us, too. You were right. My guilt
over Tom was excessive. I’m working on finding out why—the kids
said I’ve always been like this. Interestingly, my exaggerated
sense of responsibility seems to have a lot to do with Elizabeth
dying and me trying to be everything to everybody. It’s
my
savior complex
, I think you said.”

“I can see where that could happen to anyone,
especially a good man like you. I’m glad you’re getting help.”

“And pleased?”

“And pleased.”

“Whew! At least the excruciating pain of
baring my soul ain’t for nothin’, sweetheart.”

“Now you know how your clients feel.”

He laughed, then turned serious again. “It’s
killed me to see you in the hall or at a meeting and not have
contact.” He brushed hair out of her eyes. “How about you? Tell me
where your head’s at these days.”

Fair was fair. She came up on her knees, took
his hand and cupped his cheeks. “I love you, Jack Harrison. Faults
and all, though there aren’t that many of them.”

He met his forehead with hers. He wanted to
savor the tender moment.

Loud pounding on the door interrupted that.
“Hey, Tess, are you in there? We've been looking for you.”

“She’s with me,” Jack said, irritated. “But
she’s not coming out anytime soon. Go away, Mitch.”

Laughter, both inside and outside the
door.

Tess glanced around the large space. “This
bathroom’s fancier than any we’ve ever fought or made up in.”

“Yeah, I think we should test it out
again.”

She drew him close enough to smell her
lotion, the scent that was just her. “You’re on, Doc.”

Beginning of September

In the foyer of an auditorium in downtown
Hidden Cove, Tess stood next to Jack, waiting for the procession to
begin. Graduation day for the newest recruit class from the
Anderson Fire Academy had dawned bright and beautiful. She smiled
to herself. She and Jack had had their own private
graduation
of sorts earlier. When his hand grazed hers, she
leaned over and said, “Watch it, Doc. We taught these recruits to
be very observant.”

“Yes, ma’am.” His smile was deep and genuine.
It had been getting broader and more sincere since he’d seen Don
Caruso for therapy, which had ended last week. Tess’s heart did a
little happy dance at the notion of how much better he was.

Liam Murphy, the de facto head of the class,
faced the group. “Okay, everybody shut up. It’s time to start.”

The newly minted firefighters looked spiffy
in their dress uniforms. Dark blue jackets and pants, light blue
shirts, black ties and spit-shined shoes. Each outfit of course,
was topped off with a wide-brimmed navy hat. Jack and Tess wore
identical clothing, except their shirts were white and maybe their
shoes not quite as glossy.

Twelve of them lined up. Two classmates had
dropped out of the Academy right after the shooting because of
their inability to get over their fears, no matter how much Jack
had tried to help them. With Mauro gone, that left an even
dozen.

The recruits walked down the aisles with
their shoulders straight and their heads held high. As they should.
They’d accomplished a lot in the remaining weeks after the
shooting. Seats on the stage waited for them, and off to the left
were more seats filled by the instructors and the county brass.

After everybody was settled, Anita Cruz rose.
Tess had gotten to know her well and admired her for what she’d
accomplished. “I’ll now lead you all in the Pledge of Allegiance.
You might not know this, but my parents were immigrants, so these
words have special meaning to me.”

Afterward, Liam Murphy, who’d been asked to
address the class—Jack had helped him with his speech—approached to
the podium. He looked tall and handsome in his dress uniform.
“Classmates, instructors, fire department personnel and mayors.
Welcome to our graduation. We’d like to thank you for the support
you’ve given us over the last fourteen weeks, for all you’ve taught
us by your words and your actions. No one could have foreseen the
tragedy that would befall the department, but we had good role
models and people who took care of us when they were hurting. We’d
like to thank Dr. Harrison in particular for his Recruit Concerns
class, both before and after the event. Even though we didn’t
talk
for the first ten days, it was a tremendous help.”