The Everything Orgasm Book (6 page)

Your body sometimes needs help to relax. When you just can't or don't want to do it yourself, you can try using alternative healing practices such as massage, chiropractic techniques, and acupuncture. Each of these can contribute to the well-being of the body-mind and enhance your ability to relax into sex. When your body feels good, your energy is more likely to be open and receptive to erotic pleasure. These healing practices work with your energy in a way that invites more pleasurable sensations in.

Regardless of your chosen method, slowing down can sometimes be a challenge in modern culture. It can be hard to break away from the frenzy and flurry that is all around you. But there is a great reward in letting yourself rest with consciousness. If you pay attention to your senses, you can let them teach you and guide you to more pleasurable experiences. If your lifestyle is keeping you stressed out, consider these questions:

• How much of your life is devoted to work and productivity?
  

• How much is devoted to relaxation and pleasure?
  

• Is getting a good night's sleep the extent of your rest?
  

• Do you pack your vacation time full of activity?
  

• Do you keep yourself forever busy?
  

• When you do slow down, do you plop yourself in front of the television or immerse yourself in a magazine, book, crossword puzzle, or newspaper?
  

• How much time do you spend just listening to your body and paying attention to your senses?
  

If you find that you don't allow yourself much relaxation time, then you may be missing out on a key ingredient to enjoying your body's full potential for sexual pleasure. To remedy this, consider what changes you might make to your lifestyle that could help you better enjoy yourself, as well as be better prepared for satisfying sex.

Having emphasized the importance of developing sex-positive attitudes, good health, and the ability to relax accumulated stress, you are now ready to fine-tune one of the most vital and often over looked muscles in your body. The tone of your pelvic floor can make all the difference in how you experience sex and orgasm.

The muscles of the pelvic floor, particularly the PC muscle (short for
pubococcygeus
), are integral in achieving and enjoying sexual arousal and satisfying orgasms. The PC muscle, also sometimes referred to as the
love muscle
or
sex muscle
, is responsible for supporting the sexual and reproductive organs, as well as the urethra and the rectum. It aids in the start and stop of the flow of urine and bowel movements, helps keep the bladder from leaking, and allows the passage of newborn infants in vaginal births.

Both men and women can benefit from strengthening and toning their PC muscles. Strengthening and toning the pelvic floor will help maintain the integrity of the pelvic floor muscles and tendons, and keep the tissue vital by increasing the blood flow to the pelvic area. It will also increase your awareness of the sensations in your pelvis and allow for greater sensitivity.

During arousal and orgasm, the PC muscle contracts involuntarily, initially triggered by direct stimulation or by sexual thoughts and feelings. Once the PC muscle begins its rhythmic pulsations, a positive feedback loop is created. The PC muscle contractions send new arousal messages to the brain. This increased arousal, in turn, causes more pulsations, which sends even more arousal signals to the brain.

Perhaps the most gratifying and motivating aspect of a strong pelvic floor is increased sexual pleasure. When the PC muscle is well toned, it is able to contract and relax more, helping to build more arousal and intensify sexual sensations. But a stronger PC muscle also increases one's ability to control orgasms, meaning that you can learn to orgasm or not orgasm when you choose. With a strong pelvic floor, men can learn to orgasm without ejaculating by squeezing the PC muscle right before the moment of ejaculatory inevitability. Consequently, they are able to have multiple orgasms. Strengthening the PC muscle can also help women have multiple orgasms and possibly even experience female ejaculation.

It is also believed that men can achieve stronger erections by strengthening the pelvic floor muscles. A stronger erection has the potential to increase pleasure for all parties involved. Likewise, more tone in the pelvic muscles of women can enhance not only her pleasure, but his too.

The PC muscle attaches to your pubic bone (the “P”) and your tailbone or coccyx (the “C”). It surrounds the genitals in a figure eight and creates a sling. To locate it and palpate it on your body, place the tips of your fingers of one hand into the fleshy part just above your pubic bone, which is above your genitals and near the top of your pubic hair. Then place the tips of your fingers of the other hand on the underside of your tailbone, which is at the bottom of your spine near the top of your crack. Now squeeze the muscles of your pelvic floor as if you were trying to stop your urine mid-flow. The muscle you feel being engaged is your PC muscle.

There are two basic ways to exercise your PC muscle — one is to squeeze and lift the muscle on its own. You can vary the duration of time you squeeze and the amount of time you relax between squeezes. The alternative way, for women only, is to insert an object, such as a kegelcisor, into the vagina and squeeze and lift the object.

Start out with 10–15 repetitions a few times a day. Be sure to relax all the way after each squeeze. The relaxation phase is just as important, if not more, as the squeezing phase. A PC muscle may be strong, but it is not well toned if it cannot relax as well as contract. With or without an inserted object, proceed by lifting and squeezing the PC muscle on your exhale and relaxing on your inhale. Breathe deeply and slowly. Do not get frustrated with yourself if you are having difficulty isolating your PC muscle. This takes time and practice. As you get stronger, you can increase the number of repetitions, but remember to continue to relax in between squeezing.

Your body-mind is a fabulous instrument capable of playing beautiful music indeed. But it needs your help to stay well tuned. Clearing out any shame you may feel about sex or your body, attending to your general health and fitness, learning how to relax and tune into your physical sensations, and strengthening the muscles of your pelvic floor will help you prepare yourself for some of the most orgasmic concerts of your life!

A
n orgasm is the amazing result of many anatomical structures and physiological systems working together. Enjoyable orgasms are like well-played music. They involve all the basic parts of your instrument playing in harmony. Unfortunately, many people begin having sex with very little background knowledge about how their body or their partner's body works. This can sometimes lead to frustrating experiences. For more reliably satisfying sex, it is helpful to know all the different sexual body parts and understand what notes they play.

Understanding your sexual anatomy will help you learn how to better pleasure yourself and communicate with partners about how they can pleasure you. Women, in particular, have been historically in the dark about their sexual organs, partly because of the cultural taboo about masturbation and touching their genitals and partly because of the placement of their genitalia on their bodies. Women's vulvas are tucked away and difficult to see, and women do not have the benefit of having their genitals all out in the open, or the explicit permission to touch their genitalia as boys and men do in order to urinate.

Many people refer to the female genitalia globally as the vagina. In actuality, however, the vagina is only one part of a woman's genitals. Women have both external and internal sexual organs.

The part of the female genitalia that is visible from the outside is called the vulva. Vulvas come in many different colors, shapes, and sizes. Indeed, no two are alike. There is really no such thing as normal when it comes to vulvas, so there is no need to be concerned or distressed about how yours looks. Just learn to appreciate your vulva's unique beauty and all of the pleasure it has in store for you. The different parts of the vulva are the pubic mound, the outer and inner labia, the vestibule, the vaginal opening, the urethral opening, the greater vestibular glands, the perineum, and the clitoris and clitoral hood.

The Pubic Mound

The pubic mound, also known as the mons pubis, is the soft mound of fatty tissue that covers the pubic bone at the top of the vulva. It contains many nerves. After the onset of puberty, it becomes covered with pubic hair. The pubic mound provides a structurally strong, cushioned surface for the bumping and grinding sex often involves.

The Outer Labia

Below the pubic mound are the softer vulva tissues. Surrounding this area are the outer vaginal lips or outer labia. They are the two outer mounds of spongy flesh on either side of the vaginal opening. They are generally covered in pubic hair. The clinical term for these lips,
labia majora
, is Latin for larger lips, but some vulvas have inner lips that are actually larger than the outer ones. The outer labia cover and protect the more delicate inner parts of the female genitals.

The Inner Labia

Resting inside the outer labia are the inner vaginal lips or inner labia (Latin:
labia minora
). The inner labia extend from the clitoris around either side of the urethral and vaginal openings. In some women the inner labia are completely concealed within the outer labia, but in others they protrude. Inner labia are sensitive, delicate, hairless lips. They are made up of erectile tissue, so they can become engorged during sexual arousal.

The Vestibule

The vestibule is the part of the vulva that is inside the inner labia. The term actually means a hall or lobby adjacent to the entrance of a building. The urethra, the greater vestibular glands, and the vagina all open into the vestibule.

The Urethral Opening

At the head of the vestibule is the urethral opening. The urethra is the tube that connects your bladder to the outside of your body, enabling you to discharge urine. Although its function is not reproductive, it is often considered part of the genitalia because of its location.

The Bartholin's Glands

There are two glands located slightly below and on either side of the vaginal opening. These are called the Bartholin's glands, also known as the greater vestibular glands. They are responsible for secreting mucus when a woman is sexually aroused, providing lubrication that will assist in intercourse or any other kind of penetration. The greater vestibular glands are the female version of the Cowper's glands in the male.

The Vaginal Opening

The vaginal opening (Latin: the
introitus
) is the narrowest portion of the vagina, located at the base of the vestibule. At birth, the vaginal opening in most women is partially covered by a thin membrane known as the hymen, which varies greatly in size and thickness.

The Perineum

At the rear or bottom of the vulva is the perineum. The perineum is the conglomeration of muscles situated between and around the anus and vagina. These muscles help support the pelvic cavity and keep the pelvic organs in place. The skin in this area is rich in nerves and therefore sensitive to the touch.

The Clitoris

Within the vulva lies the magnificent clitoris. The clitoris is perhaps the greatest gem of sexual pleasure in a woman. In fact, the sole function of the clitoris is to provide sexual arousal. Some people consider the existence of the clitoris to be proof positive that humans were made to enjoy sexual pleasure.

The clitoris has many more parts to it than most people realize. It is formed from the same type of tissues that form the penis in males, so many of the parts have corollaries in the penis. Overall, there is an abundance of nerve endings throughout the clitoris and in the area surrounding it, making this area extremely sensitive to direct and indirect pressure and touch. The clitoris consists of the hood, glans, shaft, crura, and vestibular bulbs. The specific size and shape of these parts of the clitoris vary significantly from woman to woman.

The Hood

The clitoris is covered and protected by a fold of tissue that is part of the inner labia, making up what is called a clitoral hood, or prepuce. This hood is somewhat similar to the foreskin of the penis.

The Glans

Aside from the hood, the only part of the clitoris that is visible from the outside is the glans or head. The glans is either tucked under, peaks out, or protrudes out from underneath the clitoral hood. It looks like a small, shiny button. It is by far the most sensitive part of the clitoris, hosting the greatest number of nerve endings per square inch. It is analogous to the glans or head of the penis.

The Shaft

The shaft, or the body, is approximately one to two inches long and a little over half an inch wide. It contains two spongy erectile bodies of tissue called cavernous bodies, or the corpora cavernosa. This tissue becomes engorged (fills with blood) when a woman becomes sexually aroused, increasing the size of the clitoris. The shaft of the clitoris is analogous with the shaft of the penis in the male.

The Crura

The base of the shaft of the clitoris attaches to the pubic bone and then divides into the two legs, or crura, which are each between two and four inches long. The legs of the clitoris follow and attach to the arch of the pubic bone. The crura also contain the spongy erectile tissue cavernous bodies.

Vestibular Bulbs

The vestibular bulbs, also called the clitoral bulbs, consist of two masses of spongy erectile tissue on either side of the vestibule. They are joined in the front by a narrow band called the pars intermedia. The vestibular bulbs swell with blood during sexual arousal, making the vaginal opening smaller, which increases the gripping and hugging of a penis or any other penetrating object.

The internal female genitalia make up the main part of the reproductive anatomy of a woman. This includes the ovaries, the fallopian tubes, the uterus, the cervix, the vagina, the Skene's glands, and the urethral sponge. Most of the internal female genitalia are impossible to see. With the help of a speculum, a flashlight, and a mirror, however, you can get a glance at the vaginal walls and the cervix.

The Ovaries

Human eggs are produced and stored in the ovaries, which also serve as the glands that produce female sex hormones. Women generally have two ovaries. They are almond-shaped, measure about one and a half inches long, and are situated at the end of the fallopian tubes on either side of the uterus. The ovaries alternate the task of maturing and releasing one egg per month.

The Fallopian Tubes

The fallopian tubes are the four-inch tunnels through which an egg travels from the ovary to the uterus. As a method of permanent birth control, some women get their tubes tied (surgically blocked) so that eggs can no longer make their way to the uterus, thus preventing pregnancy.

The Uterus

The uterus, also referred to as the womb, is the organ that has the potential to be a home for a developing infant. It is about the size and shape of a small upside down pear. It consists of three layers of tissue. The inner layer, the lining of the uterus, is called the endometrium. This is the layer that either helps support and nurture a developing infant or sloughs off during menstruation if no fertilized egg has implanted itself. The middle layer, called the myometrium, is a very powerful muscle that extends in all directions. This is the muscle that stretches to accommodate a growing fetus and also contracts strongly enough during childbirth so that the baby can make its way out of the womb. The outer layer, called the perimetrium, is a thin membrane that encases the outer part of the uterus.