The Everything Orgasm Book (15 page)

For this exercise, give yourselves at least twenty to thirty minutes and no more than an hour. Sit directly across from each other, either on the floor or in chairs, whichever is more comfortable. Place a candle between the two of you. Spend a few minutes in self-reflection, during which time you both remain silent, gazing into the candle flame and looking inward. Then, one of you will choose to share by pulling the candle toward you. You will both continue to gaze into the candle's flame while one of you talks about your experience.

When the first person is done sharing, she will slide the candle toward her partner. Both partners may momentarily look into each other's eyes without saying anything, just acknowledging what has been said. Then it will be the second person's turn. Again, start by taking a little time before speaking to self-reflect and come back into your own experience. Resist any urge to respond to the first person's share. Go inside and find your own truth. Once the second person has shared, push the candle back into the center of the space between you. Then look into each other's eyes again and silently acknowledge the share.

S
ensuality is defined as the gratification of the senses. Sexual pleasure is, of course, one kind of gratification. But really sensual sex can involve a whole lot more. Indulging all of your senses in pleasure is a way to bring more of yourself on board for your arousal and orgasm. Attention to your senses can help you enjoy all the notes your body-instrument can play. The more kinds of sensual pleasure you experience, the richer and more satisfying your lovemaking will be.

Creating a sensual environment is a good way to set the stage for your romantic and sexual encounters. Think of your home, or at least one room in your home, as your love nest. A sensual nest is a place where you can totally relax and enjoy yourself. Putting some extra effort into making your home, or your bedroom, a beautiful, serene, and sensual environment has the potential to greatly increase your enjoyment of the erotic interactions that take place there.

The first step in creating your sensual love sanctuary is to clean your home and clear it of any clutter. A clean and clutter-free home feels fresh. It is a space that allows you to relax because there are no messes or unfinished tasks to distract you. If cleaning your whole home is a daunting task, just focus on your bedroom. Make it a place where you mind is clear enough to really enjoy your body.

Decorate your love nest. Have fun by adding some sensual colors and textures to the environment. You can do this by painting a wall or two, reupholstering a chair or sofa, getting a new bedspread, or putting up new blinds, drapes, or curtains. Choose colors and textures that attract you and make you feel good. Allow yourself to be bolditalic. Express yourself!

Lighting is essential in creating a romantic mood in your home. Overhead lights, unless they are on dimmers, might not do much for your romantic setting. Spaces and people generally look better in soft lighting. Adding some accent lamps to your home will keep the ambiance more relaxed and laid back. Oil lamps and candles are nice to have for special occasions.

Finally, adding artwork and flowers that you find particularly beautiful and inspiring in some way will add significantly to the enjoyment of your space. These accents also have the potential to bring more color and texture into your home. In choosing finishing touches, consider the whole space and the mood you want to create. Choose items that will enhance that mood and make the space even more pleasing to you.

Sensual massage is a perfect way to indulge in the sense of touch. It is also a very effective way to build arousal, whether you are giving or receiving the massage. The use of oil or lotion lightly stroked across your lover's sensuous bare skin is almost guaranteed to get her juices flowing. Sensual massage will help your lover relax and feel good in her body. It will also help her feel loved and cared for. You don't need to be a professional to make your lover feel good. In fact, you have the benefit of being her lover, which means you are in the position to make her feel really good.

To give a full body massage to your lover, you will need a flat, comfortable surface — like the floor or a bed — a sheet or towel, some massage oil or lotion, and a pillow or rolled up towel. If you have difficulty being on your knees, you may consider using a massage table. Massage tables allow the person giving the massage to stand comfortably. They also usually have a face cradle, which is often more comfortable for the person receiving the massage.

Make sure you prepare time before the massage to adequately heat the space. If you have a fireplace or woodstove, light a fire to eat up the space and create a cozy atmosphere. Otherwise set the thermostat to anywhere between 75° and 85°F. Light some candles and put some nice relaxing music on. Heat up the massage oil and lotion by setting the bottles in some hot water. Set up the massage table with sheets or lay a towel or sheet on the bed or floor.

Before you start the massage, check in with your lover about any sore or tight areas in his body that you can send some love to. Find out how much pressure your lover prefers. Once you have checked in, have your lover start by lying face down on the massage table, bed, or floor. Place a pillow, bolster, or rolled up towel under his ankles. Ask if he prefers that or nothing.

To begin, lightly caress your lover's entire body. Alternate between using your whole hand and just your fingertips. Start with the back and the arms. Then move down to include both legs and feet. If you tend to have sweaty palms, or if there is moisture on your lover's body, light caressing can be challenging, as the hands will tend to get stuck on the skin rather than glide. To remedy this, you can simply throw a soft sheet over your lover's body, and caress him over the sheet.

To begin using lubrication, place about a tablespoon of warm oil or lotion in your hand. Then rub your hands together to allow the oil to coat the entire surface of both palms. Kneeling or standing at her head, bring both hands gently down onto either side of her spine, and use soft, broad, flowing strokes to move from the top of her back to the small of her back. Then glide your hands across the small of her back, over her hips. For your return stroke, pull your palms up the sides of her body, gliding underneath her armpits and across her shoulder blades to the base of her neck. Additionally, you can stroke down along the top of her shoulders and then back up to the neck. Repeat these strokes many times, improvising on the pattern if you wish.

You can gradually begin to extend your stroke to cover the buttocks and up the sides of the hips. The return stroke can extend over the shoulders and down the arms. Keep the flow going, changing directions seamlessly, eventually covering every inch of your lover's body. Add oil or lotion as needed to keep your hands gliding nicely over her skin. Make sure your hands remain in full contact with your partner's skin during these strokes, molding them to her body in a relaxed manner. Keep the pace slow and occasionally check in with her about the both the pace and the pressure.

When you are ready, move down to the legs. First apply the oil with gentle strokes. Then, starting at the ankle, glide over the calf, across the back of the knee, up the hamstrings, and over the buttocks. In the same stroke, continue all the way up the side of the back, over the shoulder and down the arm on the same side. This long stroke connects the whole body and helps keep the energy flowing. You can do this stroke many times and occasionally work smaller sections by gliding back and forth over the skin in rhythmic, wave-like patterns. Repeat this stroke on the other side. Remember to keep your hands relaxed, the pace slow and sensual, and the pressure to your lover's liking.

Once you have worked the left and right sides of the back of your lover's body, gently ask your lover to turn over onto her back in order to massage the front of her body. You can begin by lightly caressing all over the front of her body, as you did on her backside. When you are ready to move on, put another tablespoon of oil onto your hands and begin at the ankle of one leg, gliding over the shin and knee and across the top of the thigh. When you get to the top of the leg crease, swoop your hands to either side of the thigh, and come back down the sides of the leg, all the way to the ankle. Repeat this stroke, making sure to touch all parts of the leg, keeping the pressure light and the strokes flowing and sensual. Repeat these strokes on the other leg.

Once you have massaged both legs, stand or kneel by the top of your lover's head. Rub some oil into your hands. When massaging a female lover, ask what kind of touch, if any, she would like on her breasts during the massage. Then, starting at the top of her chest, gently apply the oil to her torso. Stroke down across the chest, breasts, and abdomen, out to either side. Let your return stroke come up the sides, underneath the armpits, up over the chest, and out the tops of the shoulders. Repeat this stroke many times, making it as slow and delicious as you possibly can. Gradually extend this stroke by gliding from the shoulders all the way down the arms and back up to the neck. Cover as much of her torso as you can.

Throughout the massage, remember to keep checking in with your lover about the pressure and the pace. Keep your touch relatively light, smooth, and flowing. Allow yourself to get turned on while giving the massage. Bring your sexual energy into it, but don't let it override your primary focus of providing a slow sensual experience for your lover. Help her relax and deepen into the pleasure without any feeling of pressure to take care of your needs. Even if she starts to get really turned on, patiently maintain the slow and sensual quality of the massage. She may start to writhe in erotic pleasure underneath your hands or she may deepen her relaxation. Either way, maintain a sensual tone with your touch.