The Fall and Rise of Kade Hart: A Hart Brothers Novel (24 page)

“I guess go back to what I did before—when I
was in rehab.”

“Now you’re talking. As I recall, you hit
the punching bag quite a bit.”

“That and I worked out a whole lot.”

“Then, Kade, I would suggest you get back to
the gym. You have a top of the line facility here. When was the
last time you worked out?”

“Okay. I get the picture.”

We part ways and I go home to change
clothes. A good workout is what I need and it’s been weeks since
I’ve had one. Afterward, I pack and get ready for tomorrow. It’s
been almost a year—since my mom’s funeral—that I’ve been away from
home. I’m anxious about leaving. Even though I tried to get out of
going, my brothers wouldn’t hear of it. They put the guilt trip on
me—told me they missed me and that we hadn’t been together as a
family in years. So I agreed to go. I’ve had second thoughts ever
since.

My flight is early—the plane meets me at
seven. My brother owns a transportation company so he sends a
corporate jet to pick me up. It makes traveling so easy. About
three and a half hours later, we land in Charleston.

A car meets me on the tarmac and whisks me
to my brother’s house. It’s a gorgeous home on the battery and now
I know why Kestrel fell in love with this place. The old homes
exude an unmatched charm and the views of the water are
phenomenal.

I’m greeted by my family as I enter the
house. “Merry Christmas,” they all say, handing me a fake mimosa. I
shake my head because I know if I weren’t there, they’d all be
pounding the adult beverages by now.

“This may be trouble,” I say.

“No, it won’t. We are all going to behave,”
my sister-in-law, Gabby, announces. She’s the psychiatrist who
works with addicts so she understands the difficulty this presents
for me.

“Thanks, Gabby.”

“Carter, Kestrel, this place is
fabulous.”

“Thanks, brother,” Kestrel says as he hugs
me. Carter steps into my arms for a hug, too. I love her. She is a
perfect fit for my brother, and her Southern charm is hard to
resist.

“You look unbelievable, Kade. Absolutely,
well, gorgeous.” Gabby grins at me.

“Yeah. A lot better than a couple of years
ago, huh?”

The other three stand and observe our
interaction. They understand our connection. Gabby was my savior
and we’ll always be tight. We’ve been doctor-patient,
brother-sister, but most of all great friends. She grabs my wrist
and draws me into another room. I hear Kolson say as we leave,
“There they go. No telling when we’ll get to see them.”

Gabby and I laugh.

“So? How’s it going? Living Free doing
well?”

“Yeah. Gabby, there’s this girl.”

Her dark brown eyes, which are enormous to
begin with, grow even larger. “What the hell, Kade. Why haven’t you
called?”

“It’s … complicated.”

“Yeah, I do complicated. I’m a shrink.
Remember?”

I frown.

“What is it?”

“It’s way more than your average
complicated.”

“Is she an addict, too?”

“No! God, no. But I’m worried about the fact
that I am.”

“Does she know?”

“Yes! I’ve been honest from the
beginning.”

“That’s all you can do. Take it slow and let
it flow.”

A half smile forms on my face. “That is
going to be my new motto.”

“It should. I’m surprised you haven’t had
women knocking down your door, dude. With the way you look. I mean,
come on, Kade. Seriously.”

“There have been offers, and innuendos, but
she’s the first I’ve been interested in.”

“All the more reason to take it slow and let
it flow.”

“Got you, sis.”

She grabs me and gives me a powerful hug.
“I’ve missed you, my friend. You look amazing. I am fiercely proud
of you. I hope you know that.”

“Thank you and yes, I do know. And I hope
you know that I love you like crazy. If it hadn’t been for you and
Kolo, I would be dead right now. I hope you know
that
.”

She grins and says, “Best Christmas present
ever.”

Later that day, we strike out and do the
Charleston touristy things. We take a horse and carriage tour
(which Kolson highly objects to), visit some old graveyards, take a
tour of one of the historic mansions, and return home to a
deliciously prepared meal by Kestrel’s talented chef.

As we eat, the suggestions from Kolson start
coming about how the meal would’ve been better had Carter cooked
it.

“All right, man, I don’t want my wife
cooking in her condition,” Kestrel says. “You do realize that,
right? Or is your memory fading?”

“Give it up, Kolo, you’ll never win this
one,” I add.

“Oh, but Kade, you’ve never tasted Carter’s
cooking. It’s the best.”

“He will if he comes back to Charleston
after the baby is born,” Carter says.

“I’d love to,” I say. This town is
everything they all said it was, and more. I look at Kestrel and
his eyes are fixated on Carter. In fact, he hasn’t said a whole lot
to me at all today. All he does is gaze lovingly at his wife. And
sometimes it looks as though he wants to lick her. I’m surprised
there isn’t a trail of drool running out of his mouth. Is this what
love is? He’s worse than Kolo is with Gabby. The weird thing is
he’s the last person I ever thought would fall for someone.

After dinner a movie is suggested, but I
decline, saying I’m tired. I thought I could fall asleep fast, but
that’s not the case. Juliette pops into my head, so I decide to
take a chance and text her.

Me: How was your day?

A few minutes later, I get her response.

J: Good. Learning how to use phone. Ethel in
bed with me. :)

Me: I’d like to be the one in bed with you.
:(

J: I’d like that too. How’s the family?

Me: Fine. I want to tell them about you. I
told Gabby, my sister-in-law the psychiatrist. But I gave no
details. She thinks it’s great. Her advice—go slow and let it flow.
Thought it was pretty good.

J:
Very
good!

Me: I’ll let you get back to sleep. Dream of
me?

J: Always :)

Me: <3

I hit send and immediately wonder if that
heart was too much. I can’t care about things like that anymore. It
was only a silly heart. I refuse to worry about that. I’m only
going to worry about one more day with my family and then I get to
go home to my own environment, where I’m comfortable.

Her face keeps popping into my head and it
makes me anxious. My feelings of inadequacies grow. Why is this
happening to me? Why do I allow my damn brain to fuck with me every
time like this?

“
I thought I could make you into
something strong, someone to be proud of. I was wrong. You are
anything but that. You know what you are, don’t you?” He laughs. It
grates on my raw nerves. “Garbage. Trash. But you already know
that. You’ve lived with the rest of the stinking garbage. You stick
that shit in your veins, smoke it, or whatever the hell you do. You
say you wish you were dead? I’m gonna help you with that.”

He walks up to me, where I’m lying on my
bed, bruised and broken from another one of his bullied beatings,
and he holds a gun in his hand. He takes my hand and puts it around
the thing. The action is so repulsive to me, I try to pull my hand
out of his grip, but he’s too strong for me in my weakened
state.

“
Take this and do away with your
miserable stinking self because I can’t stand the sight of you
anymore. We would all be better without you, Kade. Do it. Squeeze
the trigger. Kill yourself.”

The gun is aimed at my temple and he’s
holding my hand that holds the gun. My arm shakes because that’s
how damn weak I am. Tears stream down my face and I can’t think of
a single word to say. I don’t want to die like this. Not by his
hand. Not by his choosing. I hate this man with every cell, every
atom in my breathing body. I decide to fight back in the way I’ve
learned. I relax everything, letting go. My arm no longer tries to
stay lifted, my hand lets go, my body goes slack, and he rages.

“
You motherfucking pussy. You don’t even
have the courage to take yourself out of here, where everyone hates
your guts, hates the sight of you. I loathe your very existence. If
you can’t kill yourself the manly way, try overdosing. Maybe this
will help you get there.” He flings a bag of white powder at me.
Heroin. Where the hell does he get this stuff? I shouldn’t have to
ask that. He’s a mobster. He can get and do anything he
wants.

My bedroom door slams and that’s when I
decide I have to leave. I’ve been expelled from college. I can’t go
back because I have no funds and God knows the drugs are
interfering with everything. If I stay here, he
will
find a
way to kill me. I’ll disappear on the streets. It’s easy enough to
do. Thousands of people do it every day. Why can’t I be one of
them?

And that’s what I did. I slipped out of the
mansion that night and never stepped foot in that place again.

Is it being around my family that triggered
this horrific memory? Or is it because I’m worried I can’t be that
special guy for Juliette? That I’ll always be the one who hid in
his room, cowering and frightened. The one who couldn’t or wouldn’t
fight back. I don’t have the answers, but I wish I were in my own
bed, where I could find comfort.

The remainder of the night is fitful, and it
shows in both my temperament and appearance in the morning.

“Damn, Kade, you look like you were on a
bender last night.”

“Ha ha, funny, Kolo.”

“Sorry, dude, but it’s the truth.”

I’m moody, pouty, and not very good company.
I snap at Carter, which pisses Kestrel off. We have words and I
apologize. To everyone.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t sleep well, woke up
with a migraine and it’s been a shitty morning overall.”

“You’re PMSing.” Kolo laughs.

Gabby jumps to my rescue. “Kolson, cut it
out. He’s having a rough time.”

Kolson has the decency to look contrite.
“Sorry, man.”

“Maybe I need to go back to bed.”

Carter says, “Not yet. Let’s open presents.”
She sits next to me and puts my hand on her belly. Weird. But then
I feel this thing bumping around in there.

“Oh, now that’s strange.”

“Right?” she says. “Sometimes you can feel
the outline of a foot.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. This one’s going to have big feet, I
think, like his dad.”

“Yeah, well, Kestrel does have big
feet.”

Kestrel arches a brow. “You wear the same
size shoe I do.”

“But I’m not the baby daddy.”

“What?” Kestrel asks. He’s completely
clueless. The gates are down, the bells are clanging, but that
train’s never going to arrive.

Everyone laughs. “Never mind. You obviously
weren’t paying attention.”

Kestrel shrugs and his attention is
immediately back on Carter. Man, those two are joined at the hips,
shoulders, and brains.

The tension over my bad mood has been eased
so we sort of settle into a more relaxed morning.

Gifts are exchanged and I hand out mine
first. Both of my brothers love artwork so I commissioned a local
Denver artist to do paintings for them. Both of them are scenes
that depict the mountains in the distance from the cityscape of
Denver, but they are from different perspectives. I have photos of
them because they aren’t finished yet, but when they are, they will
be shipped to their homes.

“These are unreal,” they both exclaim.

“You like them?”

“God, yeah,” Kolson gushes.

The girls are all over them as well, so I
guess I hit a home run. Then I give the girls their gifts. There is
a local jeweler who I had make some things up. For Carter, a
bracelet and earrings, and for Gabby a necklace and earrings. Then
I give Carter some little booties and crap for the baby. What do I
know? One of the ladies at Living Free picked it up for me.

She throws her arms around my neck and
thanks me. “They’re precious.”

“Yeah, I had a little help with those,” I
confess.

Carter’s all smiles. Kestrel still looks
like he wants to swallow her up so I blurt out, “Kes, do you ever
pay attention to anything else besides your wife?”

“Huh?”

I look around the room and everyone shrugs.
Kolo says, “You get used to zombie Kestrel after awhile.”

“Damn. I hope so.”

Carter laughs. “He’s been like this since
the baby bumped out. I think he’s really worried about being a
dad.”

“Uh, it’s a bit too late for that,” I
mumble.

“Right?” Carter adds.

Gabby and Kolo laugh. Kestrel is oblivious,
other than leaning in and nibbling on Carter’s neck. Does he ever
stop?

The rest of the day is fun at times, sad at
others. My brothers reminisce about my mom and the girls talk about
that terrible day last year. I blank out because I wasn’t there and
a part of me feels a bit guilty about that. It’s unrealistic. I get
that. But Sylvia was my mother and even though she didn’t do much
for me, she was locked inside the same prison that I was. It’s too
bad she’s not here so we can talk about it.

“She’d be happy to see you so healthy, Kade.
She worried about you a lot. She knew she failed you as a mother.
She knew she failed us all.”

I mull over what Kolson says in my head. And
it all becomes so obvious to me I’m surprised I didn’t see it
before.

“No. She didn’t fail us. She was as much a
victim as the three of us. Sylvia could never have done a damn
thing to help me, you, or any of us. He would’ve killed her had she
tried.”

“You’re right and she said as much to me,”
Kolson says.

Kestrel finally says something, but it’s not
what I thought he’d say. “I’m the one who failed everyone. I was
there the most. I was with Langston. I could’ve done
something.”