The Everything Orgasm Book (25 page)

To prepare for anal entry, you will want to take plenty of time relaxing your anal sphincter muscle. You can start this process by using lots of lube, playing around the rim for a good deal of time, and then slowly and gradually inserting one finger into the anus. It can help if you bear down and push the anal sphincter muscle out while you insert the finger.

Being ready for anal intercourse can take some time, and it requires a lot of patience initially. The muscles will eventually figure out how to relax more readily. The entry for any anal penetration should always be very slow and cautious and involve ample amounts of lubrication.

Penetration is often rife with forceful and passionate thrusting that seems to come from a very primal place. This penetrative thrusting can overcome you and seem to have its own sense of purpose and mission that you may or may not agree with. It can take some time to learn how to handle or how to direct this force. But for the sake of more exquisite and refined pleasures, it is a force worth reckoning with. Here are some tips and techniques to keep in mind when engaging in penetration of any kind.

Any penetration should always start out slow, unless your lover indicates that she wants something else. In order for the tissues of the vulva and vagina to relax and become aroused and engorged, they need to feel safe. Slow, careful movements will support a sense of safety for her. You can gradually build up the intensity of penetration, including the speed, depth, and force, always checking in with her to make sure it's working.

Penetration often requires added lubrication. If a woman is ovulating or produces a lot of vaginal lubrication, you may not need to add any lube for vaginal intercourse, or even for vaginal penetration with an object. But for any anal play, count on needing a lot of lube. The penis or object that is penetrating the anus or vagina should feel as though it can glide inward and outward, effortlessly and smoothly, without causing any discomfort or pain.

Learning how to make penetration as delightful as possible requires some practice, exploration, and finesse. You may have already explored a wide range of movements for penetration and discovered some very gratifying moves for you and your lover. But, just in case you haven't yet caught on to these moves or have forgotten about them, here are a few tried and true methods.

Just the Tip

Penetrating with or engulfing just the tip of the penis (or object) is a wonderful sensation for both of you. This is a great way to start penetration, or to occasionally revisit during a lovemaking encounter. Using just the tip is a way to tease and build arousal, as well as increase lubrication before further penetration or engulfment. You can explore this with slow or quick movements, and everything in between. Try different angles and positions to find out how this feels best to both of you.

Taking Your Time

Gradually working your way to full penetration is a much more skillful and exciting way to approach penetration. This can help increase the sexual tension, get your energies and emotions more in touch with each other, and create a circumstance in which you can delight in the subtleties of sensation. Going slow also creates a sense of safety, which helps immensely with arousal and lubrication for women, providing a much more luscious experience for you both. If you have the urge to hurry things up, try taking some deep breaths, breathing in the pleasurable sensations you are experiencing in that moment.

Long, Slow, and Deep

Long, slow, and deep penetration is a great way to slow time, increase the size of your penis and increase arousal. After having gradually worked your way to full penetration, take some time just enjoying the lusciousness of the entire penis moving in and out of the vagina. Going slow can also create more space to fully recognize your feelings and enjoy your intimate connection with your lover.

All You've Got

When your passion peaks, giving all you've got and moving fast and forcefully can be just the thing to send you both over the edge, emotionally and physiologically. Wait until you absolutely can't hold back anymore and make sure that your lover is on the same page. You want to let the passion inside of you and between you and your lover build naturally, rather than forcing your movements.

Penetration and the orgasms that are produced this way can put you into a very raw and vulnerable state. You may even be moved to tears. Often, a sense of deep connection and intimacy forms and can make you feel very tender toward your lover. You may be feeling that your energies have merged and that you are truly not alone. This is a wonderful time to indulge yourselves in feelings of closeness to each other.

Although it is not absolutely necessary for everyone to orgasm each time you engage in penetration, the more both of you come from this activity, the more appeal it will have and the more likely it is to happen with some regularity. If you are in a pattern in which only one of you comes during anal or vaginal intercourse, you will want to remedy this so that you both will continue to want to engage in these behaviors.

It is probably not a mystery to you that men are more likely to achieve orgasm during intercourse than women, but it doesn't have to be that way. In fact, given that women are more easily multi-orgasmic than men, women could potentially have more orgasms from intercourse than men. But in order for a woman to be orgasmic with intercourse, there are many things that you may both need to pay attention to.

Many women can lose the thread of arousal during intercourse. There are many reasons for this and just as many solutions. It can be helpful to check in with your female lover during intercourse to make sure it's still working for her, especially when you are getting the feeling that something is wrong. If she gets really quiet or motionless, this may be an indication that she is not into it, so it is worth checking in with her. It is easy to get lost in your own ecstasy and forget that there are two of you on this journey together, but it is highly beneficial to make sure you are both getting your needs met. Here are some things that a woman may need in order to catch the thread of arousal:

• Look into each other's eyes and feel the emotional connection
  

• Slow down the pace
  

• Add more lubrication
  

• Change position
  

• Change the angle or depth of penetration
  

• Switch to another sexual activity
  

Most women do not get enough clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm during intercourse. Remember, the clitoris is a woman's main route to orgasm, not her vagina, although the two together make a very powerful team for many women. It may be necessary for one or both of you to stimulate the clitoris at some point during intercourse. It doesn't necessarily have to be all the way through; you can find what works best by exploring different types of clitoral stimulation at different times.

If you are able to postpone your orgasm until your female lover comes, you will experience significant payoff by way of her future interest in this activity with you. You will need to learn how to cool your jets and recognize when you are at the edge so that you can pull back just in time. You too will benefit by prolonging your enjoyment of penetration with your lover.

P
eople are capable of astounding creativity, especially when it comes to sex; many tools and toys have been invented to enhance erotic pleasure. A sex aid is any object or medium that is used to help increase sexual arousal, facilitate sex, or achieve an orgasm. There are many such products available for purchase. But an item does not have to be packaged and sold to be a sex aid. It can be a piece of furniture, something lying around your house, or some food in your refrigerator.

Lubricants are probably the single most commonly used sex aid. Natural vaginal lubrication is not always sufficient to make sex easy and comfortable, and the rectum does not produce any of its own lubrication. Lubricants are thus helpful in reducing friction in the vagina or anus during sexual play. Whether you are self-pleasuring, using sex toys, manually stimulating each other, or having intercourse, you will want to have plenty of lube available to keep things juicy!

Natural vegetable oils can feel wonderful when used in different kinds of erotic play. Coconut oil is an excellent choice because it is a little thicker than most. It also is easier to wash out of sheets than other oils. The main problem with vegetable oils is that contact with them can weaken latex. Thus, oil-based lubricants (vegetable or petroleum) should not be used with most condoms or any latex sex toy. Natural oils are not a problem, however, when used with vinyl condoms. Synthetic oil-based lubes, such as petroleum jelly, are generally not recommended. They, too, will break down latex and they tend to linger in the vagina or anus. This can be uncomfortable as well as make infection more likely to occur. There are much better alternatives as far as texture and consistency.

Water-based lubes are the most popular and most-often recommended personal lubricants. They are made to be non-staining, non-irritating, and safe to use with all condoms. They are considered all-purpose lubes, meaning they are good for any sexual activity, with or without toys. They come in different consistencies, from liquid to jelly. Liquid lubes tend to have a consistency closest to saliva or your natural juices, so if you want something relatively light, go with these.

Jelly lubes are thicker and last longer. For anal sex or more extended encounters, you should go with them. Most water-based lubes are taste-free, except for the special flavored varieties made for oral sex. Water-based lubes are easy to wash off your person, your toys, or your bed sheets. Simply use soap and water.

Silicone-based lubes are the slipperiest and longest lasting of the personal lubricants. They are handy for sex where there is water involved (in a bath or pool) because they will not rinse away. You do need to be careful when using them in the bathtub or shower because they can make surfaces very slippery. Silicone-based lubes are compatible with latex but are not recommended for use with condoms. If a silicone-based lube gets too dry, it may get sticky and the resulting friction can cause a condom to break. Also, using silicone-based lube with your silicone sex toys is not recommended, because they can degrade the texture of the silicone on your toy.

Any object you use to help with sexual arousal and orgasm could be considered a sex toy. It can be a product designed for sexual use or it could be an object (like a cucumber) that you have adopted for use during sex. Sex toys are usually used to stimulate the genitals in some way. They can be used for self-pleasuring or for encounters with a lover.

There are a plethora of sex toys on the market, and buying them is easier than ever. You can go online and shop discreetly from home. Or you can visit a specialty store that allows you to see, touch, and feel the toys up close and personal. It can be very helpful to get assistance from knowledgeable staff and have any of your burning questions answered. Choosing a sex toy can be challenging. You can't try them out beforehand, and once you buy one, you usually can't return it. You have to make a leap of faith as to what might feel good to you.

Dildos are objects used for vaginal or anal penetration. They are more or less shaped like a penis — long and cylindrical — but vary to some degree in shapes and sizes. Some are completely straight and some are curved. Some are completely smooth, while others have ridges and bumps. Some are made to look like real penises with glans, coronal ridge, veins, and all. You can find soft packs, dildos that are not completely firm, and dildos that come complete with testicles. Some dildos are designed specifically for G-Spot or prostate stimulation. You can get double-penetrators, made to penetrate both the vagina and anus simultaneously. “Double-enders” are dildos made to penetrate two people simultaneously. There are even inflatable dildos that allow you to get just the right size and firmness.

Dildos are made in a variety of different colors, materials, and textures. Dildos made from porous materials such as latex, jelly, and cyber-skin can be very soft. They need to be kept extra clean, however, because bacteria and viruses can live in the small holes on the surface. Also, when using porous dildos, you will need to apply lubrication regularly because the pores will absorb the lubrication. Dildos made from non-porous materials such as silicone, acrylic, vinyl, glass, or metal can also be very smooth. They will need less lubrication and will not harbor viruses or bacteria, but they still need to be kept clean.

When choosing a dildo, here are some questions to consider:

• How much are you willing to spend?
  

• Do you have a latex allergy or sensitivity to any other materials?
  

• What texture seems appealing?
  

• Will you be using the dildo anally or vaginally?
  

• Do you want something that can stimulate your G-spot or P-spot?
  

• Do you think you would like simultaneous anal and vaginal penetration?
  

• Do you want to use this toy with a partner? How?
  

• Do you want something that can be strapped on or affixed to a stationary object?
  

Be creative with your dildo. It can be used for more than just penetration. You can use a dildo to stimulate your vulva and clitoris, perineum or anal opening, or use it to caress other erogenous zones. Stroke yourself all over with your dildo. When using a dildo for penetration, play around with different kinds of movements. Review Chapter 11 for tips and techniques on penetration. You can get a dildo to do just what you want it to do without a lot of effort. Play around and see what feels good!

Vibrators are electric or battery-powered devices that are used to relax, massage, and stimulate your body. Most are specifically intended for use on your genitals or other erogenous zones. There are many different kinds of vibrators, designed with different intentions in mind. Some vibrators are designed specifically for vulva and clitoris stimulation, while others are designed to penetrate the vagina or anus. You can also get vibrating dildos that have a built-in vibrating clitoral attachment. Some vibrators were designed as muscle massagers, but work excellently as sex toys. You can even get remote control vibrators and fingertip vibrators!

Vibrators are great when you want to add the intense sensation of vibration to your sexual play. They also come in handy when you are feeling lazy about stimulating yourself manually. They can be particularly useful for women who have never reached orgasm or who have difficulty reaching orgasm. On the other hand, some women find that they can get over-stimulated by vibrators. They are not everyone's cup of tea.

Frequent users of vibrators may get addicted to the intense degree of stimulation they supply. While there is no danger of permanently injuring yourself by using a vibrator, you may want to limit your use in order to avoid this scenario. Make sure vibrator use does not keep you from enjoying other forms of stimulation or other routes to orgasm. If you don't have a problem with that, then there is no reason to limit or avoid using a vibrator on a regular basis.

If you like anal play, anal toys are a great way to enhance your arousal and orgasms. An anal toy is any object designed specifically to pleasure the sphincter muscles of the anus, as well as the prostate gland in men. They can be used at the anal opening, or reach inside the rectum. Butt plugs, anal beads, and anal probes are popular anal toys, in addition to dildos and vibrators designed for anal use. The materials used for anal toys are as varied as those used for dildos. Very important to note, though, is that anything that you use in your anus should have a base or a handle wide enough to keep it from going all the way inside and potentially getting stuck. This is a real danger.